Blasting Taft

[Joe Kalicki]

* When Taft approved the development of Alaskan coal resources, he drew public criticism from Gifford A. Pinchot of the Forestry Service, a promoter of conservation and Roosevelt's close ally.

* For a variety of reasons, Taft's theory of the presidency largely has been relegated to the ash heap of history, seen as anachronistic if not downright reactionary and deleterious.

* His size made him the subject of countless jokes: "Taft was the most polite man in Washington. One day he gave up his seat on a streetcar to three women."

* When Taft was Governor of the Philippines he explored the mountainous islands. After a particularly arduous trip, he cabled to Secretary of State Elihu Root, "Rode forty miles on horseback to-day; feeling fine." Root wire back, "Glad you are feeling fine; how is the horse?"

* When Taft toured the Democrat-dominated South, he was applauded and fetted everywhere. At Richmond, two men who witnessed him speak said to each other: "Taft is simply a bully fellow," declared one, "He is the kind of a man you love." Replied the other, "You bet he is. But by the way, are you going to vote for him next time?" "Vote for him? Vote for him?" exclaimed the first, "I’d rather see him in hell first."

http://i175.photobucket.com/albums/w126/JoeK32880/taft.jpg

http://i175.photobucket.com/albums/w126/JoeK32880/taft3.jpg

Taft jokes. (http://taft.stretching-it.com/Taft_humor_pg1.htm)

And lots of Taft cartoons here. (http://members.tripod.com/BevHistSoc/cartoons.htm)

[Dr.Strangefate]

Fantastic!

[E]

Taft has become the unofficial UC mascot. That's awesome.

[Dancanread]

As some of you may remember, I'm an actor. And a costume designer once told me that Taft is the reason men never button the bottom button on suit jackets and vests. He never could, cause, you know, of the hugeosity. And so it just became vogue.

[Ultimate Houde]

As some of you may remember, I'm an actor. And a costume designer once told me that Taft is the reason men never button the bottom button on suit jackets and vests. He never could, cause, you know, of the hugeosity. And so it just became vogue.

Do you play one on TV?

[Dancanread]

Do you play one on TV?

Yes.

No.

Wait...

[Ice]

As some of you may remember, I'm an actor. And a costume designer once told me that Taft is the reason men never button the bottom button on suit jackets and vests. He never could, cause, you know, of the hugeosity. And so it just became vogue.


Do you play one on TV?


Yes.

No.

Wait...

Bom chika wah wah....

[Joe Kalicki]

Taft!

Who is the man
That would risk his neck for his brother man?
(Taft!)
Can ya dig it?

Who's the cat that won't cop out
When there's danger all about
(Taft!)
Right on

You see this cat Taft is a bad mother--
(Shut your mouth)
But I'm talkin' about Taft
(Then we can dig it)

He's a complicated man
But no one understands him but his woman
(President Taft)

[Lil Brother]

Bom chika wah wah....Oh, baby, come to mama. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kXHoef0HF-0)

[marvelman]

Taft!

Who is the man
That would risk his neck for his brother man?
(Taft!)
Can ya dig it?

Who's the cat that won't cop out
When there's danger all about
(Taft!)
Right on

You see this cat Taft is a bad mother--
(Shut your mouth)
But I'm talkin' about Taft
(Then we can dig it)

He's a complicated man
But no one understands him but his woman
(President Taft)

i can dig it.

[moonmaster]

I heard that Taft had a really bad temper.

Sometimes his opponents would just rub him and jerk him around and squeeze him so much that his head would explode in a series of wild and obscene ejaculations, always leaving a huge mess in his wake.

[Ultimate Houde]

I believe ladies liked the Taft, not only for his length, but also the girth.

[ultimatedjf]

I heard that Taft had a really bad temper.

Sometimes his opponents would just rub him and jerk him around and squeeze him so much that his head would explode in a series of wild and obscene ejaculations, always leaving a huge mess in his wake.



:lol: :lol: :lol:

[Ultimate Houde]

Blasting Taft is in Wikipedia now as well

Its taking over!

[TwilightEL]

Blasting Taft is in Wikipedia now as well

Its taking over!

Yeah, one of us put it there a while ago and got accolades on the Wikifunnies thread. However, I notice it survived a major edit and got to the top of the Popular Culture section.

[E]

What a legacy!

[Ice]

What a legacy!
What a twist!

[ultimatedjf]

What a twist!




Ain't it great that Robot Chicken (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C03Rn9EWobY) is finally up for an Emmy (Best Animated Program)?

I hope it wins. :)

[E]

Blasting Taft is the greatest thing ever.

EVAR.

[Planet-man]

Ain't it great that Robot Chicken (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C03Rn9EWobY) is finally up for an Emmy (Best Animated Program)?

I hope it wins. :)

:cry: :evil: :x :miffed: :arrgh: :gripe: :furious: :noway:

[moonmaster]

:cry: :evil: :x :miffed: :arrgh: :gripe: :furious: :noway:
What?

[ultimatedjf]

:cry: :evil: :x :miffed: :arrgh: :gripe: :furious: :noway:



Srsly? No love for Seth Green?

I mean, I'll admit, at times it can be pretty terrible (early 1st Season, anyone?), but 85% of the time, it's the funniest animated program on television -- including South Park. It's not perfect, but I'll be first in line next month when Season 2 comes out on DVD.


Oh, Planet-Man. Our love/hate (but mostly love) relationship continues.




*waits for the inevitable "Gay!" post*

[Dr.Strangefate]

With me, every post is a Gay Post.

[ultimatedjf]

With me, every post is a Gay Post.



*cue Debbie Downer music*


:D

[moonmaster]

With me, every post is a Gay Post.
lol u r gay

[Joe Kalicki]

lol u r gay

I am from the South and this adversely effects my opinion of you for some reason.

[Iceshadow]

I am from the South and this adversely effects my opinion of you for some reason.

I thought Kalickistan was east?

[Joe Kalicki]

I thought Kalickistan was east?

It's North, Bible thumper!

[moonmaster]

I am from the South and this adversely effects my opinion of you for some reason.
lol i no u r but wut m i?

u r suk

[Ultimate Houde]

I can't read Mooney's post

[moonmaster]

I can't read Mooney's post
cuz it is 2 awsum im shur

pond u 4evr

[Dr.Strangefate]

I like to pond people as well.

[Joe Kalicki]

This thread is getting off topic.

I want times and locations, people!

[Dr.Strangefate]

Five Minutes Ago. 30 feet behind you.

[Ultimate Houde]

Yesterday

In the library

Screaming about my rights as I was dragged off by security

(This one is for our older folks)

[Iceshadow]

This thread is getting off topic.

I want times and locations, people!

Yesterday five-ish, before my shower.


Yesterday

In the library

Screaming about my rights as I was dragged off by security

(This one is for our older folks)

:lol: :lol: :lol:

[E]

This thread is getting off topic.

I want times and locations, people!

Times Square, 5:01 PM last Monday.

[moonmaster]

I like to pond people as well.
i hev pond so menny its knot evn funee

This thread is getting off topic.

I want times and locations, people!
22 minutes ago.

On your laundry.





And 9 minutes later.

In your refridgerator.

Yesterday

In the library

Screaming about my rights as I was dragged off by security

(This one is for our older folks)
God, I wish I could find that thread again.

(Was it a thread?)

[Ultimate Houde]

It is, I searched for it yesterday and couldn't find it

[Gothamite]

I heard that Taft had a really bad temper.

Sometimes his opponents would just rub him and jerk him around and squeeze him so much that his head would explode in a series of wild and obscene ejaculations, always leaving a huge mess in his wake.

**SPLORCH!**

May the taft blast as high as it does, forever.

[ultimatedjf]

**SPLORCH!**

May the taft blast as high as it does, forever.




Like this? (NSFW) (http://youtube.com/watch?v=obsE6QtvwV8)

[Ice]

James Roday (Shawn on Psych) went to Taft High School in Texas.

[Random]

James Roday (Shawn on Psych) went to Taft High School in Texas.

Everything is connected...

[Joe Kalicki]

Everything is connected...

Like the pages of TOG's Lost Girls volumes.

[thee great one]

Like the pages of TOG's Lost Girls volumes.

:oops:

[ourchair]

I can no longer masturbate because of the term 'blasting taft'.

Fortunately, Compound's sister can always take care of that for me.

[Ultimate Houde]

Ah ourchair, we have missed you

[moonmaster]

I can no longer masturbate because of the term 'blasting taft'.

Fortunately, Compound's sister can always take care of that for me.
But only when dressed as Taft, I assume.

[ultimatedjf]

Look where Blasting Taft is now!! (http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Guinness_Brewmasters) (Look under the "Cold War Era - Today section)

[Ultimate Houde]

I made sure blasting Taft was actually mentioned

[E]

Look where Blasting Taft is now!! (http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Guinness_Brewmasters) (Look under the "Cold War Era - Today section)


I made sure blasting Taft was actually mentioned

AWESOME.

[moonmaster]

So wait, Houde edited that in?

I'm a little disappointed. I was hoping that "Blasting Taft" had finally broken into the greater Internet SuperConscious.

[Random]

So wait, Houde edited that in?

I'm a little disappointed. I was hoping that "Blasting Taft" had finally broken into the greater Internet SuperConscious.

Did Blasting taft originated here?

[moonmaster]

Did Blasting taft originated here?
:? Yes.






You didn't know that?

[Random]

:? Yes.






You didn't know that?

I thought so but wasnt entirely sure, not I really hope this phrase goes big time cause than I can say I know where it originate

[Dr.Strangefate]

Hell, I started it. :D

[E]

Hell, I started it. :D

I coined the phrase (http://www.ultimatecentral.com/forum/showpost.php?p=296150&postcount=502) and you said it sounded like slang for self-gratification (http://www.ultimatecentral.com/forum/showpost.php?p=296767&postcount=541). So you gotta give me partial credit there.

I want 50% on all merchandising.

[Ultimate Houde]

So wait, Houde edited that in?

I'm a little disappointed. I was hoping that "Blasting Taft" had finally broken into the greater Internet SuperConscious.

Yeah, the original just had Taft talking then passing out

[E]

My son, who is almost 5, is taking a keen interest in Presidents. He always asks questions about the first president, the one who got shot in the theatre, the one who got shot in the parade, who the best president is, etc.

Recently my wife got him this placemat thing from the store that has all of the presidents listed on it along with their picture. He asks me to go through them and tell him their names and things about them...I told him that Nixon was a very bad man, and that Andrew Jackson was a war hero, and that McKinley also got shot while he was president..that kind of thing.

You guys have no idea how hard it is to not give commentary on Taft.

No idea at all.

[Random]

My son, who is almost 5, is taking a keen interest in Presidents. He always asks questions about the first president, the one who got shot in the theatre, the one who got shot in the parade, who the best president is, etc.

Recently my wife got him this placemat thing from the store that has all of the presidents listed on it along with their picture. He asks me to go through them and tell him their names and things about them...I told him that Nixon was a very bad man, and that Andrew Jackson was a war hero, and that McKinley also got shot while he was president..that kind of thing.

You guys have no idea how hard it is to not give commentary on Taft.

No idea at all.
well All I know about him was that he was so fat he got stuck in a bathtub and his obvious affiliation with masturbation

[Grocer Man]

The only thing I remember about Taft was that he used a cabbage one of his opponent's supportters threw at him as part of his speech.

[ultimatedjf]

On the premiere of HBO's new show "Tell Me You Love Me", which has gotten a lot of attention for its incredibly graphic sex scenes, right after one of the troubled couples have sex, you see that they have a framed picture of Taft in their room. :lol:

[Caduceus]

Taft died on my birthday.

I'm not sure what that means.

[Joe Kalicki]

Taft died on my birthday.

I'm not sure what that means.

Be sure to run one up the flagpole for him every year then.

[Ultimate Houde]

5:04 Pm

[Hibiki]

Taft died on my birthday.

I'm not sure what that means.

muffins will die along with you. That will be a sad day for muffins. :cry:

[Iceshadow]

muffins will die along with you. That will be a sad day for muffins. :cry:

Cad's coffin should include muffins that pop out.

[Ice]

Cad wouldn't have or be muffins if it wasn't for me. I gave him that nickname.

True story. It originated on MSN.

[Ultimate Houde]

HA! Look at the Trivia section. Blasting Taft once again! (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ultimate_Power#Trivia)

[E]

HA! Look at the Trivia section. Blasting Taft once again! (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ultimate_Power#Trivia)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!

[Ultimate Houde]

Like a ninja, I strike in the night

[E]

Like a ninja, I strike in the night

Your glory was short-lived, but well worth it.

[Ultimate Houde]

Yeah, I blame Cad

[ultimatedjf]

What'd it say? I missed it.

[Ultimate Houde]

It said issue seven caused many people brains to explode. Go spend your time blasting taft.

Something like that, it was worded differently, but it meant the same thing

[Caduceus]

Yeah, I blame Cad
I remain silent.

[Ultimate Houde]

I know you are one of the Wiki squad

Don't deny it ninja

[Planet-man]

I have just discovered on Facebook that a friend of a friend of mine's first name is Taft.

That is all.

[SSJmole]

I have just discovered on Facebook that a friend of a friend of mine's first name is Taft.

That is all.

BLAST HIM!


or at least show him the urban dictionary entry for "blasting taft"

[ultimatedjf]

There are a couple of kids at my school who, on account of my telling them what it is, now use it in daily conversation. I mean, whenever masturbation comes up in daily conversation.




So obviously, pretty often. :)


(Kidding.)

[E]

There are a couple of kids at my school who, on account of my telling them what it is, now use it in daily conversation. I mean, whenever masturbation comes up in daily conversation.




So obviously, pretty often. :)


(Kidding.)

ultimatedjf has done his part - are you doing yours?

[SSJmole]

ultimatedjf has done his part - are you doing yours?

I had to explain it to a few of my friends after they found my blasting taft game cover on my pc :lol:

They use that term a lot now

[DIrishB]

I'll be sure and share the "Blasting Taft" thing with my two co-workers, both of which are female.

**Sets self up for sexual harassment complaint**

[ourchair]

We should produce a "Blasting Taft" PSA.

Seriously.

[Iceshadow]

We should produce a "Blasting Taft" PSA.

Seriously.

"If you Blast Taft willy-nilly, you will go blind."

[ourchair]

"When you see someone blasting Taft, duck and cover!"

[Planet-man]

"When you see someone blasting Taft, duck and cover!"

I burst out laughing at this.

[moonmaster]

"Blasting Taft can be fun, but if it starts to chafe, give it a rest already."



http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/7/73/The_More_You_Know.jpg

[ProjectX2]

"Blasting Taft: Fun for the whole family."

[Bass]

No Proj, you're thinking of incest.

[Ultimate Houde]

http://i126.photobucket.com/albums/p115/producejb/untitled-6.jpg

Taken from : http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Ultimate_Marvel_Comics#Current_Ultimate_Titles

[Dr.Strangefate]

byootyful

[Joe Kalicki]

I tried to tell my friends about Blasting Taft but they just don't understand the internet.

I did tell them about the JK Rowling Wiki entry, and they liked that.

[Planet-man]

I tried to tell my friends about Blasting Taft but they just don't understand the internet.

I did tell them about the JK Rowling Wiki entry, and they liked that.

That'll be 40 bucks.

[Joe Kalicki]

That'll be 40 bucks.

I forgot to tell them "My friend Planet-man did it."

They wouldn't understand.

[ourchair]

Taft has become the unofficial UC mascot. That's awesome.Make it official.

I want to see Taft sitting on the upper right hand corner of the site at all times.

[Hibiki]

blastataftcomics.com

[E]

http://i126.photobucket.com/albums/p115/producejb/untitled-6.jpg

Taken from : http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Ultimate_Marvel_Comics#Current_Ultimate_Titles

And Post of the Day.


Make it official.

I want to see Taft sitting on the upper right hand corner of the site at all times.

I just registered blastingtaft.com.

[Lynx]

I just registered blastingtaft.com.

And I just bookmarked it.

[E]

And I just bookmarked it.

Is that what we're calling it now?

[Ultimate Houde]

I have made further changes to the article....

Enjoy

[E]

I have made further changes to the article....

Enjoy

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

[Random]

I love this site

[Lynx]

Is that what we're calling it now?

If that's what you want to call it. http://forums.penny-arcade.com/images/smilies/winky.gif

[Langsta]

You guys do know that William H. Taft created the FCC, right?

[Random]

You guys do know that William H. Taft created the FCC, right?

That's why we need to blast him

[ultimatedjf]

This thread is awesome.



I know you're likely to have seen this already while googling the term, but this is the funniest headline. (Unintentionally, but still.) (http://www.thefreelibrary.com/GIRLS'+ROUNDUP+:+KENNEDY+WRAPS+UP+TITLE+BY+BLASTIN G+TAFT-a083856083)

[Lynx]

This thread is awesome.



I know you're likely to have seen this already while googling the term, but this is the funniest headline. (Unintentionally, but still.) (http://www.thefreelibrary.com/GIRLS'+ROUNDUP+:+KENNEDY+WRAPS+UP+TITLE+BY+BLASTIN G+TAFT-a083856083)

A girl's basketball team. . .blasting taft.

Wow.

[E]

A girl's basketball team. . .blasting taft.

Wow.

*explodes*

[ourchair]

*explodes*Girls should blast taft more often.

And I'm not talking about Jamie Lee Curtis before anyone starts.

[Ice]

Girls should blast taft more often.
JAMIE LEE-



And I'm not talking about Jamie Lee Curtis before anyone starts.
****....

[Joe Kalicki]

This thread is awesome.



I know you're likely to have seen this already while googling the term, but this is the funniest headline. (Unintentionally, but still.) (http://www.thefreelibrary.com/GIRLS'+ROUNDUP+:+KENNEDY+WRAPS+UP+TITLE+BY+BLASTIN G+TAFT-a083856083)

Wow. I never saw that before. I almost burst out laughing in the middle of the library. Fortunately, I controlled it and am just smiling stupidly.

[Iceshadow]

Girls should blast taft more often.

And I'm not talking about Jamie Lee Curtis before anyone starts.

C'mon! I thought you wanted to make her name an internet joke/insult.

[Zombipanda]

So, has anyone managed to convince anyone outside this forum to use the phrase?

[Iceshadow]

So, has anyone managed to convince anyone outside this forum to use the phrase?

I've been trying my damndest but nobody has taken to it as far as I know.

[Random]

So, has anyone managed to convince anyone outside this forum to use the phrase?

I try to whenever someone brings up masturbation, which happen a lot less than you'd think

[ourchair]

I try to whenever someone brings up masturbation, which happen a lot less than you'd thinkIndeed.

It's not that people don't 'get' the overall catchiness of the phrase "blasting Taft".

It's that not many people really talk about masturbation very often.

[McCheese]

I try to whenever someone brings up masturbation, which happen a lot less than you'd think
What the hell kind of college do you go to where masturbation doesn't come up in everyday conversation?

[Random]

What the hell kind of college do you go to where masturbation doesn't come up in everyday conversation?

I know, you would think otherwise. And its actually hard to interject without seeming creepy

[McCheese]

I know, you would think otherwise. And its actually hard to interject without seeming creepy
Not at all. Why it was just yesterday that I introduced myself to a group of women as a thrice a week masturbator.

[Joe Kalicki]

My friends and I discuss masturbation virtually every day, in fact, we've been known to make wagers on frequency, and we're almost 30.

Pfft, kids.

[Ultimate Houde]

I have gotten some friends to remark about it, but no one is using yet in any frequency

[ourchair]

My friends and I discuss masturbation virtually every day, in fact, we've been known to make wagers on frequency, and we're almost 30.

Pfft, kids.So who is master of their domain?

[Joe Kalicki]

So who is master of their domain?

We bet a friend once that he couldn't do it five times a day for a week.

One day we were at a restaurant at, like, 11pm and he had only done four, so he went to the bathroom to knock one more out before eating.

He ended up losing the bet anyway.

[Hibiki]

So who is master of their domain?

in what regards?

[Joe Kalicki]

But anyway, I've casually used the phrase in real life, but it hasn't been picked up by anyone.

[ultimatedjf]

So, has anyone managed to convince anyone outside this forum to use the phrase?


Yeah, about 5 of my friends now use it regularly, and another 15 know of what it means. :D

[ourchair]

We bet a friend once that he couldn't do it five times a day for a week.

One day we were at a restaurant at, like, 11pm and he had only done four, so he went to the bathroom to knock one more out before eating.

He ended up losing the bet anyway.I don't even want to know HOW he ended up losing with commitment like that.

[moonmaster]

And its actually hard to interject without seeming creepy
Yes, I imagine injecting it into people would be the most difficult part.

Not at all. Why it was just yesterday that I introduced myself to a group of women as a thrice a week masturbator.
Light weight.

My friends and I discuss masturbation virtually every day
Are these your special friends? Do you blast taft together as well?

I don't even want to know HOW he ended up losing with commitment like that.
:lol:

[Bass]

I watched an episode of THE COSBY MYSTERIES the other day.

The murderer was an old lady called Taft.

And there was a gentleman burglar called Vernon Hood who looked like a muppet.

[moonmaster]

I watched an episode of THE COSBY MYSTERIES the other day.

The murderer was an old lady called Taft.

And there was a gentleman burglar called Vernon Hood who looked like a muppet.
Did he blast her away with a gun?

[Bass]

No.

She blasted someone ELSE with THEIR gun.

[Hellsbuttmonkey]

One of my best friends' last name is Taft.

[moonmaster]

No.

She blasted someone ELSE with THEIR gun.
Ohmigod...thassohot.

[Random]

No.

She blasted someone ELSE with THEIR gun.

So she's A blasting Taft

[Joe Kalicki]

pENWP8r1-7M

[Dr.Strangefate]

Beautiful

[SSJmole]

pENWP8r1-7M

:lol: :lol: :lol:

http://img292.imageshack.us/img292/6979/moleawardyq4.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

[Random]

Beautiful

Indeed

Funny I thought the one line was

"He was the first president to throw out the first ***** at a baseball game"

[Iceshadow]

pENWP8r1-7M

That fat ****.

[ultimatedjf]

pENWP8r1-7M



Post of the Year. So far. Hysteria! was the ****.

Used to get up at 5 a.m. to watch that show on Cartoon Network.





BTW, if anyone's seen The Greatest Game Ever Played with Shia LaBeouf, there's a great Taft cameo. You see it in the trailer, too.

[moonmaster]

http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y70/moonmaster/applause.gif