Metro

Zombipanda

My Boom-Boom's mostly gay
Like Project said, you can see the panels, just really have no idea on the story yet, not enough here. But I think you may make the panels themselves to wordy, and the word balloons would take over the panel and cover the art.

hm.... Really? I was worried about that and have been trying to keep it pared down a little bit. I've been using Starman and Doom Patrol, which are pretty text heavy, as a reference for how much I can fit into a panel, and it seemed like I was doing alright.

2.2 and 2.5 are the two panels I'd worry about. Maybe I could cut down the number of panels on page two or find a different way to map it. But I need a little bit of bubble space to introduce the personalities of these guys.
 

Ultimate Houde

UC's Resident Genetic Recombinator
2.2 is where I'm worried, but it all depends on how you place the text and balloons, and what size font you use, things like that.

I say keep it as you have it until actually drawn out to physically see what type of space you can work with.
 

Zombipanda

My Boom-Boom's mostly gay
*achem* So!

Rabbi Nachman of Breslov said:
"Somewhere in the world there is a certain city which encompasses all other cities. In the city there is a street that contains all the other streets of the city; on that street is a house dominating all the other houses; it contains a room that comprises all the other rooms of the house. And in that room there lives a man in whom all men recognize themselves. And that man is laughing. That's all he ever does, ever did. He roars with laughter when seen by others, but also when alone"
 
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Zombipanda

My Boom-Boom's mostly gay
I'm going to refresh myself on this.

Well thank you.

If it helps, I totally took your suggestions into consideration when I went back and edited the first part of that script.

I've taken the opening page from the other METR story and decided to use full-page mock-up ads as major scene breaks, but that makes it a tight fit to squeeze in the whole story, so right now I'm juggling the real estate of the remaining eighteen pages.
 
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Ultimate Houde

UC's Resident Genetic Recombinator
Well thank you.

If it helps, I totally took your suggestions into consideration when I went back and edited the first part of that script.

I've taken the opening page from the other METR story and decided to use full-page mock-up ads as major scene breaks, but that makes it a tight fit to squeeze in the whole story, so right now I'm juggling the real estate of the remaining eighteen pages.

Good, I'm glad I could help.

I also want 76% of the profits now.

Upon reading what you posted, it does flow better than the first one I read. I assume DiB has the character descriptions, cause you really don't go into JACK or RAN at all, but that's expected, it is a raw script. Like Project said, this time I can actually see the panels being setup in my mind.
 
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