The Complaining About Life Thread

[Zombipanda]

It's 2 AM. I just got in, and my Mexican neighbors are blasting the ****tiest, gayest dance music I've ever heard of and jabbering in their crazy tongue. I'd tell them to shut the **** up but they're such nice guys.

 

[Hellsbuttmonkey]

Well, do the only logical thing then. Tip off the police anonymously. That way they still think you like them, and you have no problems with them. Blame it on an elderly neighbour.

Then you can get some sleep.

 

[Zombipanda]

Well, do the only logical thing then. Tip off the police anonymously. That way they still think you like them, and you have no problems with them. Blame it on an elderly neighbour.

Then you can get some sleep.

I'm not worried about sleep.

I did the only sensible thing. I just drank a few more beers.

 

[Ultimate Houde]

Getting knocked up is the weirdest post-break up coping strategy I've ever heard of. There's nothing in my textbooks about that.

Here's my breaking up/getting pregnant story.

I had been dating this girl for eight months or so, right out of college. She had a thing for putting on condoms, so I always let her. Then one day, my impatient self grabbed a condom to put it on without her help.

And I noticed the condom has holes in it. Thinking nothing of it, I grabbed the next one. Holes. All of them in the package had holes.

Turns out, she had been sticking holes in the all the condoms, and making sure I never actually saw the condoms, because she wanted to have my baby. She wanted me to marry her, and this was the way she knew how to do it.

I didn't even try to figure out what was going on. We had been doing stuff for about six months, and I was glad I hadn't gotten her pregnant yet. I simply broke off the relationship and left.

A few weeks later I went over a friend's house, and found him doing her.

A few months after that, I saw their engagement notice in the paper, with an announcement that she was a couple months pregnant. I haven't talked too, or seen them since.

And people wonder why I hate my hometown. Everyone is baby crazy in it. My 15 year old cousin was upset the other day because she wasn't pregnant. Insane.

 

[Lynx]

Here's my breaking up/getting pregnant story.

I had been dating this girl for eight months or so, right out of college. She had a thing for putting on condoms, so I always let her. Then one day, my impatient self grabbed a condom to put it on without her help.

And I noticed the condom has holes in it. Thinking nothing of it, I grabbed the next one. Holes. All of them in the package had holes.

Turns out, she had been sticking holes in the all the condoms, and making sure I never actually saw the condoms, because she wanted to have my baby. She wanted me to marry her, and this was the way she knew how to do it.

I didn't even try to figure out what was going on. We had been doing stuff for about six months, and I was glad I hadn't gotten her pregnant yet. I simply broke off the relationship and left.

A few weeks later I went over a friend's house, and found him doing her.

A few months after that, I saw their engagement notice in the paper, with an announcement that she was a couple months pregnant. I haven't talked too, or seen them since.

And people wonder why I hate my hometown. Everyone is baby crazy in it. My 15 year old cousin was upset the other day because she wasn't pregnant. Insane.

Oh good. At least I'm not alone.

 

[Joe Kalicki]

Women are only fertile 48 hours a month.

For this reason I always take my chances and never use condoms. It's just not worth it if I have to. I hate them.

 

[E]

Well, do the only logical thing then. Tip off the police anonymously. That way they still think you like them, and you have no problems with them. Blame it on an elderly neighbour.

Then you can get some sleep.

My wife and I did that one time in the condos we used to live in. A family across the street was yelling and throwing stuff around at 2 in the morning, so we called the cops. We didn't dislike the people; we were afraid someone was going to get hurt. They asked us for our name and we reluctantly gave it. 2 or 3 squad cars came by and talked to the people - we were watching from the bedroom window upstairs. Then to our horror one of the cops shined a light up on our window and started to come over to ask us if everything was OK - so the people knew exactly who called.

 

[Ultimate Houde]

Women are only fertile 48 hours a month.

For this reason I always take my chances and never use condoms. It's just not worth it if I have to. I hate them.

Joe, did you forget to factor in the average life of Sperm? That's 72 hours right there.

So 72 + 48 = 120, which equals about ten days.

Now take into the fact the egg can only live for 48 hours, and you get five days.

So there is actually five days in a month that a woman can get pregnant.

 

[ourchair]

Here's my breaking up/getting pregnant story.

I had been dating this girl for eight months or so, right out of college. She had a thing for putting on condoms, so I always let her. Then one day, my impatient self grabbed a condom to put it on without her help.

And I noticed the condom has holes in it. Thinking nothing of it, I grabbed the next one. Holes. All of them in the package had holes.

Turns out, she had been sticking holes in the all the condoms, and making sure I never actually saw the condoms, because she wanted to have my baby. She wanted me to marry her, and this was the way she knew how to do it.

I didn't even try to figure out what was going on. We had been doing stuff for about six months, and I was glad I hadn't gotten her pregnant yet. I simply broke off the relationship and left.

A few weeks later I went over a friend's house, and found him doing her.

A few months after that, I saw their engagement notice in the paper, with an announcement that she was a couple months pregnant. I haven't talked too, or seen them since.

And people wonder why I hate my hometown. Everyone is baby crazy in it. My 15 year old cousin was upset the other day because she wasn't pregnant. Insane.

I'd like to pretend I'm shocked, but I'm not.

Happens all the time.

Especially the girls who get turned all crazy by the all-girl Catholic private schools.

The Philippines does not have a population crisis.

It has a sterility crisis.

This is what happens when not enough young people are getting neutered and spayed.

 

[Joe Kalicki]

Joe, did you forget to factor in the average life of Sperm? That's 72 hours right there.

So 72 + 48 = 120, which equals about ten days.

Now take into the fact the egg can only live for 48 hours, and you get five days.

So there is actually five days in a month that a woman can get pregnant.

I like those odds!

 

[J. Agamemnon]

condoms are for crazy people.

 

[Ultimate Houde]

I bet that's what all Mexicans say.

 

[J. Agamemnon]

I bet that's what all Mexicans say.

this is true. our birthing rate is off the scale.

 

[Ultimate Houde]

How's the STD rate?

 

[J. Agamemnon]

How's the STD rate?

I don't have it, and that's all that matters. But I'm sure it's pretty high.

 

[Ultimate Houde]

Just making the point that condoms aren't just there to prevent pregnancies.

 

[J. Agamemnon]

Just making the point that condoms aren't just there to prevent pregnancies.

i know, but i've only ever been with one person my whole life.

 

[Joe Kalicki]

i know, but i've only ever been with one person my whole life.

She won't post here again, you can be honest.

 

[Zombipanda]

I don't know what you guys are talking about.

None of my girlfriends have wanted to have my babies....

that I know of....

 

[Gothamite]

Here's my breaking up/getting pregnant story.

I had been dating this girl for eight months or so, right out of college. She had a thing for putting on condoms, so I always let her. Then one day, my impatient self grabbed a condom to put it on without her help.

And I noticed the condom has holes in it. Thinking nothing of it, I grabbed the next one. Holes. All of them in the package had holes.

Turns out, she had been sticking holes in the all the condoms, and making sure I never actually saw the condoms, because she wanted to have my baby. She wanted me to marry her, and this was the way she knew how to do it.

I didn't even try to figure out what was going on. We had been doing stuff for about six months, and I was glad I hadn't gotten her pregnant yet. I simply broke off the relationship and left.

A few weeks later I went over a friend's house, and found him doing her.

A few months after that, I saw their engagement notice in the paper, with an announcement that she was a couple months pregnant. I haven't talked too, or seen them since.

And people wonder why I hate my hometown. Everyone is baby crazy in it. My 15 year old cousin was upset the other day because she wasn't pregnant. Insane.

Tonight on Desperate Housewives...