Making Fun of Writing Tics

ourchair

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What if... Jeph Loeb wrote Ultimate Iron Man?

"Dear Bethany,
Rhodey recommended that I start keeping a journal. I have decided to start all my entries with your name. I am encoding it with a microtexture process on the back of a data-conduit. The latticework, in its fractal symmetry, regresses into infinite complexity. It is beautiful... like you."

What if... Orson Scott Card wrote Ultimate Spider-Man?

Solicitation for Ultimate Spider-Man # 101 (HANDFUL pt. 1 of 5) Peter Parker drinks a magical potion of science, harvested from the brain-juice of scorpions which being the enemies of spiders are the natural antidote to spider-powers! But now he's got his hands full of bigger problems, SIX HANDS FULL that is! It's the end of Ultimate Spider-Man as you know it! Hell, it's the end of the Ultimate Universe as you know it! ... $2.50

What if... Warren Ellis wrote Ultimate X-Men?

Wolverine: "...Scott, this is the most powerful telepath in the world. Yet he insists that we get things done through heavy lifting. Sometimes I wonder about that crippled old goat."

Professor X: "Call me a crippled old goat again, Logan, and I will make you urinate yourself with but a single thought. All your Weapon X training can't keep me from inducing the complete and utter loss of your bladder control."

Cyclops: "We do the heavy lifting, Logan, because we have to. Because willing the world to change is not enough. We do it because no one else will. That is how we make the world a finer place.

Iceman: "It's a strange world, Scott. Let's keep it that way.... D'oh! I thought I was Elijah Snow!"
 
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E

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:lol: Funny.

Except the OSC one. Because I just know that joking about that guy is going to jinx something somehow.
 

Bass

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ourchair said:
What if... Jeph Loeb wrote Ultimate Iron Man?

"Dear Bethany,
Rhodey recommended that I start keeping a journal. I have decided to start all my entries with your name. I am encoding it with a microtexture process on the back of a data-conduit. The latticework, in its fractal symmetry, regresses into infinite complexity. It is beautiful... like you."

What if... Orson Scott Card wrote Ultimate Spider-Man?

Solicitation for Ultimate Spider-Man # 101 (HANDFUL pt. 1 of 5) Peter Parker drinks a magical potion of science, harvested from the brain-juice of scorpions which being the enemies of spiders are the natural antidote to spider-powers! But now he's got his hands full of bigger problems, SIX HANDS FULL that is! It's the end of Ultimate Spider-Man as you know it! Hell, it's the end of the Ultimate Universe as you know it! ... $2.50

What if... Warren Ellis wrote Ultimate X-Men?

Wolverine: "...Scott, this is the most powerful telepath in the world. Yet he insists that we get things done through heavy lifting. Sometimes I wonder about that crippled old goat."

Professor X: "Call me a crippled old goat again, Logan, and I will make you urinate yourself with but a single thought. All your Weapon X training can't keep me from inducing the complete and utter loss of your bladder control."

Cyclops: "We do the heavy lifting, Logan, because we have to. Because willing the world to change is not enough. We do it because no one else will. That is how we make the world a finer place.

Iceman: "It's a strange world, Scott. Let's keep it that way.... D'oh! I thought I was Elijah Snow!"

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: This is brilliant.

Ultimate E said:
Funny.

Except the OSC one. Because I just know that joking about that guy is going to jinx something somehow.

I take my creator hating lessons from you.

I want to have a go at this! I'll be back shortly with a couple o' goodies.
 

Bass

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What if Rob Liefeld wrote Ultimate Spider-Man?

(Power and Responsibility: Youngblood pt. 1 of 7) If it comes out, it'll be 99% recycled material... $25.00

What if Mark Millar wrote Ultimate Spider-Man?

(616: The Continous Referencing Of pt. 1 of 4) It's not The Ultimates... $2.50

What if Grant Morrison wrote Ultimate Fantastic Four?

(Terminus pt. 1 of 3) We have no idea what the **** is going on... $2.50

What if Kevin Smith wrote Ultimate Extinction?

(pt. 1 of 6) We're not even pretending this is ever coming out... $2.50

What if Brian K Vaughan wrote The Ultimates?

(Slumber Party pt. 1 of 6) The Ultimates sit around and ***** and get drunk. We wonder where Molly is and miss Hitllar... $2.50

What if Brian Azzarello wrote Ultimate Spider-Man?

(Cry for Help pt. 3 of 6) Spider-Man continues to speak in such a way that every word has seventeen different meanings, none of which make any sense, and you can tell Azzarello really, really, wants to just write 100 Bullets and be left the **** alone... $2.50

What if Alex Ross wrote Ultimate X-Men?

(AleX pt. 1 of 12) It's 30 years in the future. Everyone is a mutant and has super powers. And it's come down to the ultimate battle between Captain Mahr-Vehl and Captain Marvel. It's all Marvel. All the Alex Ross way! Contains a bonus poster of Alex Ross' enemy list... $2.50

What if Wizard wrote Ultimate Spider-Man?

(Boob and Potty Jokes: The Hypening pt. 1 of 6) This most highly publicised event of all time! And it isn't worth... $2.50.
 
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ProjectX2

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Well, if I wrote X-Men, I'd make Wolverine get a sex change. And if I wrote Spider-Man, I'd have Uncle Ben as Green Goblin. If I wrote Fantastic Four, I'd have them all live in Franklin's brain.
 

ourchair

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ProjectX2 said:
Well, if I wrote X-Men, I'd make Wolverine get a sex change. And if I wrote Spider-Man, I'd have Uncle Ben as Green Goblin. If I wrote Fantastic Four, I'd have them all live in Franklin's brain.
This thread is to make fun of the writing tics not yourself. Unless of course that's EXACTLY how you write fanfic.

*goes off to read PX2's fanfic*
 

ProjectX2

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ourchair said:
This thread is to make fun of the writing tics not yourself. Unless of course that's EXACTLY how you write fanfic.

*goes off to read PX2's fanfic*

Well, I could...
 

DIrishB

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ProjectX2 said:
Well, if I wrote X-Men, I'd make Wolverine get a sex change.

Thats been done with X-23.

And if I wrote Spider-Man, I'd have Uncle Ben as Green Goblin.

Thats been done in Star Wars.

If I wrote Fantastic Four, I'd have them all live in Franklin's brain.

Thats been done in Fight Club.


You unoriginal hack.
 

E

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ProjectX2 said:
If I wrote Fantastic Four, I'd have them all live in Franklin's brain.

Heroes Reborn 2?
 

ourchair

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DIrishB said:
Thats been done with X-23.
I love how X-23 is Wolverine without a penis. Even the lack of a claw makes perfect Freudian symbology, because you know, all girls want a penis.
 

compound

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DIrishB said:
I said represents, not was. Besides, I can't see her playing footsie for too long with anyone before she accidentally either killed them or Bobbit-ized them.
Yes... but what a way to go! :twisted:

:wink: "Are... Are you doing what I think you're doing?"
:) "Oh, yes... You are."
:D "You definitely are.."
:D
:? "Wait a second... What's that feeling? Like some kind of..."
:shock:
:panic:
:dazed:
:dead:
 

DIrishB

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compound said:
Yes... but what a way to go! :twisted:

:wink: "Are... Are you doing what I think you're doing?"
:) "Oh, yes... You are."
:D "You definitely are.."
:D
:? "Wait a second... What's that feeling? Like some kind of..."
:shock:
:panic:
:dazed:
:dead:

I'd rather be hit by a truck...or at least have a heart attack during sex. A sharp object in my crotch...no thanks.
 

compound

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What If... Brian K. Vaughn wrote Ultimate Iron Man?:

Twenty Years Ago

Tony: Oh, man, Steel Dude is sooo awesome!!!1!

Maria (off-panel): Anotonio! Get dressed, Antonio. The guests are arriving...

*quickly hides his cheap four-color mass entertainment*


Ten Years Ago

Rhodes: For a whiny, self-absorbed white boy, I figure you'd make a great leader one day.

Tony: Really?

Rhodes: Sure! Did you know that J. J. Rockefeller was not much older than you when he ascended into his Dad's position? Henry Ford. Howard Hughes. They were all wet-behind-the-ears little punks when they assumed control over their family business. All it took was a mix of the right technology, and the best employees.

Tony: Wow! If you know so much about this corporate-y stuff, why don't you take over my Dad's company instead?

Rhodes: I would, except I'm the designated Worldy-Wise Negro Authority Figure, so all I can do really is play second-fiddle to you, and keep your *** in line, in a stern but friendly manner. Comes with the terrirtory in these Vaughn books.


Five Years Ago

Tony: Armor. Chest Missiles.

Zooooooom!


Rhodes: Looks sweeet! I wonder how much Obadaiah Stane would pay for those designs.

Tony: Did you say something?

Rhodes: Nope! All systems go, old buddy, old pal.



Today

Tony: I have mommy issues.
 
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ourchair

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compound said:
What If... Brian K. Vaughn wrote Ultimate Iron Man?:

Tony: Wow! If you know so much about this corporate-y stuff, why don't you take over my Dad's company instead?

Rhodes: I would, except I'm the designated Worldy-Wise Negro Authority Figure, so all I can do really is play second-fiddle to you, and keep your *** in line, in a stern but friendly manner. Comes with the terrirtory in these Vaughn books.
It's genius. I love it.

Morgan Freeman as Jim Rhodes! It's perfect!
 

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