Mission Impossible: III (spoilers)

thee great one

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Planet-man said:
Oh believe me, I know what a MacGuffin is. That's the point I was trying to make to TGO. It doesn't matter what The Rabbit's Foot is, just that it moves the plot along, so the fact that you never actually find out what's inside the can is not a valid criticism of the film.

By the way, in terms of Pulp Fiction specifically, one particularly interesting theory I've heard about the case is that it contains Marcellus' soul, and he was buying it back from the Devil. And that's also why he has the bandage on the back of his neck; the Devil pulled his soul out through there. Weird, eh?

Oh I know. It was more of an after-thought that just topped off the fact I didn't like the movie.
 

Bass

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That's right.

I'm watching Mission Impossible 3 now because I like Phillip Seymour Hoffman. I felt like doing a live commentary. Please feel free to post but put spoiler tags so I don't accidentally glance at it.

"We've put an explosive charge in your head".

Philip Seymour Hoffman is amazing.

And he's looking for the rabbit's foot. **** yes.

Oh dude. Hoffman's going to kill his girlfriend. She's so getting shot... unless this a flashforward. Please don't let it be. If this is the first scene of the movie in chronological order, this would be ****ing awesome.

"It's not in Paris. Five."

****. Hoffman shot her and is screaming "seven". **** yes.

Hoffman says "nine" and Cruise is now acting. Really well. This might not suck! (Please don't be a flashforward.)

Right. So - that brutally awesome opening... and now the music is 60s nostalgia. I find this very, very jarring.

****. It's a flashforward. Did they think this movie was on teevee and they needed to 'hook' me? I'M NOT GOING TO CHANGE CHANNELS. Ugh. There's no point to all the work I did of what Hoffman was saying "Like you helped me on the plane?" because now they'll show me. Just going to be boring 'character' (talking) scenes.

DUDE! Psi-cop from Heroes! Matt Parkman! He's awesome!

Right - with the boring women talking I can express my disappointment. She's not dead. It cut away and we didn't see her die. So she's not dead. Which is annoying because I think a revenge movie where the first scene is Tom Cruise escaping his captors, his girl dead, and having to remove an explosive in his BRAIN would be just outrageously cool.

Instead of them dancing and an engagement party.

I think it'd be awesome if the "all expenses trip to Mexico" was genuine and not code. Awesome in a funny, "This movie is pissing me off already" way.

Disposable camera = Exploding message? PWWWWEAZE!

I know that big black man on the group. I like him.

And exploding messages! HUZZAH!

Boring bed scene where he talks about his feelings.

I wish this was NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN.

Oh, snap. Javier Bardem needs to become a Bond villain.

Tom Cruise on a motorcycle.... TOP GUN FLASHBACK!!!!

Why does the awesome black man have a pneumatic keyboard?

Linsey is so dead.

Woman agent with black hair whose name I don't know is super cool. Sees a grenade - jumps through several closed windows to escape.

Unnecessary bullet time!

Linsey is a prime example of why I hate hiring 'pretty girls' to be action heroes. Women are different to men in many ways - hand a woman a gun and she bends forward, arms out and locked, recoiling crazily and shooting poorly, looking stupid. Hand a guy a gun, and he has to fight every instinct that tells him he's Clint Eastwood and commando roll all over the ****ing place.

"Now I'm out" is not a dry wit action one-liner.

Wait. So Linsey's gonna live? Boo.

Oh snap! SHE HAS A BOMB IN HER HEAD! HOFFMAN ROCKS EVEN WHEN HE'S NOT ON SCREEN!

Run sheep! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

This is pretty intense actually.

Linsey has to not tell Cruise her message because as soon as she does the plot gods will kill her.

That was one of the best deaths I've ever seen.

Zap. And GONE. Her brain exploded and no gore. Scary as hell.

Yes yes yes yes yes. I'm gonna rewind it and watch it again. I was totally unprepared for the amazing beat that it is.

Terrific eye SFX.

No doubt though, the defibrillator thing is how Cruise will survive the Hoff.

Also - I'm guessing for the awesome 30 seconds there I will be forced to endure a dull 3 minutes. Gotta pad it out, people!

Why doesn't Ethan say, "One of the people at the conference (or whatever the lie is) died. Anureysm. Just like that." "Oh, how terrible." "It was." "Did you know him well?" "... Sure." "Oh, honey. I'm sorry." (with a burdened weight - this is why he retired thing) "It happens."

Instead of, "I'm tired from my flight." which I saw coming a mile away.

MORPHEUS! Morpheus needs to kick all their asses!

Second best scene in the movie - Lawrence Fishburne.

He totally chews them out for being n00bs. Love it.

Noooo! FLASHBACK FARRIS TRAINING MONTAGE!!!! OLD 80s WOUND REOPENING!

"Am I ready?" = "It's all your fault, Unnecessary-Guilt-Man."

"Linsey was like my little sister"

Maybe you should've taught her how to hold a ****ing gun.

"Linsey was sweet"

Welcome to hour 5 of a retrospective on a bland SIMON PEGG!

SIMON PEGG SIMON PEGG SIMON PEGG SIMON PEGG!

*does happy dance*

"maybe it's not a codeword, it's a really, really expensive bunny appendage"

Simon Pegg... eases the pain

"Anti-God"

Hoffman > Fishburne > Pegg

The reasons why I'm liking this film. It's like we get an awesome scene with an actor I love, then 10 minutes of Cruise being boring with a woman.

Boring teary eyed scene.

I'm so glad I'm watching this scene and not more Hoffman shouting in bullet-time as he dodges word-bullets from Morpheus' ****-giving gun.

I'm hitting fast forward until I see one of the aforementioned actors; explosions; or boobs.

When your opening title sequence is a BOMB, it's not fair to expect me to watch a "Tell me it's real" "You had me at hello" scene as acted by driftwood.

I'm sure all this fast-forwarding means I've missed a vital plot point like he loves her. Oh no, I got that 30 minutes ago in the opening scene. Maybe his wedding ring is made of pure plotanite and will save him at the end and I'll've missed it because I skipped all this ****.

Hoffman appears on a computer screen - and we hit play.

I can't help but think George Clooney and Brad Pitt were missing from the 'how do we break into the Vatican scene'.

I'm seriously tempted to put on OCEAN'S ELEVEN right now.

I can wait for the Hoff.

Okay, I don't care how silly the polaroid camera thing is.

I love it.

Tom Cruise as a man of God! The irony is delicious!

I wonder if Father Maxi and the Gilgamax are in the Vatican...

Isn't drilling holes in walls of Vatican City in order to blow them up... sacrilegious?

Brunette woman whom I like whose name I don't know is far too skinny.

Awesome! Super masks! TWO HOFFS!

Okay. So the scene where Tom Cruise becomes Hoffman is ****ing amazingly well done. The SFX is REALLY subtle and joins really nicely. I was looking for the join, and I still almost didn't see it - it's terrifically well done.

Which is annoying because during this brilliant bit of SFX, they talk stupidly about how Cruise is married - obviously they knew I fastforwarded through that scene and wanted to remind me.

Seriously - they'll be silent as we see yet ANOTHER slow motion bullet like the ones we saw in ANY FILM SINCE 1999 but when they give us a terrific body swap, they talk all over it. Luckily, I managed to tune out most of the dialogue and marvelled at the effects. Seriously - like a ****ing magic trick. DON'T TALK OVER MAGIC TRICKS ABOUT YOUR ****TY WIFE.

Okay.

This is why I love Hoffman: the woman splashes wine on him and as he does the "I'm evil but I can handle having wine spilled on my very expensive shirt" bit, he touches the woman's face. A slight, little, considerate touch. Because she's speaking mandarin (I think) and he knows he can't understand that he's telling her it's okay as she profusely apologises, so he gives her a little touch to break the language barrier.

I love that.

And what's awesome is after 50 Cruise-filled minutes, I'm now treated to two Hoffmen as a reward. Sweet. I can only hope Cruise spends most of this movie masked up as Hoffman, Morpheus, or Pegg.

The bathroom scene is all good.

I remember seeing the trailer to MI3 and thought everythin sucked - but Hoffman was exciting; just from two seconds of him yelling. The second time I wanted to see a film because of two seconds of one action was Ledger's Joker. The third was Day-Lews in THERE WILL BE BLOOD.

This looks like the Morpheus room. I hope he yells at them for blowing up the car, and Jeremy Clarkson shows up and yells at them for being American.

"Neo... I'm saving this movie because I'm awesome."

Ooo! Plane scene! Hoffman said about helping him on the plane! Ooooh!

Ho ho **** yes!

The plane interrogation scene was SUPERB. Sooo-purb!

It builds brilliantly, with Hoffman totally keeping control of the situation, Cruise goes psychotic, and then Hoffman 'wins' with the whole, "What I'm selling and whom I'm selling too is the least of your concerns... ETHAN."

Terrific scene.

... ****. Morpheus is a bad guy! I did NOT see that coming. :rockon:

So... the helicoptor pilots don't shoot Cruise in the back as he 'acts' before he's noticed them because... it wouldn't be sporting? They just shoot indiscriminately after he notices them and runs for cover. SUCKY HENCHMEN MUST DIE.

I'm bored.

I can't help but think this movie is TRUE LIES with a better villain and worse hero. Secret spy keeping his secret spy job secret from his nonsecret spy wife.

In fact, this whole road the helicoptor fight is on - isn't this EXACT same sequence in TRUE LIES? Y'know the bit - where Jamie Lee Curtis is in the limo and it falls into water. I swear it's the same sequence.

Man that graffitti they put on the van must be made of acids.

Cruise does a slow-motion jump over a implausibly large chasm of fire and water to catch his gun.

Does anyone talk about his marriage over it? Of course not.

But if they did, it would be the best comedy ever.

Hah. He didn't even make it across. N00b.

Heheheh. Look at Tom Cruise run with his short, stumpy legs. Hee.

Man - if I were Cruise, I'd totally call the cops to look after Julie till he got there.

****.

Hoffman used a trick-cop to get her. My plan would fail.

*turns in Mission Impossible badge and gun*

Note to self: Never, ever, take the piss out of Morpheus. He can kill me from filmstock.

JJ Abrams should've replaced Cruise with Jennifer Garner.

Because she is hot.

These Chinese people who have the Rabbit's Foot sound scary, but they're not Andy Garcia.

He was born ready.

I wanna be involved in a heist. :(

Wait.

Wait wait wait.

Chinagirl talks to Scotman about her dead cat.

We get this scene instead of Tom Cruise stealing the Rabbit's Foot.

Imagine, if in OCEAN'S ELEVEN, instead of seeing the heist, it focused on Julia Roberts talking to a client about her natural hair colour.

Rubbish. And I can't believe I'm asking for MORE Cruise. But **** off - I wanted to see the Rabbit's Foot heist, not two people talk in a van about how much they suck.

Heheheheh - Cruise's crash landing in front of the janitor and subsequent being pulled out into the street by the wind is pretty funny.

Chinagirl takes many shots at a car - and is ****. And gets shot.

Cruise then leans out the back door, and in two shots, takes out the tires and all the goons.

Moral of the story: Agents other than Cruise are ****. No other agent can be cool. Cruise needs to eat.

As Tom Cruise goes unconscious, he dreams of his wife.

I think he loves her.

I wish they'd made a plot point about that. I almost missed it.

It's been an hour and thirty-three minutes and here we are at the very first scene.

I have learned the following:

1) There is something called a Rabbit's Foot that Hoffman wants and Cruise got but is apparently a fake/forgery or something.
2) Cruise loves this woman called "Jules".
3) Hoffman is a bad *** who put a bomb in Cruise's head which he has used before.
4) Hoffman is personally pissed off with Cruise because of something Cruise did to him on a plane.
5) Morpheus is in cahoots with Hoffman.

With the exception of 5, I knew all of the above before the opening credits.

I feel I have wasted a large amount of time. This movie isn't 2 hours - it's a 30 minute drama.

Which is what the GLOBAL FREQUENCY tv show should've been and that would've been the bestest thing ever.

Oh... so they DID kill off his wife. Cool!

OMG... it's the white dude who's the bad guy not Morpheus! It's my own fool fault for assuming the black man is the criminal! I'm such a racist!

Seriously - that's a good triple-cross. I did not see that coming either. Well done, makers-of-this-film!

... oh. It's NOT his wife. It's the other woman. This is well set up and makes sense.

I am pissed off though, as I now know how this film will end. Cruise will end up happy with his wife.

*sigh*

Christ. Boring "This is the plot" speech.

It's 96 minutes in. Instead of a montage training/marriage sequence, maybe you should've set up some plot points other than "Cruise loves his wife" and "Cruise is pissed off Linsey's dead".

Also - why is the villain trying to be a good guy? Why can't he just be Hoffman being totally bad *** and blowing up people's brains?

I care less now for Whitey than I did when he was a good guy. Ugh. So bored.

Whitey dies and Pegg appears.

Film is exciting (and hysterical) again.

I'm impressed with the jumping from rooftops on to the street.

I want to watch HOT FUZZ now.

Oh, there's his wife tied to a chair - and now he's ANGRY! Obviously, Cruise needs to be married in this film for him to have motivation to stop the international bio-terrorist, because his love of his country is weak, the pinko scum.

Hoffman's a ****ing badass.

*pauses dvd*

It's gone slo-mo. This is it. Hoffman is going to kill Jules and then Cruise unless something AMAZING happens. I've paused it to type this message because this is the whole film - this one turning point. I'm recording my anticipation. Let's see how this resolves.

*resumes dvd*

...

Let us never speak of this movie again.

"I'm going to die unless you kill me." = good line

I'm fastforwarding the rest of this crap. Of course she knows CPR - she's a nurse. (Women can't be doctors in Hollywood.)

"So what is the Rabbit's Foot?"
"It's a McGuffin and central to this film, but that's not important right now."

Rubbish, ****ty film.

How does Cruise beat the big bad? By deciding his headache caused by the BOMB IN HIS BRAIN doesn't hurt so much any more and then beating up Hoffman with his elbows.

**** right off you ****ing stupid *** bull****.

I'm going on youtube to see the trailer to remind me why I thought this would be good.
 
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Planet-man

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Re: MI3 - Live commentary y'all!

I love this movie. The flashforward at the beginning was unnecessary but overall it's one of the most exciting action movies of the past couple years with some of the best sequences ever. The entire Vatican City heist was pure gold.
 
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thee great one

Master of TOG-fu.
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Re: MI3 - Live commentary y'all!

Bass has lost his mind.

I think this is a ploy to get 10,000 posts cause he is so close.
 
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Gemini

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Re: MI3 - Live commentary y'all!

Peas and Rice

I'm gone for two hour, and come back to 105 unread messages I go "Holy poop"

and then I realize 70 of them are all Bass in one thread

well done sir.
 

moonmaster

Without him, all of you would be lost souls roamin
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Re: MI3 - Live commentary y'all!

:lol:

I should do one of these.
I love this movie. The flashforward at the beginning was unnecessary but overall it's one of the most exciting action movies of the past couple years with some of the best sequences ever. The entire Vatican City heist was pure gold.
We all know why you love it....

:D
 

Bass

Nexus of the World
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Re: MI3 - Live commentary y'all!

What a cheap excuse to up one's post count. :p

wallmonsterpa1.jpg
 

Planet-man

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Re: MI3 - Live commentary y'all!

We all know why you love it....

:D

In all seriousness, re-watching the M:I trilogy on DVD a few months ago and seeing all the making-of stuff where you find out about the insane amount of effort he puts into pretty much every aspect of movie-making is what really bumped up my respect level for Cruise in the first place. I'd always been a big fan of his movies and thought the media and South Park bull**** was retarded, though.
 

ProjectX2

Don't expect me to take you with me when I go to s
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Re: MI3 - Live commentary y'all!

What the ****, Bass? Seriously? We make a big deal about how we need to stop double-posting and usage of the edit button and you come and do something like this. Sigh.

I thought Mission Impossible III was great. Hoffman was superb.

But this thread is ridiculous. We already have a MI3 discussion thread, one without hundreds of Bass posts.
 

J. Agamemnon

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Re: MI3 - Live commentary y'all!

What the ****, Bass? Seriously? We make a big deal about how we need to stop double-posting and usage of the edit button and you come and do something like this. Sigh.

I thought Mission Impossible III was great. Hoffman was superb.

But this thread is ridiculous. We already have a MI3 discussion thread, one without hundreds of Bass posts.

dude when you sigh you gotta do it like this...

*sigh*

...


see? the effect is off the chain.
 

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