My Name is David Hernandez.

[Ice]

My Name is David Hernandez.​

A short story by Ice.​

My name is David Hernandez. I have been surrounded by death my whole life.

When I was six years old, my mother died from lung cancer. The doctors said that since she was a smoker for so many years, (not while she had me or any of my brothers and sister, don’t worry) it led to this. My older brother, Juan, was nine; my younger sister, Elizabeth was five, and my youngest brother, Marco, was four. We were all there when she passed away on the hospital bed. Our father tried his best to explain what happened, but only Juan really understood the best.

Seven years later, Juan died in a car accident. He was coming to pick me and the others up from school when this happened. We could see him coming, and he saw us as he honked the horn when a drunk driver ran a red light at 50 MPH on a 15 MPH road and rammed my brother into a light post. Juan died on the scene before someone could even dial 911.

Five years after that my father died of a heart attack. He was working as an electrician at a very big company that paid him well. My father wasn’t overweight nor did he ever have so much ‘bad’ food that could lead to having a heart attack. That day he died he was doing a routine job of checking and fixing some electrical wires that were faulting at the local hospital. I was with him that day since it was a Saturday and I loved to help out my father. Right after he finished he literally dropped dead. He was only 50 years old.

I would have loved to say that’s where everything ended, but sadly, the tale continues. My Uncle Nick, from my mother’s side, was stabbed to death one night when he was walking home from the store. I was going to his house to help him paint the baby’s room. I saw him coming down the street as he was only getting milk for his two year old son when some nut-job came out of some damn alley and mugged him before he killed him. His wife, Aunt Carmen, has not been the same since.

I wasn’t lying when I said death seemed to surround my life. It was one thing to have taken so much of my family, but death wasn’t satisfied with that. My best friend since I was two, Nick, was with me the day he died. We were coming home from the comic shop when we walked through the same shortcut we always take to get to my house quicker. Only problem was that this day happened to be the day two gangs were fighting for some untouched territory. All it took was one ricochet bullet to bounce off and hit Nick dead straight in his heart.

I can safely say, knock on wood, that my younger brother and sister are still alive, thank God. Elizabeth, now 20, is currently getting her Bachelor’s degree in business. Marco, 19, is getting his Associates in computer engineering. It’s been a while since I’ve seen the two.

A couple months ago some mysterious guy was in my house where I lived with my girlfriend. She was at work when this happened. I don’t know how, but he knew who I was. He knew everything about me and about my family. But for some reason, I wasn’t scared. I felt like I knew him. After talking to him for almost two hours, he dropped a bomb shell that changed my life forever. At first I didn’t believe him. I thought he was spewing crazy out. But he showed me the truth. Oddly enough, it actually explained everything that went wrong in my life.


My name is David Hernandez. I have been surrounded by death my whole life.




I guess that would explain why I’m the Angel of Death…

 

[thee great one]

It's a very excellent story.


I thought it was one of those chain emails at first.

 

[ProjectX2]

Hmm... I think you're lying. I know your name is not David Hernandez.

It's really good. I've noticed your writing style seems to suit short stories moreso than longer ones (then again, I guess this is the same for everyone). Short stories are a good way of writing, as they don't require the reader to get as deeply involved for a longer length of time and they're quite quick to write.

Also, a question. Was he always the Angel of Death and that's why everyone around him died? Or is it like a job offer, and the mysterious guy gave it to him because everyone around him died? Or am I just thinking too hard about this?

 

[Ice]

Hmm... I think you're lying. I know your name is not David Hernandez.

Oh noes! I've been caught!

It's really good. I've noticed your writing style seems to suit short stories moreso than longer ones (then again, I guess this is the same for everyone). Short stories are a good way of writing, as they don't require the reader to get as deeply involved for a longer length of time and they're quite quick to write.

Thanks! Shorter stories does seem to be better at times.

Also, a question. Was he always the Angel of Death and that's why everyone around him died? Or is it like a job offer, and the mysterious guy gave it to him because everyone around him died? Or am I just thinking too hard about this?

Yeap, he was always the Angel of Death, which had caused those to die around him. Very good!

 

[Seldes Katne]

This reminds me a little of Piers Anthony's book On a Pale Horse, which is about death as an actual job someone can get. (The two stories are only alike in a general way -- I'm not accusing anyone of stealing!)

I think there's a good set-up here for the ending; the reader gets the idea that something is coming because of the deaths. One suggestion I have is to expand the ending and actually show us the conversation between David and the "mysterious guy", so that the audience can share David's experience when he discovers what he is.

The ending raises a whole bunch of questions for me, but I don't know that answering any of them is the role of this story. This is pretty good for a short.

 

[Ice]

This reminds me a little of Piers Anthony's book On a Pale Horse, which is about death as an actual job someone can get. (The two stories are only alike in a general way -- I'm not accusing anyone of stealing!)

Intresting. I'll look into that.

I think there's a good set-up here for the ending; the reader gets the idea that something is coming because of the deaths. One suggestion I have is to expand the ending and actually show us the conversation between David and the "mysterious guy", so that the audience can share David's experience when he discovers what he is.

That's good. I'll remember that for future similar situations.

The ending raises a whole bunch of questions for me, but I don't know that answering any of them is the role of this story. This is pretty good for a short.

You have questions. I have answers.

I just don't sell electronic devices.


But if you really want to ask something, feel free.

 

[Seldes Katne]

You have questions. I have answers.

I just don't sell electronic devices.


But if you really want to ask something, feel free.

Well, okay.....

What is it about David Hernandez that makes him the Angel of Death? I mean, people have been dying for the entirety of human history, long before he was born, so why him?

Is there a reason he's become the Angel of Death? Did the last Angel die, retire, decide to run for President?

When you're done with those, I have a couple of other questions.

And much to my surprise, On a Pale Horse is still in print! You might want to check your local library system first, though.

 

[Ice]

What is it about David Hernandez that makes him the Angel of Death? I mean, people have been dying for the entirety of human history, long before he was born, so why him?

To be honest, I never gave it much thought because this was going to be a "one-off". Just this short story about him and boom! But then I had an idea of it as a comic and then other ideas came in mind. One was that he was born to be the new Angel of Death, and in some ways, all the deaths that occured were meant for him to be prepared. Who prepared him? I'll give you a guess. :wink:

Is there a reason he's become the Angel of Death? Did the last Angel die, retire, decide to run for President?

As I just said, I didn't give this that much thought past what I wanted to write because I only intended for this to be a one-shot story. But as for a reason? Let me say this.

I believe it was ProjectX2 who once showed gave me a file of a script of a comic from a guy who I cannot remember the name of. It was about how a priest was going about how there always must be a devil to help people see that the way is always with God, or something like that. He was so strong about this, he swore he would become the devil if he had to.

Now, I'm not saying that's the same thing here. But what I am saying is that for this story, there always has to be an Angel of Death. A balance has to kept in the world in terms of who lives and who dies. As to why it's David? Well. Some people just fit the job.

And much to my surprise, On a Pale Horse is still in print! You might want to check your local library system first, though.

My local library has been closed for over 3 years for renovations that were supposed to start 3 years ago, but started months ago with people building new stairs, never finished, and haven't come back since.

 

[Ice]

I wrote this 3 years ago and I'm still proud of it.

 

[Zombipanda]

It's really good. I've noticed your writing style seems to suit short stories moreso than longer ones (then again, I guess this is the same for everyone). Short stories are a good way of writing, as they don't require the reader to get as deeply involved for a longer length of time and they're quite quick to write.

Nuh-uh. I suck at short stories.

In terms of your story, Ice, well... I'd guess my one real nit-pick is that it's hard to define a strong voice for the character. There isn't a particular cadence to his speech or verbal quirks. There isn't the sort of details or character that allows us to get below the surface and empathize with him. It's a rather surface and clinical style.

Interesting story aside from that. It's a little short to provide much commentary, to be honest.

 

[Ice]

Yeah, I wrote this on a quick's notice. There's another story that I also just wrote and posted.