Short Random Letter - Read and Review


Don't expect me to take you with me when I go to s
Sep 15, 2004
Random Stories - Read and Review

The Letter

(Author's Note – This is my first random story. Inspired by a Monty Python type letter. This is a letter to myself, from myself describing the events at Mt. Mountain.)

Dear Craig,

I am delighted to say I have successfully made it to Mt. Mountain. I am on the very bottom's pointiest point as I write this letter to you. It is very cold here, so cold in fact that I have to strip every few minutes. I've also met a peacock who's name is Jeremy. Jeremy can do magical tricks, including turning my pet monkey Captain Walnut into a piece of pie. I was terribly thirsty so I ate Captain Walnut the former-monkey turned pie. I regret it dearly now, as Jeremy wants to turn me into pie.

Anyway, a strange woman came to see me yesterday. She came up to me and asked me: "Do you know what way South is?" Considering I am in the North, how was I supposed to know where South was? I gave her a quick tap with my walking cane and she was off on her way, as quick as a duck. Jeremy the peacock chased after her and eventually tripped over a rock strangely shaped like George Washington. I picked up the rock and since its likeness to George Washington was so uncanny, I called it Pete.

And so we came to the plan. Pete and I were beginning to dislike Jeremy so we were plotting his destruction. Jeremy never slept however and always had his eye on us. And when I say 'eye', I do mean 'eye'. Jeremy only has one eye and he uses it to spy on us. Pete believes it's the source of his power to turn people into pies but I told him: "Don't talk about coffee again."

Later that night I awoke to the sound of a rock shaped like George Washington called Pete fighting a peacock named Jeremy who could turn things into pies. And let me tell you, that sound is not a nice thing to hear. I quickly awoke and kicked Jeremy in the head. I picked up Pete and put him down near the fire. Pete was hot so I had to cool him down. But to my surprise, Pete suddenly caught on fire. I quickly stood on Pete to put the fire out but when I lifted my foot I found to my surprise that Pete had vanished. All that remained was a wrapper of a candy bar. Now there was only Jeremy, Alison and I left.

As I continue writing this letter I have found out that Jeremy is not actually a peacock. He's actually a South-Australian warthog that speaks Spanish. I discovered this when an old man appeared out of nowhere. He said: "Can I use your bathroom?" So I told him: "How dare you say I'm fat!" And I shoved the candy bar wrapper into his face and he stumbled backwards. He tripped over Jeremy and knocked his head on a rock. Jeremy and the old man had suddenly disappeared when the old man had hit the ground. Now I was alone.

Tomorrow I shall be leaving Mt. Mountain and return home. Right now I don't exactly know where home is, but I'll eventually find a kitchen sink. I will miss Jeremy, Pete, the old man and the woman. All I have left is this candy bar wrapper. I am glad to say that the candy bar wrapper and I are getting married. You shall have the invitation in my next letter. Until then, I say: "Farewell!"

Yours truly,
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I truly don't get it....maybe its cuz I've been up to long or something but i don't get it.
That's the thing - If you do truly get it, then you're insane. :roll:
Another Random Story - Read and Review

The Picture Of The Orange That The Rat Drew

(Author's Note – My second random story. I originally started this at school but it got too weird with snails fighting armies of men and stuff.)

This story is about the picture of the orange that the rat drew. This story however has nothing to do with the rat. Or the turtle. The picture belonged to a shopkeeper. This shopkeeper loved it like a son. He even loved it better than his other twelve sons. He had framed it behind the counter and he loved to show it off to customers. One day the shopkeeper was invited to join a quest. The quest was a journey to the land of Border, where they would burn the picture of the orange that the rat drew. The shopkeeper did not want to do this. So he took the picture of the orange that the rat drew and ran away.

A few minutes after the shopkeeper had left, a giraffe, an anteater and a pink elephant had come to the shop. They had searched it from top to bottom and not found the shopkeeper or the picture of the orange that the rat drew. "He has run away with the picture of the orange that the rat drew." The pink elephant said. "I smell raw meat…" Said the giraffe. And with that, they ran off into the forest.

The shopkeeper had walked a long while. He had also driven and rode a cow a long while. Right now he was on foot, carrying the picture of the orange that the rat drew. He looked up at the sky. It was going to rain. The shopkeeper couldn't allow the rain to wreck the picture of the orange that the rat drew. So instead of putting it underneath him where the rain would splash the mud onto the picture, he put it on his head. This way, he wouldn't get wet either. "I'm a pig and a genius." He said.

Meanwhile, the giraffe, the anteater and the pink elephant had found a McDonalds. They were busy ordering their food. "I'll have a Big Mac." Said the giraffe. "I'll have a Cheeseburger. I've heard they make them out of sloths. And you know why I'm called 'an anteater'," The anteater said. "What about you pink elephant?" The pink elephant just stood there. A few hours later they realised he was dead. Bored, the giraffe, the anteater and the kookaburra left to find the picture of the orange that the rat drew.

The shopkeeper had managed to get to a town called: 'Pink Pink Town'. The shopkeeper didn't know why it was called this. "Maybe because all the buildings are made out of cat food?" He said. Well his favourite colour was light green so it seemed safe. He wandered into the city when he was immediately shot. He fell to the ground and dropped the picture of the orange that the rat drew. He was dead. As soon as the horse had eaten the carrot, Old Joe had run and grabbed the picture of the orange that the rat drew. "Yes! Finally! The picture of the orange that the rat drew is mine!" He yelled.

While all this happened Kookaburra watched in amazement. Humans were fools. Now he was going to go eat some worms. He flew out of the tree and landed in the stables. He immediately began picking his way through all the hay and eventually found something. He rummaged through the hay until he found out what it was. It was a paperclip. He had heard rumours of this paperclip. It was the model of the paperclip that the rat had made. Now he could sell this and get instantly poor. He picked up the paperclip in his beak and flew out of the stables. He landed back near Old Joe. "Old Joe! Look what I have found! Now let's go eat ice cream until we wake up as girls!" Kookaburra yelled. "Yehaa!" Old Joe yelled. "Time for some tuna fish!"
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I'm not insane. It's random humour. Go watch Monty Python.
Do you? Or are you just saying that?
Wouldn't you like to know. Me and the rock shaped like George Washington's head had a interesting conversation about Waffles.
The threads have been merged (thanks Ice!) so I'll just post all random stories in here. I edited the two stories up above so go read them again. A new one shall be up next.
Another One - Read and Review

The Pink Man

(Author's Note – This was a challenge. My sister said to write a story involving three objects: sugar lumps, spoons and plants. I had to mention these words in the story. See if you can spot them.)

One day Harry went to the supermarket. As he walked inside he spotted the Pink Man. The Pink Man was a great warrior from the planet of Uruguay. He was buying sugar lumps. "Hey Pink Man!" Harry said. The Pink Man immediately grabbed a knife out of his pocket. "Woah! Don't need to use that!" Harry yelled in shock. The Pink Man stabbed Harry in the chest. "Phew. I thought you were going to stab the sugar lumps. I couldn't live with that. I'm going to shut up and die now."

Barry saw all this and screamed. He screamed like a little girl. The Pink Man turned around and flung the knife at Barry. It hit him in the head, but it felt strangely familiar. Barry remembered when he was a kid and when his brothers Harry and Larry would throw sharpened spoons at his head. The knife landed in Barry's head but luckily, his head was made of grated carrot so he absorbed the shock. "Haha. Try kill me now." Barry laughed. The Pink Man then got a out a flamethrower. He sprayed out a line of fire that hit Barry. Barry burnt to death. Carrots are no match for fire.

Larry saw all of this and tackled the Pink Man. The Pink Man dropped the flamethrower as Larry hit him in the stomach. The Pink Man punched Larry in the face and Larry cried. "Um… I'm sorry. I only wanted to kill you. Not make you cry." The Pink Man said, hugging Larry. "It's okay. I didn't want to attack you because you killed my brothers. I only wanted to look at the plants but you were in the way." Larry said. "Let's get married." The Pink Man said. "Yes." Said Larry and they lived happily ever after.
Wow. Those were some of the most well thought out stories I have ever read!! ( :crazy: :crazy: :crazy: :crazy: )

But seriously, could I write one of these and post it here? Either that or I'll have to assist a bisexual frog in his job of transforming that can of chocolate frosting into a particle of red lightning.
Sure you can. The more the merrier. Maybe a mod could change the name to Random Story Thread or something like that if more than me are going to do it. I've also got another one to post... Jimmy the Whale!
Jimmy the Whale

Jimmy the Whale

(Author's Note – I wanted to write a story involving a whale. This started off as a story about the circle of life and then it turned into a poem. Now it's a story.)

Jimmy the Whale was swimming along one day when he realised he had no friends. "I just realised I have no friends." Said Jimmy the Whale. He would have to find some or otherwise he would be lonely forever. "I will have to find some or otherwise I will be lonely forever." Jimmy the Whale said. And with that Jimmy the Whale swam out into the deepest parts of the ocean.

As he got deeper and deeper he realised six parts of the ocean were dominated by sea urchins. "I just realised that six parts of the ocean are dominated by sea urchins." Jimmy the Whale said. One of the sea urchins, whose name was Mr. Sue, was a very powerful crab. He was the strongest crab ever. He had sneaked into the sea urchin tribe to live among them. He was so strong that he could lift a whale. Mr. Sue soon realised that a whale was looking down at him. "I just realised a whale is looking down at me." And so Mr. Sue thought up a plan, which would help him lift the whale.

Jimmy the Whale was staring down at the crab. He just realised that this crab was part of the sea urchin tribe. "I just realised that this crab is part of the sea urchin tribe." Mr. Sue leapt off the rock he was standing on. "I'm not a turtle you dim witted lower bodied trout!" Shouted Mr. Sue as he landed onto Jimmy's belly. He began straining his muscles so he could lift Jimmy the Whale. Soon he realised that this whale was too big and he could not lift it. "I just realised this whale is too big for me too lift." Said Mr. Sue as he jumped back off the whale. Jimmy looked back down at the crab. He realised he had no friends either. "I just realised he has no friends either." Said Jimmy the Whale. So instead of befriending him and being friends forever, Jimmy the Whale let his appetite get the better of him and he ate Mr. Sue the crab who thought he was a sea urchin.

After eating Mr. Sue, Jimmy the Whale kept swimming until he found a big boat. He surfaced and came up right next to it. There were men with big hooks on board. One of them threw the hook thingy and it hit Jimmy the Whale. He then realised these were whalers. "I just realised these people are whalers." Jimmy the Whale said as he swam back down into the deep. The hook thingy hurt him whenever he moved so he realised he would have to get it surgically removed. "I just realised I am going to have to get this hook surgically removed." Jimmy the Whale said as he searched for a hospital.

When he eventually found a hospital he realised he would need money. "I just realised I will need money." Said Jimmy the Whale. Jimmy had no money. So Jimmy realised he would have to get this hook out himself. "I just realised I will have to get this hook out myself." He said as he bit the hook thingy and pulled. Eventually the hook thingy came out and Jimmy the Whale swam away. He was then hooked by a massive fishing ship and pulled to the surface. About ten more hook thingies were thrown into him and eventually he realised he was going to die and this was the end of the story. "I just realised I'm going to die and this is the end of the story." Jimmy the Whale said. "You are incorrect," Said the Captain. "It is the end… Now!"

Officially rated 5/10 by the Official Rater
Of Wizards and Reginalds: A Love Story

Yesterday I built an origami cube. I left him on my kitchen counter and began to play my lead xylaphone. As I was finishing Symphony No. Purple (an original work) I accidentally awoke my cube. He told me that his name was Reginald and he had been sleeping peacefully till I woke him. He had been having a dream where a wizard in puce colored robes was crumpling him into a paper ball and throwing him into a bowl of chicken soup. After Reginald told me of his dream I heard a knock at the door. It was a wizard in puce colored robes holding a bowl of chicken soup.

"Know doth you of thine cube? Is thine cube Reginald? I doth usethed the steam from mine heady broth to breath new life into Reginald's fruitful bossom. Now mine soup has lost its ardor and is nothing but cold waste. To restore the heat to my soup I must kill thine cubular friend." In a fit of desperation, I pointed to the west and screamed "Is that a capybara?" The wizard, being notoriously fond of large water rats, turned with excitement. While he was distracted, I grabbed Reginald and escaped through the back door of my home.

After running for 2 fortnights, Reginald and I found a quaint village where we could rest. When we asked for help, we realized that the village's inhabitants were origami spheres, the natural enemies of origami squares. A battle ensued, and Reginald and I slaughtered most of the spheres. After several days of fighting, the wizard arrived. He told us that he would get his soupheat back once and for all and he encapsulated us within a hollowed out acorn. Just as he was about to crumple Reginald, Reginald made a desperate plea: "Why must you use a cube? there is a single living sphere in this village, who's life may just heat your soup. It was at that moment that the wizard knew that he was in love with the square. He crumpled the final spere and threw it into his soup, giving it life. Then, Zeus arrived after a long journey through the endless wastelands of Denver. Recognizing the true love between the wizard and Reginald, he immediately married the two. At the reception, the wizard's soup fed the entire wedding party. After the reception, I returned home. And that's where babies come from.
Hahahaha Moonmaster. I just read that then. I've got more, but they've been posted in another thread.
This is some crazy stuff .. funny in a sick way ... more crazyness please !
Go look at the Quest of No Reason thread or My Collection.

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