There's no one home.

Ice

Teh Sexy Monkey Queen
Joined
Jul 24, 2004
Messages
43,800
Location
The World of Icelandia.
Wrote this within the last two hours. I took my time, and did it for the 'spirit' of Halloween. And I was bored.

Enjoy.



THERE’S NO ONE HOME


“Sweetheart, would you be as kind as to pass me a towel. The one left here is too damp to dry myself with,” yelled a woman, getting out of the bathtub, and dripping wet from head to toe. Her long dark brown hair hung all the way down to her waist, as she than took it and tried to squeeze the water out of it. Her tanned body shined brightly as she stood right under the bathrooms light. She covered her breasts with her skinny arms, and closed her legs together, looking like she had to urinate badly.

She looked at the clock that hung next to the mirror on her left that read 11:35 p.m. Shocked, she yelled again, “Oh my god! I fell asleep in the tub for over an hour!” Playing around, she continued, “And you didn’t even call me. Honestly, what kind of husband lets his wife just sleep in the bathtub?”

No answer came back to her, and she shivered as if standing out in the freezing cold.

“So are you going to bring the towel or what?” She asked, now getting frustrated. Still no answer came her way. Frustrated, she hurried to her room so she could finally dry up. She quickly crossed the hallway to the closet first, grabbed a big fluffy towel and wrapped it around her body. She took a smaller one and wrapped that one around her head.

She walked down the hallway to her room, and entered it to find her husband packing clothes into a gym bag.

“What do you think you’re doing? Where the hell are you going?” She asked, folding her arms.

He paid her no mind, and kept packing his clothes.

“Why did you do that? I told you not to, but you didn’t listen. You never do,” he muttered to himself.

“Excuse me? What did you just say? Why the hell aren’t you talking to me? Answer me dammit!” She screamed at him.

He wiped tears that ran down his face. He took the big black coat that was on the floor, and put it on. He looked around the room, looking for something else. He locked his sight on a hat that was half tucked into a drawer. He pulled it out and stared at the words “Worlds Greatest Parent”.

“You always thought you could do whatever you wanted! You never put thought into anything you did!” He now began to yell, too.


“What the *^&$ is that supposed to mean? You forgot to take your medicine today, didn’t you? You know you’re supposed to take it every day!”

“Always warning me about my medicine,” he kept yelling, “But you couldn’t warn yourself, could you?! You knew the day was coming. You should have!”

“Listen. Stop this and take your damn medicine before you get another spasm attack,” She told him, trying to calm down.

“I NEVER WANTED THE DAMN MEDICINE! I was okay without it. But now you’re never going to remind me again. I’m never going to hear you whine and moan about my health. You barely cared about your own. Jasmine and I won’t have to hear you act like a crazed maniac anymore.”

A faint cry came over from the room next to theirs.

“You’re not going to take my baby away from me! Don’t think about it, you pompous jackass!”

He walked around her with the packed gym bag over his shoulder, and went to the baby’s room. He picked up the baby from its wooden crib and placed her in the car seat, buckling her in it. His face still with tears, wiped them off his face. He picked up the baby and headed towards outside.

“Stop! Stop dammit! I’ll call the cops! You can’t take my baby away from me!” She cried out to him. But tonight, her words didn’t reach him. He walked out the house, picking up a small bag that was next to the door, and placed the bags in the trunk. Then he placed the baby in the back, buckled her in with the car seat belts. He pulled out a piece of paper, and started to cry again. He crumpled it up and threw it on the ground. He got in the drivers seat and drove off.

She would have never caught up to him. She fell to her knees outside crying, still with the towels on. She picked up the paper he threw down, and opened to see what it was.

The paper read:

DRUNK WOMAN DIES IN CAR ACCIDENT.




End.
 
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ProjectX2

Don't expect me to take you with me when I go to s
Joined
Sep 15, 2004
Messages
25,007
"That's some straight up David Copperfield ****!"
 

Adogg

Member
Joined
Oct 13, 2005
Messages
12
Location
Newnan GA
Oh man, now this story I definately like. Great drama, very interesting way to set the mood, and awsome twist on the ending. Please, write more, I can't wait to read more of your work. :grin: :grin: :grin: :grin: :grin: I give it five grins.
 

Seldes Katne

Site mom
Joined
Nov 8, 2004
Messages
1,746
Location
New York State
Nice job of keeping the mystery going until about halfway through, when the reader starts to get hints that something's not right, and then has it confirmed at the end. Good pacing!

However, I'm curious as to why the woman is getting out of the bathtub at the beginning of the story, when it becomes obvious by the end that she died in her car. I figured the husband would have said by the end that he'd found her drowned in the tub instead.

Still, this did fit the Halloween mood quite well. I'm going to go ahead and add it to the Index. Are you going to link to it on Project X2's Halloween Challenge thread?
 

Ice

Teh Sexy Monkey Queen
Joined
Jul 24, 2004
Messages
43,800
Location
The World of Icelandia.
Seldes Katne said:
However, I'm curious as to why the woman is getting out of the bathtub at the beginning of the story, when it becomes obvious by the end that she died in her car. I figured the husband would have said by the end that he'd found her drowned in the tub instead.
Ever notice the dead "work" in mysterious ways. :wink:


Still, this did fit the Halloween mood quite well. I'm going to go ahead and add it to the Index. Are you going to link to it on Project X2's Halloween Challenge thread?
Didn't think of it, but now I will. :D


Adogg said:
Oh man, now this story I definately like. Great drama, very interesting way to set the mood, and awsome twist on the ending. Please, write more, I can't wait to read more of your work. :grin: :grin: :grin: :grin: :grin: I give it five grins.
Thank you very much.
 
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