This is from a published book

[Ultimate Houde]

An Excerpt

Her hair was like a helmet. Her hair was like a hood, a cowl from a monk, magician or cobra.

I can't believe this was published....

 

[Dr.Strangefate]

Her thighs were geese, pythons, schooners.

That is... Beautiful.

 

[Zombipanda]

Bill O'Reilly's writing fantasy novels now?

"Her buttocks were.... a fist."

 

[Iceshadow]

Her pubes sound hot!

 

[Dr.Strangefate]

her pubes sound hot!

potd

 

[Jaggyd]

Oh my god.... this is bad... and I've read sapphic fantasy novels.

 

[ProjectX2]

I like the "And then he rapes her" bit at the end.

 

[moonmaster]

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

"antique armor and tears of dragons"

I love it.

Did this book have any kind of editor??

Bill O'Reilly's writing fantasy novels now?

"Her buttocks were.... a fist."

"Within seconds, his tongue was inside her, moving rapidly."

 

[moonmaster]

"Her pubes was a field of wheat after the harvest"

I don't think that's grammatically correct.

"Her arms were a corral, a fence, an enlcosure; they were pennants, they were highways."

They have highways in this faeaaerie kingdom?

 

[Ultimate Houde]

I want to write a book with nothing but descriptive terms like this.

 

[DIrishB]

Its quite obvious this book was co-written by LSD.

 

[Zombipanda]

"Her pubes was a field of wheat after the harvest"

I don't think that's grammatically correct.

"Her arms were a corral, a fence, an enlcosure; they were pennants, they were highways."

They have highways in this faeaaerie kingdom?

There weren't until she came along to provide the inspiration for them. Her arms launched a thousand civil engineers.

Its quite obvious this book was co-written by LSD.

I know LSD. LSD would never write a book like this. LSD has more integrity than that.

And when I say "LSD has more integrity than that" I mean stucco ceiling clawing hungrily at peppermint air it's cloudy and tongue tastes like dried orange peels stars swim lalalalala corporeal nightmare citrus heart.

 

[moonmaster]

I found this a few days ago, and posted it on Twitter.

It seems appropriate for this thread.

Ashton went into the dance. Everyone made a big deal about him and asked for his autographs. They knew him mostly as Kelso and had not seen him in everything else he had done, especially not "The Butterfly Effect" fourteen times. Susan Walcott pushed out her B-cups to get his attention. But Ashton did not even notice her as he walked past her and her Uggs from last year.

"My name is Ashton," he declared cutely. "Whutz yours?"

"Marisa Ball," retorted the girl.

"Why are you alone?" he questioned, his dark hair flowing like a dark river.

"Why are *you* alone?" she flirted confidently.

 

[Zombipanda]

I found this a few days ago, and posted it on Twitter.

It seems appropriate for this thread.

Pfffffft...... She isn't even published.

Edit: Oh, and you'll get your period soon.

 

[moonmaster]

Marisa Bell is really Stephenie Meyer. That's the first draft for her next book. Just replace "Ashton Kutcher" with "sexy werewolf".

 

[Zombipanda]

Marisa Bell is really Stephenie Meyer. That's the first draft for her next book. Just replace "Ashton Kutcher" with "sexy werewolf".

Ba-Zing!

....

I had to wiki Stephenie Meyer

 

[Jaggyd]

Marisa Bell is really Stephenie Meyer. That's the first draft for her next book. Just replace "Ashton Kutcher" with "sexy werewolf".

*can't breathe....laughing...too...hard*

 

[Dr.Strangefate]

These are the best things ever.

 

[Iceshadow]

I like the "And then he rapes her" bit at the end.

It just means he loves her!

Marisa Bell is really Stephenie Meyer. That's the first draft for her next book. Just replace "Ashton Kutcher" with "sexy werewolf".

:lol::lol::lol::lol:

 

[Ultimate Houde]

I love it.

This thread should be dedicated to horrible book passages.