Ultimate Green Lantern


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This is my first fanfic so I'd really apreciate some help on what to work on. ________________________________________
Ultimate Green Lantern

Volume 1: “Beware My Power”
Chapter 1

The U.S.S. Gardner off the coast of California, 2010

Hal Jordan was having the worst day of his life.

“Well, you’ve really made a mess of things this time Jordan.”

The stern tone of the man’s voice made Hal wince. He wasn’t afraid of anything. Not even the high ranking general berating him right now.

“I know what this looks like General Ferris, but I’m still good, I’m still the best. You know what happened was bull, you know I can still fly better than anyone else in the ‘Force.”

Nobody talked to the general like that, but that was what Jordan was like, unafraid.

“I’ll be honest with you Jordan,” an even more irritated Ferris replied. “I never liked you being one of my fighters. You’re cocky, brash and irresponsible. You were lucky this was the first time your actions ended up biting you in the backside.”

“So what are you saying general?”

The emotionless general stared at Hal blankly; it was the coldest and most barren stare he had ever seen; Hal met the stare with an even colder one.

“I’m saying you’re out. You’ll be honorably discharged for your help in the past war, but you and I both know that you don’t deserve any praise after that fiasco over the Middle East. Now get out of my office and never come near the United States Air Force again.”

Hal was shell shocked; he had never done anything wrong his entire life, but he knew General Ferris was right; he had caused the deaths of a dozen men on a routine fly-by, even if it was by accident.

“Oh and Jordan, stay away from my Carol.”

Coast City, California: three months later.

Hal Jordan had hit rock bottom. Even after getting the Purple Hearts and the other medals, Hal felt lower than dirt. He thought to himself how it all went wrong as he took another drink of the Jack Daniels in his glass.

“You had it all, honor, respect, Carol… but you got arrogant, and you put yourself before your men. They looked up to you, and what did you do? You killed them. You made eleven families bury their boys. You don’t deserve this life, the life they got cheated out of. It’s time for an eye for and eye.”

After being discharged from the military Hal couldn’t ever find steady work. He was too old to try going to college and he wasn’t very good at anything other than flying. After the incident in the Middle East no one would hire Hal, he was a marked man. His father was one of the greatest pilots to have ever lived and he was always proud of Hal up until the day he died. It was the first time Hal was glad that his father wasn’t alive to see him.

Hal looked out the window gazing at the stars.

“It’s time to fly one more time.”

Outside his house, Hal started up his Mustang, he never really liked the car, preferred flying himself. But after the catastrophe and several psychological analyses, Hal was deemed unfit for flying a real plane.

Angel Canyon, California

Hal drove his car to the edge of a large canyon his father used to take him to as a kid. It was also the first place he and Carol Ferris had ever kissed, years ago. Besides the skies, no other place had brought more joy to Hal. His father once told him the canyon was formed by an angel falling from heaven years before, and that it was so deep no one had ever tried to go to the bottom. Hal decided he’d get there the old fashion way.

“Well, to you boys. Hopefully I’ll see you, but I’m not gonna’ hold my breath.”

Hal drove his car off of the ledge; it felt like he was falling forever. He thought about all of things he had messed up in his life, why bad things had happened to him. It seemed like a century had passed in the canyon, and as Hal wondered if he had made a mistake, he stopped. The thing that surprised Hal was that he hadn’t been flattened in the fall; in fact it was like someone caught him. He looked outside to see a giant green hand holding the car up. As Hal followed the thin line coming from the hand, he looked up at two men floating in the air.

The men confounded Hal. Both were dressed in green military uniforms and glowing with a light green tinge. One of them was a man who looked to be in his mid-fifties. The other was an orange bird-like creature with a big fin on his head. Hal thought he was going crazy.

The human-looking one just smiled at the other one and said,
“Well, looks like we finally got ourselves a new recruit for the Green Lantern Corps, wouldn’t you say Tomar?”

“I’d say so Alan.”

That’s when Hal threw up.
To be continued…

So what do I need to work on?