Wacky Childhood Antics

Grocer Man

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Just a thread for wacky misadventures you got up to in your childhood. (Yes, your childhood. I don't want an horror stories from Ourchair.) Thought it might be fun.

I used to break into our neighbor's house by crawling through the doggie-door. All I really did was watch their Power Ranger videos. Since the doors were locked and she couldn't follow through the doggie-door, my mom was reduced to screaming at me to get out of the house from the backyard. She eventually tried to send my younger brother in to get me out, but he too was mesmerized by the comforting glow of those Power Ranger videos. Fortunetly, we were very good friends with these neighbors, so I didn't get in that much trouble.
 
I was once playing by myself and I came up with the genius idea to put together two glass-top tables, to play on. So I went hopping back and forth across them, jumping up and down...

You can probably guess what happened next. All I remember is the sound of a whole lot of glass shattering and screaming and crying continuously for the next five to ten minutes. My mom came running and rushed to see if I was cut. I was cut a tiny bit on my foot and I had a gash - about a quarter of an inch long - on the palm of my left hand. She anxiously washed the cuts out and calmed me down and I've had a tiny, freaky-looking scar on my hand ever since that feels weird when you poke it. (Something I did all the time for a little while after it healed.) We still have the table that didn't break.

And then there was that time when my dad yelled at me because me and my friend found a dead bird in the driveway and started playing with it.

Man, I was a stupid kid.
 
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Man, I was a stupid kid.

Oh yeah? One time I had a dream that I could fly. In my dream I jumped off the top of the stairs and gently but awkwardly floated around the ceiling of my house. It was very realistic, so naturally I thought since I figured it out in my dream I could do it in real life.

So, I jumped off the top step.

I didn't fly.
 
When I was little, my parents and I lived in a studio apartment in Columbus. Our landlord traded odd jobs for money off rent. So my parents were panting the hallway stairs, I was on my tricycle and rode it down the stairs. Fortunately my dad was agile, my trike went through the floor to ceiling window and 6 stories to the ground.
 
When I was about 8 I guess I killed a potato bug by bending it backwards as far as it could go. The small twitch it sort of gave when it died is just about the worst thing I've ever seen in real life and I have never intentionally killed an insect inside or outside the house since. It was awful. I felt so bad I buried it in the garden with a proper tiny funeral and everything. I was by myself, but my younger sister was nearby. I even gave him a name - William Joe. I hummed the flying theme from The NeverEnding Story when I buried him, but I wasn't sure why at the time. It was a rainy, gray sort of time. I remember it like it was yesterday.
 
When I was about 8 I guess I killed a potato bug by bending it backwards as far as it could go. The small twitch it sort of gave when it died is just about the worst thing I've ever seen in real life and I have never intentionally killed an insect inside or outside the house since. It was awful. I felt so bad I buried it in the garden with a proper tiny funeral and everything. I was by myself, but my younger sister was nearby. I even gave him a name - William Joe. I hummed the flying theme from The NeverEnding Story when I buried him, but I wasn't sure why at the time. It was a rainy, gray sort of time. I remember it like it was yesterday.

Okay, that's the most tender, and heartbreaking thing I've heard in a while.
 
Just a thread for wacky misadventures you got up to in your childhood. (Yes, your childhood. I don't want an horror stories from Ourchair.)

You've thought of everything!

Oh yeah? One time I had a dream that I could fly. In my dream I jumped off the top of the stairs and gently but awkwardly floated around the ceiling of my house. It was very realistic, so naturally I thought since I figured it out in my dream I could do it in real life.

So, I jumped off the top step.

I didn't fly.

Did you fall?

When I was about 8 I guess I killed a potato bug by bending it backwards as far as it could go. The small twitch it sort of gave when it died is just about the worst thing I've ever seen in real life and I have never intentionally killed an insect inside or outside the house since. It was awful. I felt so bad I buried it in the garden with a proper tiny funeral and everything. I was by myself, but my younger sister was nearby. I even gave him a name - William Joe. I hummed the flying theme from The NeverEnding Story when I buried him, but I wasn't sure why at the time. It was a rainy, gray sort of time. I remember it like it was yesterday.

That is simultaneously the sweetest and most terrible story I've ever heard. :cry:

As for me, when I was a kid I had my own sitcom.

bass4tcsp8.jpg
 
When I was about 8 I guess I killed a potato bug by bending it backwards as far as it could go. The small twitch it sort of gave when it died is just about the worst thing I've ever seen in real life and I have never intentionally killed an insect inside or outside the house since. It was awful. I felt so bad I buried it in the garden with a proper tiny funeral and everything. I was by myself, but my younger sister was nearby. I even gave him a name - William Joe. I hummed the flying theme from The NeverEnding Story when I buried him, but I wasn't sure why at the time. It was a rainy, gray sort of time. I remember it like it was yesterday.

Was it yesterday?
 
I was once playing with myself

Not THOSE kind of stories please......



When I was about 4 I had a habit of vanishing and freaking out my parents. Once, I was hidden in the long grass in our back yard and they had our ENTIRE street out searching for me.

Another time they found me under my dad's barrel of homebrew beer. With the tap on. Had been there for about 1/2 hour....
 
When I was about 8 I guess I killed a potato bug by bending it backwards as far as it could go. The small twitch it sort of gave when it died is just about the worst thing I've ever seen in real life and I have never intentionally killed an insect inside or outside the house since. It was awful. I felt so bad I buried it in the garden with a proper tiny funeral and everything. I was by myself, but my younger sister was nearby. I even gave him a name - William Joe. I hummed the flying theme from The NeverEnding Story when I buried him, but I wasn't sure why at the time. It was a rainy, gray sort of time. I remember it like it was yesterday.

:cry:

I once played with a tomato, pretending it was Bob from Veggietales. It splattered all over the kitchen floor and then I cried.

Oh yeah? One time I had a dream that I could fly. In my dream I jumped off the top of the stairs and gently but awkwardly floated around the ceiling of my house. It was very realistic, so naturally I thought since I figured it out in my dream I could do it in real life.

So, I jumped off the top step.

I didn't fly.

I had dream like that once. It turned into a nightmare when I realized I couldn't stop going up.

You've thought of everything!

Thanks!
 
When I was in kindergarten, I was sitting in the 2nd seat back towards the front of the bus.

The bus driver was screaming at me to move over more so a 3rd person could sit down. I couldn't move over anymore, so I just stared at him. He came and yanked me out of my seat and started yelling at me.

He asked me if I understood him and I said no. So he grabbed and carried me into the office by the back of my pants like a suitcase. I tried to hit a kid we walked by cause he was looking at me weird.


I was suspended from the bus.
 
Oh yeah? One time I had a dream that I could fly. In my dream I jumped off the top of the stairs and gently but awkwardly floated around the ceiling of my house. It was very realistic, so naturally I thought since I figured it out in my dream I could do it in real life.

So, I jumped off the top step.

I didn't fly.
I have done the same things many times.
 
I can't remember too much about myself, but one time me and my brother were at the grocery store with my aunt and grandmother. When we were checking out, my brother wanted some of the candy they have there and my aunt told him "No". He starts to make a fuss so she grabbed his arm, my brother then starts jerking around and yells out "Don't touch me! You're a stranger!". He got spanked by my dad's belt (Mr. Blackie) for that.

Also, we would always hide in the clothing racks at department stores.
 
Just remembered another one:

Through watching DBZ religously like any good child of the 90's, I somehow came to the conclusion that if you take your shirt off, you get stronger.

So, during a playground scuffle where some kid stared throwing rocks at me for some reason, I dramatically ripped my shirt off. The thrower was so awestruck by the scene that he doubled his rock throwing.
 
Now I really want to rip my shirt off. Just to see if I could do it. Cover your eyes, everyone.
 
So, during a playground scuffle where some kid stared throwing rocks at me for some reason, I dramatically ripped my shirt off. The thrower was so awestruck by the scene that he doubled his rock throwing.

That could have been the funniest thing to watch...

Mean Kid: Hahaha! Look at weedy Grocer Man! he is getting all battered with my rocks (OF DOOOOM!!)

Grocer Man: Oh god... it hurts... I must stop him.... must... gain strength...

*GM Rips off shirt*

GM: RRRRAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

MK: Huh?

GM: owowowowowowOW OW OW!!

*GM runs off crying*
 
That could have been the funniest thing to watch...

Mean Kid: Hahaha! Look at weedy Grocer Man! he is getting all battered with my rocks (OF DOOOOM!!)

Grocer Man: Oh god... it hurts... I must stop him.... must... gain strength...

*GM Rips off shirt*

GM: RRRRAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

MK: Huh?

GM: owowowowowowOW OW OW!!

*GM runs off crying*


Bwahahahaha!

I try not to let jokes at my expense get in the way of my fun.
 

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