Countdown Series Discussion (SPOILERS!)

I don't even remember anything happening to Earth-51 for it to be weird that it was "remade" (or whatever), then disastored. I have no idea what's going on, actually.

Where's Piper?
 
So, I've decided that this book is just too, too tragic. and it really doesn't need to be this bad. The fact of the matter is, the set-up and the end points for each of the story lines are essentially interesting, and could have led to some kickass stories. The problem is that it seems like the writers had a start point and an end point, but they didn't have anything to fill the in-between with. Basically, what we get with each story is exactly what was presented to us. A bunch of people want to kill Jimmy Olsen! Yeah, me too. And that's all that happens. Mary Marvel's going to be seduced by evil! Okay, cool. Seems like the chain of events that lead a sweet but experienced superhero to turn on her friends would be pretty intriguing. No? It's just Darkseid saying "Wanna be evil?" and Mary saying "Okay."? Bummer. The whole ride is just a bunch of inconsequential things happening in a haphazard fashion, concluding at the natural end point with no feasible reasoning behind it. I mean, let's take a look at the stories, yeah? This will also serve as a summary for those who don't want to read Countdown. Seriously, it's way more succinct and tells you everything you need to know but took them 51 issues to say.


Seduction of Evil
The Pitch
Mary Marvel, who's been a superhero since she was a child, is now without powers and alone. As she tries to find a new place in the world, she's gonna get seduced. And there will be hot Mary on Eclipso action.

What Happened
Mary: Y'know what? I've never been to Gotham before. I should totally go there and see the sites! And it's not a vacation to Gotham without visiting the Kandahq embassy! Oh, hey Black Adam! Aren't you number one on the FBI's most wanted list?
Adam: Yeah. But it's 'cuz my powers are evil.
Mary: You should totally give them to me!
Adam: Wait, really? Because I was trying to warn--- oh **** it, never mind. There you go.
Mary: Hey Zatanna!
Zatanna: Hey, Mary, wanna come in? Scrubs is on.
Mary: Maybe after I kick your ***!
Eclipso: Hey, Mary.
Mary: Shouldn't you be hanging out in the Ray Palmer plot, where you might have, I don't know, gravity as a character?
Eclipso: Ray Palmer plot? Pfffffft. More like Ray Palmer getting a Brazilian tan while he waits for a plot to meander his way. How about I give you powers, and then maybe we can fool around softcore style.
Mary: I don't know….. Aren't you evil?
Eclipso: Nuh-uh. There's no such thing as moral codes. Nietzsche said so.
Mary: Hm…. I mean, you are a psychopathic mass murderer, and that does kind of run contrary to everything I believe in…. But if Nietzsche said it… Sure!
Eclipso: Cool. Meet Darkseid.
Darkseid: Wanna hang out with me? I'll let you waterboard Jimmy Olsen!
Mary: Well, he is kind of a doucheba-….. WAITAMINUTE! YOU'RE EVIL! NO WAY!
Eclipso: Well, that ploy didn't work. Yoink!
Mary: Oh no! My powers! Good thing I landed on this other subplot involving female leads! Grrl power!
Holly and Harley: I know you don't have any powers, but how about you help us fight the elite shock forces of A GOD?
Mary: Why the hell not? Oh, hey, there's my gods! Now that I've got my powers back, I can really prove how worthless my core value system is by standing in the sidelines and making a few snide comments! Hah hah! Take that, devastated rat-world! Oops! Now I'm home! Waitasecond… I don't remember leaving a Darkseid in my apartment.
Darkseid: Wanna be evil?
Mary: Nuh-uh. I learned my lesson.
Darkseid: But evil doesn't really exist.
Mary: Sold! Let's go torture some kittens.

What Should Have Happened
I know this is supposed to be DC's "summer blockbuster", but I have illegitimate children with better grasps of good and evil than these guys, and I'm just in my early twenties. For that matter, how was 52 not a "summer blockbuster"? It had an evil cult trying to open a gateway to Hell in Gotham City, superheroes falling out of the sky, and WORLD WAR III! I mean, Jerry Bruckheimer practically directed 52. For that matter, if you're going to make a "summer blockbuster", why make it a 51 issue epic? There's a reason why Schindler's List is over three hours long and Swordfish is an hour and a half (although, it doesn't explain Pearl Harbor. Nothing explains Pearl Harbor). It's because there are only so many combinations of objects blowing up and precarious ledges for Nicholas Cage to hang from before it just seems silly. And one more hint. If you want a summer blockbuster, you need visuals to match. If Michael Bay were to direct a scene with a bald giant in short shorts fighting a be-freckled lizard monster, we can be like, "Okay. This is silly, but we still get to see things blow up". In a comic book, it's just a picture of a dumbass in short shorts fighting a douche bag with lizard bits.

Anyway, back to the point at hand. There's no legitimate reason for Mary to resort to being evil. Hell, it's unlikely that she'd even associate with these monsters. She's been a superhero her whole life, but when she sees creatures with the power to obliterate the world and no compunctions about doing it, all she can think is, "Wouldn't it be cool if I could do that?" The start point is Mary at her weakest, the finish is Mary as Darkseid's enforcer. The most fascinating part of the story is how she got from one place to the other. Instead, that's glossed over completely. She needs an impetus to feel she needs to wield the power in the first place. Now where could we find that? An island full of sado-masochists training lost and confused women to be warriors for Darkseid? That sounds right up your alley, huh? Sorry, we gave that plot to someone else, but you'll meet up with them just in time that your relevance there will be negligible. How about a virus that threatens to decimate the entire What we could have seen is the new nature of magic in the DCU. We could have seen the nature of good and evil, through the lens of mysticism. And we could have been given a glimpse into the role gods play in this new world. For that matter, why do we even have this Jimmy Olsen storyline? We have the power of the New Gods being zapped all over the place, and Mary Marvel seems to become the champion of Darkseid at story's end. Mary Marvel, who's whole career has been being a champion to gods and harnessing their powers to achieve her goals. I wouldn't be surprised if the last issue of Countdown saw Mary Marvel being imbued with the strength of the Evil New Gods to set up Morrison's fight in Final Crisis, but at this point, it's a little late, yeah?

Jimmy Olsen Must Die
The Pitch
Jimmy Olsen is a pawn in an intergalactic game of chess. He witnesses the death of the gods and uncovers the mystery of why everyone wants to kill him. Probably 'cuz he's a douche bag.

What Happened
Jimmy: I'm a cub reporter! I'm gonna go interview the Red Hood, Jason Todd, while Superman circles the block, like a mom dropping off her kid for soccer practice. Whoa, ninjas! Cyborg ninjas!
Jason Todd: Wait. Wha--? You know my name?
Jimmy: Duh. You're Batman's former sidekick who got killed 'cuz readers hated him, then came back to life when Superman's retarded little cousin punched a wall. Also, you're probably gay, but you may not know it. And you should probably take an AIDS test.
Jason Todd: What a little douche bag. You know what? You should go visit the Joker. Maybe he'll bash your freckled face in with a crowbar.
Jimmy: Willickers, thanks! [speaking into communicator watch] Could you come pick me up, please?
Jimmy: So what's up with this whole dead daughter thing?
Joker: Kid, I don't have a daughter. Obviously the Seven Secret Men of Slaughter Swamp are distorting reality.
Jimmy: Huh?
Joker: A bunch of white dudes with cornrows are killing off ****ty one-shot characters.
Jimmy: Willickers, thanks mister! You're not so bad after all!
Joker: Go get eaten, you little freckle faced douche bag.
Killer Croc: RARGH!
Jimmy: Willickers, I can stretch my body like some kind of Stretch Armstrong! Oh, hey, Lightray! What's going on!?
Lightray: I'm dying, you little douche bag.
Jimmy: Boy howdy! I should become a superhero! To help you guys! Or something! Jesus…. I am a walking identity crisis, aren't I?
Lightray: Yeah. You should probably get that checked out. I mean, have you even kissed a girl? Oh wait, don't worry about answering that question. I'm dead.
Jimmy Olsen: Hey, Boy Wonder! Let me join the Teen Titans!
Robin: What a douche bag.
Jimmy Olsen: Hey Justice League! Let me join!
Steel: I don't know, kid… You're kind of a douche bag. Maybe if you let us torture you for a while and make fun of you, we'll think about it.
Jimmy Olsen: Tortured by the Justice League!? Boy Howdy!
Batman: Wait…. Really….? I mean, we'll need to set up some sort of queue. I call dibs on the car battery.
Jimmy Olsen: Why does my *** hurt? Oh, hey! Cadmus guys!
Cadmus Guys: Mind if we cut off your eyelids and test Mary Kay products on you?
Jimmy Olsen: That sounds swell!
Cadmus Guys: Wait… Really…?
Jimmy Olsen: Oh no! There go my poorly defined and ludicrous powers! Better run away! For the good of the world! Zoinks! It's some sort of bug creature! And she's got the *** of a thirteen year old boy! That's my kind of woman!
Forager: Olsenbug!
Jimmy: No time for that! Parademons! And they probably want to torture me!
Forager: No! Olsenbug!
Jimmy: Don't worry! Mister Miracle's coming to my help!
Mister Miracle: If by "coming to help", you mean "drop you into a pit of lava, then Hell yeah! Eat 3,000,000 degrees Fahrenheit you little douche bag!
Forager: Olsenbug! Olsenbug! Olsenbug!
Jimmy: What is it girl? Timmy's trapped at the bottom of a well?
Forager: Olsenbug!
Jimmy: Wait. You wish I was trapped at the bottom of a well? With cougars?
Forager: Olsenbug!
Jimmy: Willickers, I get it! I'm a deus ex machina! There are the souls of GODS, and I'm just their MACHINE, churning out random nonsense powers to fulfill the random and haphazard diversions of this story! Well, if you want to call it that! And it's all because of Darkseid, who apparently decided a freckle-faced douche bag with a flair for masochism and the self-preservation skills of Mr. McGoo, and the best friend of his hated enemy was the best place to hide all the god-souls so he wouldn't have to declare them on his tax return!
Forager: Olsenbug!
Darkseid: Word. And now I'm gonna kill ya.
Superman: You think you could murder that little insect Power Ranger looking ***** while you're at it?
Jimmy: Willickers, I'm a Turtle Man! Obviously I'm a match for a God now! Whoa, look! It's Odin!
Orion: That's Orion, you little douche bag.

What Should Have Happened
It's hard to say, because all the premises behind this story seems just inexplicably bad. Like all the other Countdown stories, it's just a start point (Jimmy Olsen Must Die!) and an end point (Apparently, Jimmy Olsen Mustn't Die! But I Wouldn't Be Surprised if He Started Popping in at the Local Leather Bar), with a bunch of pointless meandering in between. I guess what they were going for was a final hurrah for the New Gods. It had Jimmy touching on pretty much every aspect of the old New World Jimmy Olsen stories: Newsboy Legion, Cadmus, DNAliens, New Gods, but the characters never got expanded to more than the blurbs on the back of action figure boxes. If this is the last hurrah of the New Gods, then the story should have reminded us of why they're so great and epic. They are GODS, and he's just this little dweeb with a camera, who's privileged enough to bear witness to their Ragnarok. Plus, everyone wants him dead, because he's a little douche bag. He should be helpless, an insignificant worm before these vast creatures, always bumbling into catastrophe and lucky enough to be saved by grace after continual grace. The elements are there. It's just that none of them matter. Uh-oh. There's Jimmy in a tight jam. Oops, now he's safe. Jam. Safe. Jam. Safe. Olsenbug! Jam. Safe. There's Darkseid! The End.
 
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Zombipanda said:
This will also serve as a summary for those who don't want to read Countdown. Seriously, it's way more succinct and tells you everything you need to know but took them 51 issues to say.
Click to expand...

That's the position I'm in. I found this bit really useful.
Uh-oh. There's Jimmy in a tight jam. Oops, now he's safe. Jam. Safe. Jam. Safe. Olsenbug! Jam. Safe. There's Darkseid! The End.
Click to expand...

But that's really useful thanks ZP. DC should definitely release a one-shot that just sums up countdown like that. Start points and end points.

I may as well say I didn't realise the olsen story was connected to death of new gods, thought should've thought about the 4th world some more. It doesn't sound like this shold have been a bad story. I'm sure I could think of lots of hilarious things to do with Jimmy Olsen if you paid me. Actually pretty much 1-2-3-Action - kurt-busiek story would've done, maybe with a bit more 4th world influence
 
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I liked the idea of an Black Mary Marvel.

She should of took the powers from Adam and thought she could control them and slowly descend into madness. It was incredibly stupid for her to return to evil.

The Jimmy Olsen-Darksied angle is only a little neat cause Darksied first appeared in his series, but it was a bad idea.

I liked the idea of characters that shouldn't exist searching for Ray Palmer, but it was weak.


I thought the idea of the Evil Gods replacing the Greek Gods and training Amazons to be new Female Furies was interesting.

And I do like the idea that after Captain Atom bounced around the mutliverse and dealt with the harder edge heroes of Wildstorm, that he snapped and became Monarch, but they went way overboard.
 
Zombipanda said:
Jimmy: Duh. You're Batman's former sidekick who got killed 'cuz readers hated him, then came back to life when Superman's retarded little cousin punched a wall. Also, you're probably gay, but you may not know it. And you should probably take an AIDS test.
Click to expand...

Ahhh. The dangers of being written by Judd Winick.
 
thee great one said:


And I do like the idea that after Captain Atom bounced around the mutliverse and dealt with the harder edge heroes of Wildstorm, that he snapped and became Monarch, but they went way overboard.
Click to expand...

i haven't been reading so don't know about tis. I thougt the only other 'verse he'd been to was wildstorm...but yeah where has he been since then?
 
He became the Monarch, then bounced around the multiverse, raising an army to face the Monitors, attacked them, then was Dues Ex Machina out of the story.
 
Countdown sucked. The big battle between Orion and Darkseid was a big rip-off of the Sentry vs. Hulk battle from World War Hulk, I now hate Jimmy Olsen even more than I ever have in my life, and I seriously want to see everyone in the DCU die now... except Batman.

Seriously, Countdown was even worse than 52 (oh look, MR. MIND IS OUR BIG BAD! HE'S A WORM! ARE YOU FN KIDDING ME?). I thought DC had such great writers, but I want to line them all up and punch them several times in the nose. Giffen, Busiek, Morrison, Waid, Rucka, pretty much all of them except for Johns (because Sinestro Corps was SICK) and Frank Miller (Hi Frank!).

I'm dropping most of the DC titles from my sub list after this piece of crap. Especially the money-wasting weekly titles like 52 and Countdown.
 
I was confused. At the end of Countdown was a big battle between Darksied and Orion on Earth with Superman and others watching.


At the end of Death Of The New Gods was a big battle between Darksied and Orion on Apokolips with Superman watching.
 
Frank Miller's Daredevil is really good.

I haven't read Dark Knight in over a decade, so I won't comment on it, but All Star Batman and Robin, the Boy Wonder is one of the worst comics I ever read for the first 5 issues. I understand it's much better now, but I'm just not willing to try it.

Countdown was crappy, but 52 was excellent. I love weekly series.
 
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