Global Frequency: DEATH ENGINE

moonmaster

Without him, all of you would be lost souls roamin
Joined
Feb 23, 2005
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13,670
It came to my attention a few months ago that I've never once completed a full comic book script. This is quite troubling, since it is what I want to do. So, instead of writing short stories or poetry or whatever, I decided to focus my efforts on writing an actual script, at least for practice. I wanted to start slow and the point of this was really just the writing experience, so I decided not to do something entirely original. I'd just finished Global Frequency when I started and I thought the series was the perfect format for me to do a flexible, one-issue story. So here's what I came up with. It's probably not done (There are some details I'd like to go back and change) and it's not the most well-written script, but I'd like to know what people think, and if they could actually imagine this as a reasonably entertaining comic book.

GLOBAL FREQUENCY
"DEATH ENGINE"




PAGE 1

PANEL 1: From off panel, a hand reaches out and pulls a lever down.

PANEL 2: "The ENGINE". It is composed of a small ball at the center of tangle of thin, outward facing rods, connected by a grid of bars forming a kind of sphere. Surrounding the sphere is a series of gyroscopic rings designed to spin at various angles. Imagine something like a giant iron model of an atom. At the moment however, we only a see a small section of the machine (wide panel, the iron ball at the center). It is presently inanimate.

PANEL 3: The ENGINE whirs to life. Same shot as PANEL 2, but the gyroscopic bars are beginning to move.

PANEL 4: The ENGINE again, but now the rings are moving at blinding
speed. Even more troubling, arcs of electricity crackle and flare from the iron ball.

TITLE: DEATH ENGINE.

PAGE 2

PANEL 1: A cold, gray room. An interrogation room. At a table sits a man with black hair, glasses, and a fashionable goatee. He is sullen and anxious looking, his head buried in his hands. The door is opening in the foreground. The person entering is off-panel for the moment.

VOICE: (OFF-PANEL) LEÓPOLD DUBOIS?

PANEL 2: MIRANDA ZERO entering the room, looking stern and serious as usual.

MIRANDA ZERO: I'M MIRANDA ZERO FROM GLOBAL FREQUENCY AND I DON'T LIKE BEING DRAGGED HALFWAY ACROSS THE WORLD FOR NO REASON. THIS BETTER BE GOOD.

PANEL 3: Extreme close-up of LEÓPOLD DUBOIS as he moves his hands from his face. He's haggard, desperate, and teary-eyed. You can tell that he's terrified.

LEÓPOLD DUBOIS: THANK GOD YOU'RE HERE...I'M SO SORRY...

PAGE 3

PANEL 1: Close-up of MIRANDA ZERO on her GF cell phone.

MIRANDA ZERO: HE CALLED IT THE "DEATH ENGINE". NO WONDER THE POLICE DIDN'T BELIEVE HIM. WE'RE DAMN LUCKY HE HAD THE SENSE TO CALL US.

PANEL 2: ALEPH in her big chair at GF Central Operations, typing away furiously on a wireless keyboard. The screens surrounding her are lit up with faded images of old schematics and sketches of strange flying machines and tanks.

MIRANDA ZERO 1: HE SAYS THAT THEY BUILT IT FROM ONE OF DA VINCI'S UNREALIZED BLUEPRINTS.

ALEPH 1: AND WHAT, PRAY TELL, DOES THIS THING DO?

MIRANDA ZERO 2: HE HAD NO IDEA.

ALEPH 2: HE HAD NO IDEA?

MIRANDA ZERO 3: THEY WERE BUILDING IT IN ORDER TO FIND OUT, IF YOU CAN BELIEVE IT. SO WE DON'T KNOW EXACTLY WHAT IT DOES, BUT WE DO KNOW THAT THIS ENTIRE OPERATION WAS BEING FUNDED BY SOME VERY, VERY NASTY PEOPLE AND WHEN THE PROJECT HEADS REALIZED THAT THE HAMMER WAS ABOUT TO DROP, THEY TURNED THE THING ON. THEN, AS FAR AS WE CAN TELL, THEY TOOK THEIR MONEY AND RAN LIKE BLOODY HELL. THIS WAS TWO HOURS AGO.

PANEL 3: Far-shot of MIRANDA ZERO in front of a Parisian police station with her phone pressed to her ear.

MIRANDA ZERO: DUBOIS SAID THAT THEY BLINDFOLDED HIM, SO HE HAS NO IDEA WHERE THE LAB ACTUALLY IS. I'D IMAGINE THAT THE LITTLE BASTARD IS LYING, BUT HE'S NOT SAYING ANYTHING RIGHT NOW AND THE FRENCH POLICE WON'T LET ME GET CLOSE ENOUGH TO EVEN GIVE HIM A KICK IN THE NUTS. I WANT THE PROJECT HEADS FOUND AND I WANT TO KNOW WHERE THE ENGINE IS. START GATHERING TIPS AND RUNNING PLATES. AND GET A FIELD TEAM TOGETHER TO RENDEVOUS WITH ME.

PANEL 4: Close-up of ALEPH, her face lit by the blue glow of her computer monitors.

ALEPH: ALREADY ONE STEP AHEAD OF YOU. PETER BANNICK SHOULD BE PICKING UP ROLAND BOULANGER RIGHT NOW.

PAGE 4

PANEL 1: A sleek sports car sits parked on a quiet street in front of an old- looking apartment building. A man with short blonde hair rushes down the building's front stoop in a GF t-shirt. He's putting on his jacket and carrying a GF brief case.

PANEL 2: Shot facing towards the car's windshield. In the driver's seat sits an imposing man with a buzzcut (PETER BANNICK). He's putting on a pair of sunglasses and fiddling with the CD player. The blond-haired man (ROLAND BOULANGER) sits down in the passenger seat.

PETER BANNICK 1: NAME'S PETE. ARE YOU ROLAND?

ROLAND BOULANGER: YEAH. GOOD TO MEET YOU.

PETER BANNICK 2: YOU'RE PROBABLY GONNA WANT TO BUCKLE YOUR SEATBELT.

PANEL 3: Low-shot of PETER's car from behind, peeling out down the street and spewing exhaust.

PAGE 5

PANEL 1: MIRANDA ZERO on her phone in front of the police station, shooing away a short, indignant-looking French cop with one hand and looking annoyed.

FRENCH COP: VOUS N'AVEZ AUCUNE AUTORITÉ ICI, VOUS VACHE IGNORANTE -

MIRANDA ZERO: GOD. NO WONDER PEOPLE HATE THE FRENCH. TALK TO ME ALEPH.

PANEL 2: Profile close-up of ALEPH at GF Central Operations, a concerned look on her face.

ALEPH 1: I HAVE SOME INFO THAT YOU'RE REALLY NOT GONNA LIKE.

MIRANDA ZERO: TRY ME.

ALEPH 2: OUR LITTLE RESEARCH GROUP - THEY CALL THEMSELVES THE "CATALYST PROJECT", BY THE WAY - HAS A WEBSITE. I WAS JUST THERE A FEW MINUTES I GO SEEING WHAT I COULD FIND.

PANEL 3: Close-up of ALEPH, her face turned straight at us now.

ALEPH: BESIDES A LOT OF UNBEARABLY GEEKY TECH-TALK, I FOUND THIS...

PANEL 4: Close-up on MIRANDA'S phone. On the screen is a snapshot from a webpage - a picture of a smiling, old man (50s or so). He has grey hair, glasses, and a decidedly "college professor" beard. Beneath his photo it says "JOHN SHELLEY, PROJECT DIRECTOR".

PANEL 5: Close-up on MIRANDA. She's absolutely shocked as she looks down at her phone.

MIRANDA ZERO: S**T

PAGE 6

PANEL 1: Medium shot of ALEPH sitting in her chair, looking at a huge monitor with the same image blown up.

MIRANDA ZERO 1: S**T. S**T. S**T. S**T. S**T.

MIRANDA ZERO 2: THAT'S OUR JOHN SHELLEY, ISN'T IT?

ALEPH 1: UH-HUH.

MIRANDA ZERO 3: FROM CALIFORNIA? SCARY-SMART ENGINEERING GUY?

ALEPH 2: UH-HUH.

MIRANDA ZERO 4: WHY DIDN'T I KNOW ABOUT THIS?

ALEPH 3: HE HASN'T CONTACTED US IN MONTHS AND THERE ARE A LOT OF PEOPLE ON THE GLOBAL FREQUENCY. WE CAN'T KEEP TABS ON EVERYONE.

PANEL 2: MIRANDA ZERO on her phone, the angry little cop yelling at her, though he's too short to actually get in her face.

MIRANDA ZERO: AS IF I WASN'T ALREAD IN A BAD MOOD. PLEASE TELL ME SOMETHING TO KEEP FROM PUNCHING THIS FRENCHMAN IN THE FACE.

ALEPH: HEY, I HAVE SOME GOOD NEWS TOO.

PANEL 3: Blurry, news helicopter footage. An overhead shot of a black sports car speeding down a Paris street as the police chase after.

ALEPH: WE JUST FOUND THE OTHER TWO PROJECT DIRECTORS...

PANEL 4: PETE and ROLAND in the car again, similar shot to PAGE 4, PANEL 2. PETE is gripping the steering wheel tensely as he drives with a look of content on his face (He almost looks a bit high). ROLAND has one hand out the window, resting up on the roof of the car. In his other hand he is holding out his GF phone (Speaker phone)

ALEPH 1: THEY'RE HEADING WEST ALONG THE SEINE. CATCH UP WITH THEM HOWEVER YOU CAN.

ALEPH 2: AND, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T GET TOO ROUGH WITH THEM. WE NEED THEM ALIVE AND WE NEED TO GET TO THEM BEFORE THE COPS.

PANEL 5: Close-up on ROLAND in the passenger seat. He has a satisfied smile.

ROLAND BOULANGER: THAT WHOLE "BRING THEM IN ALIVE" THING? THAT'S GONNA BE A BIT TROUBLESOME.

PAGE 7

PANEL 1: We're low to the ground and PETER's car is barrelling at us in the center of the panel, the street and the Paris buildings flying by in a blur. Big wide panel (All the panels on this page should be wide and low to the ground.)

PANEL 2: Wide and low. There's a police car to the left in the foreground. To the right, PETER's car swerves to the other side wildly in avoidance. Ahead, we see another police car to the right, and the black sports car way up ahead. Everything is very fast, blurred, and dynamic. We're seeing all this from behind, following the chase.

PANEL 3: Wide and low. To the left, we see PETER's car swerving to the other side of the street. Very closely ahead of him is that other police car on the right, but he's passing it. The black sports car is still up ahead, but closer than before. Fast, blurred, and dynamic. Following. Essentially, this whole page is PETE snaking through the cops to get ahead.

PANEL 4: Wide and low. The cop cars are all gone now and PETE's car is right in the center of the panel again. Fast, blurred, dynamic and following as before. Beneath PETER's car, and in between his tires, we can just barely make out the black sports car still up ahead, dead center.

PAGE 8

PANEL 1: Aerial shot. To the left is a street corner - sidewalk and building. It's at an angle, so that it forms a sort of point protruding into the panel. The building is old red brick and along the sidewalk are yellow and white umbrellas, from the tables of sidewalk cafe. We can see people sitting at the tables beneath. Along the sidewalk is a railing to separate the cafe. The sidewalk is not very crowded, but the four or five people that we see walking are all reacting with surprise. To the right, the black sports car is drifting dangerously around the corner, going up and to the left.

PANEL 2: Aerial shot. PETER and ROLAND's car shooting around the same corner, in hot pursuit.

PANEL 3: As the chase speeds past in the background, the sidewalk cafe is torn apart by a gust of wind. Table cloths and plates of food go flying, umbrellas uproot and drift down the street, and at least one person falls backwards, out of their chair.

PAGE 9

PANEL 1: PETER and ROLLAND speed after the black sports car along the Seine as the sun casts an orange glow across the Paris skyline. They're close, but not close enough.

PANEL 2: The passenger side window of PETER's car slides open and ROLAND sticks his head and one arm out the window as his hair blows wildly in the wind.

PANEL 3: ROLAND pulls himself on to the window's edge, with his left hand atop the car roof and his right hand reaching inside the car.

PANEL 4: Big lateral shot of ROLAND hanging out of the car window, his right hand a straight line and his hand clutching a gun and pointing forward. He squints from the rushing wind.

PAGE 10

PANEL 1: A bullet hits the pavement next to one of the black sports car's tires, chipping the pavement but missing the car.

PANEL 2: Close-up of the barrel or ROLAND's gun, as a bullet fires.

PANEL 3: A bullet hits the chassis of the black sports car, just above a tire, creating a nice little hole, but once again not doing any real damage.

PANEL 4: ROLAND looks back towards PETER and yells through the wind tunnel conditions.

ROLAND BOULANGER 1: GODDAMN! THIS SHOT IS GOING TO BE JUST ABOUT IMPOSSIBLE.

ROLAND BOULANGER 2: UNLESS YOU WANT ME TO START BREAKING OUT THE LETHAL FORCE, WE'RE GOING TO NEED A CHANGE OF PLANS!

PANEL 5: PETER turns towards ROLAND with a grin.

PETER BANNICK 1: CHANGE OF PLANS? GOT IT.

PETER BANNICK 2: HOLD ON. THIS IS THE FUN PART.

PAGE 11

PANEL 1: PETER's finger hits a black button labeled NITRO in silver letters, grafted right on to the steering wheel.

PANEL 2: Low shot of PETER's car blasting forward at us.

PANEL 3: PETER's car, with it's boost of speed, easily overtakes the black sports car on it's right side.

PAGE 12

PANEL 1: PETER's hands jerk the steering wheel harshly to the left.

PANEL 2: PETER's car spins out wildly in front of the black sports car, with ROLAND still hanging out the passenger side window.

PANEL 3: ROLAND grips the roof of the car for dear life, his body hugging the car and an expression of clenched fear across his face.

ROLAND BOULANGER: YOU CRAZY SON-OF-A-*****!

PANEL 4: PETER's hand jerks the shift stick from DRIVE into REVERSE.

PANEL 5: To the left, the black sports car speeds forward, and to the right, PETER and ROLAND are positioned in front of them, driving in reverse, facing the black sports car.

PAGE 13

PANEL 1: SPLASH PAGE. Big, outrageous shot of ROLAND hanging out of the window of PETER's car, aiming his gun at the windsheild of the black sports car. Sort of a perspective shot with PETER's car in the foreground and the sports car in the back. They should be pretty close, and we should be able to see a man and a woman sitting the front of the sports car, the man driving.

PANEL 2: INSET. First person shot from ROLAND's perspective. Basically this is a "first-person-shooter" shot. ROLAND's hand is aiming the gun at the man driving the sports car. The man's mouth is hanging open and his eyes are big and wide. The woman is about to scream.

PAGE 14

PANEL 1: ROLAND hanging out the car window and firing his gun. Almost the exact same as PAGE 9, PANEL 4, but a much bigger and more "action movie" shot. ROLAND should look pissed.

PANEL 2: Another big shot (PANEL 1 and PANEL 2 should each take up half of the page). Looking through the windshield of the sports car. The man (In his 40s, short black hair and a black suit) takes up most of the panel. He is holding the steering wheel and the bullet is tearing through his left hand, taking about two or three fingers with it. The windshield is cracked and there's blood splattering across his chest, face, the steering wheel, and the windshield. The man is staring at his hand blankly and the woman next to him (In her 30s, brunette, her hair up in a ponytail) is screaming at the top of her lungs with her hands at her face.

PAGE 15

PANEL 1: Looking through the driver's side window, the man removes his hand from the steering wheel and grabs his wrist. His hand is a bloody mess. He cringes and screams.

PANEL 2: The next three panels should be a series of aerial shots. First, the black sports car at the top of the panel begins to swerve, and PETER's car stays with it.

PANEL 3: The sports car swerves a little more and slows, getting closer to PETER's car and becoming sort of perpendicular to it.

PANEL 4: The sports car is totally perpendicular to PETER's car and the two have both crawled to a stop. The grill of PETER's car touches the side of the sports car, almost making it look like PETER crashed into them.

PAGE 16

PANEL 1: PETER's car stopped into the side of the sports car. ROLAND hops down from the window with his gun still in hand.

PANEL 2: Same shot. ROLAND strolls really casually over to the sports car.

PANEL 3: Perspective from about where the woman is sitting in the car. She looks over to the driver's side window, the man still cringing and holding his hand up. Leaning very arrogantly into the window of the car, ROLAND is grinning from ear to ear and pointing his gun into the car.

ROLAND BOULANGER: HOW ARE YOU FOLKS DOING? SORRY TO PULL YOU OVER, BUT IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'VE GOT A BUSTED TAIL LIGHT.

PAGE 17

PANEL 1: A boot crashes violently through a door splintering and breaking it open.

SOUND: KRACK!!

PANEL 2: MIRANDA and ROLAND stand in front of the opened doorway, guns drawn. The building is a filthy warehouse, devoid of anything but a few lonely crates in the corner.

MIRANDA ZERO 1: GENERIC, ABANDONED WAREHOUSE? HOW LOATHESOMELY UNORIGINAL.

MIRANDA ZERO 2: THOSE BASTARDS BETTER HAVE BEEN TELLING THE TRUTH...

ROLAND BOULANGER: DO YOU HEAR THAT?

PANEL 3: Close-up on ROLAND. He looks around inquisitively.

MIRANDA ZERO: IT'S LIKE A HUMMING.

ROLAND BOULANGER: ...LIKE WHEN YOU WALK INTO A ROOM WITH A TV ON. I CAN JUST BARELY HEAR IT.

PANEL 4: MIRANDA ZERO places her hand on a hanging curtain of dirty plastic.

MIRANDA ZERO: Sh! I THINK THERE'S SOMETHING-

PANEL 5: The plastic pulled back slightly, a bullet whizzes past MIRANDA's head. She ducks as it just barely misses her. ROLAND stands to the left, shocked.

MIRANDA ZERO: F**K!

PAGE 18

SPLASH PAGE: The larger space of the warehouse. MIRANDA and ROLAND in the foreground, their backs turned to us. About twenty feet from where they stand sits JOHN SHELLEY atop a stool, sad and dejected. He stares to the side and grips his handgun between his legs, towards the floor, with both hands, as if it's too heavy for him to lift. Directly behind him is the DEATH ENGINE in all it's glory: sitting on a large steel platform, spinning and whirring and spewing electricity and light in all directions. To the sides of it are sparse workbenches and chairs, suggesting a small, now abandoned lab. Sunlight arcs into the room from a large, high window.

JOHN SHELLEY 1: IT'S A LOT QUIETER THAN YOU'D THINK, ISN'T IT?

MIRANDA ZERO: JOHN. YOU KNOW WHO I AM. PUT THE GUN DOWN.

JOHN SHELLEY 2: I...I DIDN'T KNOW WHERE THE FUNDING CAME FROM. AND TO BE ENTIRELY HONEST, I DIDN'T CARE.

PAGE 19

PANEL 1: JOHN SHELLEY's eyes, lifeless and desperate. His head is turned to the side.

JOHN SHELLEY 1: I MEAN, THIS WAS LIKE A DREAM. TRYING TO BUILD DA VINCI. THEY SAID IT WAS JUST FOR INTELLECTUAL PURPOSES.

MIRANDA ZERO: THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT, JOHN. DO YOU KNOW HOW TO TURN IT OFF? YOU HAVE TO KNOW HOW TO-

JOHN SHELLEY 2: TURN IT OFF? JESUS, NO. I CAN'T DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I PUT INTO THIS? I HAVE TO SEE WHAT IT DOES.

PANEL 2: MIRANDA at eye level, with ROLAND looking anxious behind her.

MIRANDA ZERO: WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT DOES. WHAT IF THIS IS SOME RENAISSANCE A-BOMB? YOU MAY NOT CARE WHAT HAPPENS BUT HAVE YOU CONSIDERED THE OTHER 2 MILLION PEOPLE IN THIS CITY? I DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO HURT YOU, JOHN.

PANEL 3: JOHN stares straight forward, looking very intense.

JOHN SHELLEY 1: NO. I'M NOT TURNING IT OFF. YOU CAN'T TAKE THIS FROM ME. REMEMBER WHEN WE FIRST MET? WHEN YOU WERE JUST STARTING AND YOU WERE TELLING ME ABOUT DOING THE ONE THING THAT MAKES YOU WHOLE?
I NEED THIS. YOU CAN'T TAKE IT AWAY FROM ME.

JOHN SHELLEY 2: IF YOU WANT TO TURN THE ENGINE OFF, YOU'LL HAVE TO KILL ME.

PANEL 4: Very thin panel. PANELS 4-6 should be as stack of very thin, evenly sized panels, to create a kind of intense effect. Close-up on ROLAND's eyes, staring widely.

MIRANDA ZERO: STOP BEING STUPID JOHN. JUST DO WHAT WE SAY. IF YOU'RE TRYING TO GET US TO KILL YOU THEN I'M SORRY TO SAY-

PANEL 5: The DEATH ENGINE glows even brighter and bigger.

ROLAND BOULANGER: MIRANDA-

PANEL 6: Close-up on ROLAND's eyes, squinting intently.

MIRANDA ZERO: IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE THAT WAY!-

PANEL 7: JOHN's eyes are wide and blank and his head is tossed backwards as a bullet rips into his forehead and explodes out the back.

SOUND: BOOM!!

PAGE 20

PANEL 1: About the same shot as PAGE 19, PANEL 2. MIRANDA turns back towards ROLAND in anger. He stands with the smoking gun, looking past her.

MIRANDA ZERO: BOULANGER, WHAT THE HELL-

ROLAND BOULANGER: MIRANDA-

PANEL 2: Tiny panel. Close-up on MIRANDA's eyes, wide and terrified.

PANEL 3: MIRANDA and ROLAND stand at the bottom of the panel, with JOHN slumped over on the stool between them in front of them. The ENGINE spins ever faster, and everything is cast in a white light.

PANEL 4: Same as PANEL 3, except everything has faded to an outline and JOHN can be seen falling off of his stool.

ROLAND BOULANGER: DO YOU THINK THERE'S ANY TIME LEFT TO SHUT IT OFF?

PANEL 5: The image has just about completely faded to white by now. JOHN can be faintly seen falling to the floor as MIRANDA and ROLAND shield their faces with their arms.

MIRANDA ZERO: NO.

PAGE 21

PANEL 1: The five panels on this page should get increasingly thinner as they go down the page. PANEL 1 is the DEATH ENGINE enveloped completely in white, electricity arcing from the center.

PANEL 2: The DEATH ENGINE. The light and electricity have begun to recede. Now, they onley reach the edges of the machine. As they recede inward, they are beginning to swirl around the center, like a vortex of light.

PANEL 3: The DEATH ENGINE. The light and electricity have receded closer to the center and have begun to form an even more complete vortex.

PANEL 4: The DEATH ENGINE. A blue aura hangs around the center, and two lines of light spread from each side. Think of the little blip of light when a television turns off.

PANEL 5: The DEATH ENGINE. The ENGINE is once again inanimate. Everything seems dark and still.

PAGE 22

PANEL 1: PAGE 22 is kind of a unique layout, in an attempt to break up the monatony. The panels should be layed out on top of a full-page shot of the darkly lit and inanimate DEATH ENGINE. The three panels on this page should be slanted. In PANEL 1, we have ALEPH back at GF Central Operations.

ALEPH: IT WAS DA VINCI.

PANEL 2: MIRANDA and ROLAND stand completely still, both looking tired and frustrated.

ALEPH: HE HAD NO INTEREST IN CREATING TOOLS OF DESTRUCTION. HE DREW ALL OF HIS DESIGNS WITH IMPERCEPTIBLE FLAWS, SO THAT THEY WOULD NEVER ACTUALLY WORK.

PANEL 3: JOHN's head lying on the cold warehouse floor, his eyes lifeless and a bullet-wound in his forehead. A pool of blood lies under him.

ALEPH: I GUESS NO ONE TOLD THEM...

PAGE 23

PANEL 1: Wide shot of the warehouse. To the left, a GF employee wheels out a bodybag on a stretcher. Another employee stands with a clipboard to the right. In the center of the shot, MIRANDA ZERO crouches down in a pool of blood and picks something up from the ground.

PANEL 2: MIRANDA holds the bloody object in her hand and stares at it. Her face is shrouded in bitter anger.

PANEL 3: In her hand, she holds JOHN's Global Frequency phone, covered in blood.



I have a bunch of sketches that outline how each page is actually layed out, as well as a sketch of the Death Engine, in case you have a hard time visualizing it. I'll upload them tomorrow.
 
Last edited:

Ultimate Houde

UC's Resident Genetic Recombinator
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Now, I've never read Global Frequency before, so I don't know how the story telling works in that series.

Overall, the story was good, but the ending could use some work. I felt it didn't have enough 'umph' to it. The scientist guy, John, should have stayed alive long enough for the machine to fail, and then smile, mention something about he should have known, and then blow his own brains out. Something that would stick out more I guess is what I was expecting to happen. But then again, I have no idea who the character is.

In the high speed car chase, the bullet the cleared off his fingers, really should have done more damage. Granted this is comic book world, so if a person can get blown over by a car (It's been proven scientifically that someone can't get blown over by a train at 70 mph), then the bullet thing would work. I also realize it's for the cool factor. Once again, I don't know how Global Frequency treats physics in there world.

But the story itself is a good one. And I like how you typed out how the panels would go. Good job.
 

compound

Well-Known Member
Joined
Feb 28, 2005
Messages
2,772
Location
Metro Manila, Philippines
Good, solid mix of character moments and high octane action sequences. Pacing is generally well handled, other than a few awkward moments (I suppose a lot of it will have to depend on how well they're depicted, visually). It feels convincingly like a real issue of the series, overall.

I don't know why, but I keep picturing one of the GF operatives as resembling Jason Statham.

And I guess the operatives in the car could do with a little more characterization; the usual brief hints about what their personality, and what they do in their 'civilian' lives, which can be easily conveyed via throwaway lines of dialog. Small things like that, which helps to provide a greater sense of who these "ordinary people doing extraordinary things" really are.

I haven't read the second half of the miniseries yet (Detonation Radio), but Miranda comes across as more hand on and direct in your story than she normally is. More like the version of her from the unaired TV pilot, actually, if you've seen that.

(But then again, considering it involves both a complicated doomsday MacGuffin AND a de facto "rogue agent" of GF, I think it's somewhat called for.)
 

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