M&Ms vs Darwin and Satan's Plan to Deny God

Bass

Nexus of the World
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Feb 22, 2005
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Folkestone, UK
From Craig's list...

Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.

Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.

I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.

Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.

When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."

This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.

There can be only one.
 

Ultimate Houde

UC's Resident Genetic Recombinator
Joined
Apr 14, 2005
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Houde's Chili Dog Shack
That it awesome

He makes it sound so epic

And the M&M's cannot have friends, oh they may be able to have alliances, but those will surely crack under the rules of the tournament.
 

Dancanread

Well-Known Member
Joined
May 30, 2006
Messages
1,638
HAH!!!

I'm still pissed at the addition of the blue M to the main assortment which happened i think 10 years ago, already. Doesn't fit. There is no blue food.
 

Ultimate Houde

UC's Resident Genetic Recombinator
Joined
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Bring it on Funny boy, I'll take you on, HIGHLANDER STYLE BEE-YOTCH!

What would you vote for, the reintroduction of the Brown M&M?
 
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Dancanread

Well-Known Member
Joined
May 30, 2006
Messages
1,638
Tan ones? YOU LIKED THE TAN ONES?

I use to throw those away when I was a candy hungry kid

IRRATIONAL ANGER AND RAGE!

They certainly fit in better to the Autumnal-themed palette than bright blue.

Rational calm and level-headedness.
 

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