M&Ms vs Darwin and Satan's Plan to Deny God


Nexus of the World
Feb 22, 2005
Folkestone, UK
From Craig's list...

Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.

Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.

I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.

Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.

When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."

This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.

There can be only one.
That it awesome

He makes it sound so epic

And the M&M's cannot have friends, oh they may be able to have alliances, but those will surely crack under the rules of the tournament.

I'm still pissed at the addition of the blue M to the main assortment which happened i think 10 years ago, already. Doesn't fit. There is no blue food.
Bring it on Funny boy, I'll take you on, HIGHLANDER STYLE BEE-YOTCH!

What would you vote for, the reintroduction of the Brown M&M?
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I use to throw those away when I was a candy hungry kid


They certainly fit in better to the Autumnal-themed palette than bright blue.

Rational calm and level-headedness.

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