Passages From Terrible Books

Zombipanda

My Boom-Boom's mostly gay
Joined
Jan 31, 2006
Messages
9,401
Location
Zoo Atlanta
I'll start. From Bill O'Reilly's masterpiece Those Who Trespass: A Novel of Television and Murder

First, the gripping opening.

Fine Literature said:
As Ron Castello saw it, the nighttime media party in Edgartown provided him with a wide-open window for opportunity - one he could make the most of. For he was frustrated and fed-up, and what he badly needed was the satisfy a basic human need, the need for some kind of physical release. Chasing the Clintons around the resort island of Martha's Vineyard, looking on as a cracker First Family acted out its vacation in front of millions, was not just tiring for him, but unnecessary. When a family-even the First Family- went golfing, boating, and horseback riding, it was hardly newsworthy. And Costello was, after all, the Chief White House correspondent for the Global News Network, not some travel narrator, for Christ's sake. But here he was, on a GNN assignment he hated, reporting on President Clinton and family eating barbecue.

I wish I could write like that. But there's more! LUST!

Fine Literature said:
Costello felt he had a real chance with this young woman... Surely this babe was impressed with his resume... And tonight he wanted this freelance camerawoman named Suzanne. He wanted her in a big way... His intense sexual hunger was obvious to anyone who bothered to notice.

"Wow. Check out the rack on that young woman!"
 
Holy crap. I didn't even know O'Reilly wrote a novel! :lol:

Wikipedia said:
Those Who Trespass: A Novel of Television and Murder is a 1998 novel by US television personality Bill O'Reilly. The story focuses on the revenge a television journalist exacts on network staff after disputes very similar to O'Reilly's real tensions with CBS (such as one involving Falklands War footage). The revenge takes the form of a series of graphically-described murders.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

This is hysterical. I have to read this book. I bet he uses a loofah on that "young woman".

And I think he was implying, when he said that "his intense sexual hunger was obvious", that he had a boner.
 
Holy crap. I didn't even know O'Reilly wrote a novel! :lol:



BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

This is hysterical. I have to read this book. I bet he uses a loofah on that "young woman".

And I think he was implying, when he said that "his intense sexual hunger was obvious", that he had a boner.

It features not one, but two mary sues!

and.... yeah..... obviously a boner. But in his defense, I had a boner the whole time I was reading it.
 
Last edited:
O'Reilly sure knows how to write hot, steamy, sexiness:

"Ashley was now wearing only brief white panties. She had signaled her desire by removing her shirt and skirt, and by leaning back on the couch. She closed her eyes, concentrating on nothing but Shannon's tongue and lips. He gently teased her by licking the areas around her most sensitive erogenous zone. Then he slipped her panties down her legs and, within seconds, his tongue was inside her, moving rapidly."

Mmmm, hot. And it's even hotter when you imagine Bill-O as the one with the "rapidly moving" tongue.
 
O'Reilly sure knows how to write hot, steamy, sexiness:

"Ashley was now wearing only brief white panties. She had signaled her desire by removing her shirt and skirt, and by leaning back on the couch. She closed her eyes, concentrating on nothing but Shannon's tongue and lips. He gently teased her by licking the areas around her most sensitive erogenous zone. Then he slipped her panties down her legs and, within seconds, his tongue was inside her, moving rapidly."

Mmmm, hot. And it's even hotter when you imagine Bill-O as the one with the "rapidly moving" tongue.


....



I don't want sex...ever...again...



and I think that snippet gave me cancer too.
 
Apparently, there's an audio version. Imagine him reading that passage.

I want to ask O'Reilly if he moves his tongue rapidly when he eats falafel.
 
....



I don't want sex...ever...again...



and I think that snippet gave me cancer too.

It gave you sex cancer.

Bill O'Reilly willed a new kind of cancer into being.

moonmaster said:
Apparently, there's an audio version. Imagine him reading that passage.

I want to ask O'Reilly if he moves his tongue rapidly when he eats falafel.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
 
Last edited:
O'Reilly sure knows how to write hot, steamy, sexiness:

"Ashley was now wearing only brief white panties. She had signaled her desire by removing her shirt and skirt, and by leaning back on the couch. She closed her eyes, concentrating on nothing but Shannon's tongue and lips. He gently teased her by licking the areas around her most sensitive erogenous zone. Then he slipped her panties down her legs and, within seconds, his tongue was inside her, moving rapidly."

Mmmm, hot. And it's even hotter when you imagine Bill-O as the one with the "rapidly moving" tongue.

:lol::lol::lol::lol:
 
I don't know why I read that. I knew it was going to be horrifying....god...
 

Latest posts

Back
Top