Rain [Ultimate Spider-Man Story]

Gamma Man

Well-Known Member
Note: This is NOT the whole story, so please don't comment on how short it is. This isn't like my others. I intend on completing it. Please do not delete.

(All Event taken place here are shortly after the Ultimate Clone Trilogy.


Chapter 1


The rain.

It always seems to be pouring down on me.

No matter what I do.

It always ends up back with the rain.


Cra-Boom.

The skys lit up with lightning as the man struggled to get back up to his feet. His uniform was in shards. His mask ripped apart like it was yesterday's thrash. The face of a young boy attached to the suit of a hero.

17 year old Peter Parker lay on a New York Harbor, bleeding from his head, to his toes. The rain beat down upon him much like his opponet. He no longer knew if the crushing sound was the wood from under the shear weight of the metallic claws, or if it was his bones.

If only she stayed.

I wouldn't be here.

I would never be here.



Yesterday

It was a subtle day in a small Queens neighborhood as Peter Parker awoke to the smell of eggs and the sound of sizzling bacon.

He walked into the kitchen in a pair of boxers and a white t-shirt. He saw his elderly Aunt May putting two plates full of eggs and bacon down on the table.

Sitting, he smiled at his Aunt.

May: Morning Peter, how did you sleep?
Peter: Mornin' Aunt May. I slept pretty good. Little tired.
May: Long night..?
Peter: You can say that..I spent alot of time at the library.

Peter was lieing. May knew he was lieing. Peter was actually a hero. The infamous Spider-Man. In order to make her feel better, he would always make up a lie.

May: So, do you have any plans for today?
Peter: Well I was going to pa--I mean go to the library. Then with MJ.
May: Oh, well have fun Peter. Make sure not to get hurt on pa--I mean on the way to the library.

Peter smirked at his aunt. It was a little odd having to lie when she knew the truth. He finished off his breakfast, got up, pecked his Aunt on the cheek, and went in his room.

He put on a pair of lightblue jeans and a long sleeved green shirt. It dosen't matter what's on top, though. It matter about the red and blue uniform underneath it.

Peter grabbed a bus to downtown Queens. He looked around him, knowing that today should be a slowday. Everyday was a slow day after the incident..it also rained everday. 3 weeks of rain. Today was no different as the rain started hitting Peter's window..


The Triskleion
Ultimates HQ
Sub Basment 13


The roof was leaking as a man sat in a chair in front of a metal table. He was getting quite annoyed. Everytime the water would come down, it would hit him in the cut above his eye. The man had been held captive here for more than 3 weeks. He was sick of it.

???: One little Genetic Outbusrt and I get punsished!? THIS IS UNLAWFUL!

The man sat there, feeling sorry for himself. As he did, a light burst through, blinding him.

???: Damn it Fury! Shut the door!
Fury: Sorrry Octavious, the light hurting your eyes?

General Nick Fury stood in the door way with a sarcastic grin on his face. His non-sympathetic tone ran through the ears of Doctor Otto Ocatvious.

Three Weesk ago, Octavious made 4 genetic clones of Teenager Peter Parker. Three clones were killed, and one escaped. His little mutations made everyone go crazy.

Octavious: Oh please, dear Blind Justice, what is my punishment?

Fury crossed his arms and gave him a cross look. He walked to the table, putting his hamds down on it, leading in close.

Fury: You make one more f$*%*#ing joke about my eye, i'll make sure your sorry excuse for a scientific backhind never sees outside the walls of this building. Hear me?
Octavious: Loud and clear, Skipper. Want me to go get some cocanuts, too?
Fury: Im glad your having fun Otto, but I swear to god, there is no way Im ever going to let you back on the str--

As Fury was talking, another burst of light came through, two sets of feet walking in.

When the door was close, Fury saw a man and a woman. Both were wearing suits.

The man was tall, with jet black hair. His dark glasses hid his eyes as he smirked. The woman had shoulder length blonde hair, wearing no glasses. Fury was irritated. He never let anyone storm in on him and a convict.

Fury: WHO THE HELL ARE YOU!? AND HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET IN HERE!?!

The man kept the smirk on his face, putting his hand inside his coat. he pulled out a badge. The badge was marked with a strange header, that said "E.T.", and his name was clearly stated as Mark Andrews.

Andrews: I'm Mark Andrews, and this is my partner, Samantha Cleary. We're here from E.T. Knowing you Fury, you've heard about us, correct?
Fury: No, I haven't. I don't care. If you have a problem, get upstairs, I'll be up in a bit. This is an enclosed convict analysis!
Andrews: Gets a bigger smirk Well, if you haven't heard, we're from Evading Terrorism. The country beilives that Mr. Otto Octavious is an immideiate terroristic threat, and he needs to come with us right away.

Both Octavious and Fury looked at each other, then at Andrews.

Ocatvaious & Fury: Bull.
Andrews: No, it's true.
Fury: First off, Andrews, there is no "E.T." We've been fighting terrorism. Not some bull orginization.

Andrews got a cross look, and took off his glasses. He stepped closer to Fury and spoke in an irritated voice.

Andrews: Listen here, Fury, while your men fight the bad guys, we find and eliminate them. Your orginization is bull. We're the real deal. Let us talk to Octavious, or I have a talk with my uncle. You might know him. Does the word "President" mean anything?

Fury scowled. He looked at Cleary, then Andrews, then Octavious. He threw his hands in the air, and then stomped out of the room.

Andrews laughed a little, then rested his hands on the table. He leaned in close.

Andrews: Mr. Octavious..how would you like to be a free man..?
 
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Zombipanda

My Boom-Boom's mostly gay
Quick question before I make comments.

Is this intended to be a short story or a comic script?
 

Gemini

Well-Known Member
I meant this guy

Mka_rain.png


not really I was refering to the ongoing fued between Korean pop-sensation Rain, and TV Pundit Stephen Colbert
 

Gamma Man

Well-Known Member
Chapter 2

Octavius pondered for a moment, looking at the man in the suit. He looked up at the leak in the ceiling and winced as it hit his eye.

Octavius: Wish I could stop that damned dripping..

Andrews just smiled and nodded at Cleary. She went out for a moment, then returning with a suitcase. She placed it on the table.

Andrews: You can. Give it a little power of thought.

Otto gave him a weird stare. He just shrugged as he looked up at the ceiling. He thought about it. The leak. How it bothered him. He then thought on how it was mainly just a small interference. He then thought about how much it angered him. In his head, he heard voices.

Voice: We can do it. We can defeat it.
Octavius: How the bloody hell are you in my head?! Who are you!?
Voice: SHUSH! Slave! We will destroy this. Give us the command!
Octavius: OH BLOODY HELL! FINE! KILL THE DAMNED THING!

With that, the table shook. The two agents backed away. Andrews looked at the ceiling, smirking. All of a sudden the suitcase burst open, a metal claw hitting the leak. Otto was shocked for a moment. then smirked.

Octavius: What's the deal?
Andrews: Get us our real target. Spider-Man.


Downtown Queens
Third Street Bus Stop


Peter got off of the bus, the rain hitting him hard. He just sighed as he ran into the nearest alley. He looked around, then ripped off his shirt and pants. He bent down, taking a mask out of his pocket. He then put the clothes in a hidden place, putting on the mask.

He climbed the nearest building, using his super sensitive fingers. Peter first took the role of Spider-Man when a school trip took a fateful turn. A radioactive spider from Os-Corp had bitten Peter. After that, he started to be able to climb walls, had super strength, and a "spider sense." He could also swing from a web, which he had to make organically.

As Peter swung through the city, he looked around, thinking.

Nothing, of course. When is there? I'll tell you when, never. Damn it..why did Jessica have to leave..


Undisclosed Suburban Georgia Neighborhood

The children were playing. Mothers were cooking. Fathers were working. Life was as simple as pie in the little humble town.

Whenever anyone knew came, they were always welcoming. They didn't care who they were. They just loved to meet new people.

Three weeks earlier, a distressed girl rang the doorbell of elderly Dawn Mason. She had ripped clothes, a bloody mouth, and tearful eyes.

Dawn didn't ask. All she did was ask of the girl's name.

Dawn: My dear! Are you okay!? What has happened!? Who are you!?
Girl: My name is...Jessica, ma'am. Jessica Drew.
Dawn: Come in child! Come in!


Every since that fateful day three weeks ago, Dawn had sort of adopted Jessica. The 17 year old girl was scared, confused, lost.

She smiled as she watched Jessica out her window. Jessica had decided to go play with the local kids at the park. Dawn loved watching them.

Cruuuuunnnnccchhh.

As Dawn heard the noise, she turned around. The next thing she knew, a metal claw was attacking her.

Three Hours Later.

Jessica had just gotten back. She opened the door to Dawn's home. She looked around. Everything was perfect. Too perfect.

Jessica: Dawn!?
Octavius: (Using a poor disguised voice.) In here, deary.

Jessica raised a brow. She followed the voice into the living room. As she entered, she gasped.

Octavius: Oh Jessica, Daddy's home.

The fight went on for ten minutes, until she was hit in the back off the head. Octavius grabbed her, leaving Dawn behind, bleeding. He put Jessica in a car and drove off. Ever since then..it hadn't stopped raining in the little town..

Food court
Queens Mall
Midday


Peter was late. He was quite late. He walked in the food court, seeing the red headed Mary Jane. He smiled guiltily as he sat down across from her at the table.

Peter: I'm--
Mary Jane: Stop. It's ok.
Peter: I guess you're used to it...huh?

Mary Jane just smiled a little. She put her hand on the table. He put his hand on hers. As they leaned in, a huge crash came through the wall of the mall. Next thing they knew people were screaming.

Peter looked around. A huge whole was in the wall. He couldn't believe it. He ran to the gapping hole. As he did, he saw a peice of metal, sticking up out of the ground, like a claw.

Peter: No wa--Mary Jane..did it stop raining?
Mary Jane: Peter! What's..ya, why..?

Peter stepped outside the hole and looked up. All the rain was gone. He couldn't believe it.
 

Zombipanda

My Boom-Boom's mostly gay
Okay, I really can't get together the will to give this a full criticism, but I'll make three points.

One. Please, please, please run a spell check.

Two. Keep in mind what the strengths of prose storytelling are. With sequential art or cinema, the objective is to describe the scene in the most concise way possible and let the artist paint the scene. With short stories and novels, your palette is your words. The intent isn't to tell the reader what's happening. It's to paint them a portrait of what's happening, carefully choosing the best words to do this. This story feels too much like you're telling the reader what's happening rather than showing them.

Three. I can't figure out what the impetus for the story is. What is it about the story that makes you feel that it demands telling?

(and bonus suggestion) Four. You're a little heavy handed with the whole "rain" thing.
 
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Gamma Man

Well-Known Member
One. Please, please, please run a spell check.

Ok, reasonable.

Two. Keep in mind what the strengths of prose storytelling are. With sequential art or cinema, the objective is to describe the scene in the most concise way possible and let the artist paint the scene. With short stories and novels, your palette is your words. The intent isn't to tell the reader what's happening. It's to paint them a portrait of what's happening, carefully choosing the best words to do this. This story feels too much like you're telling the reader what's happening rather than showing them.

Good suggestion..ill keep that in mind.

Two. Keep in mind what the strengths of prose storytelling are. With sequential art or cinema, the objective is to describe the scene in the most concise way possible and let the artist paint the scene. With short stories and novels, your palette is your words. The intent isn't to tell the reader what's happening. It's to paint them a portrait of what's happening, carefully choosing the best words to do this. This story feels too much like you're telling the reader what's happening rather than showing them.

Three. I can't figure out what the impetus for the story is. What is it about the story that makes you feel that it demands telling?

Its right after the clone incident. It's meant to show how Peter felt, how people are not who they seem, and how a simple little thing can affect it all.

(and bonus suggestion) Four. You're a little heavy handed with the whole "rain" thing.

I don't mean to be. The rain is mainly suppose to show the affect the last clone has on Peter and the surrounding environment.
 

Gamma Man

Well-Known Member
-_- No time to really finish it up soon, give me about two weeks.
I sort of forgot I had to finish it, I've been bombarded at work >.<
 

Gamma Man

Well-Known Member
I have been very busy latley, sorry guys.

Here a wrap up of the story:

Doc Oc uses Jessica as bait to lure Peter in. When Jessica finally tells Pete what is going on, Oc stages a fake kidnapping of Jess. As SPider-Man fights Oc, it rains heavily. At the end, Jess And Pete defeat Oc, killing both Jess and Oc. After that, the sun always shines.

Really sorry.
There has just been no time these days.

-Gamma
 

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