Scientifically Doomed

A TV screen turns on the middle of the night. A person, with a child like mind, stares at the flickering TV. The door begins to shake.

He turns towards the camera, revealing the face of McCheese, eating a bowl of cereal.

McCheese: They're back....

The door busts open, showing Houde and Doom, staring down at McCheese.

Houde: Bastard changed the locks again.
Doom: Someone is going to have to pay for this.
McCheese: NOT IT!
Houde: That doesn't work in real...
Doom: Not it.
Houde: Wait..what?
Doom: Looks like you are the one who has to pay.
Houde: Are you serious? I got us back into our apartment.
McCheese: Rules are rules.

Seconds Later

Houde is hanging from his ankles out the window.

Houde: DAMN YOU MCCHEESE!

Annoucer: A new episode of How I Met Joe Kalicki, I mean, Better off Cheese, I mean Scientifically Doomed is coming.

The camera cuts to black, a light is turned on, and standing there is someone in a red trenchcoat.

Random: Yo.

Annoucer: Be there next week!
 
SceintificallyDoomed.jpg

Scientifically Doomed
Season 2​
The Convention​

McCheese rolled over on Houde and Doom's couch, snoring blissfully, unawares of what is going to happen to him.

In about two hours.

Meanwhile at a hotel room in Charlotte.

Doom: What the hell is this ****? Five dollars to take a piss!
Houde: What?
Doom: The toilet, I needed to feed it a five dollar bill to use it.
Houde: Oh, yeah, I noticed they had all these hidden fees. If you give me five minutes, I can make a teleporter to take care of that stuff.
Doom: No worries.
Houde: No worries? You actually paid the money?
Doom: No.

Houde pauses.

Houde: I think we should go complain to Management that someone let a homeless person in here.
Doom: Just what I was thinking.

The two of them exit the hotel room, and go to the lobby. As they head towards the front desk, they see a bunch of people at the bar.

Doom: Oh my god, is that…Bendis?

Houde turns to look a guy, whose average height and has blond hair. He is wearing a Superman shirt with the logo on fire, and red coat.

Houde: By the Great Forces of Newton! No.
Doom: What?
Houde: It isn't Bendis, first off he ain't short, he ain't fat, and he doesn't have an iPOD in his ear blaring Jon Bon Jovi tunes while he powerwalks.
Doom: He may be Jewish though.
Houde: Well, he has his pants on, so I can't tell. Excuse me Miss, there seems..

Doom pulls him away from the counter..
Doom: The free…I mean homeless person can wait. We need to verify if this is Bendis.
Houde: Why do I take you out of the house?
Doom: I make things interesting.
Houde: The last time you made things interesting, I lost all of my Christmas decorations.
Doom: And your presents. Come on, back to the room so we can get into a disguise.
Houde: The room with the homeless person in it, no thanks.

Houde walks back up to the counter.

Houde: Excuse me Miss, there seems to be a homeless person in my room, and he had fun in the bathroom.
Hotel Clerk: That's nice; I guess you are having three people in your room now?
Houde: No, I want another room.
Hotel Clerk: I have to charge you a fee for having a third person in your room sir.
Houde: See this obviously insane man behind me.

The Hotel Clerk and Houde both turn to see Doom, hiding behind a couch, and looking at the man at the bar intently with binoculars, who is only four feet away and looking back at Doom with fear in his eyes.

Houde: And that's what he does to people he likes.
Hotel Clerk: Your new room is located in 456, enjoy the room.
Houde: Thanks very much, Doom, Roll out!

The duo go up to their new room.

--

*Knock knock*

The hammering sounds of fists slamming on the door finally awoke the sleepy McCheese, whose response was.

McCheese: Fluaszxxa ahd apen he doorth.

BAM! BAM! BAM!

McCheese: HOUDE! OPEN THE DOOR!

Ever since the week in the torture room, McCheese knew distinctly not to yell for Doom to open the door.

But Houde didn't open the door.

BAM BAM BAM

McCheese gets up and looks at the door oddly. He knocks back.

Muffled Voice 1: OPEN THE DOOR!

Doors never yelled at McCheese before, he screamed.

McCheese: THIS APARTMENT IS POSSESSED!
Muffled Voice 2: Oh great, it's the freeloader. Open the door McCheese.
McCheese: The talking door is a ventriloquist! I HATE HACKS!
Muffled Voice 1: This guy for real?
Muffled Voice 2: This coming from someone who spent all day punching people who used the word, "Chowder."
Muffled Voice 1: Perfectly reasonable.
McCheese: I agree with the male voice.
Muffled Voice 2: Don't give him props, he doesn't need it. McCheese, I want you to turn the door handle.
McCheese: Why would I want to do that?
Muffled Voice 1: Did he say Chowder? If he did, I'm punching him.
Muffled Voice 2: He didn't even say a word that began with a 'C'.
Muffled Voice 1: Ah…okay. OPEN THIS DOOR OR I'M GOING TO MAKE YOU SAY CHOWDER SO I CAN PUNCH YOU!

McCheese hurriedly ran behind the couch, and hid there.

Muffled Voice 2: Dammit it Wade, I think you scared him.
Wade Wilson: So Twi, if he doesn't open the door, it means we can make out, right?
TwilightEL: Let's complain about Jeph Loeb instead.
Wade Wilson: You say the sexiest things.

Back In Charlotte

Houde: NO!
Doom: We are at a Convention, we are going to dress up and impress Millar!
Houde: Who?
Doom: I determined the guy in the lobby was Millar. Since he wasn't short, bald, and I was having trouble to determine whether or not he was Jewish.
Houde: ….Okay, but if he was Millar, where was his drink.
Doom: Scientist says what now?
Houde: Millar is a lush, he'd have a drink on him, the guy in the lobby had no drink. AND HE WASN'T SCOTTISH!
Doom: So?
Houde: I'm going to con, and not dressing up as anything.
Doom: Yes you are. Here, how about this costume.
Houde: I am not being Mrs King from the Scarecrow and Mrs. King.
Doom: This one?
Houde: Murder She Wrote? Who knew she had a fake mustache…
Doom: This one?
Houde: I told you before, I will never dress up as Clair Huxtable.
Doom: Fine, this one.
Houde: NO! I am not going to put on an entire car costume and pretend to be Kitt! How did you pack all these costumes!
Doom: You are going to wear a costume!
Houde: NO I AM NOT! Let's get out of here.
Doom: Breath deeply.

Houde turns around to see Doom throwing a gas ball into the ground. Gas spews out of it, covering the entire room.

Houde: I'm….

He passes out. Doom emerges from the gas cloud wearing a gas mask.

Doom: I didn't want to have to do this to you.

Meanwhile, back at the apartment

McCheese was wearing a strainer on his head, and holding a rubber spatula in one hand, a throw pillow in another, and staring at the door from behind the couch.

McCheese: Door? Are you done talking?

There was no response from the door.

McCheese: Door? Hello?

Across the hall

Twilight and Wade knocked on the door opposite from Houde and Doom's apartment.

Wade: Why don't you have keys to your brother's place?
Twilight: Cause, he told me it was for my own safety. Some of those science experiments in there he said could kill me.
Wade: They let a bum like McCheese in that place?
Twilight: It's how he tests them out.

The door opens to reveal a Hispanic woman, or maybe a man, it was hard to tell. They were wearing a house robe, and had a mudmask on their face.

Hispanic Person: Yes? What do you want?
Twilight: Hi, I'm Nathan's sister, I was wondering if you had a spare key to his apartment.
Hispanic Person: OH! I've heard so much about you! My name is Hibiki! I'm just getting ready for work!
Wade: Where, as a woman in waiting at the jail?

Wade got an elbow under the ribs for his comment.

Hibiki: I'll ignore that for now, and yes, I do have a key, hold on a second.
She disappears for a moment.

Wade: Am I the only one who suspects she is not a she?
Twilight: Shut up.

Hibiki comes back holding the key, and hands it to Twilight.

Hibiki: We really must talk some time. Just come on by and knock at the door. Later chica!

She shuts the door.

Twilight: That was interesting, come on, let's finally get inside.
Wade: Finally!

They put the key in the door, and open it. McCheese is staring at them wide eyed.

McCheese: THE DOOR HAS A BOMB! GET AWAY FROM IT!

Wade runs and jumps behind the couch with McCheese. Twilight calmly looks the door and shakes her head.

Twilight: It's just the door knob. McCheese, why haven't you opened the Shack yet?
McCheese: I don't open the Shack, Houde and Doom do. I just tend to the Chili Dogs.
Twilight: Think really hard about last night and the directions Houde gave you.
McCheese: Um…..all I remember about last night was a dream between me, Kim Fields and Mona.

Twilight and Wade both pause.

Wade: What the hell is with all these 80 references!
Twilight: Houde and Doom went on a quick vacation. They'll be back on Monday, you need to run the store during this time.
McCheese: I can't do that! There's no way I can run a store and spit in every fourth chili dog!
Twilight: Which is why I'm here. Let's go.

As they went to leave, McCheese stopped.

McCheese: Hey guys, did you know the Door does a great impression of your voices?
Wade: At one point, please say Chowder.

At the convention again

Houde woke up slowly. His head felt all weird, and man, it was hot, and he was sweating, and why was light only coming in through two eyes holes….

Houde: YOU BASTARD! What the hell type of costume did you put me in!
Doom: Be quiet.
Houde: Why do I have to be quiet?
Doom: Cause, you don't speak. Well, you do, but you just make animal noises.
Houde: Tell me what I am.
Doom: No
Houde: Tell me where I am.
Doom: You are in line for a Comic Con ticket. Warren Ellis just walked past.
Houde: Let me guess, he was wearing a red trenchcoat, and a flaming Superman shirt?
Doom: How did you know?
Houde: CAUSE THAT'S NOT WARREN ELLIS? WAS HE DRINKING RED BULL, CHAIN SMOKING, AND TALKING ABOUT REPTILE SEX!
Doom: Um…no? Doom is intrigued by the last one.
Houde: WHAT THE HECK AM I!!!!
Doom: Shush, Tauntaun's don't speak.

A pause.

Houde: Where are you?
Doom: On your back, Luke rode one afterall. Near the end of the Con, I'm going to cut you open and sleep inside of you.
Houde: Enough of this crap!

Houde thrashed, throwing Doom off of him, and ripped the costume off. He was still wearing his scientist get up underneath.

Doom: So violent.

He turned and spotted the individual that Doom kept thinking was a comic book creator.

Houde: Come on.

Houde dragged Doom up the guy.

Houde: Hi, I'm Houde, and he's Doom, and he keeps thinking you are someone else.
Guy: He was following me around the parking lot last night.
Doom: I love you Joey Q.
Guy: Um, I'm not Joey Q cause I don't have greasy palms, and stop grabbing my ***, no matter how good it feels.
Doom: Oh
Houde: Who are you really?
Guy: Call me Random, I make flash car…
Houde: SEE! I told you he was nobody.
Random: Hey!
Doom: Fine, let's get out of here, there's nothing here I want anymore.

A girl walks by, dressed in a Baroness costume.

Doom: On second thought…

Ending Credit Scene

McCheese, Twilight and Wade are standing in front of the Shack. Its night time and it's still closed.

Twilight: Um, McCheese? Where's the key for the shack?
McCheese: I swallowed it when the Door talked to me.
Wade: The new word I hate is Door.
McCheese: Yeah, Door's a dick.

Wade punches out McCheese.

Wade: Well, today was a wash.
Twilight: Yup, usual is when I deal with stuff my brother leaves me at last minute.
Wade: You wanna go complain about Ultimate X-men?
Twilight: You do know how to show a girl a good time.

They walk off hand in hand.

Next Week's episodes title
Doopleganger!
 
Whistling to himself, Houde finished cleaning the bar, and looked around. Doom was sitting innocently as Doom could, hitting on a girl, McCheese was doing what McCheese did best, making chili dogs, and customers were happily eating some Chili dogs.

Houde: Today is a good day.

Various costumers smiled at him, while eating their food. He began to tap his foot in a beat.

Houde: Chili dog, chili dog, oh chili chili chili, Chili dog.

Doom raised an eyebrow looking at Houde. He gets up from his table.

Doom: One moment Suzy.
Girl: It's Lucy.
Doom: Sure Stacy.

He walks over to a box, that has written on it In case of spontaneous musical, and opens it up, taking out a hammer. By this point in time, Houde has jumped up on top of the counter, and was tapping out a beat with both feet, while singing at the top of his voice.

Houde: Chili Dog Chili Dog, oh chili chili chili, Chili Dog!

BAM!

Houde crumbles, as Doom stands on the bar behind him holding the hammer. Houde manages to look up at Doom.

Houde: Was I breaking out in musical again?
Doom: Yup.
Houde: Thanks for the save.
Doom: No problem.

Houde passes out, the customers look at Doom.

Doom: Don't look at me.

The customers look away from Doom.

Doom: Except for you, you can look at me.

Lucy looks back at Doom.

Doom: Oh yeah, time to make my own musical.

SceintificallyDoomed.jpg

Scientifically Doomed
Season 2​
Doppelganger​

Houde's Chili Dog Shack was never really busy around the 2o'clock hour, people weren't looking for lunch anymore, and the after school crowd hadn't really shown up yet. McCheese, Houde and Doom usually filled up this downtime with some gentlemanly betting.

On how many people Joe Kalicki tried to get kicked out of the strip mall using extreme force.

Houde: Um guys, where's is Kalicki today? His booth is empty.
Doom: yeah…he undercover again?

Ever since Doom taught Kalicki how to go undercover, Joe would use it from time to time to bust people jaywalking through the parking lot. The point is though, Joe wouldn't dress up as a human, and he would dress up as a Squirrel or Raccoon, once a Mountain Lion. It was strange that he was more effective in these disguises than when he was in his security uniform.

McCheese: I don't see any oversized animals.
Doom: Did we check for platypus? He did do that one-day.
Houde: Someone should walk out there.
Doom: Yeah, someone should.
McCheese: Not it.
Doom: Not it.
Houde: OH COME ON! Why do we play his stupid game? I hate you two!

Houde left the picnic table, and walked back into the Shack.

McCheese: Fine, I'll go.
Doom: Wait for it.

Ten seconds later, Houde steps out of the Shack, mumbling about stupid idiotic games, and the stupid rules they inflict on people and walks into the middle of the parking lot. He cringes there for two seconds before looking around.

Houde: I don't see him or humorously large animals anywhere around here.
Doom: Nothing?
Houde: Nothing.

Houde walks back over to the picnic table and sits down. Looks around curiously.

Houde You think he has the day off?
McCheese: Maybe he's taking a nap?
Doom: No, something sinister is going on, I feel it.
Houde: You did just have a Thrice Deadly Pepper and Cheese Chili Dog.
Doom: Point.
McCheese: Speaking of naps.
Houde: Take ten.
McCheese: YEAH!

Houde settled into the picnic table.

Houde: I take it you are going to try to find Joe?
Doom: Yup, before chaos runs wild in this parking lot.

The parking lot was quite clear this time of day, only a few cars, and nothing else.

Doom: What's your plans?
Houde: Hopefully a quiet day dealing with customers, some robot repairs, work more on my device that will fix the ozone layer, and get to bed early.

Next door at Planet-Man's Authentic Chicken hut, the owner, Planet-Man, stepped out, and waved at the two of them.

Planet-Man: Howdy neighbors.

Doom and Houde waved back.

Houde: New plan.
Doom: New plan?
Houde: Gonna make him cry.
Doom: Looks like I'm rubbing off on you already.

Houde and Doom's apartment

Doom rushed into the apartment.

Doom: Okay. I need a plan.

Joe Kalicki casually walks out of the bathroom, wearing the same clothes as Doom.

Joe Kalicki: Yes we do.
Doom: So, I think he's obviously spending more time at the cell phone store, probably trying to get with that chick who likes to text a lot.
Joe Kalicki: That would be something Kalicki would do. So let's talk about disguises.
Doom: Good job white me. I think you should go as Tom Hanson, and I'll go as Captain Fuller.
Joe Kalicki: Whoa, why you making the black guy go as the white guy? I think I should go as Captain Fuller. Plus, I already got a mighty mustache in my costume suitcase..
Doom: Seriously?

Doom pauses as he looks over Joe Kalicki.

Doom: I'm all for the military pants and whatnot, but what the hell you doing in here?
Joe Kalicki: I live here, what the hell you doing here?
Doom: This is interesting.
Joe Kalicki: I have a couple girls coming over in about ten. They should be arriving at different intervals, but they should overlap every ten minutes. If they shoiw up toio early, mind stalling them?
Doom: Oh hells no.
Joe Kalicki: What? I'll wash the sheets and the ceiling afterwards.
Doom: You are pretending to be me. I think I read about this somewhere.
Joe Kalicki: Whatever, I'm going to go get ready. I need to put on three or four pairs of socks first.
Doom: It's a major thing in the army, if people stay undercover for too long, they begin to believe they are actually that person.

Joe Kalicki turns his back on Doom.

Doom: Knockout punch.

He punches, Kalicki catches the punch, and hip throws Doom over the couch.

Joe Kalicki: Remember, keep the girls coming every ten minutes. Later rookie.
Doom: Oh no he didn't.

Sometime later

It was dinner time, and business was picking up, which made it the perfect time to strike. Houde was talking to McCheese while he was working.

Houde: So, using the phasic stimulus of the lights within the Shack, I can make everyone hate the Hut to the point where they will actually tell other people they hate it.
McCheese: Beans, Pickles, French Fries, Spicy Chili, Hot dog, bun, ORDER UP!

One of the robotic waiters came by and picked up the Chili Dog, Houde continued talking to McCheese.

Houde: The sub harmonics of these lights are not even my forte, I can't believe I actually figured this out in less than three hours.
McCheese: Onions, Anise, Scallions, Okra, Beans, Tofu Chili, Veggie Dog, ORDER UP!
Houde: Are you even listening to me McCheese?
McCheese: Too busy building Chili Dogs. Don't care about your revenge.
Houde: Fine McCheese, be prepared to be dazzled!

Houde hit a button on the machine, causing the lights inside the Chili dog shack to flash in hypnotic colors.

Houde: SCIENCE!

Suddenly all the customers stopped eating and stood up at once, they all proceeded to walk out through the doors.

Houde: McCheese it's working!
McCheese: You sure boss? They seem to be going into the Chicken Hut.
Houde: Yes, burn it down!
McCheese: Um, they seem to be buying stuff.
Houde: To use it to vandalize the building?
McCheese: No…to eat.
Houde: NOOOO!

Back at the apartment

Doom sat on the couch, thinking this through outloud.

Doom: Okay, so I need to figure this out, how can I beat me? I mean, the only way someone could actually beat me is if they are me, so I must be the best way for anyone to beat me. Right? Right, I just need to outthink myself.
Joe Kalicki: Doom! Where's my women!
Doom: Wait, he's still in fledging mode. He can't handle the full Doom, not yet, I need to get him back to the parking lot somehow. Full on attack tactics won't work, no, something, more subtle will be needed. Which means I need a woman.

Doom eyed his costume case.

Doom: That be weird, no, I need another woman's touch here. There's not many I can choose from in short notice. Can't use Houde's sister, she really isn't that good at seducing, too absorbed in the latest books that one. I promised myself I wouldn't talk to one of these since that incident in Aruba, but the world can't handle two Dooms.

Doom opened the apartment door and knocked on the door on the other side.

Hibiki: One moment!

She opened the door. This late in the day Hibiki wasn't wearing a bath robe and wearing curlers in her hair, but she was now covered in makeup, eyeshadow, and shiny objects.

Hibiki: Oh, the scientist's roommate. Hello Papi, need something?
Doom: I need help.
Hibiki: Well, I charge ten dollars for that type of help darling.
Doom: Oh?
Hibiki: And I need to use your tools, mine cost extra..
Doom: Tools? Like a cup or something?
Hibiki: I'm a plumber papi, you didn't know that?

Doom, whose mind was going in various radical directions, was still spiraling that way, and automatically responded with.

Doom: Butterdog?
Hibiki: What now?
Doom: Nothing nothing, sorry, spaced out for a second there. I need you to seduce my friend to follow us to my place of business so he can get back to work.
Hibiki: Oh that type of help.
Doom: Yes.
Hibiki: Deal papi.
Doom: Stop calling me papi please.
Hibiki: Why?
Doom: You don't want to know.

Houde's Chili Dog Shack minimall's parking lot

People were spilling out of the Chicken Hut and into the parking lot. Houde and McCheese were joined by Planet-Man and Gothamite.

Houde: What have I done?
Gothamite: Looks like you subconsciously made them want our chicken. Just couldn't make it fast enough, so now they are rioting.
McCheese: Hey boss? Can I take a nap?
Houde: Not until we calm the horde.
Planet-Man: Guys, seriously, we need to stop them. They could hurt themselves.
Houde: I turned it off, but it doesn't stop them wanting your chicken burgers. If only we could do something, but they also tore the power lines out of the wall. So I can't reprogram them.
Planet-Man: I can't believe you wanted to ruin my business!
Houde: Oh get over yourself. I just hate Canadians.
Planet-Man: We've never done anything to you.
Houde: Yes you have.
McCheese: First, you are Canadian, that right there is pretty bad.
Houde: And you lied when you first made a business on this spot.

Over the roar, Houde heard Doom call out.

Doom: HOUDE!
Houde: Doom? Where you been?
Doom: Finding Joe Kalicki.
Houde: Where was he?
Doom: In our apartment.
Houde: Okay, seriously? How do these people keep getting in there?
Doom: Don't wonder about that now, what's going on here?
Planet-Man: He tried to hypnotize the people in the minimall to despise my food, it just backfired.
Gothamite: He used the wrong light frequency.
Doom: Like the plan though Houde.
Houde: Backfired, but now that Kalicki's here, we can start to clean up the mess.
Doom: Small problem.

Joe Kalicki, being led by Hibiki, wading through the crowd.

Joe Kalicki: Wow, what's going on here.
Hibiki: I got him here, but he's not reverting back to normal.
Houde: Why is he wearing your clothes?
Doom: He tried to disguise himself as me, and lost himself in the pleasure of being Doom. So I had to use Hibiki here to bring him back to the parking lot. I had hoped his presence in here would be enough. Guess I was wrong.
Gothamite: Oh, you probably need to trigger an episode that's ingrained in his head to break him out of his own personal hypnosis.
Houde: What the hell?
GothamiteL Oh, and Not it!
McCheese, Doom, Hibiki, and Planet-man: Not it!

Houde pauses.

Houde: I hate you all.

He proceeds to jaywalk across the parking lot.

Houde: Oh lordy, look at me, look at me jaywalking. Oh lordy lordy lordy. It's so much fun.

Joe Kalicki pauses as he looks at Houde. Muscles in his face start to twitch.

Doom: Five bucks on him knocking Houde into the Van.
McCheese: Ten on him knocking Houde out into the street.
Doom: Deal.

Joe Kalicki's brow starts to sweat, his hands clench and unclench, until finally he screams.

Joe Kalicki: GO GO KALICKI!

He dive tackles Houde straight into the van.

Doom: Five bucks.
McCheese: Damn it!
Houde: Owie…
Joe Kalicki: I'm back baby!

He looks over at the rioting mob.

Joe Kalicki: Time to restore law and order, and it looks like we are all out of order!

He charges straight into the crowd.

Doom: Ah, a job well done.
Hibiki: Oh, my fee?
Doom: Houde has the money, once he wakes up.

Ending Credits

It's the next morning in the Chili Dog Shack.

Houde is holding an ice pack on his head, while McCheese is making chili dogs. Doom is in the background, picking his fingernails with a knife. Joe Kalicki walks in, with a smile on his face.

Doom: Good work last night Joe.
Joe Kalicki: Thanks, oh and thanks you got me out of that jam I was in.
Doom: Feeling better?
Joe Kalicki: Kinda, but I still have an urge to punch people.
Doom: Take a while for that to go away.
McCheese: Eggs, hash browns, ham, bacon, chili, dog, bun, ORDER UP!

Joe Kalicki punches out the robot waiter, and grabs his chili dog.

Joe Kalicki: It's good to be back.
 
Late one night, in Houde and Doom's apartment

Doom and McCheese were watching Doom's favorite show on television, Opening up a Huge Can of Awesome, in People's faces.

McCheese: So this entire show is about opening cans of various smells in people's faces, and the last one to puke wins?
Doom: Cheese, be quiet don't want to disturb my
McCheese: No, for one, I want you off the couch so I can finally go to bed, and I can't annoy Houde, cause he's in his lab.
Doom:And? OHHHH Number 2 puked, ten bucks!
McCheese: And he tends to, well, experiment on random people who come into his lab.
Doom: So.
McCheese: We still haven't found those Jehovah's Witness people yet, have we?
Doom: Dunno.

A mosquito landed on Doom's arm, and he slapped it.

McCheese: Was that mosquito holding a tiny pamphlet?
Doom: Nope.
McCheese: Anyways, I'm tired, can you leave my bed?

Doom hit pause on the DVR and looked at McCheese.

Doom: I put up with you in here cause it drives Houde nuts. Do not make me think of you anything other than a way to drive Houde nuts. Comprende?
McCheese: I guess.

Doom hit unpause on the DVR.

McCheese: So when this show over?
Doom: THAT'S IT!

An outside shot of the apartment is shown, and then McCheese gets thrown out the front door.

McCheese: I've been reduced to DJ Jazzy Jeff Status.
Doom: Stop hitting on my daughter! CARLTON!

The door slams.


SceintificallyDoomed.jpg

Scientifically Doomed
Season 2​
McAntics​

The Next Day

McCheese is standing outside the shack when Houde and Doom walk up to it. Joe Kalicki intercepts them before they get to him.

Kalicki: I'm worried about McCheese.
Houde: Why?
Kalicki: He slept out here all night.
Doom: Oh? The newest lock system worked! HIGH FIVE!

Houde ignores the high five.

Houde: I didn't install new locks in the house yet. They are the ones he broke through last week. Actually, he looks kinda depressed from this angle.
Doom: McCheese doesn't have feelings.
Houde: Maybe we should give him an assignment. Maybe come up with a new type of Chili Dog or something?
Doom: WHOA! WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA!

Houde pauses.

Doom: Hot girl at 3 o'clock.
Kalicki: AM or PM?
Houde: So anyways, I think I'm going to do that.
Doom: Me too.

Doom walks in the direction of the girl, while Houde walks in the direction of McCheese. Meanwhile Kalicki is still staring at big clock in the mini mall parking lot.

Kalicki: There's no hot girls up there!

Houde walks up to the sulking McCheese.

Houde: Alright McCheese, me and Doom are going to give you a chance for something bigger.
McCheese: Really?
Houde: Yes, it's time to for you to come up with your own Chili Dog. I want you to do everything involved in that, research, advertising and all that jazz. And I want you to do it within two weeks. Can you handle that?
McCheese: YES SIR!
Houde: Excellent soldier! Now get in there and make your nation proud!

McCheese turned and ran full tilt into the door.

Houde: Sorry forgot to unlock that.

Houde unlocks the door.

Houde: Now go make us proud soldier!

McCheese hesitantly tries the door, sees it working fine, and runs full tilt through. Houde goes to follow.

Kalicki: Houde! There's a hot girl 3 degrees downbubble!
Houde: Don't work that way Kalicki.
Kalicki: DAMN IT!

Following Morning

Houde walks up to the Chili Dog shack to find McCheese hanging up a sign.

Houde: What's this?
McCheese: Spent all night making it, you like?
Houde: Well, what the heck is it actually advertising? All you have on it is Godzilla, which I'm sure breaks all kinds of copyright things.
McCheese: Naw, I checked wikipedia, it's not.
Houde: Anyone can write anything on Wikipedia.
McCheese: I know, you should check your article.

Houde pauses.

Houde: I hate you McCheese.
McCheese: Everyone is going to love this Chili Dog.

He finishes hanging up the sign, which consists of nothing more than the word GODZILLA! And a couple small Japanese men screaming.

Houde: Well, that's advertising.
McCheese: Oh I got more plan.
Houde: With whose budget?
McCheese: Don't worry, I paid for all of this using them money I found in your room.
Houde: The money in the safe or the money under the mattress?
McCheese: Both.
Houde: When did you take it?
McCheese: Sometime yesterday, when you were out with Twi.
Houde: I need an exact time, and empty your pockets, QUICK!
McCheese: Hey, I already spent it all!
Houde: Oh crap, that was my patented exploding money, it was keyed to my genetic signature, and will explode exactly 8 hours after I last touched it!
McCheese: How was I suppose to know this!
Houde: This is why you don't touch stuff in my room. Next time steal it from Doom, you only have to worry about the rigged shotguns next to his bed.
McCheese: Oh…well what about your toothbrush?
Houde: That's normal…..

Houde stares at McCheese

Houde: I hate you McCheese.
McCheese why did you boobytrap your money anyways?
Houde: Doom kept stealing it. Remember that strip club that blew up?
McCheese: Yeah.
Houde: That was the field test.
McCheese: Oh.

Suddenly, a store at the other end of the strip mall exploded.

Houde: Oh great.

Kalicki runs past them.

Kalicki: Everyone stay calm, it's just a minor explosion, in the direction of August fourth..
Houde: Doesn't work that way either Kalicki
Kalicki: DAMN IT!

Casually Houde enters the Chili Dog Shack, and sees Doom sitting at the bar, drinking one of his special coffees. Currently the coffee was eating it's way through the floor.

Houde: Rough night?
Doom: Yup. Cheese steal your exploding money?
Houde: Yup. Wanna talk about it?
Doom: Can't, not yet anyways. Taking another day off.

Just then a hot girl walks in.

Doom: And there's Aquamarine.
Houde: Aquamarine?
Doom: Yup, working my way through a Crayola color scheme. Hot Magenta was a tough find, but I did it.
Houde: That's nice. I'd probably dread the time you hit Granny Smith Apple.
Doom: That's where we differ, and I already did.

Doom leaves with the girl.

Houde: He's up to something, and I just don't care right now.

Two weeks later, on the day that McCheese is suppose to release Godzilla

McCheese runs up to Kalicki, who was in his hut, sleeping.

McCheese: KALICKI! WAKE UP I NEED YOUR HELP!

He runs up and shakes Joe's foot, which promptly comes off in McCheese's hand. He stares at the foot.

McCheese: OH CRAP! Joe has leprosy!

Kalicki pops out from a bush.

Kalicki: You fell for my trap McCheese. The criminal element would have been unawares of me and I could catch them red handed.
McCheese: AH! Kalicki has a twin!
Kalicki: What's the problem McCheese.
McCheese: I don't know what the Godzilla is going to be!
Kalicki: Really? Cause all those TV Spots you bought have me hankering for one.
McCheese: I know, and all those people who kept asking about it. I'm a marketing genius, I just don't know what, or how, to make the Chili Dog!

A car pulls up out of nowhere, and Doom steps out.

Doom: See ya later Razzle Dazzle Rose.

The car pulls off, and Doom looks at the two guys.

Doom: I can tell from your expressions, one of you is in some trouble.
McCheese: DOOM! You need to help me! I promised I would come up with a new chili dog for Houde, but I couldn't think of one!
Doom: The Godzilla huh? Well, it's a good thing I have a backup plan just for this situation. Kalicki, go distract Houde while me and McCheese set up the stage and fireworks.
Kalicki: Okay.

Just then Houde starts walking across the parking lot, and immediately Kalicki runs right at him. Houde sees him and sighs.

Houde: Damn it Joe, do we need to do this right now? I really only can handle one person's tomfoolery at a time, and McCheese is really filling up the plate this week.

Behind them, Doom and McCheese walk by with planks of wood.

Houde: Oh great, Doom's scheme is going to hatch soon. I can tell, you have a look about you.
Kalicki: No, really….um

Kalicki desperately looked for a reason to get Houde to look in the other direction. Which was made all the harder due to the hammering that was going on in the background. Suddenly, it clicked.

Kalicki: MONDAY!
Houde: Um..what?
Kalicki: Hot gir lat Monday!

He pointed in a direction, all proud of himself.

Houde: Seriously, this is why I hate it when Doom goes off for a few days, I really can only deal with one of you at a time….Doom is suppose to deal with the other one.

Houde turns around to see flashing lights. And a crowd. Around a stage. In which McCheese and Doom were standing on.

With a fog machine.

Houde: By all that is Einstein.

Doom and McCheese posed, McCheese a half a step behind.

Doom: Ladies, gentlemen, ladies once more. You came to the shack today looking for the GODZILLA!

Behind them, a picture of Godzilla was shown. McCheese attempted to do his roar.

McCheese: And today, you shall see why the GODZILLA is so great!

And for the next 30 minutes, the two of them danced with fireworks, talked with power images, at one point tried to sell someone in the audience a device that sucked and cut hair, without even touching on one bit about what the Godzilla consisted off, which Houde knew was a bad idea all around, only to end with…..

Doom: NOW! THE INFORMATION ABOUT THE GODZILLA!
McCheese: The Godzilla will come to you! In 2019. Enjoy the chili dogs.

The two of them walked off stage. Houde shook his head, and walked up to Doom, who was holding open the door and letting people in to the shack.

Houde: Couldn't come up with one, could he?
Doom: Nope, but man, look at this crowd. He really drummed up some business.
Houde: I'll give him that.
Doom: Hey hot stuff, what's your name?
Hot Girl: Vivid, Vivid Tangerine.
Doom: Well, let me find you a seat right next to me, okay?

Houde shook his head, and took over door duties.

Which was fine, until he saw him. Him. The man who ruined his life, who sent him down this strange winding rode, the man who now was dating his ex girlfriend Janet.

Jonathan Muney.

Better known to Houde as Moonmaster. His rival in his old job.

Houde let a serene smile cross his face as Moonmaster walked past the Shack and into the Authentic Chicken Hut of Planet-Man.

Houde: Revenge will be mine.

Ending Credits

Commercial for Season 2 Finale of Scientifically Doomed

Houde: Moonmaster
Moonmaster: Houde.
Houde: Are you ready?
Moonmaster: Time to pimpslap a ***** with SCIENCE!
Houde: THE DUEL IS ON!

Next week, a duel of epic proportions as Houde and Moonmaster fight each other with SCIENCE!

Next week on Scientifically Doomed,
THE TWO GORILLA FISTS AND TWO MORE PUDGY FISTS OF SCIENCE!
 
SceintificallyDoomed.jpg

Season 2​



"Survival Instinct--Pt.1"​




Houde walked into the kitchen and fixed himself a bowl of cereal. He sat down and began eating his big bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios.

He stopped mid-chew.

Houde: Wait a minute. Its quiet. Too quiet.

Houde looked around. He got up from the table and went to the living room. He instinctively glanced over at the couch. No McCheese.

Houde: Weird.

He walked down the hall and headed towards Doom's room. He stopped just short of the door. It was never wise to enter Doom's room unannounced. Last time Houde did, the rash stayed for almost 2 weeks.

Houde knocked on Doom's door. No answer. Another knock. Again no answer.

Houde: Where the hell is everyone? Hmph…might as well enjoy the sane and quiet while I can.

Houde went back to his cereal.






Later On in Houde's Lab………




Houde: Just a couple more decibels…

A high pitch squeal began to warbble.

Houde: …a bit more…

The warbble grew louder and the test dummy down the range started to shake.

Houde: …almost there---lemme try readjusting the…

The test dummy shake more violently and suddenly exploded. Houde sighed and brought his voicerecorder to his mouth.

Houde: Hmmmm. Test #12---new iPod modifications unsuccessful. Fine tuning decibel levels not conducive to picking up any new signals. I have, however, possibly come up with a new weapon for the military. Reminder---talk to Doom about another meeting with General Ross.

Houde turned his head to the side.

Houde: Hmmm. That's weird. Its been a couple hours since I've seen or heard from Doom or McCheese. I like my space and all…but it's just weird. Meh. I think I'll just ride out the quiet for as long as I can. I'm certain that something weird will happen in the next couple days.

Houde left his lab and headed to the living room.

Houde: I should do something I've always wanted to do.

Houde popped in a DVD and sat down on the couch. As the opening credits read "Long ago in a galaxy far, far away…", Houde began a texting-chat with some girl he met the other day.

Houde: Yep…gonna deny all this later.





A Week Later………




Houde walked down the hall of the apartment. It'd been silent all week. No sign of Doom or McCheese.

Houde: AAAARGH! We are they!?!?!? THIS IS MADNESS!
Doom: No. THIS. IS. SPARTA!!!!!!

Houde screamed.

Houde: What the hell!?!?!? Where have you been!?!?!
Doom: I can't say.
Houde: What do you mean "you can't say"?!?! I haven't seen or heard from you in how many days and you just show up like nothing ever happened.
Doom: Sure I can. Military classification.
Houde: You're not in the military anymore! You make chilidogs!
Doom: You sure about that? I couldn't possibly be a military secret agent sent undercover to monitor and report your actions and any new inventions you create that could serve a needed purpose in the service of of the United States military?
Houde: NO! Wait---maybe. ARE you spying on me?
Doom: HAHA! Of course not. I make chilidogs now. By the way…any estimated completion date for that iPod modification you're working on?
Houde: Porbably in the next 2 weeks. I need to recalibrate---HEY! How did you know about that?
Doom: Not important.
Houde: I'm gonna have to scrub my entire area for bugs ain't I?
Doom: I wouldn't bother. You're not gonna find them. Another by the way---I'd appreciate it if you didn't say anything to McCheese about this.
Houde: He's not even here.
Doom: Dude…he's right there on the couch.

Houde turned around and peered over to the couch. McCheese lay there sleeping.

Doom: See? Out like Dagwood.
Houde: WHERE THE HELL DID HE COME FROM!?!?! HE WAS NOT THERE A MINUTE AGO AND HASN'T BEEN ALL WEEK!!!
Doom: Silly Houde.
Houde: I'm gonna go now. Too much crazy for me.

Houde walked away.

Doom: Excellent. Now onto the next stage of the plan.

Doom cackled.

Houde: That doesn't bode well for anyone.
Doom: Nope.

Doom continued cackling.




A Few Days Later.........



Houde walked into the kitchen for breakfast only to find Doom sitting there with blueprints sprawled across the table.

Doom: Wind direction 22 degrees……factor in lowered elevation……2 more security guards……

Houde sighed.

Houde: Do I really want to know?
Doom: Probably not. Plausible deniability and all that.
Houde: Ok…but how am I involved in this plan?
Doom: Chicken suit. XXL. Hall closet.
Houde: ****. Ok. What time do you need me there?
Doom: This Friday. 1835.

Houde sighed.

Houde: I gotta get outta here.

Doom ignored Houde's comment and stayed focused on his plans. Houde came rushing back into the kitchen.

Houde: NO! Doom I gotta know what kinda hairbrain scheme you're planning this time. We can't keep getting in trouble with the law. And despite what has worked in the past---you can't keep convincing lawyers to accept payment in chilidogs!
Doom: You sure you wanna know?
Houde: YES!
Doom: You sure?
Houde: YES! TELL ME!
Doom: You positive?
Houde: YES *******IT! WHAT ARE YOU GETTING ME INTO THIS TIME!?!?!?
Doom: We're gonna kill Planet-Man.
Houde: What?
Doom: Planet-Man. We're gonna kill him.
Houde: NO! NO WAY! WE ARE NOT KILLING ANYONE!
Doom: It's the only way.
Houde: Only way to what?
Doom: Can't you see that I'm busy planning?

Houde runs up to the table and throws all Doom's documents and equipment off the table!

Houde: Ok look…I know you've killed before. Government sanctioned assassinations are fine. They're for the betterment of the world. I get it. Fine. But we are not talking about killing innocent civilians!
Doom: On…now YOU look. You cannot deny that business has slowed down since Planet-Man opened his place. Correct?
Houde: Yeah but---
Doom: Nope. Lemme finish. Since he's opened his business, are quarterly profits are down 10.7% from are annual projections. At this rate---we've got about 9 months before we're in the red. At that point---in order to sustain the business, we'll have to come out of pocket $250 a month. Each! Keep that decline percentage going for another 7 months and we'll out of business and broke.
Houde: How did you calculate these figures?
Doom: I'm not an idiot you know?
Houde: I just assumed---
Doom: That because of my antics that I'm an idiot. How do you think I'm able to do all this stuff? I calculate projections, statistics, probabilities…all that stuff. So I'm applying this science to our livelihood.
Houde: But…murder?
Doom: You wanna be on the streets? You wanna live with the hobos? You like drinking your own piss to survive?
Houde: No.
Doom: Then Planet-Man must die.
Houde: But…
Doom: Planet-Man. Must. Die. Say it with me…
Houde: Planet-Man……must……die?
Doom: Planet-Man must die.
Houde: Planet-Man must die.
Doom: Good. Now say it with some feeling.
Houde: Planet-Man must die.
Doom: Better. More feeling! Get pumped!
Houde: Planet-Man must die!
Doom: LOUDER! HARDER! FASTER! STRONGER!
Houde: PLANET-MAN MUST DIE!
Doom: Like mutha****in' Jimmy Olsen!

Doom and Houde put the plans back on the table and sit down to review.

Houde: Now that I'm on board with this…do I still have to wear the costume?
Doom: Only if you can't convince McCheese to do it for you.
Houde: That's easy…he's sleeping on the couch. I'll just tell him that if he doesn't…he's outta here.

Houde got up to get McCheese. He got to the couch and saw McCheese wasn't there.

Houde: Yeahbutwha? He was right there! Out like a light!

Houde went back to the kitchen.

Houde: Hey Doom…you see Mc----

Houde stopped in his tracks when he saw McCheese sitting at the table going over the plans with Doom.

Doom: Ok Cheese…hold the compass right here…
McCheese: Gotcha. Oh hey Houde. Sup?

Houde stood bewildered. Doom and McCheese continued.

Houde: Wearing the suit, ain't I?

Doom and McCheese nodded together. Houde sighed. It was gonna be a long week………










To Be Continued......
 
SceintificallyDoomed.jpg

Season 2​



"Survival Instinct--Pt.2"​




2 Days Later………



Houde woke up with a feeling. Like gravel in his gut. Something wasn't right. He walked down the hall and knocked on Doom's door.

Doom: Yeah?
Houde: Doom. I don't feel good.
Doom: Aw. Baby feel sicky?
Houde: Shut up. I'm serious. Something's not right.
Doom: Lemme guess…heavy stomach? Queasy?
Houde: Yeah.
Doom: Pre-kill jitters. It's ok. It basically means you still have a conscience.
Houde: And that's a bad thing?
Doom: Meh. Don't worry. It'll go away. By the end of the week you'll sport wood at the thought of death.
Houde: No no no no no…this is wrong. I don't want to be OK with it. In fact I don't wanna do this at all. I'm out! And you're out too! I can't let you do it.
Doom: And you are gonna stop me how?
Houde: I don't know but you can't do this.
Doom: Alright! Enough of this! I'm not listening to this **** no more. The plan is already in motion and I do NOT plan on living in a fridge box under the bridge while wiping my ass with the newest sports sections! And if that means one person has to die…that person being our enemy…then so be it.
Houde: But---
Doom: NO! NO BUTS! The plan is a go. Look---I like you Houde. I do. I'd hate to think that you'd have to meet an unfortunate fate because you posed an operational security risk.
Houde: Are you saying that I help kill or be killed?
Doom: I'm not saying anything. I'm JUST saying.
Houde: Saying what?
Doom: That's not important right now. Only thing that matters is are you in or out?
Houde: I'm in…I guess. But I wanna go on the record as saying I'm fully against this.
Doom: Noted. I'm gonna take a shower now. Have a bowl of Apple Jacks waiting for me at the table.
Houde: Yes sir.

Houde left the doorway and head to the kitchen. He wanted to cry.




That Afternoon at The Shack………



Doom stood at The Shack's doorway. He stared over into Planet-Man's Chicken Hut with a pair of binoculars. The Chicken Hut was barely 50ft away.

Doom: That's right…sell your damn chicken while you can. Soon. Very soon.

Joe Kalicki walked up on Doom.

Kalicki: Hey Doom. Whatcha doing?
Doom: Nothing. Minding my business Kalicki. How's that undercover detox coming?
Kalicki: Ok. I guess. Everynow and then I get a twitch in my fist. The urge to punch people at random is so strong. But I've been able to keep it under control so far.
Doom: Then you never really were in danger of truly becoming me.
Kalicki: Huh?

Doom quickly punched Kalicki in the face.

Doom: See? I couldn't control it.

Kalicki just held his nose and walked off. He went into The Shack and found Houde.

Kalicki: Hey…whassup with Doom? He's acting stranger than usual.

Houde looked around nervously.

Houde: Uh nothing that I know I of. He seemed fine earlier. Yep. Everything's fine.
Kalicki: Well something's going on. And I'm gonna find out what.
Houde: I'm sure it's nothing.
Kalicki: Oh it won't be. Because I'm gonna find out what…and put a stop to it.

Kalicki stormed outta The Shack and back into the parking lot. As soon as Kalicki left, Doom came in the back door. He made a bee-line straight to Houde.

Doom: Did you tell him anything?
Houde: N-n-no.
Doom: I'm serious. I'm in full on mission-mode and will not have my operation compromised by some weakling who has decided to let his backbone melt away.
Houde: I didn't tell him anything. I swear.
Doom: You better not have!

Doom quickly stormed out.

And then quickly popped back in.

Doom: By the way…in order to preserve the security of the mission, I've decided to move up the date and time. It's going down in 20 minutes. Go suit up and meet me back here in 10 minutes.

Doom then quickly vanished. Houde sat there for a bit. He struggled with his conscience. So hard that he actually saw a little angel in a labcoat appear on his shoulder.

Houde: HEY! My shoulder angel!
Angel Houde: Houde….you know better! Don't do this! You can't kill in good conscience.
Houde: I know that! But what am I gonna do?!?!? This is like SAW now! I have to kill or be killed!
Angel Houde: You must take the higher path.
Houde: Dammit man! I'm a scientist not a philosopher!
Angel Houde: Ok…point. Well here's the logical path….CALL THE COPS! DOOM'S CRAZY! YOU NEED HELP!

All of a sudden the other side of Houde's conscience popped up on his opposite shoulder.

Devil Houde: Sup Houde? This guy giving you hard time?
Houde: Uh no. Just giving me sane advice.
Devil Houde: Sure. I bet he went on about a higher path and not killing? Am I right?
Houde: Uh yeah.
Angel Houde: It's the right thing to do.
Devil Houde: Riiiight. Lemme ask you something?
Angel Houde: What?
Devil Houde: When's the last time you ate a half-eaten Whopper out the dumpster and washed it down with your own urine?
Angel Houde: That's disgusting.
Devil Houde: Well it's your future if Planet Man continues with his success.
Angel Houde: I-I-I-I did not know that.
Devil Houde: Well now you do. So what about that higher path now?
Houde: Can I interject with something here?
Angel Houde: Shhhh….not now. Grown folks are talking. So tell me more about this life of poverty?

Doom came back into the office and startled Houde.

Doom: What the hell!?!? I told you to get dress!!! What have you been doing sitting here?!?!?
Houde: Talking to my shoulder angel and devil.

Doom stood there in silence. He stared at Houde. Houde innocently stared back. Doom inhaled deeply and exhaled. The look on his face changed from anger to calm.

Doom: Houde. Come on man. This is our livelihood here. I don't enjoy taking this route either. If there was another way…I'd be more than glad to hear the options. But there's not. In order for us to survive….he has to go. And it's not like he's gonna just close and pack up. So do we live on the streets and starve…or do we take our well being in our own hands?

Houde just sat there.

Houde: Ok….just gimme a minute.

Houde stood up…grabbed the costume and disappeared around the corner.




10 Minutes Later………


Houde walked back into the office in the weird suit.

Doom: You're did the right thing.
Houde: I know.
Doom: Ok. Let's go. We need to get situated before he returns from the bank.
Houde: Ok.

Doom and Houde walk out of The Shack and come across a parking lot full of hysterical customers and a frantic Joe Kalicki running around tackling everyone he could get his hands on.

Doom: What the hell is going on?!?!?
Houde: This is madness.
Doom: KALICKI! GET OFF THAT WOMAN! SHE'S 87!
Houde: Her hip is never gonna recover from that.

Doom looked around and noticed something odd.

Doom: It's brighter out here than usual. What the hell?
Houde: How much longer do I have to stay in this suit?
Doom: Right. Forget the distractions. We need to stay focused on the mission. Although you don't need to be in the costume anymore since Kalicki already has a distraction.
Houde: That's all I had to do with this? No "me getting close to Planet-Man and lure him onto some giant X painted on the ground?" or anything like that?
Doom: Nope. Your part was minimal. It's like you weren't even involved at all. That oughta clear your conscience right?
Houde: It does. Kinda.
Doom: Good. Well I still got my part to do. See ya in about 10 minutes.

Doom turned and began to head to his position. Houde exhaled deeply.

Houde: DOOM! WAIT!
Doom: What? You wanna pop your cherry? Get your first taste of the red mist?
Houde: I don't even know what that means.
Doom: I'm talking about k---
Houde: Yeah that's nice. I don't really care. Look…you don't have to do this.
Doom: It's him or us. I have to do this.
Houde: No you don't. Look over there. His Hut isn't even over there anymore.

Doom turned and looked in that direction. Planet-Man's Chicken Hut was gone. Doom stood in disbelief.

Houde: See? Nobody has to die!
Doom: What did you do? What happened here?
Houde : It's like you said. All he had to do was pack up and go. And he did.
Doom: How?
Houde: When I left to put the suit on, I simply teleported back to the lab…grabbed my dimensional pocket compressor…teleported back…used my DPC to shrink his Hut and I then teleported it back to Canada. I used all the juice in my teleporter to do it…but I did it.
Doom: How did you do all that in 10 minutes? And since when do you have a teleporter?
Houde: I've always had a teleporter. It's my belt buckle. And I've been working on a device that can slow down time for a brief moment. Mostly just for fun so I can do everything all Matrix-y. But I figured now would be a good a time as ever to try it out. See if the effects can last more than a second or 2.
Doom: But…but…but…
Houde: That's right…science has saved the day again!
Doom: But my….my…my red mist?
Houde: Not today. All you gotta do is bop Planet-Man on the head and transport him to the coordinates I just text you. They're in Canada so he'll be fine.
Doom: You know this is very Bendisy of you.
Houde: I've been known to drop a deus ex machina every now and then.
Doom: Sigh.
Houde: It's ok. Tell ya what…I'll treat you to a sundae.
Doom: Shouldn't we stay here and wrap things up? I mean there's been all this build up and now everything just happens to work out? I'm all for ice cream…but I can't help but feel this was all very anti-climatic.
Houde: Sometimes it be like that man. You want this ice cream or not?
Doom: You know I do! I'll just get Planet-Man later.
Houde: Good.
Doom: You know, one day you'll met a girl…settle down…buy a house…have kids. Those kids will have kids…and you'll recount these days to them. I hope all this doesn't ruin your plans for any possible future stories.
Houde: Don't try to break the 4th wall.







The End
 
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