Scientifically Doomed

Victor Von Doom

Fist of teh Internets.
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"The Pilot...Or Something Like It"




Houde woke up to cantankerous ramblings of his Albert Einstein alarm clock.

Houde: Science for the win.

He rubbed his eyes and reached for his glasses. On the radio some A.M DJ was rambling about how George Lucas has just been beaten to a bloody mess due to a recent announcement that his preparing to write another Star Wars trilogy.

Houde: Good. ****ing Jar Jar.

Today is gonna be a good day.




Across town…



Doom woke to the sight of a gorgeous brunette next to him.

Doom: Good morning Sexy Brunette girl……..whose name I don’t know.

He rolled over and found a redhead on his other side.

Doom: Good morning to you too Red…….whose name I also can’t remember.

Today was gonna be a good day.




Later at GeneSpliceInvent-O Inc.




Random Girl: Mornin’ Nathaniel!

Houde stopped in his tracks and slowly turned to her direction.

Houde: It’s Nathan. Not Nathaniel. Nathan. And moreover---it’s Houde to you. In fact, after my promotion this morning to Lead Tech…you can just call me “Boss”. Or “God”. Yes. “God” will do.
Random Girl: Ugh. What’s up your ***?
Houde: I’d ask you the same question…but I already met the Boston Red Sox. Buh-bye.

Yep. With a promotion coming his way and a sound burn on the office skank….it was definitely gonna be a good day.


Across town at the local Air Force Base…


Major Payne: DOOOOOOM!
Doom: Sir.
Major Payne: Doom…what in the **** is your problem?!?!?!?
Doom: Sir?
Major Payne: What on Earth made you think that you could sleep with the General’s daughter and then blow up his car?
Doom: 47 mojitos?
Major Payne: You think this is a joke!?!?! You think anyone else is laughing!?!?!
Doom: I know I was………..sir.

The Major turned red in the face. The kinda red your face turns when you eat a jar of jalapenos soaking in Tabasco sauce.

Major Payne: Doom…the only reason you’re not out on your *** is because the General’s daughter has fallen madly in love with you. She’s spent the entire morning begging her daddy not to kick you out.
Doom: Sweet.
Major Payne: WHAT!?!?!
Doom: Nothing sir. By the way…how’s the Missus doing?
Major Payne: She’s fine. She’s taking up a new hobby. Something involving nunchukus or something. Wait---how do you know my wife?
Doom: Uuuuuuuhhhhh….I met her at the Christmas party last year.
Major Payne: Oh. Ok. Well dismissed.
Doom: Sir.

The major sat down in his chair with a look of satisfaction on his face from the great ***-chewing he just gave.

Major Payne: Wait a minute…we didn’t get to this base until March of this year. Sonuva---DOOOOOM!


Yep. Today was gonna be a good day.




Later that day---let’s say Lunchtime…




Houde bit into his chilidog.

Houde: Ugh. This is gross. Should’ve gone with the taquitos. I like taquitos. Oh well…at least the day is going good so far. Just gotta wait for the the good news after lunch.

He wiped the side of his mouth and got up from the table. His Jolt cola spilled onto his lap.

Houde: Oh come on!!! Is there nothing sacred about lunch anymore? Damn I hope this isn’t the start of a trend.




Meanwhile across town…




Doom: Mmmmm……I :heart: sushi. So good. Look at you tender fishy morsels. Just begging for me to eat you. And why should I deny you your life’s pleasure? And why should I delay the tasty time that lay before us? Especially tasty for me. Come here you cold wet delicious treats!

Doom grabbed a roll with his chopsticks and inched the bit closer and closer to his mouth.

All of a sudden, the phone rang!

Doom: Information Management, Sgt Doom speaking. You’ve got questions…..I’ve got answers. Sexy answers.
Voice: DOOM! Shut up. I heard about last night. The General wants you in his office in 20 minutes.
Doom: His daughter probably filled him in on all the details from last night and he wants to awards me a medal.
Voice: What?!!?!
Doom: A medal. You know….for my hard work. Trust me…it was totally medal worthy. You remember that for future reference.
Voice: You a trip!
Doom: I know. Alright….I gotta go. Later days.

Doom hung up the phone.

Doom: Crap on a stick!




And back at Houde’s job…




Houde adjusted his lab coat. He was a little fidgety.

Secretary: Nervous?
Houde: A little.
Secretary: Don’t be. He’s really a big teddy bear.
Houde: Heh. Thanks. I’ll try to keep that in mind.
Secretary: No…I’m serious. He’s as harmless as a baby. Like yesterday I forgot to take a message for this important call he’d been expecting---and he totally didn’t even notice. He just wanted to continue with me changing his diaper and singing “London Bridges” to him.
Houde: ‘Scuse me?
Secretary: Or like this other time when I was like 2 hours late for work----I thought he was gonna fire me. But instead he just wanted me to scratch him behind his ears. His leg would not stop shaking.
Houde: ………
Secretary: Don’t worry. Whatever you did…you’ll be fine.
Houde: I’m just here for him to tell me I got my promotion.
Secretary: You did the finger thing with him too?
Houde: IS IT TIME FOR ME TO GO IN YET!?!?!?
Secretary: Oh yeah. Go ahead. Remember….big baby.


Houde had already determined that that was an image that wouldn’t escape his mind for a long time. Definitely not looking forward to the nightmares later.

He walked thru the smoky glass doors and entered the giant office.


Bossman Bing: Nathaniel! Welcome! Sit sit sit sit…
Houde: It’s Nathan sir.
Bossman Bing: What?
Houde: My name. It’s Nathan. Not Nathaniel.
Bossman Bing: Oh…my bad. Sorry about that. Take a seat Nate.
Houde: ……….
Bossman Bing: So….Neville….how long you been with GeneSpliceInvent-O?
Houde: Uh…about 7 years now.
Bossman Bing: And that’s been some really productive 7 years. What was your biggest contribution so far?
Houde: Uh..I made these clonebots.
Bossman Bing: Clones? I love Star Wars!!! Tell me…can you make a lightsaber for me?
Houde: That’s not really my area of scientific know-how sir.
Bossman Bing: Oh. Well how about one of those Darth Vader voice things? Can you make me sound like Vader? With the breathing and all that jazz?
Houde: Sir…I splice genes and map DNA strands to find the cure to cancer and diabetes and stuff. I’m the gene-splice part of the company. You want the invent side of the house.
Bossman Bing: Have you cured cancer yet?
Houde: No sir. No one has yet.
Bossman Bing: And that’s why our competitors are beating us! They’re solving and inventing and curing stuff---
Houde: Sir…no one in the world has cured cancer yet.
Bossman Bing: ERRONEOUS! What about that diabetes thing? You fixed that yet?
Houde: No sir. Science has proven that, although it’s hereditary, it can be prevented by a proper diet and---
Bossman Bing: Goddammit man! You can’t make a lightsaber. You can’t make me Darth Vader. You haven’t cured cancer or diabetes. What the hell am I paying you for!?!?!
Houde: Sir---even with all the technology on the planet we’re still YEARS away from being able to cure stuff like that.
Bossman Bing: And I suppose next you’ll be telling me that you’re dragging your *** on the curing AIDS too!?!?!
Houde: ……..
Bossman Bing: Why the hell are you even in my office!?!?!
Houde: Sir…I thought I was here to discuss my promotion to lead Tech?
Bossman Bing: Promotion!?!?!? Why the hell would I give you a promotion!?!?!
Houde: Well….there was the clonebot thing. My research allowed us to go from making 7-headed goats, to perfect genetic clones of people. A patent which we sold to the govt for $27.8 million. It actually paid for this building here. I was passed over for promotion then because that one scientist in Inventions created that Han Solo blaster that fired silly string. I believe his name was Jonathan Muney….but I think he goes by Moony or Moonmaster or something like that.
Bossman Bing: We have Han Solo blasters that shoot silly string?
Houde: Yes sir.
Bossman Bing: Get out. You’re fired. AND FIX AIDS ON YOUR WAY OUT!!!!
Houde: …….what?
Bossman Bing: You heard me. Out! You’re fired! Done! Kaput! You’ll never splice genes in this town again! Now out! And tell my secretary to come on in….and tell her to bring the gag ball, raccoon suit and paddle.

Houde got up and walked out.

Houde: ****ing George Lucas!




On the Air Force Base...




*Knock knock*
General Hot Pants: Enter!
Doom: General. Sgt Doom reports as ordered.
General Hot Pants: Stand at ease. You know why you’re here?
Doom: Because I slept with your daughter?
General Hot Pants: That’s not the only thing.
Doom: Because I blew up your car?
General Hot Pants: That too. But there are also other things.
Doom: I had no clue she was married to you sir. She said she was divorced sir. It didn’t even dawn on me until afterwards that the big star on the front door and the mailbox with your last name was all yours sir.
General Hot Pants: What!?!?! You slept with my wife?!?!?!
Doom: What!?!?! No sir!!! Where did you hear such a nasty rumor like that????
General Hot Pants: You just said it! Just now!
Doom: No I didn’t.
General Hot Pants: Yes you did.
Doom: No I didn’t.
General Hot Pants: I just heard you!
Doom: Sir…I’m not calling you a liar….but…..
General Hot Pants: THAT’S IT! I’ve had it with you!!! You’ve done nothing but cause headaches for all the leaders here on base. And I’m sure the clinic isn’t too happy with the sudden rise of base pregnancies.
Doom: Sir…I am not those babies’ daddy. They all said they were on the pill! Plus….those 4 new babies that were just born look nothing like me! Aside from the brown curly hair. And freckles. And birthmark I have on my shoulder. And fairly thicker than average lips. And odd craving for sushi. How can they even want sushi at like 3 weeks old? That’s just weird don’t you think?
General Hot Pants: YOU’RE DONE! I’m kicking you out! You are no longer gonna suckle off of Uncle Sam’s teat!
Doom: Not the best visual image. He’s like what? 150? That’s gotta be one crusty teat. And he’s a dude. How’s that possible?
General Hot Pants: GUARDS!!!!

Several armed men rush into the room and encircle Doom.

Doom: That’s it? 6 men? Come on sir. Don’t insult me.
General Hot Pants: Ahem….

20 more armed men run into the room.

Doom: Well played Montezuma. Well played.

General Hot Pants: Guards…..escort Sgt Doom off the premises of this base and make sure he never returns. And then escort my daughter to the clinic. And my wife.

Doom was quickly overtaken. His rank was ripped from his sleeves and his combat boots were ripped from his feet. It took 10 men to properly restrain him and escort him from the base. As the pulled up to the gate, they quickly heave-hoed Doom over the gate and told him to get away from the base.

He turned and began to walk away. After he took about 10 steps he turned around and looked at the gates. The armed men cocked their guns. Doom looked down at his bare feet.

They didn’t have to take his socks too.

Doom: That’s ok. I LIKE WALKING BAREFOOT!






To be continued…






Tune in tomorrow for Pt.2 of our adventures.
 

ProjectX2

Don't expect me to take you with me when I go to s
Joined
Sep 15, 2004
Messages
25,007
I read half of it but didn't really find it funny. Maybe it'll be better on DVD.
 

Planet-man

Well-Known Member
Joined
Oct 23, 2005
Messages
11,645
Location
Toronto, Ontario(by way of the Kepler Verge)
It was funny. I was expecting the two main characters to actually interact at some point.... but I guess that's why you keep watching. Hopefully you'll both develop a series of catchphrases, each more self-satisfied and in-your-face than the last. Also:

Doom: Information Management, Sgt Doom speaking. You’ve got questions…..I’ve got answers. Sexy answers.

MANswers. The line should be MANswers.
 

Victor Von Doom

Fist of teh Internets.
Joined
Oct 19, 2005
Messages
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Location
On The Edge
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"The Pilot...Or Something Like It - Pt.2"





Houde sat at the bar and drank his beer. It was getting warm and flat. He didn’t care.

Houde: Stupid beer. If I was at my lab right now I’d invent something to turn you cold again.
Bartender: You could just order another beer……
Houde: Did I ask you? No! If I want another beer I’ll ask for another beer. But I don’t want another one. I want this one. Just wish it was cold.
Bartender: Whatever man.
Houde: Leave before I shoot you with my shrink ray.
Bartender: Douche….

Houde took another sip. He frowned.

The bar door flew open and a barefoot man in uniform stepped thru.

Doom: Barkeep…bring me mead!
Bartender: We don’t serve mead.
Doom: Bring me ale. And women. Yes…I’ll need a pint of ale and your plumpest barmaid.
Bartender: We don’t do that kinda thing here Thor. You want a Bud?
Doom: Fine.

Doom sat at the bar and drank his beer.

Doom: This beer tastes like piss.
Bartender: My bad.
Doom: Are you saying “my bad” because you’re sorry or because you pissed in it?
Bartender: What do you think?
Doom: I think I just got kicked out the military and am no longer subject to their stringent rules. I also think that I’ve killed 10 men……and you’ve been in no more 6 fights in your life. I think that if I am in fact drinking piss....you’ll be allowed to chose which teeth you’re gonna swallow.
Bartender: Look here Sgt. So-Called Billy Badass…..you keep on running that mouth and I’m gonna make you sit on of ‘em poolsticks.
Doom: I think I’m almost done with my beer…and if the next one tastes like piss…..I’m gonna burn this place to the ground.

Houde watched this interaction from across the bar and smirked. He had no clue who the military man was….but he liked his style.

Bartender: Son….you are this close to being thrown outta here.
Doom: For complaining about pissy beer?
Houde: Don’t let it get warm and complain about it. He hates that too!
Doom: HA! You mean to tell me you serve warm pissy beer? What kinda dump is this?
Bartender: Well you 2 tards are the ones drinking it.
Doom: Touche…

Doom took another sip and sighed. Houde reached into his pocket withdrew some strange device. The bartender complained some more and Houde pointed his device at the bartender and barely blinked as a bright ray emitted from the gun.

The bartender looked around and noticed everything getting a lot bigger.

Houde: Told you I was gonna shoot you with my shrink ray.

Doom sat there and just stared at the shrunken bartender. He then looked up at Houde. Houde tipped his orange hat.

Doom: Well played Monte Cristo. Well played.

Doom finished his beer and left.




At Houde’s Apartment later…



Houde sat there and told his girlfriend all about what happened that day. She sat there in disbelief for almost 5 minutes after he finished his story.

Houde: Uhhhhh…..hello? Janet?
Janet: WHAT THE **** NATHAN!?!?!?
Houde: What? It’s not like I wanted to get fired. I came in. I worked. They fired me. I shot a man with a shrink ray I made. This stuff happens all the time to other people.
Janet: No Nathan. It doesn’t. This isn’t something you can just blow off. There are bills to be paid. Rent is due in 2 weeks. What are you gonna do?
Houde: I got some money saved up to last me a bit until I get back on my feet and find another job.
Janet: Doing what?!?!?! It’s not like science factory lab thingies are on every corner. What kinda job are you gonna get?
Houde: I kinda always wanted to open a chili dog shack. Think about it. I like chili dogs. I like money. I could sell and eat chili dogs all day. And make money while doing it. It’s actually kinda brilliant.
Janet: What the ****? Do you hear yourself?
Houde: Babe….I’m a scientist. I’ve got it all worked out in my head. I’d explain it to you….but there’s all this talk of Einstein’s theory of relativity, and Newton’s Physic Law, and a bunch of numbers and letters doing stuff that they have no business doing. It’s really complicated.
Janet: **** you Nate! I’m not dating no loser with no job or no money. I don’t want no scrub!
Houde: Scrub? Is it 1999 again?
Janet: GET OUT! GET OUT AND DON’T COME BACK! WE ARE DONE!
Houde: But what about my stuff?
Janet: GET OUT!
Houde: Jeez…..what a *****. You know what…that’s fine. Your scrambled eggs tasted like scrambled ****. Just thought you should know.

Janet screamed as Houde walked out the door.




Back at Doom’s place…



Doom sat on the couch and stared at the TV. Justice League Unlimited was playing. It soothed him.

Doom: Bwern-na-nern! Bwern-na-nern! Budda-bwern-buh-duh-wern!
A voice called out from the other room.

Sarah: Are you singing and playing air guitar to that stupid cartoon again?
Doom: No.
Sarah: Don’t lie. I just heard you.
Doom: That wasn’t me.
Sarah: There’s nobody else here. Who else could it be?

Sarah walked into the room and stood there with her hands on her hips waiting for an answer.

Doom: Who are you?
Sarah: Excuse me?
Doom: Who are you? And why are you in my apartment?
Sarah: I’m your girlfriend.
Doom: No you’re not.
Sarah: Yeah I am. But if you keep this up I won’t be for much longer.
Doom: If you’re my gf….then who were those 2 women this morning and what were they doing naked in the….nevermind.
Sarah: WHAT!?!?!?!
Doom: Nothing.
Sarah: What did you say? What 2 girls?
Doom: I didn’t say anything. What are you talking about?
Sarah: You just asked who those 2 women you slept with were.
Doom: No I didn’t.
Sarah: YES YOU DID! DON’T LIE TO ME!
Doom: I haven’t the foggiest of what you’re blathering about…
Sarah: That’s it! I’m outta here. We are thru!
Doom: I still wish I knew who you were.

Sarah screamed and slammed the door.

Doom: Hmmmm….wonder how I’m gonna pay rent now? I think I might have to move.




The Next Day…



Houde walked around the empty apartment.

Realtor: As you can see, the ceilings are vaulted and the chandelier adds just a touch of class to the dining room.
Houde: Yeah…I noticed that.
Realtor: And unlike most apartments---this one has a den that can be converted into almost anything.
Houde: Like a lab.
Realtor: Excuse me?
Houde: Nothing.
Realtor: Ok…so…the rent is $1300 a month and the security deposit $700. There’s a $40 monthly pet fee and a small deposit of $300. Interested?
Houde: Very. I’ll take it.
Realtor: Great. Our office manages 4 other properties so the office isn’t in this building, it’s downtown. If you’re free now we can head down there and take care of the paperwork right now. Does that work for you?
Houde: Yeah sure. It’s not like I got a job or anything like that.
Realtor: I’m sorry?
Houde: Nothing.

They leave.




5 minutes later…same place.



Realtor: As you can see, the ceilings are vaulted and the chandelier adds just a touch of class to the dining room.
Doom: Nice.
Realtor: And unlike most apartments---this one has a den that can be converted into almost anything.
Doom: Sweet….stripper cage matches.
Realtor: Excuse me?
Doom: Oh nothing.
Realtor: Ok…so…the rent is like $1300 a month and the security deposit $700. There’s a $40 monthly pet fee and a small deposit of $300. You like?
Doom: You bet your sweet bippy!
Realtor: Great. Our office manages like 4 other properties and the main office isn’t in this building, it’s somewhere else. If you’re free now we can head down there and take care of the paperwork right now. How does that sound?
Doom: Perfect. When do have sex?
Realtor: What was that?
Doom: Nothing…now’s perfect.

They leave and head to the main office.




Moving day…



Doom stepped into the apartment and dropped his duffle bag.

Doom: Home sweet home. I can put a stripper pole there. A hot tub there. And I’ll need a place for the TV. But where? Where can I put the TV? Meh…I’ll figure it out.

A few hours later Doom had finally moved all his stuff in the apartment. He looked out the window and took in the view.

Doom: Good times. Well…I guess now’s as good a time as ever to christen the new place. Where’s my Absolute Watchmen? It’s time to drop deuce.

Doom sat on the toilet and breathed deeply.

Doom: I wonder what “Huurrrrm” sounds like in real life?

He heard the door rattle and open. Houde opened the front door and began to step thru.

Houde: Ok guys…you can put the couch over there----huh? WTF? Whose stuff is this?
Doom: Uhh…hello?
Houde: Who said that?
Doom: It’s me…God.
Houde: God? Really?
Doom: Totally.
Houde: Uh…God…why are you talking to me?
Doom: Because I’m God. I can do stuff like that.
Houde: But why me? And why now?
Doom: Because---wait---hold on….

A farting sound filled the apartment.

Doom: Ok…where was I?
Houde: You were at the part where you were telling me how you’re speaking to me just because you can.
Doom: Oh yeah.

The toilet flushes. Houde glances in the direction of the sound. Doom steps from around the corner.

Doom: Ok…so I might not be THE God. But I will rain down some smiting if you don’t get outta my apartment.
Houde: Right. Not to be all blasphemous and stuff…but…no. This is my apartment.
Doom: How darest thou speak like that to thee!?!?
Houde: Can we drop the whole God talk thing? It’s kinda weird.
Doom: Weird? Or cooooool?
Houde: Just weird.
Doom: Ok. So yeah…this is my place and you are cruisin’ for a bruisin’.
Houde: Who talks like that?
Doom: All the cool kids.
Houde: Then you guys should stop. Ok…so we could do this whole “my apartment” battle for the next 15 minutes….and I know you could go longer than that….but how about I show you my paperwork that says this is my place?
Doom: Ok…do that.

Houde reached into his briefcase and pulled out his lease. Doom did the same. The 2 just stared at each other and then kept glancing at the papers.

Houde: Yeah….so this is awkward.
Doom: Verily.
Houde: You say verily too?
Doom: Verily.
Houde: Nice.
Doom: Ok…so obviously we both have leases that say we belong here. How about we call the rental company and find out what’s what?
Houde: Sounds like a plan.

Doom opened his cell and called the office.

Rental Office: Good afternoon—Applewood Realty. How can I help you?
Doom: Yes…I’m standing here in my apartment and there’s another guy who says that he has a lease that entitles him to the apartment as well. We were wondering if you could shed some light on the situation?
Rental Office: Oh dear. What is the address?
Doom: 6537 Pacific.
Rental Office: Ok…and who am I speaking with?
Doom: Doom.
Rental Office: Doom? Is your first name Nathan?
Doom: No my first name is not Nathan.
Houde: Mine is.
Doom: Quiet you.
Rental Office: Ok sir…it appears that there was a mix up and you both filled out leases for the same place.
Doom: ‘Scuse me? How the hell did that happen?
Rental Office: Our bad.

Click.

Doom: Dude…she hung up.
Houde: She hung up?
Doom: She hung up.
Houde: Why did she hang up?
Doom: I dunno. Now what?
Houde: Well I don’t wanna leave.
Doom: Me neither. I’m all moved in. And I christened the place already.
Houde: I smelt that.
Doom: It’s a right proper stinker.
Houde: I know.
Doom: So uh….how do you feel about roommates?
Houde: ‘Scuse me?
Doom: Roommates. I mean I’m sure we could both afford this place on our own. But it’d be cheaper with a roommate. The place is big enough.
Houde: Ummmmm….I don’t know you.
Doom: It’s not like I’m some kinda killer.

Houde glanced over and noticed the knife collection above the mantle. Doom glanced over and eyed the collection as well.

Doom: Yeah…ignore that. So whaddya say?
Houde: I don’t know.
Doom: Where else ya gonna go?
Houde: ……
Doom: SEE!?!?! I just got out the military so I’m used to bunking with strangers. I’m totally cool so you don’t have to worry about me being a douche.
Houde: …..
Doom: Come on.
Houde: This is insane. Why am I even entertaining the thought of this?
Doom: Because it’s awesome!
Houde: My mind’s telling me no…
Doom: But your body’s telling me yes.
Houde: What?
Doom: Huh? Nothing.
Houde: What was that?
Doom: What was what?
Houde: That.
Doom: What?
Houde: That. Right there. I said my mind’s telling me no. And you said something else.
Doom: No I didn’t.
Houde: Dude I just heard you!
Doom: No you didn’t.
Houde: Not helping the “not crazy” argument.
Doom: Brah…just do it. Just move in. We’ll go thru our stuff to see what’s doubled up. And we’ll sell the weaker stuff.
Houde: I still don’t know.
Doom: We can take the profits and go to the strip club. I know the strippers personally.
Houde: Really?
Doom: Oh yeah.
Houde: But isn’t that just a waste of money?
Doom: What did I just say? I know the strippers personally. It’s never a waste of money.
Houde: Ok. I don’t know how you’ve talked me into this….but I’m in.
Doom: Rock!



Several hours pass and the 2 unload Houde’s stuff into the apartment.



Houde: So what’s your name again?
Doom: Doom.
Houde: No really. I know you know mine’s Nathan. But everyone calls me Houde. Like Houdini. So what’s your name?
Doom: Doom.
Houde: Dude….
Doom: Ok…it’s actually Jelani-Ahmad.
Houde: Doom it is.
Doom: Told ya. So it’s almost dinner time. Whatcha doing for dinner?
Houde: Don’t know. I was thinking taquitos.
Doom: I like taquitos.
Houde: Taquitos it is. So you said you were in the military…what do you do now?
Doom: This and that.
Houde: Define this and that. Does it involve drugs?
Doom: No. Do caffeine pills count?
Houde: Not unless your name is Jessie Spano.
Doom: Nice. Saved By the Bell reference FTW!
Houde: I do what I can.
Doom: No…right now I’m doing odd jobs here and there to pay the bills. I have enough saved up to live off for the next 4 months. But I can’t exactly qualify that as real work. What about you?
Houde: I used to be a scientist.
Doom: What happened? Were you in some crazy experiment and your precious hands were deformed and now you’re a sorcerer supreme?
Houde: …..
Doom: Sorry. I read comics.
Houde: Heh….me too. And no I’m not all Dr.Strange now. I used to work at a company and now I don’t. I’m thinking about going into business for myself.
Doom: Doing what?
Houde: I was gonna open my own chili dog shack.
Doom: Nice. Who doesn’t love chili dogs?
Houde: I know right?
Doom: And you can make money while eating them all day long.
Houde: Marry me.
Doom: What?
Houde: Nothing.
Doom: Nice.
Houde: I know right?
Doom: I guess we should get this outta the way early on…
Houde: get what outta the way?
Doom: Dude….are you gay?
Houde: No. Are you?
Doom: No. I might crack the occasional man-love joke. But I’m all about the ladies.
Houde: Ditto.
Doom: Well glad that’s outta the way. I didn’t want there to be any weird sexual tension between us.
Houde: And what if I had said yes?
Doom: I dunno. I guess I’d just have to man up.
Houde: WHAT?!?!?
Doom: Neverminds.
Houde: Ok. Looks like we’re about done here. You read for taquitos.
Doom: I like taquitos.
Houde: Of course you do. Lemme grab my keys and we’ll go.
Doom: Ok.

The 2 went to their respective rooms and changed shirts.

Doom stared into his mirror and ran a washcloth over his face.

Doom: This is either the most awesome thing I’ve ever done…or the most stupidest. This could totally blow up in my face.


Meanwhile Houde was standing there looking into his mirror adjusting his glasses.

Houde: This has the potential to be incredibly fun…or a trainwreck. Meh…


The 2 finished and came back into the living room and began to exit the apartment.

Doom: Ready?
Houde: TAQUITOS!
Doom: Verily.





The End
 

Ultimate Houde

UC's Resident Genetic Recombinator
Joined
Apr 14, 2005
Messages
20,134
Location
Houde's Chili Dog Shack
The whole shrink ray part should have been a twist I added to the story. My girlfriend should have yelled at me for that.

And signing the same lease

That is so a sitcom plotline.
 

Victor Von Doom

Fist of teh Internets.
Joined
Oct 19, 2005
Messages
16,964
Location
On The Edge
The whole shrink ray part should have been a twist I added to the story. My girlfriend should have yelled at me for that.

And signing the same lease

That is so a sitcom plotline.

The shrink ray was in fact real for a myriad of reasons that will soon be revealed.

And yes it was a sitcom cliche. Mostly because I like satire and think that the whole absurdity fits in with the over-the-top premise.
 

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