Scientology gets pwn3d

Goodwill said:
:lol: Who is that, Steve Marti-

Someone on the other board I post at, posted this in return to a Scientology rant.

Bowker said:
Fear me Scientology! For I can create a basis for religion too!!

You see the church of scientology has it all wrong. They are purposefully spreading lies and rumours about the almighty Xenu in a plot to claim the universe for themselves and brainwash the populace into becoming their slaves whilst they rule with an iron fist. Listen not to their heathen books but instead follow the true teachings, the teaching of Xenu.

75 million years ago there was a alien called Xenu. Xenu was an elected ruler of a multi-planetary government that spanned across 76 planets. During his term he had introduced many laws that were just and had established peace on the five new planets to join the alliance that he oversaw. The truth is that the almighty Xenu could have ruled over a much greater empire had he wished since there was a galaxy's worth of planets awaiting approval to join.

Of course such a successful setup attracted numerous immigrants from other planets and systems. Most of these were fleeing from wars and hardships from their own worlds. Since Xenu was a kind hearted and kind individual he allowed all those who wished it refuge. This led to more than one problem. As more people were accepted into the alliance then the planets he ruled over quickly became over-crowded. Xenu had given this much though and had decided to expand onto planets that were not inhabited. With the greatest minds of 76 planets he developed a terraforming technique and was about to implement it.

But all was not well. Secretly a rival government, called the Thetan Empire, had sent operatives covertly into Xenu's great democracy posing as immigrants. Of course Xenu did not know this and, even if he had done, had allowed them access since he believed that everybody deserves a chance. Unrest began to surface on a number of worlds and this disrupted the terraforming project. Xenu saw what was happening and began a peaceful course of talks with the Thetan Empire. After time these failed and Xenu was left with no other option but to take drastic action. By this time the operatives had converted many to their evil cause and a civil war followed.

During this campaign Xenu devised a genius strategy and managed to contain all of the important members of the evil forces a series of space craft and had drugged them to ensure they did not try to hijack the crafts.. These crafts set off for a planet that had been the subject of a terraforming test and had been named Teegeeack, or Earth by those who had made it habitable. The plan was that these people would inhabit the Earth and be deprived of all technology that could lead to space travel so that they could live together with their own laws and be no threat to the peaceful Xenu or that which he watched over. Unfortunately, in their haste to ship off these traitors before the drugs wore off, their crafts had not been fitted with the special devices needed to cope with the newly altered atmosphere of the planet. The safety procedures kicked in and as the crafts began to plummet towards the ground their cargos were safely ejected. Again things took a turn for the worse as one of the craft crashed into a nearby volcano causing a massive release of energy and killing all of those nearby.

Xenu, who had been monitoring the progress, was devastated. The loss of life sent him into a short depression and he was greatly saddened by their deaths. For Xenu hated loss of life whatever the reason and whomever it was. So Xenu devised another plan so that his greatest mistake would bring joy and peace to the planet as life developed on it. Seeing the spirits of the evil Thetans roaming the planet Xenu used special constructs to collect them all together. He then sent them to a special re-training program where these spirits were taught in a classroom style was about right and wrong, love and hate, good and evil. The process was slow since many did not understand the concepts and resisted the teachings. But slowly and surely the Thetans began to understand that they had been wrong.

Once the training was complete the Theatans realised all of the pain and destruction that they had caused and were greatly saddened by it. As one they vowed to bring their now peaceful ways to the planet. In their ethereal like forms they inhabited the Human ancestors on the planet. By doing this they taught Humans how to communicate and aid them to evolve.

Whilst this was happening the mighty Xenu had discovered that whilst he had rid his peaceful empire of many of the Thetans he had not rid himself of them all. While he had been away tending to Earth and educating the Thetans some of those loyal to him had been corrupted by their original cause. Unjustly he was seized and, without trial as it should have been, he was locked away. Since the mighty Xenu is one of the few immortal beings that is where he is to this day.

Xenu's empire slowly began to decay and a ruthless dictatorship replaced it. Those that came into power looked upon the Earth and feared it for it contained beings pure of heart and had been touched by the mighty Xenu. They were envious and made a plan to destroy it. By using advanced technology they start controlling on Human called L Ron Hubbard. He begins to preach propaganda that the Thetans inhabiting the Human bodies are evil and should be exorcised from the body. The fact that bodies that do not wish to be inhabited by Thetans are left alone is omitted.

And so the Church of Scientology is born and spreads lies about the mighty Xenu. Some Humans are taken in by it and begin to follow the heathen teachings. Some, who find the truth and realise what Thetans and Xenu really is are threatened and killed.

Xenu is getting pissed from his cell. The Church of Almighty Xenu (CAX) is campaigning for his release. We will free Xenu and bring peace to the galaxy once more!

It's awesome, people, join together and become part of CAX!

Ultimate Houde said:
It's awesome, people, join together and become part of CAX!
Well it makes more sense than Scientology.
I have a hard time hating Scientology. Because I have a hard time feeling sorry for its victims. Just as I have a hard time feeling sorry for compulsive gamblers who loses fortune playing videopoker when it is written on the machine that the return rate is is just 93% (vary by machine).

Whenever one of the guys comes on TV to explain how he got caught up in the movement I can't help but think : You. Are. A. MORON!

It's almost as if Scientology acts as a social predator with those guys. If they didn't break their lives trying to please Xenu, they'd be victimized by something else. If you fall for scientology, you'll fall for anything!. Send 10,000$ bucks to Bonga the exiled African prince to help him recover his fortune in exchange for a cut, buy those penis enlarging pills, call one of those phone sex lines for 4,99 a minute (which result in a higher hourly rate than a luxury escort!), fall in love with the stranger who talks like poet and be devastated when it turns out he is unfaithful (Here's a clue ; you usually don't become the perfect smooth talker without practing a LOT). Anything!

So given the quality and quantity of idiots required to make the Scientology church work... I'm almost tempted to congratulate them on running a better scam than most.
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Random said:
... yeah, thats been known for a while...
Really?! :shock:

OMG! I can't believe that! I mean, all I was saying is that I just heard that on TV since I don't pay attention to any of this. But holy ****! I can't believe it's been known for a while!

Thanks Random! You just saved my life.
Ice said:
Really?! :shock:

OMG! I can't believe that! I mean, all I was saying is that I just heard that on TV since I don't pay attention to any of this. But holy ****! I can't believe it's been known for a while!

Thanks Random! You just saved my life.
You know, I can never tell whenever your being sarcastic or serious.:sure:
Ultimate Quicksilver said:
Accept Lord Xenu as your true saviour! Or burn in the cosmic Hell from Nebuloon 9
I prefer the Cosmic Hell from Gorblax 7. I have a time-share there.
that's been my favorite ytmnd since it came out. even better than Cosby Bebop.
Ice said:
Just heard on TV that John Travolta is a scientologist as well.

What Random probably means is that John Travolta is probably the most well-known Scientologist besides Tom Cruise.

His insanely hot wife is one too, obviously. So if you want to meet hot chicks you should probably become a scientologist.
E said:
What Random probably means is that John Travolta is probably the most well-known Scientologist besides Tom Cruise.
I know what he meant. It's that I don't pay attention to anything revolving about this. I just heard about that cuz my brother was watching something about celebrity bad habits on TV and they mentioned that cuz of something.

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