Spam spam spam....

Ultimate Houde

UC's Resident Genetic Recombinator
Apr 14, 2005
Houde's Chili Dog Shack
Ah spam, the wonderful meat, the more you eat, the more you toot.

Wait, that's something else.

Ah spam, the wonderful e-mails that make me feel popular. Yes, I love it when I open my e-mail folder and find 27 new mails in my inbox, and only one of them is from a real person, the other twenty six being from strange individuals, like [email protected] and [email protected]. I wonder what drugs their parents where one when they named their children. Oh, the crack was flowing that night, that's for sure.

Sometimes, for a lark, I click on these wonderful e-mails. Let's see, the first one, from a rytryt, thinks my real name is Fred. It's subject is ¢lÄim y¤u® f®e£ gØvÊrÑmÉÑt grant nøw, which I have no idea what this actually means. It could be something about government grants, which seems like an interesting proposition. Let's click on it. Ok, it says it has free passwords. Maybe their government passwords? I click on the link, and suddenly my screen is flooded with various pop ups of porn. Oh, Rytryt, you are so funny, I needed that laugh.

Fifteen minuites later, after I cleared my viruses that nice Mr. Rytryt sent me, I look at my next "spam". Its a letter from Wilt Chamberlain. Isn't he a sports star? Why would a sport star send me some mail? I click on it. Oh! What a surprise! One of my friends must be playing a joke on me, it's a porn site. Why is that woman going down on a horse though? Oh god, excuse me, I must go puke now.

Now here's one from a real person. Their name is Mary Jane, which is Peter Parker's flame in the comic books, isn't it? Well, with a subject like Häv.ë ä nígh-t toníg~ht vl_vrbnot~, who wouldn't click on it! Shucks, it's just another website, saying I can buy legal weed. I smell stocking stuffers!!!

Well, Mr. or Mrs. Qvdqvdqvdqvd's is next. This person sent me one with the subject sscd bëcömë hër superstar ín bëd. Really? I can become a superstar in bed? What will I do there? Play games? I click on it, for it intrigues me. Oh my, it's a wonder drug! It can do everything! It cures the common cold! It stops people from balding! It stops cancer! It lowers my cholesterol count! It makes my penis three inches larger! So many things, in one pill, this is sure to take off soon. Excuse me, while I go buy some stock in this company, because they are going to blow up soon with a drug like that! I'll be right back!

Well, I looked in vain, but there was no stocks in that company, so I bought some in Sega instead cause they just released that Dreamcast machine. Man, they are definitely going places. I was surprised to see their stock so damn cheap! I look at my next spam. It's subject is Plenty Of GirlS To Choose From! So I click on it, wondering if there is plenty of girls to choose from. Oh, it's just another porn site. Excuse me while I go erase the virus this one sent me, it may take awhile.

Well, its fourteen hours later, and I finally went through ALL that spam. It's so nice they have a place where you can remove yourself from their lists. And guess what? While I was looking through that spam, I got 293 more! I'm so exicted! So, while I go through this new spam, see ya later.
I got a spam that said in the same l33t fashion as yours, "london victims :((" which I thought, "Well, here are people preying on misery to sell porn. I hope they die."

I used to get a lot of spam too. First, set your junk mail on exclusive, so that anything not in your address book goes to your junk folder. Second, get adaware and run it. You may have a bunch of adware on your computer that's triggering all these messages. Hijack This may help too.
Oh the spam gods have stopped blessing me with the spam. I simply set Junk mail options

This was originally written a few years ago, before I knew about this junk mail.

Now, everything is kosher.
Lovin' eh?

Everyone loves Ultimate Houde, cause the tricks that he does are ever so clever! Look at him now, disappearing the cow, where is the cow? Hidden right now!
Hotmail has a great spam filter.
Yeah, ever since I signed up to broadband, we're getting lots of spam.
Newest Spam said:
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This one is great to read without your brain exploding
This one is great to read without your brain exploding

You'd think.

Sometimes I :heart: spam. It's just funny to read. I mean why wouldn't I want to read a horrendously grammared message that will inform me on how to make my penor bigger?

Besides....sometimes they're better than thsoe stupid chain mails that ask me to forward it onto 7 people in 7 seconds otherwise I'll have 7 years of bad luck.

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