Ultimate Houde
UC's Resident Genetic Recombinator
Ah spam, the wonderful meat, the more you eat, the more you toot.
Wait, that's something else.
Ah spam, the wonderful e-mails that make me feel popular. Yes, I love it when I open my e-mail folder and find 27 new mails in my inbox, and only one of them is from a real person, the other twenty six being from strange individuals, like [email protected] and [email protected]. I wonder what drugs their parents where one when they named their children. Oh, the crack was flowing that night, that's for sure.
Sometimes, for a lark, I click on these wonderful e-mails. Let's see, the first one, from a rytryt, thinks my real name is Fred. It's subject is ¢lÄim y¤u® f®e£ gØvÊrÑmÉÑt grant nøw, which I have no idea what this actually means. It could be something about government grants, which seems like an interesting proposition. Let's click on it. Ok, it says it has free passwords. Maybe their government passwords? I click on the link, and suddenly my screen is flooded with various pop ups of porn. Oh, Rytryt, you are so funny, I needed that laugh.
Fifteen minuites later, after I cleared my viruses that nice Mr. Rytryt sent me, I look at my next "spam". Its a letter from Wilt Chamberlain. Isn't he a sports star? Why would a sport star send me some mail? I click on it. Oh! What a surprise! One of my friends must be playing a joke on me, it's a porn site. Why is that woman going down on a horse though? Oh god, excuse me, I must go puke now.
Now here's one from a real person. Their name is Mary Jane, which is Peter Parker's flame in the comic books, isn't it? Well, with a subject like Häv.ë ä gre.at nígh-t toníg~ht vl_vrbnot~, who wouldn't click on it! Shucks, it's just another website, saying I can buy legal weed. I smell stocking stuffers!!!
Well, Mr. or Mrs. Qvdqvdqvdqvd's is next. This person sent me one with the subject sscd bëcömë hër superstar ín bëd. Really? I can become a superstar in bed? What will I do there? Play games? I click on it, for it intrigues me. Oh my, it's a wonder drug! It can do everything! It cures the common cold! It stops people from balding! It stops cancer! It lowers my cholesterol count! It makes my penis three inches larger! So many things, in one pill, this is sure to take off soon. Excuse me, while I go buy some stock in this company, because they are going to blow up soon with a drug like that! I'll be right back!
Well, I looked in vain, but there was no stocks in that company, so I bought some in Sega instead cause they just released that Dreamcast machine. Man, they are definitely going places. I was surprised to see their stock so damn cheap! I look at my next spam. It's subject is Plenty Of GirlS To Choose From! So I click on it, wondering if there is plenty of girls to choose from. Oh, it's just another porn site. Excuse me while I go erase the virus this one sent me, it may take awhile.
Well, its fourteen hours later, and I finally went through ALL that spam. It's so nice they have a place where you can remove yourself from their lists. And guess what? While I was looking through that spam, I got 293 more! I'm so exicted! So, while I go through this new spam, see ya later.
Wait, that's something else.
Ah spam, the wonderful e-mails that make me feel popular. Yes, I love it when I open my e-mail folder and find 27 new mails in my inbox, and only one of them is from a real person, the other twenty six being from strange individuals, like [email protected] and [email protected]. I wonder what drugs their parents where one when they named their children. Oh, the crack was flowing that night, that's for sure.
Sometimes, for a lark, I click on these wonderful e-mails. Let's see, the first one, from a rytryt, thinks my real name is Fred. It's subject is ¢lÄim y¤u® f®e£ gØvÊrÑmÉÑt grant nøw, which I have no idea what this actually means. It could be something about government grants, which seems like an interesting proposition. Let's click on it. Ok, it says it has free passwords. Maybe their government passwords? I click on the link, and suddenly my screen is flooded with various pop ups of porn. Oh, Rytryt, you are so funny, I needed that laugh.
Fifteen minuites later, after I cleared my viruses that nice Mr. Rytryt sent me, I look at my next "spam". Its a letter from Wilt Chamberlain. Isn't he a sports star? Why would a sport star send me some mail? I click on it. Oh! What a surprise! One of my friends must be playing a joke on me, it's a porn site. Why is that woman going down on a horse though? Oh god, excuse me, I must go puke now.
Now here's one from a real person. Their name is Mary Jane, which is Peter Parker's flame in the comic books, isn't it? Well, with a subject like Häv.ë ä gre.at nígh-t toníg~ht vl_vrbnot~, who wouldn't click on it! Shucks, it's just another website, saying I can buy legal weed. I smell stocking stuffers!!!
Well, Mr. or Mrs. Qvdqvdqvdqvd's is next. This person sent me one with the subject sscd bëcömë hër superstar ín bëd. Really? I can become a superstar in bed? What will I do there? Play games? I click on it, for it intrigues me. Oh my, it's a wonder drug! It can do everything! It cures the common cold! It stops people from balding! It stops cancer! It lowers my cholesterol count! It makes my penis three inches larger! So many things, in one pill, this is sure to take off soon. Excuse me, while I go buy some stock in this company, because they are going to blow up soon with a drug like that! I'll be right back!
Well, I looked in vain, but there was no stocks in that company, so I bought some in Sega instead cause they just released that Dreamcast machine. Man, they are definitely going places. I was surprised to see their stock so damn cheap! I look at my next spam. It's subject is Plenty Of GirlS To Choose From! So I click on it, wondering if there is plenty of girls to choose from. Oh, it's just another porn site. Excuse me while I go erase the virus this one sent me, it may take awhile.
Well, its fourteen hours later, and I finally went through ALL that spam. It's so nice they have a place where you can remove yourself from their lists. And guess what? While I was looking through that spam, I got 293 more! I'm so exicted! So, while I go through this new spam, see ya later.