Ultimate Captain America

[moonmaster]

MY VERY FIRST FANFIC!.....isn't ready yet. Chapter 1 is being written right now, and I may have it up this weekend. Till' then read this solicitation of Chapter 1:

Ultimate Captain America #1
By: moonmaster
A young man takes part in a dangerous experiment...
A child is trained to be the ultimate killing machine...
And Captain America meets a dangerous new enemy...
What is the mystery that seems to be haunting Steve Rogers? Read Ultimate Captain America to find out!

Preview:
1941: NEW YORK CITY
Bucky groggily opened his eyes. Steve stood before him. He could tell by the look on his friend's face and his blank gaze that the visit had not boded well.

"So."

"Rejected."

"But why wouldn't they take you. You've got more heart than any guy I know."

"Heart doesn't win wars, Bucky. It was my physical; they said I was too weak. Said I wouldn't be able to hold my own in combat. I'm startin' to think they're right."

"Don't say that. C'mon let's go get something to eat."

Without another word the two left the recruitment center and trudged through the fresh snow to Steve's beat up old car. Steve sat in the driver's seat, but instead of starting the car, he rested his head against the steering wheel, staring at the floor.

"Bucky," Steve began without lifting his head. "What am I gonna do? I set my sight on joining the army and...and... have you ever felt like you need to do something...good? Ya know protect people. Help 'em. That's what I want to do. I want to do something important, I wanna be remembered, I wanna make Gail proud. I wanna make my family proud. Bucky, I wanna be a hero."

 

[Ultimate Gambit]

not to shabby can't wait to read the rest

 

[ultimatedjf]

Oooh, it looks good. Can't wait to read more.

 

[TheManWithoutFear]

Oooh, it looks good. Can't wait to read more.

what he said.

 

[moonmaster]

As a side note, I'd like to mention that something:
This story basically jumps between 3 different stories; Cap's origin (1940's), a different story (also 1940's) (I'm not saying anything about this part, it's a secret), and a visit to Germany by Cap (2004). The modern parts will take place between the events of Ultimate Six and Ultimate Nightmare. Just thought people would like to know that.

 

[Ice]

Very interesting, Moonmaster.

 

[compound]

Consider me officially interested

 

[moonmaster]

ULTIMATE CAPTAIN AMERICA
PART 1 (OF 5): HERO
BY: moonmaster

1942: NEW YORK CITY
Bucky groggily opened his eyes. Steve stood before him. He could tell by the look on his friend's face and his blank gaze that the visit had not boded well.
"So."
"Rejected."
"But why wouldn't they take you. You've got more heart than any guy I know."
"Heart doesn't win wars, Bucky. It was my physical; they said I was too weak. Said I wouldn't be able to hold my own in combat. I'm startin' to think they're right."
"Don't say that. C'mon let's go get something to eat."
Without another word the two left the recruitment center and trudged through the fresh snow to Steve's beat up old car. Steve sat in the driver's seat, but instead of starting the car, he rested his head against the steering wheel, staring at the floor.
"Bucky," Steve began without lifting his head. "What am I gonna do? I set my sight on joining the army and...and... have you ever felt like you need to do something...good? Ya know protect people. Help 'em. That's what I want to do. I want to do something important, I wanna be remembered, I wanna make Gail proud. I wanna make my family proud. Bucky, I wanna be a hero."

1940: GERMANY
Johann Schmitt never remembered his parents. All he ever knew was what the guard and engineers told him. They said his father was a drunk who abandoned him, and that his mother was a cheap whore. Johann never knew that he was being lied to.
His father had been a gentle man who owned a clock repair business. His mother was a caring woman who loved him with all her heart. They loved him very much for the short time that they had him.
On a cold night in November, Johann's father heard a knock on his door at 3 in the morning.
"Who's there" he asked sleepily.
"Gestapo. We'd like a word with you, please" came a rough voice from the other side of the door. Schmitt opened the door several inches and peered out. A large S.S. man stood on his front steps, with a smaller partner not far behind.
"What is all this about"
"May we come in?" He answered "certainly" and allowed them in. He led them into the front room. Mrs. Schmitt walked into the room and asked her husband what was happening.
"These men would like to speak with us" he answered nervously.
"Your name is Hermann Schmitt, is it not?" asked the larger officer.
"Yes. It is"
"You own the clock ship, a few blocks away?"
"Yes"
"This is your wife, Elsa. And you have a son named Johann?"
"Yes, yes"
"Alright, Sir, you and your wife are under arrest." The smaller officer began handcuffing Hermann.
"Why are you doing this to us?"
"I am not at liberty to divulge that information"
The other offecer cuffed Elsa and the two were escorted from their tiny two bedroom home.
"What about my son?" asked Elsa urgently.
"Do not worry, he will be...taken care of." answered the larger officer.
Once they had both been placed in the car, the larger man reentered the house. When he emerged he was roughly carrying Johann, who was crying, and screaming. Johann was place in an unmarked car, whose driver sat silent and still. The screaming child was thrown in its back seat. The large man returned to the first car and sat down in the drivers seat.
"Where are you taking him?!" asked Elsa.
"That is not for you to know"
"But he is my so-"
"I AM GOING TO TELL YU ONE MORE TIME: BE QUIET M'AM!"
It was then that the large man started the car and began driving. It was and hour before Hermann broke the cold silence that hed filled their trip.
"We passed the police station, where are we going? Where could you be taking u-...oh god no"
"What, what's the matter" asked Elsa.
"SHHHHH. N-nothing. Just...nothing" Hermann place his arms around Elsa. "I love you honey. I want you to know that. I love you."
"I love you, too Hermann."
The car stopped in middle of a snowy forest, and Hermann and Elsa were ordered out of the car.

The second car drove for hours. Johann cryed for an hour until he fell asleep. It was 6 a.m. and still dark when he was violently pulled from the car. A large man picked him up and began carrying him. The driver of the car then stepped in front of the two. He was tall, with a pale and almost skeletal face.
"Let's go" he spoke in a cold voice.
They moved down a short lit path to a small door. The door was a part of a large and ominous facility in the heart of a dark forest. They entered the building and traveled down a long series of corridors. Soon they came to a steel door. With a twist of his key, the pale man opened the door. Johann was thrown into a dank black cell, completely bare. The large man entered the cell and closed the door behind him. He grabbed Johann and held him still. From a small hole in the wall came a light that was cast across the wall Johann was facing. A faint image was projected on the wall, and soon footage began running. Johann's mother and father left a car in middle of a snowy forest. A large man ordered them to turn away and place their hands behind their heads. He pulled out a handhun and put it to the back of Hermann's head. He pulled the trigger. Then he did the same to Elsa. Johann began screaming and crying and the footage began running again.
"Heinrich Herschell reporting" spoke the pale man from into a microphone from the adjascent control room. "Date: November 30, 1940. Subject: Johann Schmitt, Age: 4. Stage 2 of Project Red has been initiated. Phase 1 of psychological training has begun. End Transmission."

2004: SOMEWHERE OVER THE ATLANTIC
"It's only a few days," said Steve into is new cell phone. "And besides, it's not that kind of business..."
"I know, I know. It's just that this break has been so nice and I want to spend some time with you" Said Janet on the other end.
"We can do that when I get back. Tony's got business in Germany and he wouldn't fly back to show me those Triskellion plans." Said Steve while staring out the window of the SHIELD plane.
"Fine. But I want you back here ASAP."
"Alright, Alright. I'll see ya later Jan."
"Bye Steve."
Steve hung up the phone and closed his eyes. He couldn't help but feel like he was getting himself into trouble...

1942: NEW YORK CITY
Steve Rogers felt worse than he had in his entire life. Four months earlier, he had been rejected by the army and his happiness took an enormous hit. He had taken a job as a waiter, and it seemed to be taking up more and more of his time. His relationships with Bucky and Gail were straining. That's when he got the call.
"Steve. Ya got a call!" said the restaurant manager.
"Who is it?" answered Steve.
"I don't know, some army guy. You come talk to him" An excited Steve ran to get the phone.
"Hello"
"This is General James Sampson with the U.S. Army. Is this Steve Rogers?"
"Yes"
"We have viewed your files, and we have a proposal. We'd like to see you."

 

[Caduceus]

Interesting story. Its a good first chapter but there might be just a little too much jumping around. Maybe you could solve it by having bigger chunks in each setting or jumping as little as possible or both. I didn't see any major grammar or spelling errors although I wasn't looking for them.

I like this, I like the original? story part as well. Keep it up

 

[compound]

Personally, I feel the jury's still out on the multiple time periods. It can work, as long as there are definite thematic or narrative parellels between the various sub-plots. Otherwise, it might end up being a very disorienting way of telling several stories at once, for the heck of it. But I trust that Moony has probably worked this all out, ahead of time, yes?

I eagerly look forward to your next installment, MoonMaster. Keep it going!

 

[Ultimate Gambit]

its a good read I enjoyed it I really liked the part about Johann though

 

[moonmaster]

Ultimate Captain America #2
By: moonmaster
In 1943, Steve Rogers' life changes forever...
In 1944, Johann Schmitt's finds his destiny...
In 2004, Captain America learns that the past never dies...

Release Date: April 8. (subject to change)

 

[moonmaster]

(told ya the release date was subject to change)
Ultimate Captain America #2
by:moonmaster

1943: SOMEWHERE IN THE ARIZONA DESERT
The group sitting in the gallery turned to see a gaunt frame enter the room. General Sampson immediately rose from his seat and motioned his hand towards Steve.

"Good morning, Mr. Rogers"

"Good morning"

"As you can see we have some guests who would like to view today's procedure." The General gestured towards a group of men sitting in the line of chairs on the right side of the room. Steve did not recognize any of the men, except for the one closest to him, who he instantly knew was President Roosevelt. He was introduced to all of the men by the General. Steve felt odd when greeting the President in the hospital scrubs and slippers they gave him to wear, but he was excited nonetheless. Once these formalities were done with, Dr. Burton entered the room and informed everyone that the administration procedure would begin shortly. At that moment, he ushered Steve to the steel gurney that sat in the center on the cold, gray room. As he laid on the gurney, the General spoke to him.

"There's no going back, now son. You're life is about to change forever."

"I'm ready sir."

The General sat back in his chair and the Doctor prepared the needle. He began to adress the group.

"This is Steven Rogers. He is 19 years old. I am about to inject into his blood stream, a serum called S1. S1 is the product of years of research and millions of dollars on the behalf of the U.S. military. After I administer it it Mr. Rogers, it will begin to bond with his genetic structure. With the aid of several exillary injections, S1 should fully bond with Mr. Roger's DNA within five days. Then after mere weeks of physical training, Steve will reach peak physical condition. With more training he will go beyond that. His body will be chiseled to perfection, his mind honed for strategic mastery. Gentlemen, in less than six months, Steve Rogers will become the most dangerous man on the planet. All of you are about to witness history. Nurse Roberts..."

"The time is exactly 6:36 am on January first, 1943."

"The administation procedure has comenced." The Doctor plunged the needle into Steve's arm and slowly squeezed the silver colered liquid in his body. After he romoved the needle, Steve began feeling woozy. His vision began to blur and darkness began to creep in.

"Okay, let's get him out of her. Quick." came a distant voice. After that everything went black.

2004: BERLIN

Steve admired the view from the office building as Tony worked busily behind him.

"I didn't know Stark Enterprises had offices in Germany"

"Oh yeah. We've got offices all over the world. You should see the skyscraper we're building in Zimbabwe."

"Hah. That's funny."

"I wasn't kidding."

"Oh.....So why'd you call me out here. What are these Triskellion additions you were talking so much about?"

"Just some recreational facilitys. The blueprints are over on that table if you'd like to take a look."

Steve strolled over to a sheet glass table near Tony's desk in his spacious office.

"A bar?"

"What. I'm sure Fury would like to see all his super friends happy and relaxed."

"And drunk?"

"Well, that too, yes."

"Is it me or was this trip entirely pointless."

"Its not a total waste. I'm sure you've been fond memories of Nazi-***-kickery."

"I'm gettin' out of here. Jan wants me at home..."

"...Listen, when I get back to the states I'll make it up to you. I'll take you and Janet to the most expensive restaurant in New York."

"That's fine Tony. See ya."

"Yeah. See ya later."

Steve left the building and got into the SHIELD escort that awaited him outside.

"Where should I take you, Mr. Rogers?" said the driver.

"The airport. Quickly please."

As the escort drove, Steve leaned back in his seat and began to doze off, but was quickly awakened by the sound of yelling.

"What's going on?"

"There some friggin' protesters or something blocking the streets. The cops are trying to quell the situation, but somehow I don't think we're getting to the airport anytime soon."

"Can't we just find a different route?"

"It's all over the city."

"I'm gonna get out and take a look."

"Sir, I don't know if you should do that. If you get hurt, my *** is fired."

"I'm Captain America. I can handle myself."

Steve stepped out of the black car and surveyed the scene. Yellow barricades and police cars blocked the streets. Patrolmen on horseback moved useasily through the throng. Then Steve saw them. The protesters wore Nazi style fatigues and screamed at the officers. One of them screamed something in German at the others and all hell broke loose. Steve saw horses topple to the ground and thick tear gas clouds erupting throughout the crowd. Steve duck his head back into the car.

"Get me Nick Fury. Tell him it's serious."

1944: GERMAMY

Johann punched the bag angrily. Heinrich stood behind him, cold as ever, ominously gripping a leather whip. Johann was used to this sort of intimidation and he had been whipped many times. He had gotten used to the yelling and the insults; the sound of Heinrich telling him he was nothing, that he would never fulfill his destiny. He was the chosen one: he would lead Germany to victory, but only if he trained harder. Always harder, faster, better.

"Herschell!" boomed a voice from the far side of the gym. Johann stopped and looked: it was the Boss. Johann never knew his name or his rank, just that he was Heinrich's superior. "We need to speak."

"Yes, sir." Heinrich told Johann that if he stopped practicing he would be shot in the face, and he began punching again. Heinrich and his superior left to a secluded library in the facility. They sat at an oak table and began to talk.

"You are on thin ice, Herschell."

"What do you mean, Sir?"

"I mean that the fuhrer is becoming impatient. We need a weapon and Project Red has not delivered."

"You must understand, our subject is still a boy, this could take years-"

"We don't have years. You know about that Rogers boy. He's our worst nightmare, and he needs to be eliminated as quickly as possible. There are other projects that good get rid of him much sooner."

"So what happens now! You send the boy to an orphanage or the death camps. You disband the Project."

"That is for the fuhrer to decide. In several months, Project Red will be moved to our facility in Iceland"

"But-"

"This conversation is over."

He stormed from the room and left Heirnrich in a daze. Heinrich came back to the gym and found Johann still hitting. Johann saw Heinrich's odd demeanor and glanced at him.

"DO NOT LOOK AT ME!" screamed Heinrich. He whipped Johann across the back harder than he ever had before, knocking him on the floor. Johann struggled to get up.

"You may wonder why I hurt you. I know you wonder. It's because you are weak. There is a man who is stronger and faster that anyone on the planet, and he, child, is your greatest enemy. You need determination and willpower if you ever hope to confront him. The only way to build something stronger is to demolish the weak foundation that came before it. Do you understand?"

"Uhhhh-" groaned Johann, struggling to his feet.

"I thought so." Heinrich swiftly walked away, leaving Johann on the floor, in a pool of his own blood.

1943: ARIZONA

Steve opened his eyes and found himself in hospital bed. General Sampson sat at his bedside.

"Wh-what happened?"

"Unexpected side effect of the serum. You blacked out."

"How long?"

"Just a couple of hours, but everything's alright."

"Did the serum work?"

"We don't know yet. They're running tests right now."

"What if it didn't work."

"Don't worry about that now, get some rest."

"Why do I feel so tired?"

"Unexpected side effect. You'll probably be in bed for the next few days while you get your injections."

"And then what."

"If all goes as planned, you'll begin your training on Saturday."

 

[Ultimate Gambit]

not to bad looks like that Johann character is shaping to be the Red Skull maybe (hint* Project Red) I like how the story jumps froms Steve's past to the Present its a pretty fun read keep up the good work.

 

[moonmaster]

not to bad looks like that Johann character is shaping to be the Red Skull maybe (hint* Project Red)

no comment

I like how the story jumps froms Steve's past to the Present its a pretty fun read keep up the good work.

Thanks.

 

[TheManWithoutFear]

Moonmaster that's some good stuff.

 

[moonmaster]

Once again, thanks.

 

[Ice]

To summarize your chapters in one word- WOW!

You're really good at writing Captain America. Is this the first time you're writing a fanfic? You got some great dialogue going on, and the story so far is great.


Some favorite lines:

"I didn't know Stark Enterprises had offices in Germany"

"Oh yeah. We've got offices all over the world. You should see the skyscraper we're building in Zimbabwe."

"Hah. That's funny."

"I wasn't kidding."

:lol:

That's just hilarious!

"A bar?"

"What. I'm sure Fury would like to see all his super friends happy and relaxed."

"And drunk?"

"Well, that too, yes."

That's just great right there. Love it.

 

[Ultxon]

Excellent job, Moonmaster. I'd give you full marks but there are some elements in the chapters thus far that need revision. First off, there are several instances of repetition that made me a little uneasy; the main instance was in your continual use of the word door in the first chapter. Other than that, you have crafted a excellent plot, and i'm actually enjoying the 3 stories at once angle. Keep at it, soldier!

 

[Caduceus]

A definite improvement on your last chapter, the jumps around were much less disorienting this time. They worked well. I rather enjoy your Cap but I'm waiting to see where Johan's story goes.