Ultimate Captain America

icemastertron said:
To summarize your chapters in one word- WOW!

You're really good at writing Captain America. Is this the first time you're writing a fanfic? You got some great dialogue going on, and the story so far is great.

Thanks and yes, this is my first fanfic, but I'm enjoying writing this so much that I'm already planning my follow up: another ultimate mini starring everyone's favorite hairy canadian (it will hopefully be out right after UCA).

Ultxon said:
First off, there are several instances of repetition that made me a little uneasy; the main instance was in your continual use of the word door in the first chapter
.

How did I do that? I said door like 3 times in one paragraph. I didn't realize it when I was writing it, but next time I'll watch my word choice.
 
Bass said:
This is pretty cool.

But no moons?! For shame.

Thank you. I consider your praise a very high honor.

As for the moons, shhhhhhh...you'll spoil the grand finale: Cap vs. The Moon For All The Cheese!. Oops, strike that.
 
Damn right it's a high honour.

I'm the greatest man who ever lived. Even Ozymandius is jealous of me.

Anyhow, I've only skimmed your work so far. I'll read it fully at a later date.
 
Anyhow I just read it and I think it's still pretty cool.

I would make a couple of notes: firstly, I may be wrong on this, but I believe DNA and genetic schools of thought didn't occur until the mid-50s. While it's true, the high-ups and the scientists may be farther ahead (especially in relation to the Skrull involvement in the UU WW2) it may be nice to have had Steve kind of worried about these bizarre terms they are throwing about.

Secondly, this may be a criticism or a well-played move on your part - it kinda depends on your story's climax. At the moment, Johann Schmidt (blatantly the Red Skull) is quite a tragic and empathic character. So much so, he's kind of drawing my attention over the Cap. Now, if Johann does become Red Skull and is super-evil, unless you keep him as the protagonist and do a tragedy, I think it's possible you may end up doing a Bladerunner and have a villain that's more emotionally engaging than the hero. On the other hand, if you are trying to do a dual-protagonist where the two protagonists are in conflict with one another (such as Achilles and Hector in Troy) then you're definately on your way there. But I reckon, either one, you can probably pull off. :D

So long as you involve the moon in some way.
 
I kinda realized after I had posted the last chapter that they didn't know about genetics in the 40's. I also found something in Ultimates #1 last night: Cap mentions that he went through 6 months of "steroids and surgery", so I think my view of how he became CA might be a little flawed. It was also mentioned in issue #7 that Cap has "survival enhancements". I'm not exactly sure what that means....
 
Ultimate Captain America #3
"VOWS"
by:moonmaster
1945: Steve makes a big decision, but will he be able to fulfill his promise?
2004: Berlin is under attack by a dangerous faction and the lives of twelve people are in danger. Why is Captain America the only one that can save them?
1945: Johann's life is about to change forever. Will he ever fulfill his destiny?
RELEASE DATE: April 23 (subject to change)
 
moonmaster said:
Ultimate Captain America #3
"VOWS"
by:moonmaster
1945: Steve makes a big decision, but will he be able to fulfill his promise?
2004: Berlin is under attack by a dangerous faction and the lives of twelve people are in danger. Why is Captain America the only one that can save them?
1945: Johann's life is about to change forever. Will he ever fulfill his destiny?
RELEASE DATE: April 23 (subject to change)

Delayed until April 24 (tomorrow).
 
Ultimate Captain America #3"VOWS"
by: moonmaster

1945: NEW YORK CITY
Steve and Gail walked slowly down the street, holding hands. Their pace was more leisurely than usual, and the sidewalk was all but empty. They had spent the entire lazy summer day together. As Steve's military career took up more and more time, he and Gail found themselves miles away from each other more and more often. But this was a special day, when the two had all the time in the world. Steve stopped and gazed at and old rundown diner.

"Hey Gail, remember this place?"

"Oh yeah, the Sunset Diner. We used to go here together when we first met."

"It is where we first met. Wanna get something to eat? I'm starved."

"I guess. Are you sure it's still open?"

"Yeah, c'mon."

Steve led Gail in the door. The place was dingier and darker than they had remembered. They sat in a small booth by the window and a waitress came and took their order.

"Steve, we have to talk about something-"

"Wait, there's something I have to tell you. Look, we've been together for so long. We've been through thick and thin together. I don't know what you saw in me when we first met here, but I know you saw something. You believed in me. Gail," Steve pulled a small, black box from his pocket and opened it to reveal a diamond ring. "Will you marry me?"

"Oh, Steve.....yes." They kissed for what felt like forever.

"Gail, what were you going to tell me?"

"Um, I wanted to talk to you about your.....your career."

"What?"

"I just-I worry about you Steve. You're always putting yourself in danger. I just don't know what I would do if you never came home."

"Honey, you don't have to worry. You know what I can do. You know that it would take a hell of a lot more than what they've thrown at me so far to stop me."

"But you know they could. Fate can strike at any time, good or bad."

"Don't think about fate, Gail. Not today. This is our day. We can't let fate ruin it. All we can do is make this moment last forever. I promise you, Gail, nothing will ever stop me from coming home. Nothing."

2004:BERLIN

The command room was spacious and had a large table in center of it. Captain America, in full costume entered the room with Nick Fury at his side. They greeted the select group of German officials who sat at the table.

"Alright, let's get down to business." said the German Prime Minister.

"What business exactly?" asked Fury. "You said you would explain everything once we got over here."

"Yes, yes. I will tell you why you are needed it time, but first I must explain the situation." At this the Prime Minister spoke something in German to a nearby soldier. The soldier pulled down a large flat screen behind him. "Two days ago, a group of German politicians held a summit here in Berlin at a nearby convention center. A large group of people quickly set up outside and began protesting. For a time, we did nothing, they were not hurting anyone. But soon, things began to escalate." The screen turned on and displayed the protestors yelling in front of a large building."We learned that they were a neo-nazi group. They dress in S.S. uniforms and wave swatstikas. We decided that it would be best to break them up, disperse them, but we were unable to. You see, their numbers grew. They spread to various points in the city. Neo-nazis from all over the world were gathering here. We could not stop them. They became increasingly violent. On day 3, the summit members attempted to leave. Their driver was shot in the head as they were trying to escape, and they were taken hostage by the group. 13 of the most powerful men in Germany. They've already shot one, and promise to kill another tomorrow."

"May I ask, Prime Minister, what this has to do with us."

"The group has a leader. We've never seen him and we have no idea who he is, but he has made one very specific request. He said that if this demand is met, he will release the hostages."

"And what is this request?"

"He wants to see Captain America."

1945: ICELAND

Johann cringed at the sound of the siren. The warning repeated again over the speakers.

"CODE BLACK. EVACUATE IMMEDIATELY. I REPEAT, CODE BLACK."

Heinrich tore apart his office like a madman, dimly lit by the red glow of the emergency lights. He clutched a stack of papers to his chest and dumped them haphazardly into a black leather bag.

"Years of research. I have to save it all."

"Sir, I th-think we have to leave."

"I am not done yet. We will leave once I am done." Johann walked to the farside of the office and looked out the window. Paratrooper wafted downward across a gray, early-morning sky. On the ground, bullets flew and explosions erupted everywhere.

"Get away from that window, boy!"

Johann saw a single plane heading for the compound. It exploded as it crashed and the entire facility shook. Johann was knocked off of his feet. He rose and looked down once more. One man gallantly fought his way through a throng of German soldiers, carrying a star-spangled shield. Heinrich, startled, came to Johann's side.

"Is-is that him?"

"He is here...."

"I could never fight him. I could never match him."

"But you will. Someday. For now, you can be assured that you are above him, and you always will be. He is scum. You are a king.....We have to leave this place. Now."

He grabbed Johann's wrist and stormed out of the office, grabbing his bag as he left. He rushed down the hall to the emergency staircase.

"One last stop."

They hurried down the dark staircase to the fourth floor. There Heinrich entered and abandoned lab. He ran to a small steel freezer and opened the door.

"They couldn't have taken all the samples. There has to be one left.." Heinrich retrieved a small vial full of a clear, viscous substance. "Here it is."

"What is it?"

"This, Johann is the key to your future."

The two ran back to the stairwell and rushed to the ground floor. They made their way to a hangar, empty except for a single plane. Heinrich helped Johann into the second seat and then got in to the front seat.

"Can you fly."

"I began my career flying planes."

After flipping switches and fiddling with dials, the plane crept to life. The plane began to take off and just barely made it into the air.

"Where are we going?"

"Someplace we'll be safe. Where your future will be safe. I promise you Johann, you will fulfill you destiny. You will."
 
NOTE:​

Regarding this series, I've got good news and I've got bad news. The good news: I'm combining issue 4 and 5 for the conclusion, and it will be out.
The bad news: It won't be out for a while. I've recently been issued an assload of homework for the next two weeks (the last two weeks of school. How crappy is that?) and I'm going to be busy. So, again, it won't be out for a while.
 
moonmaster said:
NOTE:​

Regarding this series, I've got good news and I've got bad news. The good news: I'm combining issue 4 and 5 for the conclusion, and it will be out.
The bad news: It won't be out for a while. I've recently been issued an assload of homework for the next two weeks (the last two weeks of school. How crappy is that?) and I'm going to be busy. So, again, it won't be out for a while.

Awwww........ :(

Know the feelin dude,MAJOR exams comin up in two weeks for me......
 
Captain America #4
"ENDLESS DARKNESS"
BY: Moonmaster

The final chapter! Johann and Heinrich have survived the end of World War II, but can they survive each other! And Captain America finally faces the leader of the Fourth Reich. Don't miss the exciting conclusion!
RELEASE DATE: May 22
 
moonmaster said:
Captain America #4
"ENDLESS DARKNESS"
BY: Moonmaster

The final chapter! Johann and Heinrich have survived the end of World War II, but can they survive each other! And Captain America finally faces the leader of the Fourth Reich. Don't miss the exciting conclusion!
RELEASE DATE: May 22

DELAYED UNTIL MAY 24
 
I'm waiting patiently.


Now if only I could YOU GUYS who don't read my fics to actually read them.

**Cough**Sensational Spider-Man & The Essential X-Men**Cough

**Cough**Both coming back soon**Cough**
 

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