Ultimate Mystery

Goodwill

Well-Known Member
One thing you want to do is add unneeded length to it. You don't want to write bullsh*t and throw the reader off from reading the actual "meat", do you? Length shouldn't be an issue as long as there is quality.
 

ProjectX2

Don't expect me to take you with me when I go to s
Thanks for your insight Goodwill! Here's Chapter 2.

Ultimate Mystery
Chapter #2: Revelations





Antarctica


The wind was cold and seemed to carry an icy whisper across the continent. Something strange had come and the men didn’t know how to deal with it. Many soldiers had shot at it, but that had made the “guest” angry. The creature, to which some call the 'Silver Surfer', flew up into the air until it was out of distance. It then sped towards the ground faster than the speed of light and was prepared to attack. By this time everyone was awake. There was shouting all over the camp. Reed and Sue ran out into the cold and stared at this marvel. It was incredible. It was like nothing that Reed had ever seen before. It was attacking. Johnny had been the first to see it. He was the one who was scared the most. He was the one who was foolish.

“I’ll stop it, Reed!” Johnny yelled as his body burst into flames. He shot up nearly as fast as the Silver Surfer.

“No!” Sue screamed into the night. “Johnny, come back!”

“Captain get me a phone,” Hank shouted to a nearby soldier. “We’re going to need back up.” Hank got the phone and dialled Fury’s number.



“Hank? What’s happening down there?” Came the voice from the phone.

“We’ve got a problem down here, Nick, we’re being attacked!” Hank shouted over the surrounding chaos.

“Attacked? By what?” Fury asked.

“That’s the thing, Nick. We don’t know. All I know is we’re going to need a lot of back up.” Hank said.

“I’ll assemble all Ultimates and we’ll be there as soon as we can, Hank.”


Johnny and the Silver Surfer were neck and neck now dodging each other’s blasts, Johnny throwing blasts of fire while the alien fired some kind of plasma force.

“I don’t believe this,” Reed said amazed. “That thing is firing some kind of plasma energy. If only we could harness that…”

“Reed, that’s my brother! Get him down now!” Sue shouted at Reed.







The Triskellion, New York





Helicopters and helicarriers were taking off and preparing to go to Antarctica. There were 3 soldiers with Fury. Captain America, the Black Widow and Hawkeye.

“Stark is leading a squad there now and Thor is meeting us there,” Fury yelled over the helicopters. “Us four will lead the reinforcements. What ever is down there is something dangerous and we need to stop it!”

“But if Jan said this thing seemed indestructible how are a few extra bullets going to stop it?” Black Widow asked.

“We’ll figure that out when we get there!” Captain America yelled as he led them to the nearest helicopter.

“It’s good to be back.” Hawkeye said.





Antarctica

The silver surfer stopped fighting and hovered in the sky. Johnny was tired but he could hold up for a couple of rounds.

“Yo! What you doing?” Johnny yelled.

“Foolish Human! You are only denying the inevitable! Your world will be devoured! Galactus is coming!” The silver surfer boomed as he charged up one final blast.

“Oh $#^%!” Johnny yelled, but it was too late. The Silver Surfer charged forward, sending off the massive blast, which caught Johnny unaware. He was knocked unconscious instantly. The cold air stole his flame, and he began to fall.

“Reed! Do something! He’s falling!” Sue yelled. Reed sprung into action. He stretched out to the size of an average trampoline. He then made sure he was bouncy.

“This ain’t any time for fun and games, Reed.” Ben said wondering what he was doing.

“Ben! Get ready to catch!” Reed yelled.

“What?” Ben asked as Johnny fell into Reed’s body. Johnny bounced back into the air, and right into Ben’s rocky arms. Ben then put him inside one of the tents while Sue ran in to see of he was okay. While this was all happening, the Silver Surfer looked down and observed. Why did the Human’s help each other? No wonder they were the weakest race in the Universe, the Silver Surfer thought, take one of their loved ones away and they’d do anything to get them back.

“It’s time I end this!” the Silver Surfer boomed. “These weak excuses for soldiers are not worthy to challenge the devourer!” The Silver Surfer charged forward ready to attack again.








Norway, Europe

“I’ve already told you, Loki, I will not kill for you.” Thor said talking to no one in particular.

“You are a fool Thor. Your father sent you to Earth to purify it, yet all you do is help some Special Forces team. You really are pathetic Thor.” Something whispered from the shadows.

“You don’t know anything Loki. That’s why Father sent me to Earth and not you. I would help it, while you would enslave it.” Thor said as he stood up.

“Where you going now, my misguided half-brother? I’ve seen you when you get depressed Thor. All you do is get drunk and eat cat food. This world would be better off without you. They don’t need you.” The whisper said again.

“Then how come I’m getting a distress call from Antarctica asking specifically for my help?” Thor said as he raised his magic hammer Mjolnir and disappeared. The person in the shadows was left dumbfounded.







Antarctica



Plasma blasts eradicated all the soldiers attacking the Silver Surfer. It wouldn’t be long now, he thought. He looked at one guy who wasn’t moving. Hank Pym. It was extraordinary. He was growing larger. His clothes ripped apart and his legs grew. After he had grown there stood a massive 60ft tall naked man. The Silver Surfer was amazed. Finally, a challenge he thought. He sped towards the giant-man and prepared to attack.

“It’s time to stop this.” Hank boomed as he swung his arms round. He slammed them together with the alien caught in the middle. A massive sound wave echoed around them. Hank grabbed the Silver Surfer.

“You’re not going anywhere now.” Hank boomed.

“That’s what you think Earthling.” The Silver Surfer disappeared into thin air.

“Wha…” Hank was cut short as something hit him in the face. He fell backwards into a mountain of ice. The Silver Surfer began to circle around him at a speed unmentionable by man.

“You fool!” He shouted. “I am superior to you humans!”

“How about fighting a god then!” Said Thor as he flew out of nowhere, and tackled the alien. Thunder crackled and lightning struck as Thor reined blow upon blow on the Silver Surfer.

“Now you have met Mjolnir, strange being.” Thor said as he stood on the silver surfer. “I hope you do not need to meet it again…”

“You are just as foolish as the Humans. You fight when there is no hope.” The Silver Surfer mocked.

“You’re in no situation to be talking alien. You can not defeat us.” Thor said.

“Who said I was going to defeat you. I am merely a herald. Your time has come…”

“What? Who is coming?” Thor asked impatiently. A bright light appeared in the sky. It was brighter than the sun, which has just dimly appeared on the horizon. Icebergs began to break up and float into the sky. A massive black hole appeared sucking everything into it. All the people that had survived the Silver Surfer’s attack stared in shock.

“He has come…” The silver surfer stuttered. “Galactus has come…”
 

Aeroth

Well-Known Member
A bit short, but it served its purpose nicely. And you continue to put up little bits of subplots. Good job.
 

Ice

Teh Sexy Monkey Queen
Yes, a very well done chapter. Keep it up man. I enjoyed this one. Nice dilaogue for SS. :wink:
 

ProjectX2

Don't expect me to take you with me when I go to s
Thanks guys. I've already finished the third chapter so that should be up soon. Expect an epilogue too.
 

ProjectX2

Don't expect me to take you with me when I go to s
Here's the third chapter... again! Please post your comments again as I will probably do the same to you guys...

Ultimate Mystery
Chapter 3: Galactus


S.H.I.E.L.D. Helicarrier, Antarctic Ocean

A storm was brewing. Fury knew that much. He could feel it in his blood. Whatever that big thing was, it had landed. They were close to Antarctica now. It wouldn’t be long until he could find out what this thing was. He only hoped it wasn’t too late.

“Nick, I’m picking up only around twenty live body scans. That means that something is wiping out our men, quickly.” The robotic voice of Iron Man came in over he speakers.

“Damn. That means this thing is extremely dangerous. Get ready Tony; we’re going to have a fight on our hands.” Fury said as he walked across the room. Captain America, Hawkeye and Black Widow were all talking. They were arguing about what rifle was best.

“Steve, I need to talk to you for a second.” Fury said.

“Sure Nick, what’s up?” Steve asked.

“I know you’ve never lost a fight Steve, but this look’s hard. From what I’m getting from our thermal scanners is that this thing is still moving and Thor hasn’t stopped it. And I just want you to know; you’re the best soldier I’ve ever commanded. So lets go and kick this thing’s butt!” Fury said as he patted Cap on the back.

“Whatever you say Nick, whatever you say.” Cap replied.





Antarctica

The Earth quaked as the metal giant walked. Galactus was here. Galactus was hungry. As soon as the light had disappeared, Galactus had appeared, a massive 28’ 9” and probably weighed at least 18.2 tons. Unknown to the Earthlings, Galactus was created for a purpose. He was once known as the being Galan who led his people into the Big Bang where the radiation and cosmic powers made him into Galactus, a massive devouring creature who’s job was to literally eat the universe. He was here on Earth now, the planet he had heard which was rich with energy. All the radiation had made this planet the most delicious meal on Earth. And now that he was here, no one could stop him.

“This can’t be good…” Thor said as he got off the Silver Surfer.

“Foolish Human!” The Silver Surfer snared. “No person has ever stood a chance against Galactus!”

“But I’m no ordinary person, am I?” Thor said as he raised his hammer. “If he’s so hungry, let’s see if he likes the taste of Mjolnir.” Thor flew into the air causing lightning and thunder to strike around him. He gathered speed and prepared to charge into Galactus. Thor raised his hammer and cast it down on Galactus’s chest.

“Foolish Human!” Came Galactus’s giant metallic voice. Galactus’s eyes began to glow red.

“This can’t be good…” Thor said as he was blasted out of the sky by Galactus’s laser vision.

“Get Hank some of that shrinking serum and move all injured out of the path of destruction!” Jan yelled while moving about helping. “Reed, can’t you do anything about him?”

“I don’t know if we could harm something that big; it’s just too big.” Reed said studying Galactus.

“I’ve got an idea, Reed,” Sue said as she noticed two poles about 20 feet apart. “Reed, stretch and grab onto those two poles! Ben, stand in the middle of Reed and prepare to be fired!”

“Fired?” Ben said as he moved into position. Sue stood behind Reed’s slingshot body, which was pointed directly at Galactus. She created a hand with her invisible force field, picked up Ben with it, strained under the weight and put him into Reed’s sling. She then pulled back Reed as far as she could and let go. She had turned the Fantastic Four into a giant slingshot. Ben flew into the air like a giant, rocky, human cannonball. He hit Galactus in the chest at a force unmeasurable by any Human, except for maybe Reed. The result was Ben with a very sore head, and a staggering Galactus. The hit had managed to weaken Galactus but not stop him. He continued to walk destroying everything in his path.

“Is there anything that can stop him?” Sue said. Suddenly, soldiers began to appear out of nowhere. Helicopters began to land. The cavalry had arrived.

“Why’d no one invite me to the party?” Iron Man asked as he sped towards Galactus firing his lasers.

“Galactus hungers!” Galactus boomed as Iron Man and many helicopters began to do ‘Hit and Run’ attacks. Captain America, Nick Fury, Black Widow and Hawkeye led the army of soldiers charging towards Galactus firing at him. Nothing seemed to stop him. It looked like Galactus would succeed in his devouring of Earth. But everyone had forgotten about the silver surfer. He was still lying down injured from his battle with Thor. Even his master had betrayed him. Even as he lied in the cold, possibly dying, he regretted what he had done. Galactus had attacked his planet looking for a herald. He had agreed to be his herald, if his planet was left alone. That was a long time ago, now. Back when he was known as Norrin Radd. A strange figure walked towards Norrin now. He was dressed in a massive cloak and his face was covered. He walked up towards Norrin and out a hand on his chest. He began to chant something and slowly, Norrin gelt healed. The figure got up and began to walk away.

“Who are you Earthling?” Norrin asked.

“I am just a man you might call Strange, Silver Surfer.” The man said as he continued to walk.

“But why did you heal me?” Norrin asked again.

“I hope you will make your own decision,” The figure said as he stopped. “Farewell!” The figure disappeared into thin air. Norrin felt rejuvenated and stronger than ever. It was time for his revenge. He hovered above the ice watching the pointless struggle between Galactus and the Humans. He would end this once and for all. He charged towards Galactus for his final attack.

“We can’t stop it!” Fury shouted over the gunfire. “We need to retreat!”

“No, we can’t give up now!” Captain America yelled. “If we don’t stop this thing the entire planet is going to be supposedly eaten!”

“There is one way we could stop it!” Red yelled to Fury.

“You’re not a soldier, Richards, stay out of this!” Captain America yelled.

“No, but my invention, I think it could work!” Reed yelled as Fury stopped to listen.

“You think it will work?” Fury asked.

“It will work,” Reed said. “If I shoot it just above it’s head, I should be able to open up a black hole that should suck that thing out of here, no matter how heavy it is.”

“This is our last chance,” Fury said. “You better not fail.”

Norrin sped around Galactus travelling at the speed of light creating suction, so if Galactus moved any further he would be lifted off the ground.

“You fool!” Galactus boomed. “I own you!”

“Not anymore,” Norrin said as he continued to get faster and faster. “Your plague of disaster is about to be stopped!”


Reed prepared the gun, which would hopefully end this whole thing, while Iron Man and Sue prepared their force fields and everyone began to evacuate. Reed put in the coordinates and aimed just above Galactus’s head. He also noticed that the silver surfer was flying around Galactus, preventing him from moving and making his shot a little easier.

“C’mon Nullifier, don’t let me down now…” Reed said as he pulled the trigger. “Tony! Sue! Now!” As soon as the blast was fired, a black hole ripped open and begun to suck everything into it. It was also at that moment that Sue and Iron Man turned on their force fields protecting everyone who was inside them from the black hole. Galactus began to move up into the black hole, Norrin with him.

“Your reign is over, Galactus!” Norrin yelled. “You’re going to be hungry for a long time…”

The black hole sucked Galactus into it and everything went white.
 

René

Starring in "The Longest Yard", opening Memorial D
Wow man I love the story telling. Really great. I love the use of the Silver Surfer and Dr.Strange? Was that Dr.Strange? Anyways I loved it man cant wait to read the next chapter.
 

Ice

Teh Sexy Monkey Queen
This was great man. You really are doing a great job with the Silver Surfer. Keep up it man!! :D
 

ProjectX2

Don't expect me to take you with me when I go to s
Thanks for the comments! That's the end of Ult. Mystery but never fear, an epilogue is in the making... Which shall explain everything...
 

Caduceus

The Original Muffins Man
Ok i finally got around to catching up on the fanfic adn this is great. This is really good. the interaction is good. the dialog is good. its all good
don't stress abuot the length. Its as long as it is. I'm waiting eagerly for the next parts
 

ProjectX2

Don't expect me to take you with me when I go to s
Well the next aprt won't be until February which shall be something completely different... Until then you can read Ult. Symbiote which should be updated every few days.
 

ProjectX2

Don't expect me to take you with me when I go to s
Due to annonymous reasons my posters, even though they might be crappy, will probably be not posted in the solicts. So I've decided to post them here. Any comments would be greatly appreciated.

Ultimate Mystery
Mystery.bmp


Ultimate Mystery: Epilogue
Epilogue.bmp
 

Seldes Katne

Site mom
This is a very lively, fast-paced piece of writing, as befits a story about a major event that could have literally Earth-shattering consequences. There didn't seem to be any wasted scenes. I thought you did a skillful job of weaving the two teams together during the final battle and working out a method of stopping Galactus that was truly a joint effort.

Nice transition in the section where we jump from Antarctica to Norway to pick up Thor. If the Surfer doesn’t think the group opposing him is worthy to fight Galactacus, find someone who is.

A couple of items I found a little confusing, so perhaps you could explain them to me: Why is Hank Pym the one selected to lead the Antarctic team? What I’ve seen of him makes me think he’s more of a medical/biology type of expert. Is his background broader than that?

“Strange” seemed to come literally out of nowhere. Was he mentioned somewhere earlier in the story, and I just missed it?

Not as a comment on your writing abilities, but more on the common sense level of your characters (which I realize is the character’s responsibility, not yours): I was kind of rolling my eyes at Hank Pym growing larger and losing his clothes in the middle of the coldest climate on Earth. Not exactly the world’s smartest move, I’m thinking.... This guy’s a scientist?! :?


Some of the lines I found of particular interest:


“I am the herald of your doom!” The silver surfer boomed. “Your world is about to be devoured!”

“Oh crap…” Johnny said.
:lol: This reminds me of the scene in Star Wars: The Phantom Menace in which that whole arm of droids is systematically unloaded from the transports in front of the Gungan army, and Captain Tarpals takes one look at them and remarks, “Ouch time!” Amusing, but highly realistic and a pretty good summary of the situation.

“Well, you know how we’ve been planning a trip?” Reed said. “Well, I thought we could all go to Antarctica!”

“What? Antarctica’s pretty much a giant iceberg. And I thought only scientists were allowed to go there?” Johnny asked looking not very amused.

“But you forget, Johnny, that I am a scientist. I can talk to the army and they’ll lend us a helicopter to get there. Something huge is going to land in Antarctica, and I want to be there first when it hits. If this is successful we could be famous!” Reed said.
Ah, hah! Another person who believes in “working vacations”....


“That’s where I come in. I have built this special ray gun that when pointed at a certain co-ordinate will tear open a small portal in the time and space continuum and open a black hole and send this baby back into outer space. I call it the vacuum.” Reed said boldly.

“Hey Reed, is that that thing that never works properly?” Johnny asked.
Wise guy. (The kid better be careful, or someone will stuff him into a footlocker for the rest of the trip. :) )
 

Bass

Nexus of the World
Ultimate Mystery

After Nick Fury finds out something massive is about to hit Antarctica, he sends a research team into investigate. At the exact same time, Reed Richards gathers the Fantastic Four and sends them on a trip to the very same place. What is going to hit Antarctica that could threaten our very species? Find out in the pulse-pounding Ultimate Mystery series written by ProjectX2 and coming soon!

Sounds a bit like Ultimate Nightmare but it's actually totally different.

Maybe one of the best solits ever.
 
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