Ultimate Punisher !

SeAcoW

Well-Known Member
Joined
Feb 25, 2005
Messages
904
Okay guys here's the deal. I've been working on a Ultimate punisher project the last few days trying to write it in english as good as i could. So later on tonight, i will post the first part of the serie. I would like to hear what you all have to say about it, and also if somebody would like to, i would love somebody editing it into good english for me :wink: I would love you guys to be honest with your answers and they dont all have to be good. As said i will post it on later.

Thank you
 

GMaster

Banned
Joined
Jun 10, 2005
Messages
984
Location
South Yorkshire, England
The Ultimate Universe was made mainly to be a) a more realistic Marvel Universe, and b) to help new readers who wanted to read comics from watching films. That's why in Ultimate X-Men you don't see Angel 'till much later on, where is an The Uncanny X-MEn he was one of the first.
 

Patriot Mk2

The poster formerly known as Johnny Bravo
Joined
Feb 6, 2005
Messages
2,126
Location
Dublin, Ireland
GMaster said:
The Ultimate Universe was made mainly to be a) a more realistic Marvel Universe, and b) to help new readers who wanted to read comics from watching films. That's why in Ultimate X-Men you don't see Angel 'till much later on, where is an The Uncanny X-MEn he was one of the first.

Ah right that makes sense.I thought you were just being picky,sorry!
Haven't seen the movie but its an original enough take.
 

GMaster

Banned
Joined
Jun 10, 2005
Messages
984
Location
South Yorkshire, England
Yeah okay. Just noting. In the movie Frank gets his family killed after he leaves the CIA by a mobster who's son he killed on his last job. They go an island where his parents adn stuff live and kill everyone except Frank.
 

SeAcoW

Well-Known Member
Joined
Feb 25, 2005
Messages
904
OK guys first of all i would like to say thx for the help patriot gave me. He made the story (Even more) awesome and i owe him everything! I'm looking forward for him to edit part 2. if you guys want to read part 2 lol. Anyway he did great!

Enjoy guys ! :wink:

Writing > Simon aka Seacow

Editing > PaulC. aka Patriot




Part 1 – A Punisher Is Born.


I open my eyes slowly. I'm feeling dizzy,like I’ve knocked back an entire bottle of Jack Daniels in a few seconds. What’s that smell? It's horrible,and I find it reminding me of rotting flesh. Bad memories. God damn my head hurts. Can’t remember a thing, but from what I see I’m on the floor of some rich guys house. My skin brushes against this fancy carpet,panther skin I think. Problem is that it ain’t so fancy anymore,‘cuz someone got blood all over the place. I try to stand up, but my legs won’t let me. I'm bleeding; actually I think I’m shot. It takes all my willpower just to stand up, holding the flow back with my already bloody hands. Somewhere, there's a tap running. All of a sudden I'm overcome by thirst,and I can't think of anything else. As fast as my body can,I walk towards the running water. Stumbling is the best I manage,and that quickly develops into a crawl.

Guns. Guns all over the place. Bodies just lying there. Crap,whatever was going on here must have been rough. I find out where the sounds coming from,the bathroom. I shove open the door,swiftly,like a child at Christmas....and then it hits me-the smell, that horrible odour. I turn my face towards its origin, over towards the bath. And there, this beautiful woman lays. With three bloody holes through her beautiful body. I feel pain,I feel hate and at the same time,I feel love.This is my wife and she was murdered. My children,I remember having children. I don't feel any pain now as I run towards their rooms. Any effort I make only results in finding my son and daughter slain. I pick up my children, and carry them to the bathroom. The blood I'm losing doesn't bother me,I just want my family to be together for one last time.

In my efforts a lighter falls outta my pocket. It’s quality silver and somebody engraved it.

“To my dear friend,
Frank Castle,
From Silvermane”.

I guess I'm Frank,huh. I'm gonna haveta have me a few words with this Silvermane chap. Find out who the hell I am, and why this has happened. Find out who planned all this.

And then I'll punish them for it.
 
Last edited:

ProjectX2

Don't expect me to take you with me when I go to s
Joined
Sep 15, 2004
Messages
25,007
It's short and sweet. It's okay, but would be even better wit spaces after the punctuation.
 

SeAcoW

Well-Known Member
Joined
Feb 25, 2005
Messages
904
Yea i saw that ^^

EDIT: I just changed it so the spaces are up. Thx for the good respond :D
 
Last edited:

ProjectX2

Don't expect me to take you with me when I go to s
Joined
Sep 15, 2004
Messages
25,007
Now that it's easier to read...

Nice job. You've got a good plot done up and am hoping to see more. Practise makes perfect.
 

SeAcoW

Well-Known Member
Joined
Feb 25, 2005
Messages
904
I really hope to get part 2 up today ! I call part 2 "Metal Dave" :D Think about it !
 

Caduceus

The Original Muffins Man
Joined
Sep 6, 2004
Messages
5,491
Location
Australia
Interesting start but it was really short. Like, incredibly. I hope the next bit's longer
 

SeAcoW

Well-Known Member
Joined
Feb 25, 2005
Messages
904
THx :D I donno if i will make the next part any longer, 'cuz my idea with this thing was to make it kinda short. But let's see what happens :wink:
 

SeAcoW

Well-Known Member
Joined
Feb 25, 2005
Messages
904
GMaster said:
Not really descriptive, I hope laster you describe a bit more where he is and stuff like that. If you know what I mean.


I know what you mean. The only prob is that Frank really doesn't know what he is himself at this point. I've been writing before and i always **** it up when i put too many details on. I will leave some stuff to the imagination.
 

Patriot Mk2

The poster formerly known as Johnny Bravo
Joined
Feb 6, 2005
Messages
2,126
Location
Dublin, Ireland
Guys,about the length thing,I thought that at first too.Then I realised he has to translate from Danish.
 

Latest posts

Top