I've always said that I hate running so much and I'm so slow that if there ever really was a zombie apocalypse I'd just get it over with and kill myself right away.

*loads bullets*
Can I use my segway??

A man can outrun a segway but he cannot outrun a bullet.
Help! I can't find my legs!
Oh, woe is me!!!

If only I had worked on my cardio prior to the end times! My mother was right, my cigarette habit shall indeed kill me!

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