Quick!

I've always said that I hate running so much and I'm so slow that if there ever really was a zombie apocalypse I'd just get it over with and kill myself right away.

*loads bullets*
 
Can I use my segway??

segway11.jpg
 
A man can outrun a segway but he cannot outrun a bullet.
 
Help! I can't find my legs!
 
Oh, woe is me!!!

If only I had worked on my cardio prior to the end times! My mother was right, my cigarette habit shall indeed kill me!
 

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