Scientifically Doomed
- Thread starter Victor Von Doom
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McCheese
Well-Known Member
Ultimate Houde
UC's Resident Genetic Recombinator
Shenanigans!
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Victor Von Doom
Fist of teh Internets.
Shenanigans?
Zombipanda
My Boom-Boom's mostly gay
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Ultimate Houde
UC's Resident Genetic Recombinator
You are just mad cause you're not in it.
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Victor Von Doom
Fist of teh Internets.
Verily.
Zombipanda
My Boom-Boom's mostly gay
I... am.... everywhere...
Ultimate Houde
UC's Resident Genetic Recombinator
Well you aren't in this buddy.
You are however in the Ultimate Central the Fanfic.
As a Ghost Rider type cop.
You are however in the Ultimate Central the Fanfic.
As a Ghost Rider type cop.
Zombipanda
My Boom-Boom's mostly gay
but.... I hate cops...
Ultimate Houde
UC's Resident Genetic Recombinator
You're an evil cop.
If that helps.
If that helps.
Random
Didn't **** any of those *****es
Zombipanda
My Boom-Boom's mostly gay
Ultimate Houde
UC's Resident Genetic Recombinator
DOOM!
I want more!
I want more!
Random
Didn't **** any of those *****es
Yeah the writer's strike is over
Victor Von Doom
Fist of teh Internets.
Soon my people. Soon.
Victor Von Doom
Fist of teh Internets.
Houde packed up the laptop and grabbed his jacket.
Houde: Ok Doom…I'm out. I got stuff to do later so it's on you and McCheese to close up tonight.
Doom: Oh come on! You know I have a date with Vampire Veronica tonight!
Houde: Who?
Doom: Vampire Veronica. You know. The chick I was telling you about a couple days ago.
Houde: I have no idea what you're talking about.
Doom: The chick who's a biter? Remember?
Houde: No.
Doom: The one who has been making these bite marks on my neck!
Houde: Oh you mean someone has actually done that to you? I just thought you had some kinda new disease I needed to avoid and then later run lab tests on you.
Doom: Nope. This is all female-made.
Houde: Yeah…I don't care. I got someone to meet so………
Doom: Is this that brunette chick that's been hanging around you lately? Who is she?
Houde: Somebody you'll never meet.
Doom: Oh hohohohoho! Scared she'll meet me and decide to upgrade?
Houde: I'm gonna give you a tail one day.
Doom: Dude…who is she? I tell you about all my ladies and their weird nicknames. Who is she?!?!?!
Houde: Not gonna tell you.
And with that Houde grabbed his bag and walked out.
Doom just stood there with a look on his face that only spelled trouble for Houde.
Doom: McCheese…you're in charge. I've gotta go. Something just came up.
Later That Night…
Houde and the brunette girl walked down the street together.
Houde: So what are you doing this Saturday?
Brunette: Don't know just yet. Why?
Houde: I was thinking maybe you wanna grab some lunch and then maybe a movie?
Brunette: Sounds like a plan. That just means I won't be able to go out Friday. I'll have to spend the entire evening studying and finishing up all my work so as I'm not cramming on Sunday night.
Houde: That's cool. What are you working on that's so important?
Brunette: Just this report on bees. Did you know that there are no male bees? Only female bees. It's one of the main reasons why I can't watch that Bee Movie. It's so inaccurate that I'd run out the theater screaming and pulling out my hair and clawing the faces of nearby babies.
Houde: Wow. How graphic. You do realize that you're the only one who cares about stuff like that?
Brunette: I know. I sweat the small stuff.
The brunette girl stopped walking and looked around with a quizzical look on her face.
Houde: What's wrong?
Brunette: I don't know. I got this strange sense we're being watched or followed. Do you feel it too?
Houde: Sigh.
Brunette: What is it? You feel it too?
Houde: I'm seriously gonna give him a tail.
Brunette: Huh?
Houde: DOOOM! Show yourself.
Doom dropped down from a nearby tree across the street.
Brunette: Ummm…why is Sam Fisher following us?
Houde: Sam Fisher?
Doom: Nice one! Can I get a hi-five up top? Come one…hit me one time!
Doom put his hand up. The brunette girl just stood there and left Doom hanging.
Doom: Not cool.
Houde: I have no clue what you're talking about.
Doom: Sam Fisher. The guy from Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell.
Houde: Yeah…nothing.
Doom: How come she was cool enough to make that reference and you didn't get it? That puts her like 3 levels of cool higher than you. How did you score that?
Brunette: Ummm…hello. Answers?
Houde sighed. Hard.
Houde: I'm gonna give you a tail. You know that right?
Doom: Can it be a like a totally usable monkey tail?
Houde: I hate you so much. Doom…this is TwilightEl. Twi for short. Twi…this is Doom.
Doom: Sup?
Twi: Hey.
Houde: Twi, Doom is my partner at The Shack.
Twi: Oh. Ok. Nice to meet you Doom. I think.
Doom: So…how'd you end up with this ******?
Houde: And on that note----we're leaving. Come on Twi.
Houde shook his head in disbelief and put his arm around Twilight and the 2 walked off.
Doom: What I do? You guys just gonna walk off like that?
Houde: AND DON'T FOLLOW US ANYMORE!
Doom just stood there as the 2 of them walked off.
The Next Morning…
Doom walked into the kitchen. Houde sat there eating Cheerios.
Doom: Hey.
Houde didn't respond.
Doom: So…hope my little spy adventure last night didn't salt your game.
Houde still didn't respond.
Doom: You know this is all your fault right? You can't blame me for you not scoring just because I kinda interrupted your date.
Houde still said nothing.
Doom: Oh come on man! You gotta say something to me!
Houde: Tail.
Houde put the bowl of Cheerios in the sink and walked off.
Later at The Shack…
Doom and Joe Kalicki sat there.
Doom: I don't know Joe Kalicki. I don't know why he's so mad at me. I share everything with him. I even showed him the spot on a man's body where if you hit it correctly, you can make his head explode.
Kalicki: Oooo! Can you show me that too?
Doom: No.
Kalicki: Awwww.
Doom: I just can't figure out why he won't tell me all about this girl. Normally he would.
Kalicki: Oh…maybe he got her pregnant and he's contemplating on how to propose to her and maybe he was gonna do it last night and you ruined the moment?
Had there been anyone around when they were having this conversation, people would've actually been able to see a light bulb appear over Doom's head.
Doom: Joe Kalicki…I think you're onto something. That's gotta be the reason. He's scared to introduce her to me because he loves her and is scared of how he's gonna ask me if it's ok for her to move in so they can start building a home! He's worried I won't accept he like she's family. Joe Kalicki you're a ****in' genius!
Kalicki: I know.
Joe Kalicki took a bite of his chili cheeseburger and some chili spilled onto his shirt.
Kalicki: Awwwww.
Doom jumped outta his seat and ran off. Then he immediately ran back to the table for one last bite of Joe Kalicki's chili cheese fries. Then he ran off again.
That Afternoon At The Apartment…
Houde sat in his lab staring thru a microscope.
Houde: Fascinating! If I increase the estrogen levels in the formula, I can actually give him ****s in addition to a tail. Must make note of that!
Doom came bursting into the lab in a mad dash.
Doom: Hey guy! What you doing?
Houde: Nothing.
Doom: You're doing something. Nobody can actually be doing nothing. Hey…got a question…
Houde: The answer is no.
Doom: You don't even know what I was gonna ask.
Houde: Don't care.
Doom: Ok, well my question is---when's the next time you're gonna see Twilight?
Houde: None of your business.
Doom: Dude…it's ok. I get it. I know why you didn't want to introduce her to me.
Houde: Do you now?
Doom: Yeah. It wasn't hard to figure out. I'm dumb you know?
Houde stood up and grabbed his keys.
Houde: I'm gonna leave now. And as I walk out, the lab security settings have been set to automatically lock onto my DNA. So long as I'm here, the security system won't activate. But as soon as I leave, a complex system of lasers will bounce around the room and cut only biological items. And I assure you…unlike your theory about breakdancing being able to allow you to dodge every attack like in Ocean's 12…it won't work and you WILL be cut in half.
Doom: You gotta hear me out.
Houde: No I don't. And goodbye.
Houde walked out the lab and left Doom standing there. Some flashing lights caught the attention of Doom and he quickly ran outta there.
Later That Evening At The Shack…
Doom walked into the back and saw McCheese wiping down the counters.
McCheese: Hey boss.
Doom: Hey Cheese. I came in to help you close.
McCheese: Cool.
Doom: Plus I have a favor to ask.
McCheese: Really? What is it?
Doom: Ok…so you know how Houde's been mad at me for the past day?
McCheese: Yeah.
Doom: Well after talking to Joe Kalicki about it, the 2 of us figured out why he's so mad and I've come up with an elaborate plan on how to fix it all.
McCheese: Cool. So what is it?
Doom: Well it's a 3-part plan. I need to know whether you're in or out from beginning to end?
McCheese: Yeah I'm down.
Doom: You sure?
McCheese: Yeah.
Doom: Positive?
McCheese: Yes.
Doom: Ok. I had to test you first because I can't tell you the plan and then have you run off and spill the beans and thus spoiling the surprise.
McCheese: You can count on me!
Doom: Ok. Great. Meet me back here tomorrow night and we'll go over the plans. Houde will be so pleased with us that there's no way he can hate me anymore. Yep. This plan is guaranteed to be foolproof.
To Be Continued.....
TwilightEL
Well-Known Member
"I sweat the small stuff" will be my subnic when I reach 10,000.
In five years.
In five years.
Ultimate Houde
UC's Resident Genetic Recombinator
I just hope Twi isn't the girl in my attic, the one that keeps revving the chainsaw.
Random
Didn't **** any of those *****es
This needs to become an actual show
Victor Von Doom
Fist of teh Internets.
Why wait? I'm gonna petition E for it to be changed now.
Between bee sex, Jimmy Olsen, usage of apostrophe, I think we can work something out.
I checked her location. It's coming from inside the house! Get out! Get out now!
Coming to NBC.
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Victor Von Doom
Fist of teh Internets.
"Strange Love"
Doom sat at the kitchen table with blueprints, charts, and a bunch of other tools spread across the table. Houde stumbled into the kitchen and sleepwalked his way into preparing a bowl of cereal.
Doom: …and if the sunset is scheduled for 1836……take away the 7……windspeed is 12knots…
Houde: Oh God…what are planning now?
Doom: Nothing.
Houde: Then why the mission tools?
Doom: No reason………and the moon is in Jupiter………
Houde: Are there gonna be explosions involed?
Doom: Not certain yet. Depends on whether or not the target takes Route A. If he doesn't and decides to take Route C---then yes.
Houde: Is this taking place anywhere near The Shack?
Doom: …assuming target is wearing a cowboy hat…--uh no. Not near the Shack.
Houde: Then I'm good.
Doom: You will be.
Houde: What?
Doom: Nothing.
Houde: No…you said something. What was it?
Doom: Oh nothing. I was thinking aloud.
Houde: Am I Target A?
Doom: No.
Houde: Fine.
And Houde walked back to his room. Doom looked up and smirked.
Doom: You're Target B.
That Morning At The Shack…
Houde arrived at The Shack and called a meeting in his office.
Houde: You guys…I have an announcement…
Doom: We're getting a puppy?!?!?!
Houde just looked at Doom.
Houde: No.
Doom: Awwww…
Houde: Deal with it. As I was saying---Gentlemen, I present to you…our newest addition to the Houde's Chili Dog Shack menu………a 3ft long hot dog w/ chili cheese, sauerkraut, onion and thousand island dressing!
McCheese: Can we call it "The Rosie"?
Houde: No.
Doom: Oooo…what about "The Dr.Phil"?
Houde: No! Stop naming my creations after fat people in Hollywood!
Doom: Then what do we call it?
Houde: The Houdenator…
Doom and McCheese: Meh.
Houde: Shut up and make the hot dogs.
McCheese left. Doom stood there…milling around Houde.
Doom: So……………
Houde: Ugh. What?
Doom: So you gonna see Twilight again?
Houde: Yeah. And stay away from her.
Doom: No no yeah. I got ya. Don't worry. She's not my type. But you 2 seem great together. You guys have a real solid bond. It's cute.
Houde: Is there a point to all this?
Doom: You mean life in general or just this conversation?
Houde: AAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
Doom: Ok bro…look---I'm sorry I ruined your special date with Twilight. I apologized. I'm trying to make amends here. What do I have to do to get back in your good graces? I miss my Broseph.
Houde: Did you refer to me as your Broseph?
Doom: Yeah.
Houde: Look…the situation is fine. I don't need your help or anything like that. Just let it be.
Doom: But---
Houde: NO! No buts. Leave it. Now if you'll excuse me…I need to do the inventory and develop a marketing campaign for The Houdenator.
Houde closed the office door.
Doom knew that although Houde was telling him no…deep down he really wanted Doom's help in making things right.
That Afternoon…
Houde saved the excel chart he was working on and powered off the computer.
Houde: Hey guys…I'm gonna go ahead and take off early. I got a meeting downtown with bank. I'll see you guys tomorrow.
McCheese: Ok boss. Have a good night. Tell your mom I said "Sup?" .
Houde: What?
McCheese: Nothing.
Houde: Doom, can you stay and help McCheese close up? Last time he left the fridge door open and all the produce wilted.
Doom: Yeah no prob. Hey you wanna grab some drinks later?
Houde: Sorry…I got plans. Later.
Houde walked out and headed to his car. Doom peered out the window and waited for Houde's car to get down the street.
Doom: Ok Cheese…it's time!
McCheese giddily clapped his hands together real fast.
Doom: It's time for Operation CUPID'S CHOKEHOLD. Let's…get…dangerous.
McCheese: Hey…isn't that from—
Doom: Yep. Let's do this.
McCheese stepped out front and stood on the counter.
McCheese: Attention all customers----get…the…****…out! Raise up out this piece!
Doom quickly followed suit.
Doom: That's right people…get out! We're closing early. Take your hungry asses to McDonald's or something. Come back tomorrow and we'll give you free food. Get out! Make your way to the exit.
McCheese: If I count to 3 and y'all still here I'm gonna go oops upside yo head!
Doom: Nice one.
McCheese: I was watching BET earlier.
The customers just stared at the 2 of them. Doom and McCheese looked back. Doom then sighed deeply.
Doom: Ok…your way.
Doom went behind the counter and came back out with a shotgun.
Doom: Now y'all wanna leave?
The customers stampeded to the doors.
McCheese: I don't think Houde's gonna like the fact that we threatened the customers.
Doom: Don't worry. We'll say we were being held hostage during a robbery by a bunch of breakdancing Asians. Stuff like that happens all the time and people keep coming back.
McCheese: It could work.
Doom: I came up with the plan didn't I?
McCheese: Verily.
With all the customers finally clearing out the Shack, Doom and McCheese locked up the place and headed out.
Later Across Town…
Doom and McCheese sat in the bushes, completely concealed by the shrubbery. Houde and Twilight rounded the corner down the street and began to approach them.
McCheese: How'd you know he'd take this route?
Doom: Houde hates Star Wars and the guy who played Chewbacca is signing autographs at the local comic shop. It's only logical that he'd avoid that street so as not to run into any fanboys.
McCheese: Brilliant.
Doom: Know thy enemy…or best friend…or whatever.
McCheese: So what's next?
Doom: Ok…the 2 of them are gonna walk by soon. At that point I'm gonna bust out the old accordion and begin singing in Italian. You know…to serenade them. Then you're gonna step out from behind the tree in your little Italian tuxedo and usher them over to the fancy picnic we have laid out.
McCheese: Nice.
Doom: At that point Joe Kalicki is gonna arrive dressed as Cupid. He's gonna throw a---
McCheese: You think this is going too far?
Doom: Naw. Oooo---they're coming. Get ready.
Houde and Twilight approached closer.
Houde: So how's the folks?
Twi: Fine I guess. Mom is pinging because their anniversary is getting closer and she's all excited to see how Dad is gonna surprise her.
Houde: That's nice. Should be quite show.
Twi: I hope so. After last year's fiasco, he's got a lot of making up to do.
Houde: So---
Houde was interrupted by the sounds of a nearby accordion.
Houde: Oh dear God.
Twi: Can I take a guess?
Houde: You can…but you won't really need it. Trust your gut.
Doom stood up and continued to play the accordion. McCheese stepped out from behind the tree.
McCheese: Good evening. Please step right this way.
Houde: Uh no. We're fine.
McCheese: Please step right over here.
Houde: No. And who's watching the store?
McCheese: We closed up. Now uh…over here?
Doom: Come on man! We're trying to set the mood here!
Houde: Stop setting the mood. No mood setting is needed. Mood is not needed.
Doom: Bro…just go with it.
Twi began to laugh. Houde's face got redder and redder.
Doom: When the moon hit's your eye…
Houde: Stop. I swear if you attempt to finish that lyric I'm gonna bury you.
Doom just stared Houde down. Houde stared back. Doom smirked.
Doom: Like a big-a pizza----
BOOM!
Outta nowhere Houde punched Doom in the jaw. He then quickly swung around and clocked McCheese in the gut. Both went down.
Houde: You just couldn't leave it alone? You had to go and hatch a scheme!?!?!?!?
Doom stood up.
Doom: Ok. First one's free. Now it's gonna cost you.
Houde: 67 HIS HAS GORRILLA HANDS THUNDER STRIKE!!!!!
Houde flew at Doom with a flurry of strikes. Doom quickly blocked them all.
Doom: Told ya the first one was free.
Twilight quickly stood between the 2.
Twi: Will you 2 please stop!?!?!?!? You're acting like a bunch of 5 year olds!!!!
Doom: Hey Houde…control yo woman dawg!
Twi: What?
Doom: Handle yo business Houde.
Houde: Why are you talking like that?
Doom: It's after 3pm. Now it's the black side of me's turn.
Houde: Oh.
Twi: What did you just call me?
Doom: Houde…talk to your woman and tell her she betta recognize!
Twi: His woman? You ignorant, slack jawed, yokel. I'm his sister.
Doom: Womansaywha?
Twi: I'm his sister. Why would you think we're dating?
Doom: …………
Houde: See why I told you to leave it alone? I knew you had the wrong idea but I felt it was so stupid that I didn't feel like correcting you.
Doom: Your sister?
McCheese: Sister?
Joe Kalicki: Your sister?
Twilight jumped back.
Twi: And who is Baby Huey here?
McCheese: You're pretty mean you know that?
Twi: Shhh. It's stops speaking to it's intellectual superior or else it gets the hose.
Doom: Ouch.
Houde: Twi…lets get outta here. Now that these idiots know the truth, they'll lose interest and leave us alone.
Houde and Twilight walked off together. Doom, McCheese, and Joe Kalicki just stood there dumbfounded.
Doom: Did you know he had a sister?
McCheese: Dude…I don't know. I don't even know why I'm here. I'm just supposed to make the hot dogs and sleep on your couch.
Doom: Speaking of which…I need to talk to you about rent.
McCheese: Yeah…I gotta go.
McCheese ran off leaving only a smoky silhouette of himself in his place.
That Night At the Apartment…
Doom walked into the living room and saw Houde sitting on the couch. Doom took a seat next to him.
Doom: So…
Houde: Don't.
Doom: I just wanna say I'm sorry.
Houde: Noted.
Doom: I'm just saying---you told me to drop it. And I didn't. Instead I hatched a plan and embarrassed everyone.
Houde: No. Just yourself.
Doom: Noted. But like I said---I'm sorry.
Houde: It's ok. I tend to act like an overprotective douche when it comes to Twi. She just broke up with her ex. He just kinda disappeared on her. I hope she doesn't want to get back with him whenever he comes back.
Doom: Oh so she's single.
Houde: I'll punch you again. And then give you that tail.
Doom: Ok. I'll leave her alone.
Houde: Thanks.
Doom: So we cool?
Houde: Yeah…we cool.
Doom: You wanna go get some drinks?
Houde looked at his watch and stood up.
Houde: Can't. I got a date with this girl Twi hooked up for me. She's an awesome wingman. She totally walked up to this girl and made this joke and then pulled the "Haaaaaaaaaaaave you met Houde?" line.
Doom: Nice. You sure I can't date her?
Houde: Tail.
Doom: Oh yeah. So where's Twi now?
Houde: Back at her apartment. She's gotta do some report for her Pop Lit class. Something about some "Olsen Adventures".
Doom: Ooo. The 20 twin set?
Houde: Doubt it. She once told me that one day she's gonna get rid of all the Olsen Twin, Britneys, Paris Hiltons and Lindseys of he world The Cask of Amontillado-style.
Doom: Scary.
Houde: Kinda.
Doom: Ok. So this girl…she got a name yet?
Houde: Not yet. But she's a nurse.
Doom: Oooooo………….sexy.
The End
Random
Didn't **** any of those *****es
Just the mere image of this happening had me in tears
That's who I thought Houde was meeting before you said it was Twi
TwilightEL
Well-Known Member
POE REFERENCE! Up high!
Ultimate Houde
UC's Resident Genetic Recombinator
I'm gonna get McCheese one of these days for freeloading in our apartment.
McCheese
Well-Known Member
Good luck with that. I can run so fast that I leave a trail of smoke.
I'm the ****in' Roadrunner. You can't catch the roadrunner.
Meep meep!
Victor Von Doom
Fist of teh Internets.
Glad you liked it.
Thought you'd appreciate that.
Good luck.
I'm sure Acme's got something to take care of you.
Now I just have to come up with a future storyline for a couple more episodes.
McCheese
Well-Known Member
That really should happen in the show.
Houde buys something from Acme to get rid of me. I meep meep. Said thing blows up in Houde's face.
See above.
Ultimate Houde
UC's Resident Genetic Recombinator
That be great, one whole episode of me trying to find out how you get into the apartment.
Victor Von Doom
Fist of teh Internets.
And all this because he drank Houde's oj...from the carton.
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