Scientifically Doomed

[Ultimate Houde]

You son of a whore.

 

[McCheese]

That be great, one whole episode of me trying to find out how you get into the apartment.

That's what I'm saying.

And all this because he drank Houde's oj...from the carton.

:lol:

You son of a whore.

It was soooooooooooooooooooo good.

 

[Ultimate Houde]

It will be the last sip you ever get!

 

[Ultimate Houde]

Season two starts up next week people.

The first episode is entitled, Houde-atary.

 

[Random]

Season two starts up next week people.

The first episode is entitled, Houde-atary.

Sweet.

 

[Ultimate Houde]

*The proceeding is approved by the cast and crew of Scientifically Doomed*

Houde walks into the living room of the apartment, avoiding the sleeping body of McCheese, sits down and begins to chew on his cereal, staring intently at Doom's door. McCheese opens a crusted eye.

McCheese: Dude, that's scary.
Houde: What is?
McCheese: You're sitting there, staring at Doom's door.
Houde: Of course I am, I'm waiting for the fireworks.
McCheese: Fireworks?
Houde: Fireworks?

McCheese looks back and forth at Doom's bedroom door.

McCheese: Wouldn't that burn down the buidling?
Houde: What? Dude, just watch.

Suddenly the door opens in Doom's bedroom, and he walks out, smiling.

Houde: This is not proceeding to plan.
Doom: Houde, I have to say, thanks man.
Houde: You son of a motherless goat. You like it?

Doom steps out the entire way, and a monkey tail was behind him.

Doom: The ladies love it.
Ladies Voice: Doom, show me the meaning of monkey love again!
Doom: Sure enough Francine!
Ladies Voice: The name is Susan.
Doom: So? Later Houde.

He jumps back into the bedroom slamming the door.

McCheese looks at Houde.

McCheese: Um...where was the fireworks.
Houde: McCheese, get the **** out.

*Scientifically Doomed returns for it's second season next week*

 

[Random]

I wish this was an actual show, it would be the greatest thing ever

 

[McCheese]

*The proceeding is approved by the cast and crew of Scientifically Doomed*

Houde walks into the living room of the apartment, avoiding the sleeping body of McCheese, sits down and begins to chew on his cereal, staring intently at Doom's door. McCheese opens a crusted eye.

McCheese: Dude, that's scary.
Houde: What is?
McCheese: You're sitting there, staring at Doom's door.
Houde: Of course I am, I'm waiting for the fireworks.
McCheese: Fireworks?
Houde: Fireworks?

McCheese looks back and forth at Doom's bedroom door.

McCheese: Wouldn't that burn down the buidling?
Houde: What? Dude, just watch.

Suddenly the door opens in Doom's bedroom, and he walks out, smiling.

Houde: This is not proceeding to plan.
Doom: Houde, I have to say, thanks man.
Houde: You son of a motherless goat. You like it?

Doom steps out the entire way, and a monkey tail was behind him.

Doom: The ladies love it.
Ladies Voice: Doom, show me the meaning of monkey love again!
Doom: Sure enough Francine!
Ladies Voice: The name is Susan.
Doom: So? Later Houde.

He jumps back into the bedroom slamming the door.

I want a tail.

McCheese looks at Houde.

McCheese: Um...where was the fireworks.
Houde: McCheese, get the **** out.

Nevahs!!!

*Scientifically Doomed returns for it's second season next week*

Sweet!

 

[Ultimate Houde]

Season 2, Episode 1

Houde-atary

The door to Houde and Doom's apartment opened, and Houde and Doom walk in.

Houde: That movie was horrendous.
Doom: You think 87% of all movies are horrendous
Houde: They are though. The only thing that's good about them is when I make fun of them.
Doom: Oh yeah, Houde-atary. One of these days, I'm going to kill you 57 different ways when you do that.
Houde: 57? A little overboard on that number?
Doom: No. I never go overboard.
Houde: Really? And throwing the grenade at that spider on the ceiling yesterday at the Shack during our busiest hour was not overboard?
Doom: No.
McCheese: I think it was.

Houde and Doom stare at McCheese, who was sleeping on the couch.

Doom: Change of topic, what are you doing here?
McCheese: Sleeping. This is my apartment too you know.
Houde: No it isn't.
Doom: Science boy is correct it isn't.
McCheese: Since when?
Houde: Since the first time we found you sleeping in here.
Doom: And every time thereafter.
McCheese: Hold on, wasn't this conversation about how Doom causes high insurance prices wherever he goes?
Houde: It is. Where do you keep getting those grenades anyways?
Doom: I know a guy.
Houde: Well you gotta stop throwing grenades in the shack anyways, the process to get things fixed is getting worse. And robot waiters don't grow on trees.
McCheese: Hate to be that guy, but could you guys not shout at each other in my bedroom?
Houde: Oh sorry McCheese.

The duo of Houde and Doom move their conversation over to the kitchen. Houde starts to pour himself a bowl of cereal.

Doom: I have an idea to combat those high costs.
Houde: What's this crazy *** plan involve?
Doom: I made a poster.
Houde: You always make posters.
Doom: Here it is.

Doom unfurls his poster on the table. Houde looks at it while he munches his cereal.

Houde: I see one big problem here.
Doom: What's that?
Houde: I can't read Japanese.
Doom: You didn't get the memo?
Houde: I don't do text messages.
Doom: Really? I send you about twenty a day.
Houde: I know. I just don't check them.
Doom: This is why you should. Stupid Scientist.

Houde just gives Doom a look while he eats another spoonful.

Doom: Anyways, This poster here says that we need to get investors, and Japanese ones by that.
Houde: Those the guys with the big money symbols coming out of their pockets.
Doom: Hell yeah.
Houde: Okay then, what's with the young Japanese girls with hearts in their eyes?
Doom: Nothing.
Houde: Yeah right. Your big plan is to get a Japanese girl in the sack, isn't it?
Doom: Yes.

Houde thoughtfully chews his cereal.

Houde: All right, I'm in, but only cause we need the money, not cause you are trying to get and STD from every country in the world.
Doom: Madagascar is gonna be tough.

Houde puts the cereal bowl in the sink.

Houde: Alright, tomorrow we look into thi….hold on. This is you. Most likely these Japanese businessmen are already here, and we are probably wining and dining them tomorrow, and hell, most likely we are going to do this all at the Shack.
Doom: Maybe.
Houde: Well then, this should be interesting.
Doom: I know.
Houde: Night Doom.
Doom: Night Houde.

They walk through the living room into their respective bedrooms.

McCheese: Night guys.

The bedroom doors open at the same time.

Houde and Doom: MCCHEESE!
McCheese: Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk.
The Following Day

Houde walks into the strip mall that the Shack is located at, and immediate sees a random person get tackled, and the security guard pop back up.

Houde: Hey Joe.
Kalicki: Hey Houde.
Houde: So any word on whose replacing the former Veggie Hut over there?
Kalicki: Nope, but why is Doom in there with all these weird squinty-eyed people.
Houde: That would be our new Japanese investors I think, Doom is trying to get with a girl from every country.
Kalicki: Ah, everyone needs goals I guess.

Behind Kalicki, a random punk runs by, grabbing a purse off an old lady.

Houde: Joe! That lady needs you!
Kalicki: GO GO KALICKI!

Joe rushes off after the robber, and the two of them go off down the mall.

Houde: Go go Kalicki….I work with morons.

Houde entered the Shack, in time to see Doom emerging from the kitchen with what looked like five Japanese tourists.

Houde: Hello, my name is Nathan Houde. It's a pleasure to finally meet you guys.
Japenese Guy 1: Hello hello.
Doom: Houde, meet, um, I forget his name, he said he's willing to invest in the Shack, but there's one thing he wants to do first.
Japanese Guy 1: Action Hero Movie!
Houde: Wait…what?
Doom: He wants to see a movie.
Houde: Oh, so you go enjoy that then.
Doom: I don't think so Houde. It's not just me.
Houde: You son of a b….
Doom: Ah ah ah, not in front of our new investors….
Houde: I hate you Doom.

Commercial break, the rest of this episode will be posted tonight or tomorrow!

 

[Random]

They walk through the living room into their respective bedrooms.

McCheese: Night guys.

The bedroom doors open at the same time.

Houde and Doom: MCCHEESE!
McCheese: Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk.

Doom: He wants to see a movie.
Houde: Oh, so you go enjoy that then.
Doom: I don't think so Houde. It's not just me.
Houde: You son of a b….
Doom: Ah ah ah, not in front of our new investors….
Houde: I hate you Doom.

BWHAHAHAHAHA. I love this show

 

[McCheese]

Houde and Doom: MCCHEESE!
McCheese: Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk.

:lol:

Nice.

Kalicki: GO GO KALICKI!

That should be his subnic.

 

[Ultimate Houde]

Later, at the Movie Theater

Doom and Houde are seen at the concession stand line.

Houde: Doom, seriously, we go to this movie man, I'm going to do commentary…
Doom: Houde-atary.
Houde: Whatever, I'm going to talk the whole time, we can't have that.
Doom: You need too hold it in.
Houde: Hold it in! HOLD IT IN! I can't do that man. I CAN'T!
Doom: Relax, Breath deeply. You know something, you need too. I need this man, the main guy has a sweet Japanese daughter that I want to get with, and I will, I just need you to stay with them in the movie theater, when I show the nice pretty lady out to my car halfway through.
Houde: You can't leave me in there. You cannot do that.
Doom: If the opportunity arises, I'm afraid I will have too.
Houde: So…if this opportunity arises then you go, but if someone, say of the scientific persuasion interrupts this liaison….
Doom: Then the person of the military persuasion rips off their foreskin.
Houde: Whoa, whoa, whoa, overreact much? And how did you know I have foreskin?
Doom: Not important.
Houde: I think that's very important actually.
Doom: Change of topic, isn't that your sister?

Houde turned and saw his sister Twilight walking into a different movie theater, her hand holding another boy's hand.


Doom: You should probably go in there and say something.
Houde: I want a Cherry Icee. TWI!

Houde ran off as Doom pocketed the money Houde gave him and shrugged.

Doom: Someone's Cherry Icee just became my Grape Soda. Advantage Doom.

Inside Twi's Movie

Houde ran into the movie theater, and screamed out Twi's name.

Houde: TWI! HEY!
Twi: Oh gawd…
Boy: Why is that old guy screaming your name? And why is he wearing a lab coat?
Twi: He does that when he is nervous.

She shrank further into his seat, trying to hide herself from them.

Boy: Want me to punch him.
Twi: Please no, he'll do something stupid if you do that.
Houde: TWI! There you are!
Boy: He thinks you're a girl in the front row. This could be humorous.
Twi: Damn him, NATHAN!

Houde turned around

Houde: Twi! WHO IS THIS!
Twi: My boyfriend, Wade Wilson.
Wade: I still want to punch him.
Houde: I don't like him.
Twi: Doom told me you would be busy tonight.
Houde: Doom has me babysitting some stupid Japanese….oh crap! I should be in there!

Houde runs out, and Wade sits down next to Twi.

Wade: So, you wanna make out before the movie?
Twi: Let's complain about Bendis writing stupid Ultimate Spider-man stories instead.
Wade: Hawt.

Several hours later, well maybe not several, probably the length of a movie, and the time it takes to get out in the parking lot.

Houde is near his car, and the Japanese business-men are yelling him. Doom comes walking up, holding the Japanese girl by the waist.

Japanese Owner: This is an outrage!
Houde: I'm sorry, I couldn't shut up, I have this problem in movies….
Japanese Owner: Yes you do, you should be ashamed of yourself.
Doom: Damn, I can't let this happen….HEY JACK!

The Japanese owner turned to look at Doom.

Doom: I don't need your help in getting me some authentic Japanese sushi. GET THE HELL OUT! NO ONE YELLS AT MY FRIEND!
Japanese Owner: You haven't seen the last of us!

The Japanese Businessmen turned around, and walked off. Houde looked at Doom.

Houde: Wow, that ended kinda quick
Doom: The writer probably got annoyed at writing so much.
Houde: So we don't get a buttload of Japanese money huh? What about our problems?
Doom: Already did her in the bathroom.
Houde: Our money problems.
Doom: Oh, that? Well, I guess I'll sell some of my grenades….
Houde: So, anything else in this story?
Doom: Probably find out in the morning.

Next Morning

Houde stares at disbelief at a sign of a restaurant opening next to the Chili Dog Shack.

It says Planet-Man's Authentic Chicken Hut, Sponsored by Nondescript Japanese Buisnessmen!
Houde: Son of a *****!

Behind him Joe Kalicki continued running after another miscreant.
Kalicki: GO GO KALICKI!

 

[Ice]

Houde: So…if this opportunity arises then you go, but if someone, say of the scientific persuasion interrupts this liaison….
Doom: Then the person of the military persuasion rips off their foreskin.

Awesomely hilarious. I totally LOLed.

 

[Random]

Houde turned around

Houde: Twi! WHO IS THIS!
Twi: My boyfriend, Wade Wilson.

Greatest reveal ever

Wade: So, you wanna make out before the movie?
Twi: Let's complain about Bendis writing stupid Ultimate Spider-man stories instead.
Wade: Hawt.

BWHAHAHAHA

 

[Victor Von Doom]

Hi.Larry.Us.


Foreskin rippage. Always a crowd pleaser.

 

[Random]

Has Twi read this yet? I'm still waiting to see her reaction

 

[Victor Von Doom]

Who doesn't love a good ol' fashion holiday special?

 

[Ultimate Houde]

Joe Kalicki and McCheese?

 

[Victor Von Doom]

Well maybe McCheese might not like 'em by the end of this....

 

[McCheese]

Joe Kalicki and McCheese?

Whatchutalkin'bout, Willis?

Well maybe McCheese might not like 'em by the end of this....

OH NOES!!!

 

[Ultimate Houde]

I hope we finally kick him out of our apartment

Freeloader.

 

[McCheese]

I hope we finally kick him out of our apartment

Freeloader.

I hope I kicked you two out of the apartment.

How about that, huh?

 

[Ultimate Houde]

You'd still sleep on the couch.

 

[Victor Von Doom]

Season 2​

"The Doom Who Stole Christmas -- Pt.1"​

Doom stopped at the apartment doorway. He stood there and stared at the door with intense anger. He pulled out his cellphone and pressed a few buttons furiously.

Doom: ****!

He stood there and stared and the green and red circular object hanging from the door. put his phone away and jiggled the keys into the keyhole. Doom braced himself and slowly opened the door. As the door opened, Doom's right eye twitched at the horrific sight.

Houde: DOOM!

No one knows whether or not it was actually cold outside and you could see the heat rise from his head, or if steam was actually emanating from Doom's ears…all anyone can tell you is that Doom was most certainly pissed.

Doom stood there staring at Houde…decorating the apartment…dressed in a Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer sweater…with "Jingle Bell Rock" blaring thru the stereos.
His eye twitched again.

Doom: I'm gonna go crash at some chick's place. McCheese! Come!

McCheese just lay there.

Doom: Fine. You stay here and be all jollyfied. Judas.

Doom put down the groceries and began to walk out the door. Houde quickly ran to the door and stopped him from leaving.

Houde: Doom, Doom, Doom…where you going big guy? Stay. Be merry! Here, have some egg nog! It's my own secret recipe.
Doom: Is the secret ingredient "gay"?
Houde: No.
Doom: You sure?
Houde: Come on. Don't be such a grouch. Remember we talked about this last year? We're gonna try to be better this year?
Doom: I made no such promise.
Houde: Hey…you keep this attitude up and I know someone who won't get taken off the naughty----

Doom quickly glanced at Houde and gave him such a fierce stare that even Ghost Rider's "Penance Stare" looks like a sexy wink from a drunken chick across the bar. Houde had a flashback to last Christmas.

Houde: I am not a pig! I am a man!
Doom: What?
Houde: Nevermind.
Doom: Do I have to remind you of last year's events?
Houde: You mean your "Close Encounter of the Scrooge Kind" where you were visited by the 3 spirits?
Doom: That'll be the one.
Houde: No no. I remember. Being a man of science, I can't possibly believe you. But for the sake of argument, let's say I do. If you learned your lesson last year…why would you continue your sour attitude towards the greatest of holidays?
Doom: I dunno. That Past chick was pretty hot.
Houde: So you're continuing your attitude in hopes that you'll be visited again by a hot ghost?
Doom: Not really. I'm just not a "holiday cheer" kinda guy.
Houde: Not this year. This year, I think the spirit will hit you and you'll discover the reason for the season! I'm gonna go finish decorating. Later we can go to the market and pick up some fresh cinnamon sticks for the cider!

Houde walked off and continued humming along with the music.

Houde: You can't fight it Doom! You might as well hop aboard the train! Christmas is coming!

Houde disappeared around the corner. Doom instantly got an idea. A light lit above his head. Not because he got an idea…but because Houde was testing the Christmas lights and all the other bulbs on the strand were blown out except for the one above Doom.

Doom: Not if I can help it! Come McCheese…we've got work to do!




2 Weeks Later………




Doom lay on the couch watching TV.

Doom: HAHA! I gotta start me an Air Band. I wonder if Houde can play the Air Drums?

Houde walked into the apartment carrying almost a dozen shopping bags.

Houde: Ok…I'm almost done with my holiday shopping! Only 10 more people to go! What about you Doom? You close to finishing your shopping?
Doom: I don't do gifts.
Houde: Come on! I thought we talked about this a couple weeks ago? What have you been doing these past couple weeks?
Doom: Stuff.
Houde: Well you haven't been at The Shack. And you haven't been shopping. So what you been doing?
Doom: Plotting to stop Christmas.
Houde: HA! That's hilarious. If it weren't for the fact that it's a global holiday and celebrated around the world…I'd actually be worried that you were serious.
Doom: HAHAHAHA…I know right.

Houde walked off back to his room. He stopped halfway down the hall and came running back to the living room.

Houde: Doom…you aren't planning on trying to stop----

Houde walked into the living room and saw Doom had disappeared.

Houde: Oh ****.




Later That Week At The Shack………




Houde walked into the back of The Shack and powered on all the robot cashiers. He saw McCheese at the prep table opening up the packs of relish and sauerkraut.

Houde: Hey 'Cheese…you seen Doom lately?
McCheese: Yeah…he's back in the walk-in.
Houde: Oh.
McCheese: Why?
Houde: Just hadn't seen him around lately and was wondering what he's been up to?
McCheese: Guess he's just been busy.
Houde: That's what worries me.

Houde walked back thru the kitchen and opened the walk-in freezer. There he saw Doom doing push-ups.

Doom: …67…68…69…70…
Houde: Uhhhhh….
Doom: 73…73…75…
Houde: Doom?
Doom: 77…78…oh hey. Just doing a lil condition training. 83…84…
Houde: For what might I ask?
Doom: For a cold weather op I have coming up. 92…93…94…
Houde: What cold weather op?
Doom: That's classified.
Houde: Does this have anything to do with what you said earlier this week? You know…with attempting to stop Christmas?
Doom: 99…100!

Doom jumped to his feet and began to stretch.

Doom: Brah…come on! How am I gonna stop Christmas? It's a global holiday! How do I stop something going on across the world!
Houde: Good point. You know for a minute I was actually worried that you had concocted one of your plans----
Doom: I mean it's not like I would use my military connections to assemble a crack-team of hardcore Blackwater mercenaries…sneak onto the nearest nuke base, have my team disable the 26 guards…use a 4-ton front loader truck to hijack a missile…then commandeer a govt bomber plane to the transport the stolen missile to the North Pole…deploy the missile to a certain classified area…with said region no longer on the face of the Earth, the world will forego a certain celebratory holiday in memoriam to the tragic loss of little people and elderly community…thus carrying on this silent tradition every year…slowing down the retail economy's 4th quarter numbers…snowballing this decline into the actual economy the world over…causing companies to crash like never before…thus with global retail crash…the world governments decide unanimously to strike Christmas from the calendars and canceling the holiday forever. It's not like I could make that happen. I mean come on!

Houde just stared at Doom.

Houde: Sweet Christmas!

Doom chuckled and pat Houde on the back.

Doom: Alright man. I gotta do some more training. Need to run to the store and get some supplies. Hey quick question---how much do you think a person 3ft tall would weight?

Houde just stood there.

Doom: Houde? Hello?

Houde just stood there.

Doom: Ok fine. Well I'm off. You have fun in your catatonic state.

Doom began to walk off. All of a sudden, Houde lunged at Doom and began choking him!

Houde: YOU. DON'T. ****. WITH. CHRISTMAS!

The 2 wrestled to the ground. In a completely non-gay way.

Doom: Dude…have you lost your mind? I'm giving you 3 seconds to get off me or else.
Houde: NO! I can't let you go thru with your crazy scheme!
Doom: That does it.

Doom stopped trying to prevent Houde from choking him and took his thumb and placed it on Houde's pressure point below the jaw.

Houde: OW! OW! OW! OW!

Houde stopped fighting and stood up.

Doom: Told you.
Houde: You dick!
Doom: Told you.
Houde: OWWWW! Doom I can't let you go thru with your plan to stop Christmas.
Doom: Ok, first---I was speaking hypothetically. And second---what makes you think I was planning on stopping Christmas?
Houde: HELLOOOO! The rant you just did!
Doom: Hypothetical.
Houde: No! I know you! You'll do it! I have to stop you!
Doom: Ok. Bored now. I'm gonna go now.

Doom walked past Houde and all of a sudden Houde hit Doom in the head with a can of sauerkraut. Doom falls to the ground unconscious. Houde leaves the walk-in and locks Doom inside.

Houde: I gotta call Homeland Security.

Houde nervously looks around for witnesses. He sees McCheese. Houde cuts McCheese an evil look. McCheese sighs.

McCheese: I never had to deal with this stuff when I was Mayor.

Houde walks off and McCheese goes back to the prepping station.




That Afternoon………




Several agents from Homeland Security walk into The Shack.

McCheese: Uh…Houde? Some people wanna see the manager.
Houde: Who?
McCheese: Don't know. They got on suits and sunglasses. I think they might be the Men-In-Black.
Houde: No. Those must be the guys from Homeland Security. I called them earlier. Send 'em on back.
McCheese: Ok. But I swear to you she said she was 18.
Houde: Huh?
McCheese: Nevermind.

The agents walked into Houde's office.

Houde: Gentlemen. Thank you for coming so soon. You must be Agent Johnson?
Agent Johnson: Indeed.
Houde: Great!
Agent Johnson: The terrorist? Where is he?
Houde: In the walk-in. Right this way.

Houde led them to the back. McCheese tried to grab Houde's attention.

McCheese: Boss?
Houde: Not now Cheese.
McCheese: But I gotta tell you something.
Houde: Not now. I'm in the middle of something important.
McCheese: No! You really oughta hear this now!
Houde: Can you not see I'm trying to save Christmas?!?! What is more important than that?

The agents opened the door to the walk-in. They stood in anger as they saw it was empty.

Agent Johnson: Mr. Houde…where is the suspected terrorist?
Houde: He was right in there!
Agent Johnson: Is this some kinda joke?
Houde: NO! He was in there! I put him in there myself! I haven't taken my eyes off the door all day!
McCheese: There was that time you went to the bathroom.
Houde: Did you let him out?
McCheese: No. I was trying to tell you that he let himself out.
Houde: How?
McCheese: He picked the lock with a leatherman tool.
Houde: I thought I stripped him of his tools before I left?
McCheese: Did you reeeeaaaaaalllly search him?
Houde: Yeah.
McCheese: Bet you didn't do an airport search.

Houde paused. It took him a couple seconds to realize what McCheese was saying.

Houde: Oh that's disgusting! Why would he do that?!?!?!
McCheese: He does that every Tuesday. In case of emergencies.
Houde: I think I'm gonna be sick. That is just as stupid as it is disgusting.
McCheese: But he's out now. So how stupid was it?
Agent Johnson: Enough of this! Mr. Houde, I see you've wasted our time. Please know that the United States government does not find this funny and you've now been placed on the "watch list". You have a pleasant day. Let's go boys!

Homeland Security leaves The Shack.

Houde: OH COME ON!! What, in the name of Kris Kringle is going on!?!?!
Doom: Should've minded your own business.
Houde: Where the hell did you come from!?!?!
Doom: That's not important now. What is important is that I missed an important meeting today because of your actions and now I need to implement contingency plans. That's gonna cost you dearly.
Houde: STOP TRYING TO DESTROY CHRISTMAS!!!!!
Doom: HAHAHAHAHA! I got you good! Do you really think my plan would work? Jokes on you. HAHAHAHA! Ninja vanish!

Doom pulled out a smoke bomb and threw it to the ground. Smoke filled a portion of the room. When it cleared…Doom was gone.

Houde: I think I'm gonna go cry now.








To Be Continued......

 

[Victor Von Doom]

Season 2​

"The Doom Who Stole Christmas -- Pt.2"​

December 24, The Night Before Christmas………




Houde sat on the couch with a cup of hot cider while watching "It's A Wonderful Life".

Houde: …every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings.

Doom walks into the room.

Doom: Ugh. Really? I mean really? We're talking along with this?
Houde: I'm not talking to you.
Doom: Aaaaaand you're still mad at me for that? Come on! That was last week!
Houde: Still not talking.
Doom: Whatever. Let me know when your period ends and you're done with your Lifetime-I :heart: Pantyhose-Yay Feelings mood.
Houde: No Doom. You don't get to blow this one off. I know you were planning something. Hell, you probably still got something planned. I'd even think about trying to stop you if it weren't for the fact that YOU GOT THE GOVT KEEPING TABS ON ME! I'M ON THE DAMN WATCH LIST!
Doom: Guess what?
Houde: Sigh…what?
Doom: You're talking to me.
Houde: You know what?
Doom: What?
Houde: Go. Do whatever it is you plan on doing. I'm certain you can't stop a global phenomenon. And I hope you get whatever you got coming to you.
Doom: 'K!

Doom walks out. Houde grimaces.

Houde: I hate him so much. Karma has so much in store for him. Right McCheese? McCheese?

Houde turned his thinking he would see McCheese on the couch like he normally is. No McCheese.

Houde: Where the hell is McCheese?




Later That Night On The Rooftop of Houde's ChiliDog Shack.........




Doom stood there going thru his checklist.

Doom: Ok…hat? Check. Bags? Check. Ride? Check. Ok…that's the last of it. Looks like I got everything. Alright McCheese, put this on.

Doom hands McCheese a small bag.

McCheese: I don't wanna.
Doom: Put it on.
McCheese: No. This is too demeaning.
Doom: Put it on. I got my thing to wear…you got yours. Put it on.
McCheese: NO! I'm out. I don't wanna do this. I never did!
Doom: You will put it on and you will do this or I will douse you in itching powder and fire ants. Then rip out your fingernails and dip your hands in gasoline. Then light your hands on fire. Now put it on!
McCheese: Ok fine!

McCheese put on his costume and Doom put on his.

Doom: OK! DRESSED! LET'S DO THIS!

Doom and McCheese stood there atop the roof of the The Shack, with Doom dressed as The Grinch. And McCheese as his dog Max. Complete with wooden reindeer horns.

McCheese: Dude…I know you're going for authenticity…but you should really put some pants on.

Doom looks down.

Doom: Good point.

Doom put his pants back on.

Doom: Ok…NOW…let's do this.

Doom and McCheese head down to the parking lot and Doom began attaching a sled harness to McCheese. McCheese whimpered and whined the entire time.

Doom: It's time McCheese. MUSH!

Doom pulled out a bullwhip and gave McCheese a swift whack to the backside.

McCheese: AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGH! Sonuva*****! That hurt!

Doom: ONWARD! MUSH!

Another whack!

McCheese whimpered and began to slowly pull the sleigh.

Doom: FASTER! HI-YA!

Doom whacked McCheese again. Tears began to well in McCheese's eyes. This went on for about 15 minutes.

Doom: Ok…this is taking forever and you sure didn't learn anything from Denzel Washington in "Glory". You're supposed to take these whippings in proud silence.
McCheese: Screw you! They hurt! How about I whip you and you stand there in proud silence?
Doom: You wanna whip a black man? Racist!
McCheese: I think I'm gonna move out.
Doom: No you won't. Come on…lets go steal a Humvee.
McCheese: Thank Vishnu!

So Doom and McCheese stole a Humvee and continued their mission.

McCheese: So where's our first stop?
Doom: Gorram Hills Estates.
McCheese: Who lives there?
Doom: I made a list of all the people in town with the most extravagant Christmas lights up. We're gonna steal Christmas from them.
McCheese: You have no soul. You're so going to hell.
Doom: Meh. The hand basket should keep me safe.
McCheese: You don't see how wrong this is? It's like your heart is 2 sizes too small.
Doom: Meh. This'll teach those people to be all Christmas-crazy and make that noise, noise, noise.
McCheese: Yeah…you got issues.

Doom and McCheese continued on with their holiday burglary thru the night.




Later That Night………




Doom stopped at the stoplight and just grinned.

McCheese: How much more of this do we have?
Doom: Just one more stop.
McCheese: I know where you're going. Do we have to?
Doom: Yes.
McCheese: I don't wanna do it. Count me out.
Doom: But what about you fingernails?
McCheese: I hate you.
Doom: I get that a lot.

They continued onto their last stop.

Doom: We're here.
McCheese: I knew it.
Doom: Come on.
McCheese: Ugh.

The 2 crept into the home began taking down the decorations. Doom snatched all the gifts and threw them in a sack and out the window. McCheese unhooked the stockings as tears roll down his cheeks.

McCheese: I hate you for making me do this Doom!
Doom: Quiet! You'll wake the people here. Hurry up with those stockings and then go empty the icebox. We'll take the whole feast! Grab the thing of pudding, and roast beast. Make it quick…I'm talking in a flash.
McCheese: Ok.
Doom: Oooooh. Don't forget to grab the last can of hash!
McCheese: Did you just……?
Doom: Yeah I did.
McCheese: Niiiiiice. I mean---no! You're so wrong.
Doom: Do it!

McCheese did as he was told and emptied the icebox. Meanwhile, Doom finished undressing the Christmas tree and was prepping to get it out the home.

Doom: McCheese, go downstairs and move the car around so we don't have to drag this down the block.
McCheese: Ok. I'll be right back.

Doom finished up with the tree and was ready to unload it thru the window when all of a sudden he heard a sound. He turned around and saw a groggy man standing there scratching his butt.

Doom: Oh…hey Houde.
Houde: Doom?
Doom: Yeah…'sup bro?
Houde: What are you doing?

Doom started to hesitate…but you know, that old Doom was so smart and so slick, that he thought up a lie and he thought it up quick.

Doom: Why my sweet little Houde...

The fake Santie Claus lied.

Doom: ...there's a light on this tree that won't light on one side. So I'm taking it home to my work shop, my dear. I'll fix it up there…then I'll bring it back here.
Houde: No you're not! You're trying to steal Christmas!
Doom: Got me. Yeah.

Doom quickly pinched Houde on the side of his neck and Houde passed out. Then Doom finished stealing the tree.




2 Minutes Later Back In The Apartment…......




Doom came rushing back in the apartment and quickly ate the cookies Houde left out for Santa. Then left again.




Early Next Morning………




Doom and McCheese raced thru the streets of town in the UHAUL truck they stole since the Humvee got too small. They raced thru stop signs, yield signs and stoplights until they finally pulled off to the side of the road of the local river.

Doom: I did it McCheese! I stole Christmas! I stopped it from coming!
McCheese: No you didn't.
Doom: Yes I did. And put your antlers back on! I didn't say we were done yet.
McCheese: Fine. But no you didn't. You just messed Christmas up for like 50 people. The rest of the city is still gonna have Christmas.
Doom: McCheese….don't ruin my moment. No no. Right now they're finding out now that Christmas ain't coming.
McCheese: Yes it is.
Doom: Cheese. Moment. Now they're just waking up, I know just what they'll do. Their mouths will hang open a minute or two, then those Seasons Greeting Sallys and Happy Holiday Harrys out there will all cry "Boo Hoo!"

Doom stood there and reveled in his accomplishment. All of sudden a complete stranger drove by and honked their horn at Doom and McCheese.

Stranger: MERRY CHRISTMAS FRIEND!

A quizzical look come across Doom's face.

Doom: Why would he say that to me? It's not Christmas. I stole it.
McCheese: No. It came.
Doom: No. I stole it.

At that point a woman came jogging by.

Jogging Lady: Merry Christmas!

Doom's face changed from quizzical to perplexingly disgusted.

Doom: It came.
McCheese: Told you.
Doom: But how?
McCheese: Dude…
Doom: It came without ribbons! It came without tags! It came without packages, boxes, or bags!
McCheese: Will you stop rhyming. You sound stupid.
Doom: Yeah fine. It sounded better in my head anyways.
McCheese: It sounded better back in 1966 when America first heard it. ***.
Doom: Ok seriously…I'm gonna hurt you. Like I was saying…so I didn't stop Christmas. I get it now. I can't stop it. In fact…maybe I love it.
McCheese: ………
Doom: Ok maybe not. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. For now, let's just say that I don't hate it.
McCheese: I'm too tired to argue.
Doom: Good. One more snide remark and I was gonna have to hurt you. Let's go get this stuff and take it back.
McCheese: Finally! Wait---what?
Doom: Take it all back.
McCheese: We can't. We stole it. If we show up back to the scene of the crime, there's gonna be cops.
Doom: You're right. So what do we do?
McCheese: We park the truck in an open area and make an anonymous tip to the police.
Doom: Sounds like a plan. Hey…where's the truck?

Doom and McCheese frantically looked around.

McCheese: Doom! There! Some thief just jacked us! He's getting away!
Doom: Bump that noise! Check it!

Doom pulls out a gun and fires it at the truck. He blows out the 2 rear tires and the truck serves violently.

McCheese: Oh this can not end well.

The truck serves violently again in the other direction and crashes thru the bridge railing. Doom and McCheese watch as the truck falls into the river below in what seems like slow motion.

Doom: Sweet Christmas!

The 2 watch as the truck hits the water and begins to sink.

McCheese: Now what do we do?
Doom: Dunno. I didn't have a contingency plan for this. Ideas?
McCheese: Nope.
Doom: **** it. We tried. Let's go get some pancakes. I've been wanting some all night!
McCheese: Does this mean that you've learned your lesson and next year we can avoid all this craziness?
Doom: I can't make any promises.
McCheese: What are you gonna tell Houde?
Doom: I'll just get him drunk off his egg nog and buy him a couple lapdances. I hear Roxxxy the Red-Bottomed Harlot is doing a special Christmas show tonight.
McCheese: That should do it. Can I come?
Doom: No.
McCheese: I'm moving out.
Doom: No you're not.
McCheese: No I'm not.








The End

 

[McCheese]

:lol::lol::lol:

Seriously, no I'm not. Ever!

 

[Ultimate Houde]

Sweet Christmas.

You are no longer invited to my house.

Ever.

 

[Random]

Doom quickly glanced at Houde and gave him such a fierce stare that even Ghost Rider's "Penance Stare" looks like a sexy wink from a drunken chick across the bar.

Hilarious

 

[the watcher]

Sweet Christmas.

You are no longer invited to my house.

Ever.

besides... your still trying to get Ice out.

Hilarious

Agree.

 

[TwilightEL]

Has Twi read this yet? I'm still waiting to see her reaction

Yeah, I saw it a while ago. I thought I had posted my reaction.

It was funny. And that's a pretty accurate rendition of Max and I's relationship.