Ultimates #13 is Done

Fredrik Martinsson

Formerly known as Ultimate Warrior
So we go from issue 12 where they kill the liberators to the ultimates fighting norse gods. I'm sorry if I seem a little rash but WTF!!!!!
Why? The cliffhanger in 12 was that Thor was summoned to fight Loki. Not that big of a step between that and a full Asgard vs. Earth fight.
 

TwilightEL

Well-Known Member
It's like a Royal Rumble.

That's the entire point of the series, to lead you into a set of escalating badass moments. Oh, and blah blah blah technocracy blah blah blah look at my clever political allegory blah blah FIGHT SCENE!

That's not to say that the fight scenes aren't enough, of course.
 

ourchair

Well-Known Member
Man I don't even remember what happened in Ultimates # 12. And I have a pretty goddamn eidetic memory for my pop culture, so that says something, I'd say.
 

Bass

Nexus of the World
Man I don't even remember what happened in Ultimates # 12. And I have a pretty goddamn eidetic memory for my pop culture, so that says something, I'd say.

Once again, lemee 'splain. ... No, there is too much. Lemee sum up.

Buttercup and Humperdink... no wait. That was the Princess Bride. What a great film.

As for The Ultimates 2: Grand Theft America...

A traitor has been working behind the scenes - exposing the Hulk as Banner and talking to Giant Man (who has been fired). That is all. The horror. Loki, who is working with the traitor has had Thor arrested and depowered. Then the traitor kills all of Hawkeye's family and then shoots him in the head - not to kill him, but to capture him. SHIELD examine the scene and discover Captain America was the traitor (which makes sense) and beats him up and arrest him. Then, out of nowhere, a giant armada of 50-foot tall robots and a swarm of flying superhumans wearing suits that make them superhuman but kill them after a month attack and conquer America (presumably, only for a month), calling themselves the Liberators because Masters of Evil is too corny. Black Widow turns out to be the traitor because she's a Russian spy and that's what they do all the time because they're Russian spies (which doesn't make much sense). Iron Man then beats her up easily because he can. Then flies into space and hooks up to a Death Star and kills the 50-foot tall robots whilst drunk. Hawkeye is imprisoned and about to be killed, but then breaks out using his fingernails, which he could've done at any time prior to giving away all the security codes to the enemy that allowed them to attack America. He then escapes and immediately joins the "big fight" on the White House lawn because the villains decided to hide him in the one place no one would expect - the White House. Captain America is also arrested and about to be beaten up by the Schizoid Man. But Wasp frees him in a few seconds and then they fight Schizoid Man to the win. Out of nowhere, the wandering Bruce Banner arrives on the scene (because he's worried that he's an uncontrollable danger to society and fugitive, he went to the White House) and turns into the Hulk, but the Hulk is now smart...er and can talk and showboat. Nick Fury has an arm punched off, but no other Ultimate title has ever referenced this ever. Perun steals Thor's hammer - and then everyone forgets this and he's never seen again. He just disappears. Giant Man is working for the Liberators, realises that they're going to lose because the Liberators have rounded up the Fantastic Four and the X-Men and every other superhero in Manhattan and shipped them to the White House so they can all be in one place to stage a break out. Giant Man pretends he was infiltrating the Liberators. No one believes him. No one cares Black Widow was the traitor (like the readers). The Union show up dressed as Clark Kent and presumably beat everyone up. Despite being in several different countries, they all get to America during a military invasion and into the White House lawn without being noticed - because they're wearing glasses. Wasp becomes giant-sized because being small and beaten up by the Schizoid Man was part of her plan. Not only that, she instantly gains giant-powers even though everyone else needed a medical facility within the Triskelion to do so. And her clothes grow with her. Even though they've never shrunk when she has, and they've never grown with any of the Goliaths or Giant-Men in the series to date. But it just happens and no one comments. Quicksilver faces off against Hurricane and beats her because he's just faster than her. Hulk faces Abomination, a stronger, smarter, Hulk, but Hulk beats him 'just because'. Captain America faces of against the Colonel (not Red Skull because it's corny). They have a lightsaber fight. Hulk then cuts off Red Skull's hands with Cap's shield. Cap then kills a cripple. We don't get how this ties to the metaphor of an Islamic Red Skull being bad. Then Loki reveals himself as the 'giant bad guy' because he's upset all his insidious warmongering has resulted in a war. To stop said war he's been orchestrating for a year, he reveals he's the bad guy behind it all so everyone has someone to unite against, thus unifying man and creating order - the antithesis of his desire to be a god of chaos. Then Scarlet Witch deus ex machinas Thor out of nowhere, with his hammer (Perun is completely forgotten) so he can fight Loki in a no-holds barred TLC match for the World Wrestling Federation heavyweight championship belt wrapped up in the US flag.
 

bluebeast

Well-Known Member
Once again, lemee 'splain. ... No, there is too much. Lemee sum up.

Buttercup and Humperdink... no wait. That was the Princess Bride. What a great film.

As for The Ultimates 2: Grand Theft America...

A traitor has been working behind the scenes - exposing the Hulk as Banner and talking to Giant Man (who has been fired). That is all. The horror. Loki, who is working with the traitor has had Thor arrested and depowered. Then the traitor kills all of Hawkeye's family and then shoots him in the head - not to kill him, but to capture him. SHIELD examine the scene and discover Captain America was the traitor (which makes sense) and beats him up and arrest him. Then, out of nowhere, a giant armada of 50-foot tall robots and a swarm of flying superhumans wearing suits that make them superhuman but kill them after a month attack and conquer America (presumably, only for a month), calling themselves the Liberators because Masters of Evil is too corny. Black Widow turns out to be the traitor because she's a Russian spy and that's what they do all the time because they're Russian spies (which doesn't make much sense). Iron Man then beats her up easily because he can. Then flies into space and hooks up to a Death Star and kills the 50-foot tall robots whilst drunk. Hawkeye is imprisoned and about to be killed, but then breaks out using his fingernails, which he could've done at any time prior to giving away all the security codes to the enemy that allowed them to attack America. He then escapes and immediately joins the "big fight" on the White House lawn because the villains decided to hide him in the one place no one would expect - the White House. Captain America is also arrested and about to be beaten up by the Schizoid Man. But Wasp frees him in a few seconds and then they fight Schizoid Man to the win. Out of nowhere, the wandering Bruce Banner arrives on the scene (because he's worried that he's an uncontrollable danger to society and fugitive, he went to the White House) and turns into the Hulk, but the Hulk is now smart...er and can talk and showboat. Nick Fury has an arm punched off, but no other Ultimate title has ever referenced this ever. Perun steals Thor's hammer - and then everyone forgets this and he's never seen again. He just disappears. Giant Man is working for the Liberators, realises that they're going to lose because the Liberators have rounded up the Fantastic Four and the X-Men and every other superhero in Manhattan and shipped them to the White House so they can all be in one place to stage a break out. Giant Man pretends he was infiltrating the Liberators. No one believes him. No one cares Black Widow was the traitor (like the readers). The Union show up dressed as Clark Kent and presumably beat everyone up. Despite being in several different countries, they all get to America during a military invasion and into the White House lawn without being noticed - because they're wearing glasses. Wasp becomes giant-sized because being small and beaten up by the Schizoid Man was part of her plan. Not only that, she instantly gains giant-powers even though everyone else needed a medical facility within the Triskelion to do so. And her clothes grow with her. Even though they've never shrunk when she has, and they've never grown with any of the Goliaths or Giant-Men in the series to date. But it just happens and no one comments. Quicksilver faces off against Hurricane and beats her because he's just faster than her. Hulk faces Abomination, a stronger, smarter, Hulk, but Hulk beats him 'just because'. Captain America faces of against the Colonel (not Red Skull because it's corny). They have a lightsaber fight. Hulk then cuts off Red Skull's hands with Cap's shield. Cap then kills a cripple. We don't get how this ties to the metaphor of an Islamic Red Skull being bad. Then Loki reveals himself as the 'giant bad guy' because he's upset all his insidious warmongering has resulted in a war. To stop said war he's been orchestrating for a year, he reveals he's the bad guy behind it all so everyone has someone to unite against, thus unifying man and creating order - the antithesis of his desire to be a god of chaos. Then Scarlet Witch deus ex machinas Thor out of nowhere, with his hammer (Perun is completely forgotten) so he can fight Loki in a no-holds barred TLC match for the World Wrestling Federation heavyweight championship belt wrapped up in the US flag.

Greatest. Summary. Ever.
 

ourchair

Well-Known Member
Once again, lemee 'splain. ... No, there is too much. Lemee sum up.

Buttercup and Humperdink... no wait. That was the Princess Bride. What a great film.
Truly an awesome film.

Bass said:
As for The Ultimates 2: Grand Theft America...

A traitor has been working behind the scenes - exposing the Hulk as Banner and talking to Giant Man (who has been fired). That is all. The horror. Loki, who is working with the traitor has had Thor arrested and depowered. Then the traitor kills all of Hawkeye's family and then shoots him in the head - not to kill him, but to capture him. SHIELD examine the scene and discover Captain America was the traitor (which makes sense) and beats him up and arrest him.
I still prefer your idea of Thor's hammer being something bigger. Or my idea of Tony Stark being a quasi-benevolent Ozymandias wannabe.

Bass said:
Black Widow turns out to be the traitor because she's a Russian spy and that's what they do all the time because they're Russian spies (which doesn't make much sense).
If Mark Millar pulls another 'Hey it was me, duh! What did you expect?!' after trying to convince us he's a smarter writer than he really is, I'm going to have to uh... spank compound.

Mark Millar --- trying to convince us that everything matters --- that there are big huge Watchmen like ramifications for everything in the Marvel line --- until he changes his mind.

Bass said:
Hulk then cuts off Red Skull's hands with Cap's shield. Cap then kills a cripple. We don't get how this ties to the metaphor of an Islamic Red Skull being bad.
Metaphor? What are you some kind of ****ing lit major?

Bass said:
Then Scarlet Witch deus ex machinas Thor out of nowhere, with his hammer (Perun is completely forgotten) so he can fight Loki in a no-holds barred TLC match for the World Wrestling Federation heavyweight championship belt wrapped up in the US flag.
WRESTLING'S NOT FAAAAAAAAAAIIIIKKKE!
 

Bass

Nexus of the World
I still prefer your idea of Thor's hammer being something bigger. Or my idea of Tony Stark being a quasi-benevolent Ozymandias wannabe.

You mean the whole, "his hammer is Asgard, and it contains its own mini-information universe, thus Thor is both a God and crazy" thing?

Me too.

Mark Millar --- trying to convince us that everything matters --- that there are big huge Watchmen like ramifications for everything in the Marvel line --- until he changes his mind.

:rockon:
 

Leatherneck

New Member
Darn it, I was really hoping Thor's sanity would remain an open question, but it looks pretty conclusive that he's now a god in UU as well. I was holding to the faint hope that his brother was a nutjob too, even after #12. "Thor, the Escaped Mental Patient" was a far more interesting character than "Thor the Thunder God."

Verily, we now get orcs, trolls, fairies, giant wolves, leprechauns, unicorns, green stars, yellow moons, and orange clovers in the Ultimates.

*sigh*
 
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Bass

Nexus of the World
*sigh*

That said, I'd be happier with Millar and Hitch having the final word on what Thor is than anyone else.
 

Leatherneck

New Member
You make a good point, Bass. Through Ultimates, those two have almost singlehandedly reinvigorated my interest in comics. Truthfully, I doubt if there's any way Loeb or any future writer would have continued letting Thor's true identity hang up in the air. I guess it's only right that the question be resolved while the guys that invented it still have creative control.

Based on interviews and samples of the art, it looks like Volume 3 is going to be more traditional "superhero," as opposed to the realism of Millar and Hitch's run. I'm still keeping my fingers crossed that they'll do an "Ultimate Captain America" series.
 
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ProjectX2

Don't expect me to take you with me when I go to s
Welcome, Leatherneck! I agree with everything you posted. I'll be looking forward to future contributions.
 

ourchair

Well-Known Member
Verily, we now get orcs, trolls, fairies, giant wolves, leprechauns, unicorns, green stars, yellow moons, and orange clovers in the Ultimates.

*sigh*
This has unfortunately happened already. In Ultimate Fantastic Four we have space elves and a Himalayan Gorgon sister. Then in Ultimate Spider-Man we had a shaggy werewolf goblin thing. I'm just waiting for a transgendered horse warrior named Kofi or something debuting in Ultimate X-Men or wherever.

Bass said:
*sigh*

That said, I'd be happier with Millar and Hitch having the final word on what Thor is than anyone else.
Remember how I said earlier that Millar always convinces us of big ramifications but changes his mind later...?

I think one of the reasons why Millar always resorts to ending his books with fight scenes and essentially putting the flag back on the White House, and dusting off the statues is not that he CAN'T do it, it's just that he DOESN'T WANT TO.

He may have the balls to end Wanted with an anti-emotional payoff that's meant to invoke disgust and not empathy, and concluding Chosen with a surprise twist that calls to mind an evil jerk version of M. Night Shyamalan, but it's in his work for hire that he adopts a different attitude.

He frequently mentions respect for the Big Two's Legacy characters, and I think that this makes him less likely to upset the apple cart in a position as to 'damage' it for other people or take away their ability to retain some degree of authorial liberty for future writers that makes the endings to his runs on Marvel Knights: Spider-Man and (unless he does an unlikely 180) The Ultimates.

In other words, Millar respects the writers before him and the writers to follow, and the long-term publishing prospects of the properties he works on too much to do otherwise.
 
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