Dr_Draco said:
Not a bad chapter. I like how we learned more about the storm-portal. How it doesn't just take people to and from other dimensions, but from different points in time as well.

Looking forward to the next part :rockon:

What do you think about including the bios in the chapter as not to ruin the surpise?
You're getting better with description, great! It's a good start with this issue and story, so keep it up. Just the usual of watching out for anything mispelled or missed gramatical errors, but nothing that really is a kill joy.
I went though and made some minor changes with the chapters. Fixed some stuff and added some. I will try and have a new chapter up in the next couple weeks. Here's a solict.

Chapter Ten - Space Wars - Part 2

Riddick, Kyle, and Obi Wan are all trapped on a planet run by deadly creatures. A old enemy of Obi-Wan's is also on the planet. Who's side will he be on and what will Obi-Wan do? And how will they get off the planet and back to thier homes?
Bought to you by the writer of Knights And Ultimate Wonder Woman. Find out soon.
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thee great one said:
Bought to you by the writer of Knights And Ultimate Wonder Woman. Find out soon.

WHO IS IT?!!!! I MUST KNOW!!!!!!!

Riddick - A con living in the out skirts of space. He is a deadly man that murdered many people. In prison he had his eyes shine to be able to see in the dark.

Aliens - The eponymous alien creature, a lethal predator with consistently exotic abilities and physical attributes, reproduces by parasitizing living victims with embryos; or by transmuting them directly into the early alien reproductive stages (egg and facehugger) through unknown means. The blood of these creatures is a very deadly form of acid.

Green Lantern - Kyle Rayner was a struggling freelance artist when he was approached by the last Guardian of the Universe, Ganthet, to become a new Green Lantern with the last power ring. Ganthet did not choose Rayner for any particular reason; he simply needed to find someone to fill the role.

Obi-Wan Kenobi - Trained as a youngling in the Jedi Temple under Yoda. Without a Jedi teacher at the age of thirteen, however, Kenobi would have been appointed to work in agricultural labor, where he might never have reached his full potential. Eventually he was accepted by Master Qui-Gon Jinn as a padawan learner. Who became a Jedi master after Qui-Gon was killed.

Darth Maul - Indoctrinated in the ways of the dark side from youth, Maul had no emotion aside from bloodlust and rage. During his training, any show of fear was severely punished by Sidious, and any hint of mercy rewarded with cruelty. By the time Maul was an adolescent, his master had already forged him into a weapon of pure hatred. Marked by Sith tattoos that covered his entire muscular body, the young Zabrak was now the ultimate tool of the dark side.

Chapter Ten - Space Wars - Part 2

The red blade twisted and turned as it sliced though all the appendages of the alien creatures. Their acid blood spit and sprayed on the solid rock ground. It covered the Sith warrior. The acid melted and steamed into this tattooed flesh.

"Should we help him?" asked Kyle.

"Do what you must, but I'm going with or without you guys," answered Riddick.

"Aren't you just a barrel of sunshine?"

"I say we move on. This man is evil in it's absolute. He will make this easier for us."

They moved around the battle up another steep heading to an unknown location. Maul was not so busy not to notice the presence of a Jedi. He finished the last of them and sent off after them.


A Couple of Hours later...

"You guys seem to have an idea of where you are going," Riddick pointed out. "Mind sharing that with the rest of us?"

Obi-Wan and Kyle exchange glances.

"At that base, we found a map to another base that, as far as we can tell, as a working ship," explained Kyle.

"Why didn't you say so earlier?"

"We didn't know if we could trust you yet," answered Obi-Wan. "We still aren't."

"Trust is a fool's game."

They traveled to a narrow pass between cliffs single file.

"I'll take point. I have the ring scanning for the bio-makeup of those creatures. Obi-Wan should be in the back. His senses will keep us from being blind-sided," suggested Kyle.

"So I'm the baggage?"

They travel into the pass with Kyle first, followed by Riddick, who's carrying a assault rifle, with Obi-Wan behind with his hand on his lightsaber. They move slow though the path. The air is still thick with ash and it's impossible to tell night from day. They get about halfway though when Obi-Wan stops. Riddick looks back at him.

"Something wrong, old man?"

"I'm not much older than you, but I think we are being followed."

"I'm not picking up any of the creatures," added Kyle.

"No, I think it's Maul."

"We're almost out of this pass. I say we double-time it out," suggested Kyle.

The three of them took off towards the exit. They hear some rocks break off of the top and fall to the ground. They all glance up and see Maul standing on the top of the cliff. He hisses and jumps down, jabbing his lightsaber into both sides of the cliff. Causing him to slow down.

"I think we run. This is no place to fight," Obi-Wan added.

The three of them started to run out of the canyon with Maul behind them. Riddick turns and throws a grenade at the top of the cliff. The explosion blasted rocks off the cliff down towards Maul. He hissed and dodged the rocks. Slashing at the ones that he couldn't.

"Look, it's the exit!" shouted Kyle.

Just as they got right too it Maul jumped towards Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan sensed and spun to meet him with his lightsaber. But the force from Maul attack, still knocked Obi-Wan into the rock wall. Kyle shout a green bolt at Maul knocking him back. Riddick grabs Obi-wan and they take off some more. Maul jumps back to his feet and takes off to them again. They come to small cove of land surrounded by small hills.

Riddick gives Obi-wan to Kyle and grabs his rifle. He spins and starts shooting at Maul when he comes over the hill. Maul uses his lightsaber to melt each bullet as it comes to him. He then jumps in the air and comes down on Riddick. who moves just in the nick of time. Kyle then uses his ring and creates a lightsaber of his own. He attacks Maul who blocks his attack. This causes Kyle's lightsaber to disappear. Maul swings for the attack but is block by Obi-Wan.

"I killed you once. I can do it again."

Maul just growled at this. They start to crash lightsabers, no one getting to upper hand. Riddick gets back up.

"Are you okay?" asks Kyle.

Riddick was busy staring at the hills in the distance.

"What is it?"

Riddick took off his glasses. The land turns a deep purple and he seen hundreds of figures coming towards them in the smoke.

"We have company"

Kyle glanced up to see a massive wave of aliens coming towards them. Riddick grabbed his rifle and Kyle created on of his own. They started shooting at the incoming wave. Riddick looked back at Obi-Wan and Maul still dueling.

"We need to run," said Kyle.

They both started to fall back towards the dueling warriors. Obi-Wan noticed the incoming wave of aliens, this gave Maul the opportunity to strike. He swung his blade towards Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan was quick to notice and quickly blocked but was still knocked back by the force. Riddick raised his rifle and started blasting at Maul, but he was quick to reflect the attack. Kyle shot a beam of light at Maul knocking him back. Riddick then turned towards the alien.

"I was saving this for something like this."

He pulled out a mini rocket launcher. He loaded it up and aimed at the aliens.

"How big is the explosi..."

Kyle was cut off by the launched rocket. It soared towards the aliens and landed dead center. The explosion was much bigger than expected for the little rocket. Rocks and rubble from the ground launched in the air with the flames and gas of the explosion.

"That will buy us a minute before they climb over," stated Riddick.

Kyle turned back to see Maul jumping towards him with his blade raised. Kyle quickly put up a shield but Maul smashed though it, knocking Kyle back and unconscious. Maul then launched at Riddick. Who moved and starting shooting at Maul again. Maul attacked again but Riddick jumped and landed next to Kyle. Riddick quickly grabbed Kyle's ring off his hand and turned it at Maul. He screamed and shot a green flame at Maul who was now standing over him.. It barely affected Maul as he brushed it away. Riddick quickly grabbed his knife and rammed into the chin of Maul. And then head butted him. He threw Kyle's ring back down on top of him.

"You're not the scariest thing in the universe."

Riddick brushes the ash off his face and hears the aliens coming again. He looked down and picked up Maul's double-bladed lightsaber. Flipped the switch on.

"Neither are you guys."

He ran towards them and dived right into the thick of them. Hacking and slashing his way though them. It was a mass of black slowly moving on the ground with hints of red soaring though it. After about 5 minutes, the aliens stop attacking.

"What's a matter guys, lost your appetite?"

The ground started to shake violently. The aliens hissed silently to themselves and moved to each side creating a path down the middle of them. Riddick took off his glasses again and sees a huge purple figure rising over the hill. He puts them back on and sees a huge alien standing there, mouth foaming with acid.


It roars and runs towards him. He started firing at it but still rampaged towards him. It jumped at him and Riddick dodged again but lost his lightsaber on impact. The alien was now right above him, hissing. A green light shot and created a muzzle around the mouth of the alien. Then Obi-Wan launched onto the back of the alien sliding down it's spine with his lightsaber. The alien wiggled and roared then fell over dead. All the other aliens screamed and roared. They turned and ran back to where they came.

"I was beginning to think you guys were going to sleep all day," mocked Riddick.

"I wanted too," added Kyle. "What do we do now?"

"We move on," answered Obi-Wan.​
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Much better

I agree with Dr.Draco, the ending was rushed, and with such a break between stories, a small recap would have helped, otherwise, a good piece of science fiction

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