Scientifically Doomed

"I sweat the small stuff" will be my subnic when I reach 10,000.

In five years.

Why wait? I'm gonna petition E for it to be changed now.

Between bee sex, Jimmy Olsen, usage of apostrophe, I think we can work something out.

I just hope Twi isn't the girl in my attic, the one that keeps revving the chainsaw.

I checked her location. It's coming from inside the house! Get out! Get out now!

This needs to become an actual show

Coming to NBC.
 
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"Strange Love - Pt.2"




"Strange Love"






Doom sat at the kitchen table with blueprints, charts, and a bunch of other tools spread across the table. Houde stumbled into the kitchen and sleepwalked his way into preparing a bowl of cereal.

Doom: …and if the sunset is scheduled for 1836……take away the 7……windspeed is 12knots…
Houde: Oh God…what are planning now?
Doom: Nothing.
Houde: Then why the mission tools?
Doom: No reason………and the moon is in Jupiter………
Houde: Are there gonna be explosions involed?
Doom: Not certain yet. Depends on whether or not the target takes Route A. If he doesn't and decides to take Route C---then yes.
Houde: Is this taking place anywhere near The Shack?
Doom: …assuming target is wearing a cowboy hat…--uh no. Not near the Shack.
Houde: Then I'm good.
Doom: You will be.
Houde: What?
Doom: Nothing.
Houde: No…you said something. What was it?
Doom: Oh nothing. I was thinking aloud.
Houde: Am I Target A?
Doom: No.
Houde: Fine.

And Houde walked back to his room. Doom looked up and smirked.

Doom: You're Target B.



That Morning At The Shack…



Houde arrived at The Shack and called a meeting in his office.

Houde: You guys…I have an announcement…
Doom: We're getting a puppy?!?!?!

Houde just looked at Doom.

Houde: No.
Doom: Awwww…
Houde: Deal with it. As I was saying---Gentlemen, I present to you…our newest addition to the Houde's Chili Dog Shack menu………a 3ft long hot dog w/ chili cheese, sauerkraut, onion and thousand island dressing!
McCheese: Can we call it "The Rosie"?
Houde: No.
Doom: Oooo…what about "The Dr.Phil"?
Houde: No! Stop naming my creations after fat people in Hollywood!
Doom: Then what do we call it?
Houde: The Houdenator…
Doom and McCheese: Meh.
Houde: Shut up and make the hot dogs.

McCheese left. Doom stood there…milling around Houde.

Doom: So……………
Houde: Ugh. What?
Doom: So you gonna see Twilight again?
Houde: Yeah. And stay away from her.
Doom: No no yeah. I got ya. Don't worry. She's not my type. But you 2 seem great together. You guys have a real solid bond. It's cute.
Houde: Is there a point to all this?
Doom: You mean life in general or just this conversation?
Houde: AAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
Doom: Ok bro…look---I'm sorry I ruined your special date with Twilight. I apologized. I'm trying to make amends here. What do I have to do to get back in your good graces? I miss my Broseph.
Houde: Did you refer to me as your Broseph?
Doom: Yeah.
Houde: Look…the situation is fine. I don't need your help or anything like that. Just let it be.
Doom: But---
Houde: NO! No buts. Leave it. Now if you'll excuse me…I need to do the inventory and develop a marketing campaign for The Houdenator.

Houde closed the office door.

Doom knew that although Houde was telling him no…deep down he really wanted Doom's help in making things right.



That Afternoon…



Houde saved the excel chart he was working on and powered off the computer.

Houde: Hey guys…I'm gonna go ahead and take off early. I got a meeting downtown with bank. I'll see you guys tomorrow.
McCheese: Ok boss. Have a good night. Tell your mom I said "Sup?" .
Houde: What?
McCheese: Nothing.
Houde: Doom, can you stay and help McCheese close up? Last time he left the fridge door open and all the produce wilted.
Doom: Yeah no prob. Hey you wanna grab some drinks later?
Houde: Sorry…I got plans. Later.

Houde walked out and headed to his car. Doom peered out the window and waited for Houde's car to get down the street.

Doom: Ok Cheese…it's time!

McCheese giddily clapped his hands together real fast.

Doom: It's time for Operation CUPID'S CHOKEHOLD. Let's…get…dangerous.
McCheese: Hey…isn't that from—
Doom: Yep. Let's do this.

McCheese stepped out front and stood on the counter.

McCheese: Attention all customers----get…the…****…out! Raise up out this piece!

Doom quickly followed suit.

Doom: That's right people…get out! We're closing early. Take your hungry asses to McDonald's or something. Come back tomorrow and we'll give you free food. Get out! Make your way to the exit.
McCheese: If I count to 3 and y'all still here I'm gonna go oops upside yo head!
Doom: Nice one.
McCheese: I was watching BET earlier.

The customers just stared at the 2 of them. Doom and McCheese looked back. Doom then sighed deeply.

Doom: Ok…your way.

Doom went behind the counter and came back out with a shotgun.

Doom: Now y'all wanna leave?

The customers stampeded to the doors.

McCheese: I don't think Houde's gonna like the fact that we threatened the customers.
Doom: Don't worry. We'll say we were being held hostage during a robbery by a bunch of breakdancing Asians. Stuff like that happens all the time and people keep coming back.
McCheese: It could work.
Doom: I came up with the plan didn't I?
McCheese: Verily.

With all the customers finally clearing out the Shack, Doom and McCheese locked up the place and headed out.



Later Across Town…



Doom and McCheese sat in the bushes, completely concealed by the shrubbery. Houde and Twilight rounded the corner down the street and began to approach them.

McCheese: How'd you know he'd take this route?
Doom: Houde hates Star Wars and the guy who played Chewbacca is signing autographs at the local comic shop. It's only logical that he'd avoid that street so as not to run into any fanboys.
McCheese: Brilliant.
Doom: Know thy enemy…or best friend…or whatever.
McCheese: So what's next?
Doom: Ok…the 2 of them are gonna walk by soon. At that point I'm gonna bust out the old accordion and begin singing in Italian. You know…to serenade them. Then you're gonna step out from behind the tree in your little Italian tuxedo and usher them over to the fancy picnic we have laid out.
McCheese: Nice.
Doom: At that point Joe Kalicki is gonna arrive dressed as Cupid. He's gonna throw a---
McCheese: You think this is going too far?
Doom: Naw. Oooo---they're coming. Get ready.

Houde and Twilight approached closer.

Houde: So how's the folks?
Twi: Fine I guess. Mom is pinging because their anniversary is getting closer and she's all excited to see how Dad is gonna surprise her.
Houde: That's nice. Should be quite show.
Twi: I hope so. After last year's fiasco, he's got a lot of making up to do.
Houde: So---

Houde was interrupted by the sounds of a nearby accordion.

Houde: Oh dear God.
Twi: Can I take a guess?
Houde: You can…but you won't really need it. Trust your gut.

Doom stood up and continued to play the accordion. McCheese stepped out from behind the tree.

McCheese: Good evening. Please step right this way.
Houde: Uh no. We're fine.
McCheese: Please step right over here.
Houde: No. And who's watching the store?
McCheese: We closed up. Now uh…over here?
Doom: Come on man! We're trying to set the mood here!
Houde: Stop setting the mood. No mood setting is needed. Mood is not needed.
Doom: Bro…just go with it.

Twi began to laugh. Houde's face got redder and redder.

Doom: When the moon hit's your eye…
Houde: Stop. I swear if you attempt to finish that lyric I'm gonna bury you.

Doom just stared Houde down. Houde stared back. Doom smirked.

Doom: Like a big-a pizza----

BOOM!

Outta nowhere Houde punched Doom in the jaw. He then quickly swung around and clocked McCheese in the gut. Both went down.

Houde: You just couldn't leave it alone? You had to go and hatch a scheme!?!?!?!?

Doom stood up.

Doom: Ok. First one's free. Now it's gonna cost you.
Houde: 67 HIS HAS GORRILLA HANDS THUNDER STRIKE!!!!!

Houde flew at Doom with a flurry of strikes. Doom quickly blocked them all.

Doom: Told ya the first one was free.

Twilight quickly stood between the 2.

Twi: Will you 2 please stop!?!?!?!? You're acting like a bunch of 5 year olds!!!!
Doom: Hey Houde…control yo woman dawg!
Twi: What?
Doom: Handle yo business Houde.
Houde: Why are you talking like that?
Doom: It's after 3pm. Now it's the black side of me's turn.
Houde: Oh.
Twi: What did you just call me?
Doom: Houde…talk to your woman and tell her she betta recognize!
Twi: His woman? You ignorant, slack jawed, yokel. I'm his sister.
Doom: Womansaywha?
Twi: I'm his sister. Why would you think we're dating?
Doom: …………
Houde: See why I told you to leave it alone? I knew you had the wrong idea but I felt it was so stupid that I didn't feel like correcting you.
Doom: Your sister?
McCheese: Sister?
Joe Kalicki: Your sister?

Twilight jumped back.

Twi: And who is Baby Huey here?
McCheese: You're pretty mean you know that?
Twi: Shhh. It's stops speaking to it's intellectual superior or else it gets the hose.
Doom: Ouch.
Houde: Twi…lets get outta here. Now that these idiots know the truth, they'll lose interest and leave us alone.

Houde and Twilight walked off together. Doom, McCheese, and Joe Kalicki just stood there dumbfounded.

Doom: Did you know he had a sister?
McCheese: Dude…I don't know. I don't even know why I'm here. I'm just supposed to make the hot dogs and sleep on your couch.
Doom: Speaking of which…I need to talk to you about rent.
McCheese: Yeah…I gotta go.

McCheese ran off leaving only a smoky silhouette of himself in his place.



That Night At the Apartment…



Doom walked into the living room and saw Houde sitting on the couch. Doom took a seat next to him.

Doom: So…
Houde: Don't.
Doom: I just wanna say I'm sorry.
Houde: Noted.
Doom: I'm just saying---you told me to drop it. And I didn't. Instead I hatched a plan and embarrassed everyone.
Houde: No. Just yourself.
Doom: Noted. But like I said---I'm sorry.
Houde: It's ok. I tend to act like an overprotective douche when it comes to Twi. She just broke up with her ex. He just kinda disappeared on her. I hope she doesn't want to get back with him whenever he comes back.
Doom: Oh so she's single.
Houde: I'll punch you again. And then give you that tail.
Doom: Ok. I'll leave her alone.
Houde: Thanks.
Doom: So we cool?
Houde: Yeah…we cool.
Doom: You wanna go get some drinks?

Houde looked at his watch and stood up.

Houde: Can't. I got a date with this girl Twi hooked up for me. She's an awesome wingman. She totally walked up to this girl and made this joke and then pulled the "Haaaaaaaaaaaave you met Houde?" line.
Doom: Nice. You sure I can't date her?
Houde: Tail.
Doom: Oh yeah. So where's Twi now?
Houde: Back at her apartment. She's gotta do some report for her Pop Lit class. Something about some "Olsen Adventures".
Doom: Ooo. The 20 twin set?
Houde: Doubt it. She once told me that one day she's gonna get rid of all the Olsen Twin, Britneys, Paris Hiltons and Lindseys of he world The Cask of Amontillado-style.
Doom: Scary.
Houde: Kinda.
Doom: Ok. So this girl…she got a name yet?
Houde: Not yet. But she's a nurse.
Doom: Oooooo………….sexy.







The End
 
Doom: Ok…the 2 of them are gonna walk by soon. At that point I'm gonna bust out the old accordion and begin singing in Italian. You know…to serenade them. Then you're gonna step out from behind the tree in your little Italian tuxedo and usher them over to the fancy picnic we have laid out.
Just the mere image of this happening had me in tears
Joe Kalicki: Your sister?

Twilight jumped back.

Twi: And who is Baby Huey here?
:D

Doom: Ok. So this girl…she got a name yet?
Houde: Not yet. But she's a nurse.
Doom: Oooooo………….sexy.

That's who I thought Houde was meeting before you said it was Twi
 
Just the mere image of this happening had me in tears

Glad you liked it. :D

POE REFERENCE! Up high!

Thought you'd appreciate that.

I'm gonna get McCheese one of these days for freeloading in our apartment.

Good luck.

Good luck with that. I can run so fast that I leave a trail of smoke.

I'm the ****in' Roadrunner. You can't catch the roadrunner.

Meep meep!

I'm sure Acme's got something to take care of you.






Now I just have to come up with a future storyline for a couple more episodes.
 
*The proceeding is approved by the cast and crew of Scientifically Doomed*

Houde walks into the living room of the apartment, avoiding the sleeping body of McCheese, sits down and begins to chew on his cereal, staring intently at Doom's door. McCheese opens a crusted eye.

McCheese: Dude, that's scary.
Houde: What is?
McCheese: You're sitting there, staring at Doom's door.
Houde: Of course I am, I'm waiting for the fireworks.
McCheese: Fireworks?
Houde: Fireworks?

McCheese looks back and forth at Doom's bedroom door.

McCheese: Wouldn't that burn down the buidling?
Houde: What? Dude, just watch.

Suddenly the door opens in Doom's bedroom, and he walks out, smiling.

Houde: This is not proceeding to plan.
Doom: Houde, I have to say, thanks man.
Houde: You son of a motherless goat. You like it?

Doom steps out the entire way, and a monkey tail was behind him.

Doom: The ladies love it.
Ladies Voice: Doom, show me the meaning of monkey love again!
Doom: Sure enough Francine!
Ladies Voice: The name is Susan.
Doom: So? Later Houde.

He jumps back into the bedroom slamming the door.

McCheese looks at Houde.

McCheese: Um...where was the fireworks.
Houde: McCheese, get the **** out.

*Scientifically Doomed returns for it's second season next week*
 
*The proceeding is approved by the cast and crew of Scientifically Doomed*

Houde walks into the living room of the apartment, avoiding the sleeping body of McCheese, sits down and begins to chew on his cereal, staring intently at Doom's door. McCheese opens a crusted eye.

McCheese: Dude, that's scary.
Houde: What is?
McCheese: You're sitting there, staring at Doom's door.
Houde: Of course I am, I'm waiting for the fireworks.
McCheese: Fireworks?
Houde: Fireworks?

McCheese looks back and forth at Doom's bedroom door.

McCheese: Wouldn't that burn down the buidling?
Houde: What? Dude, just watch.

Suddenly the door opens in Doom's bedroom, and he walks out, smiling.

Houde: This is not proceeding to plan.
Doom: Houde, I have to say, thanks man.
Houde: You son of a motherless goat. You like it?

Doom steps out the entire way, and a monkey tail was behind him.

Doom: The ladies love it.
Ladies Voice: Doom, show me the meaning of monkey love again!
Doom: Sure enough Francine!
Ladies Voice: The name is Susan.
Doom: So? Later Houde.

He jumps back into the bedroom slamming the door.
I want a tail.
McCheese looks at Houde.

McCheese: Um...where was the fireworks.
Houde: McCheese, get the **** out.
Nevahs!!!
*Scientifically Doomed returns for it's second season next week*
Sweet!
 
Season 2, Episode 1

Houde-atary

The door to Houde and Doom's apartment opened, and Houde and Doom walk in.

Houde: That movie was horrendous.
Doom: You think 87% of all movies are horrendous
Houde: They are though. The only thing that's good about them is when I make fun of them.
Doom: Oh yeah, Houde-atary. One of these days, I'm going to kill you 57 different ways when you do that.
Houde: 57? A little overboard on that number?
Doom: No. I never go overboard.
Houde: Really? And throwing the grenade at that spider on the ceiling yesterday at the Shack during our busiest hour was not overboard?
Doom: No.
McCheese: I think it was.

Houde and Doom stare at McCheese, who was sleeping on the couch.

Doom: Change of topic, what are you doing here?
McCheese: Sleeping. This is my apartment too you know.
Houde: No it isn't.
Doom: Science boy is correct it isn't.
McCheese: Since when?
Houde: Since the first time we found you sleeping in here.
Doom: And every time thereafter.
McCheese: Hold on, wasn't this conversation about how Doom causes high insurance prices wherever he goes?
Houde: It is. Where do you keep getting those grenades anyways?
Doom: I know a guy.
Houde: Well you gotta stop throwing grenades in the shack anyways, the process to get things fixed is getting worse. And robot waiters don't grow on trees.
McCheese: Hate to be that guy, but could you guys not shout at each other in my bedroom?
Houde: Oh sorry McCheese.

The duo of Houde and Doom move their conversation over to the kitchen. Houde starts to pour himself a bowl of cereal.

Doom: I have an idea to combat those high costs.
Houde: What's this crazy *** plan involve?
Doom: I made a poster.
Houde: You always make posters.
Doom: Here it is.

Doom unfurls his poster on the table. Houde looks at it while he munches his cereal.

Houde: I see one big problem here.
Doom: What's that?
Houde: I can't read Japanese.
Doom: You didn't get the memo?
Houde: I don't do text messages.
Doom: Really? I send you about twenty a day.
Houde: I know. I just don't check them.
Doom: This is why you should. Stupid Scientist.

Houde just gives Doom a look while he eats another spoonful.

Doom: Anyways, This poster here says that we need to get investors, and Japanese ones by that.
Houde: Those the guys with the big money symbols coming out of their pockets.
Doom: Hell yeah.
Houde: Okay then, what's with the young Japanese girls with hearts in their eyes?
Doom: Nothing.
Houde: Yeah right. Your big plan is to get a Japanese girl in the sack, isn't it?
Doom: Yes.

Houde thoughtfully chews his cereal.

Houde: All right, I'm in, but only cause we need the money, not cause you are trying to get and STD from every country in the world.
Doom: Madagascar is gonna be tough.

Houde puts the cereal bowl in the sink.

Houde: Alright, tomorrow we look into thi….hold on. This is you. Most likely these Japanese businessmen are already here, and we are probably wining and dining them tomorrow, and hell, most likely we are going to do this all at the Shack.
Doom: Maybe.
Houde: Well then, this should be interesting.
Doom: I know.
Houde: Night Doom.
Doom: Night Houde.

They walk through the living room into their respective bedrooms.

McCheese: Night guys.

The bedroom doors open at the same time.

Houde and Doom: MCCHEESE!
McCheese: Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk.
The Following Day

Houde walks into the strip mall that the Shack is located at, and immediate sees a random person get tackled, and the security guard pop back up.

Houde: Hey Joe.
Kalicki: Hey Houde.
Houde: So any word on whose replacing the former Veggie Hut over there?
Kalicki: Nope, but why is Doom in there with all these weird squinty-eyed people.
Houde: That would be our new Japanese investors I think, Doom is trying to get with a girl from every country.
Kalicki: Ah, everyone needs goals I guess.

Behind Kalicki, a random punk runs by, grabbing a purse off an old lady.

Houde: Joe! That lady needs you!
Kalicki: GO GO KALICKI!

Joe rushes off after the robber, and the two of them go off down the mall.

Houde: Go go Kalicki….I work with morons.

Houde entered the Shack, in time to see Doom emerging from the kitchen with what looked like five Japanese tourists.

Houde: Hello, my name is Nathan Houde. It's a pleasure to finally meet you guys.
Japenese Guy 1: Hello hello.
Doom: Houde, meet, um, I forget his name, he said he's willing to invest in the Shack, but there's one thing he wants to do first.
Japanese Guy 1: Action Hero Movie!
Houde: Wait…what?
Doom: He wants to see a movie.
Houde: Oh, so you go enjoy that then.
Doom: I don't think so Houde. It's not just me.
Houde: You son of a b….
Doom: Ah ah ah, not in front of our new investors….
Houde: I hate you Doom.

Commercial break, the rest of this episode will be posted tonight or tomorrow!
 
They walk through the living room into their respective bedrooms.

McCheese: Night guys.

The bedroom doors open at the same time.

Houde and Doom: MCCHEESE!
McCheese: Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk.
Doom: He wants to see a movie.
Houde: Oh, so you go enjoy that then.
Doom: I don't think so Houde. It's not just me.
Houde: You son of a b….
Doom: Ah ah ah, not in front of our new investors….
Houde: I hate you Doom.

BWHAHAHAHAHA. I love this show
 

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