Iceshadow
Well-Known Member
Therein lies the comedy.
Ultimate Central: The Fanfic - Volume 9
- Thread starter Dr.Strangefate
- Start date
Therein lies the comedy.
Ultimate Houde
UC's Resident Genetic Recombinator
Victor Von Doom: You sure about this Joe?
Joe Kalicki: Yeah, they are in that place.
VVD, McCheese and Joe Kalicki where huddled on a small hill overlooking a maximum security prison. People were on the giant cement wall that surrounded it, spotlights shown down on the populace inside the walls, Several people mulled about on the inside of it. VVD raised his glasses to look more closely at the guards.
Victor Von Doom: The guards look a lot like Ultimate Houde. And they seem to be half robot….Who are we against in there?
McCheese: No idea, do we have any clue on how to get in there?
VVD looked at Joe Kalicki's security guard uniform, and then at the police car.
Victor Von Doom: I've got a plan…
Elsewhere
Professor Houdenmeyer: Meet my newest creation…Lynx. The child was able to hold onto the Strand of DNA that I acquired from that freedom fighter Reed Richards, before I vaporized him. Under our control, this boy has potential, yes.
The screen on the other side of the room showed the face of the Emperor.
Emperor: I do not like these rebels thinking they are stronger than us Professor. Destroy them, and use every tool in your arsenal. Got it?
Professor Houdenmeyer: Of course Emperor.
Professor Houdenmeyer bowed, and the screen winked out. He gave the screen a look, and turned back to his experiment on the child. The child was simply dressed in the clothes he came in with, a red shirt, a straw hat and blue jean shorts. He smiled, and watched two more people walked up behind them.
Professor Houdenmeyer: I see you two are back in working order.
Method: Good as new Professor.
Controller: Those fighters shall pay for the atrocities they did to me.
Professor Houdenmeyer: Excellent….
From the background, Iceshadow coughed.
Iceshadow: Does this mean we three can sit this one out?
Professor Houdenmeyer: You heard the Emperor, every tool in my arsenal. You three are going in as well, once our little Lynx wakes up.
Iceshadow: Damn, I was hoping to catch the new episode of Hello Meg It's John.
~ NURHACHI & DR.STRANGEFATE PRESENT ~
ULTIMATE CENTRAL
THE FANFIC
Breakout
Volume 9, Issue 66, By Ultimate Houde
The police car pulled up to the gates of the security prison. A robotic clone of Professor Houdenmeyer walked up to the gates.
Clone Guard: I need to see some identification please?
Joe Kalicki: I have some here somewhere….Oh, did I mention my two prisoners?
Clone Guard: Who are they?
Joe Kalicki: The Centralites known as McCheese and Victor Von Doom.
Clone Guard: That's nice, I still need some ID.
He paused as he heard a beep in his guard station.
Clone Guard: One minute sir.
He walked over to the station, and Joe went to go talk to the other two.
Joe Kalicki: I don't think this will…
McCheese: Shush, I can hear them.
McCheese listened closely.
McCheese: They are on to us, he's getting orders to let us inside. It's what we wanted, wasn't it? Oh ****, they have devices that can take away powers, little silver bracelets. Don't let them put those on. We should really spring out the moment they let us into the prison.
The Clone Guard walked back up to the car.
Clone Guard: Proceed through the gate, and report to the second dropoff station. We will take care of the prisoners there, and give you a reward for their capture.
Joe Kalicki: Thank you very much.
Joe Kalicki drove through the gate, into another gated area. It was surrounded by guards, several of them had futuristic guns at the ready, others had swords, and one carried a clipboard. He was different from the rest, obviously not a clone. He had a dreamy expression on his face.The one with the clipboard talked.
Lithium: Welcome to prison number 43, the bestest prison ever. I'll be your warden for this visit, Lithium. If all of you can step out of the car, put on these bracelets I'm about to give you, and eat one of these shiny white pills, we can get on our way.
Joe Kalicki: Silvers not my color, I'm more of a bronze
Victor Von Doom: Getting out of the police car is bad for my health.
McCheese: Pills give me a rash
Lithium: I hope this would go easier, but alas, I was mistaken. Clones, subdue these tresspasers.
Joe Kalicki: NOT THE FACE!
Joe ducked underneath the console, and McCheese went fetal in the backseat. VVD on the other hand, bulrush out of the car, charging the nearest clones as they fired with their futuristic weapons. Modified bullets shot out, but bounced off VVD's unbreakable skin. He plowed into the nearest clones, bowling three of them down. Drawing the attention away from the car for a moment, Joe Kalicki rushed out, along with McCheese.
Joe Kalicki shouted over the noise.
Joe Kalicki: Vic's fine, we will leave him here, clear us a path, would ya?
McCheese Antidisestablismentarism!
The soundwave tore through the clones, sending them every which way, and opening up a path to the room beyond this one. Joe Kalicki and McCheese tore through it, leaving VVD in the room alone, with oh so many clones. VVD punched one in the face, and smiled at the rest.
Victor Von Doom: Bring it you smug robotic clones you. I got enough whoopass for all of you.
Lithium: General Ice will deal with those intruders, we shall deal with this bastard.
Behind VVD, a machine separated from the wall, a giant claw, which extended itself, and swiped at VVD. He vaulted to the side, letting the claw bash into three other clones before slamming into the opposite wall.
Lithium: I will get you Doom, this room, it's tailored made for my powers!
More hidden machine panels opened, revealing yet more crazy machines that Lithium was somehow controlling. A drill erupted from a nearby wall. A spiked ceiling panel started to come down. Several lesser machine arms came up from the floor. Lithium cackled with barely suppressed glee at the room. Several clones perished in the first few minutes, as Lithium threw these arms and weapons around with abandon. The only reason why VVD lived was because he was indestructible. But he took some big hits, and was feeling woozy from the assault. VVD noticed the other clones had fled from the room, leaving just him and Lithium.
Victor Von Doom: Sorry to disrupt your plans Lithium, but it's time I broke out of here.
VVD grabbed a grenade off his belt, and tossed it at the police car. The grenade set the car afire, then caused an even bigger explosion, sending it upwards into flames. The explosion blinded Lithium, allowing VVD to charged him, and knocked him to the floor. Lithium laughed in his face, and shoved his fist into VVD's open mouth.
Lithium: You feel nothing now, don't you?
Victor Von Doom: I don't know….
The world became hazy, life became secondary to the feeling of happiness that spread throughout his body. Everything was nice and relaxed now.
Lithium: I am the perfect drug, the perfect drug…Ice, one is down.
He walked off, leaving VVD on the floor staring at the ceiling, drooling.
Elsewhere within the prison
Wade Wilson and Twilight were playing a game of cards in the break room. Lots of the other prisoners had vacate looks on their faces. Wade and Twi were the only two that should any signs of movement. Twi fiddled with the bracelet on her wrist, which matched one on Wade's.
Wade Wilson: Let's see, I got four kings, seven twos, and a straight made up of fours, sixes and *****es.
TwilghtEL: What? *****es? Don't you mean Queen?
Wade Wilson: Well, it's a woman, all woman are *****es, aren't they?
TwilightEL: Why do I hang out with you?
Wade Wilson: No idea. Isn't it lunch time? I like lunch time, I really like those white pills they put in everything.
Alarms sprung out, red lights flashed on and off, and lights blinked. A voice rang out on the speaker.
Voice: There has been a break in, A;; Prisoners should report to their holding cells for detainment. Lunch will be served there. The vacant staring prisoners jumped up from their seats, and ran towards the hallway, heading towards their rooms.
Wade Wilson: Oh man! White pilled mash potatoes!
TwilightEL: Wait, don't you hear that…it sounds familiar
Wade Wilson: I don't care Twi, there's white pilled brocollini calling me.
He paused
Wade Wilson: Did I seriously just say that?
TwilightEL: Yeah….I think we need to stay off the food for awhile.
The both heard another voice, it rumbled the walls, shaking them. The two of them looked at each other.
Wade Wilson: Crap, I just remembered I like to hit cripples.
TwilightEL: Now is not the time for revelations, MOVE!
She tackled him to the ground as the wall shook and broke apart. Standing in the rubble were McCheese and Joe Kalicki.
Joe Kalicki: My name is Joe Kalicki and I know stuff.
TwilightEL: What type of stuff?
Joe Kalicki: Like he has Ice powers.
Everyone turns to look at where Joe Kalicki was pointing. Ice stood there, grinning.
Ice: He's right you know, I do.
Wade Wilson: Warden Ice! Hey man, these guys stopped us from eating our lunch today, and now I feel weird because of it.
Ice: Good.
TwilightEL: Yes good.
Ice:Hello Joe. I assume you know everything?
Joe Kalicki: Of course, you did make sure of that you know.
Ice: Good. Alright, he knows the plan, we need to get you out of here, and now. Joe, take them through the third exit, it leads into the courtyard. I'll see if I can get Vic there as well.
McCheese: You are one of the bad guys, why you helping us?
Ice: Because I can. You need to move before there are questions. GO!
Joe Kalicki grabbed Twilight and ran through the door, McCheese followed with Wade Wilson, who was muttering to himself.
Wade Wilson: I can't believe I haven't eaten any White Pilled White Castle burgers yet today. I beginning to feel things again.
McCheese: Joe, you mind telling me what's going on?
TwilightEL: Yeah, you seem to know things.
Joe Kalicki: I KNOW STUFF! That other girl knows things. Listen, I can't explain it all right now, and I don't intend to.
He came to the third exit, and kicked it open. The four of them headed out unto the courtyard.
TwilightEL: This bracelet itches…
Joe Kalicki: We need to get those off of you…and soon.
McCheese: Can we attempt that later, like once we leave the maximum security prison?
Joe Kalicki: I don't think so.
McCheese: Why not?
Joe Kalicki: Cause of these guys.
Standing on the opposite end of the courtyard was six figures. Three of them were lazying leaning against the wall of the prison. They were IceShadow, Blacksword and Shadowprime.
The other three were standing, seemingly eager for a fight. One was a hulking brute, McCheese, TwilightEL and Wade Wilson had met him before. His name was Method. The one standing next to him wore a strange helmet contraption and went by the name Controller. The last one standing there was in the front. He wore jean shorts, a loose red vest, and a straw hat.
McCheese: Lynx?
The straw hat looked up and grinned.
Lynx: Time to show the Emperor what we are made of boys. ATTACK!
Method flew into the air, Lynx launched his fist at them, which stretched to unimaginable proportions and Controller stepped up, shutting off their senses one by one.
Wade Wilson: I don't like this at all. I'm starving, and these guys are interrupting Lunch. I WANT MY WHITE PILLED ASPARAGUS!
Then there hearing went out, followed by sight as the three swooped in to finish them.
On a nearby hill
The hand touched the ground, and brought it up to his nose to smell it. This person's eyes blazed with fire. He turned around, revealing Slimjim, and his generals, Shir-val, Irish_4202, and Selfproclaimed. Behind them were an army of zombies.
Zombiupanda: I know they are in there. There is lots of superhumans in there, ripe for our taking.
Slimjim: Excellent dawgs. Hey boys, let's go get them, shall we? Irish_4202, announce our presence.
Irish flew into the air, and let loose a high pitched screech.
On the opposite side of the prison
Black helicopters, hummers and a tank, surrounded by black clothed military men, and in the front of them stood one man. Jonnyfreeze. Checking his watch, he smiled.
JonnyFreeze: The tracer is in there. Alright boys, lets take this installation out.
The army dudes ran forward screaming, as the tank fired a rocket into the side of the prison.
JonnyFreeze: No one makes a fool of me Joe Kalicki.
A horrible screech echoed from the other side of the building. JonnyFreeze put out his cigar on the dirt, and grabbed his gun and paintbrush.
JonnyFreeze: Time to go to work…
~ THE INTERWEB VIKINGS PROUDLY PRESENT IN STEREO SURROUND SOUND AND WIDESCREEN *****ES! ~
LEFT ARM OF THE LAW!
Not by Ultimate Houde, but by the bestest member evah conceived! TOG!
Thee Great One, after finding his torso, combined together with his legs, and now he was in Canada. He was riding on the back of Curly, looking for his next body part, his left arm.
Thee Great One: Damn Curly, I hate this country!
Curly: I know, you've told me the whole time we've been here.
Thee Great One: Are you whining Curly?
Curly: Um….no?
Thee Great One: You are always whining Curly, and quite frankly…
DING!
Something ricocheted off of Curly's golden hide,.
Curly: Were did that come from? That dent is going to take ages to come out. Gold is really a bendable metal you know, not as tough as people think it is. I wish I knew that before I surrounded myself in it. Where did that bullet stick into…
Thee Great One: Shut your face, it's still stuck in you. It wasn't a bullet…
Curly: It wasn't? But it sounded like a bullet.
Thee Great One: It's a sharpened Star of David…
Curly: Are you serious?
Thee Great One: Yes I am. Looks like we are about to be attacked by Nin-Jews.
Curly: Ninja Jews? Come one, they don't exist, we both know….
Several rabbis in long trench coats jumped out of the surrounding brush. They all took ninja stances.
Nin-Jews: Shalom!
Curly and Thee Great One simply stood there.
Curly: Oh…you can't be serious.
Thee Great One: It gets worse
Curly: How can it…OH CRAP! I'm gold! Jews hoard money, I read it on TV! I'm DOOMED!
Thee Great One: Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. But wait for it, their leader is here right now.
The Nin-Jews all bowed to the man who walked out next.
It really wasn't a man
It was a disembodied Right Arm.
Thee Great One: That's my arm, leader of a clan on Nin-Jews that are terrorizing Canada.
Curly: Are you proud?
Thee Great One: No, I hate Canada.
The arm made a series of gestures.
Thee Great One: Great, it went to Canada because it didn't think I would come to find it. We need to subdue this bastard Curly, and stop his evil band of NinJEws before they lock you somewhere and never spend you.
A horn blasted through the field.
Thee Great One: Mounties? I hate Mountes….
Throught the fog, a rider came out on a horse.
Thee Great One: YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!
The rider was TGO's left arm and hand. It was holding a horn, and dessed in a mounty outfit.
Thee Great One: You too left arm?
It made a series of gestures.
The right arm and hand responded
More gestures from the left
More from the right.
Curly: What is going on?
Thee Great One: My left arm is the greatest mounty Canada has, my right arm is it's greatest thief. I think a girl is involved somewhere too, they are going to fast, I can't keep up.
Curly: You hope there is a girl involved.
Thee Great One: DO NOT MOCK ME!
Curly: Whiner.
Thee Great One: ENOUGH OF YOUR BACK TALK! They are finishing.
The right arm and hand ended in a gestre that Curly didn't need translation for.
Curly: That was uncouth and uncalled for…
The Nin-Jews sprung forward. Curly stepped backward.
Thee Great One: How can you be scared of the fleshbags. You are only about 40 feet tall, they are around five. STEP ON THEM!
Curly: But, I'm scared.
Thee Great One: Dammit Curly, step on them.
Curly stepped on one, and the person squashed beneath his foot.
Curly: It feels so disgusting…
Thee Great One: Suck it up and be a man!
Curly: Ew, they squeeze between my toes…
Curly stomped on the Nin-Jews, while TGO found his chance to attack. The left arm and hand were in the middle of a grappling contest with the right arm and hand.
Thee Great One: GERONIMO!
He landed in the middle of the tussle. The Nin-Jews and Curly stopped fighting as the dust cleared, and TGO stood up, his arms were they belong.
Thee Great One: I AM WHOLE!
The Nin-Jews look at him
Nin-Jews: Shalom?
Thee Great One: DIE FLESH BAGS!
And he exploded, taking out the country side, the Nin-Jews, and the stains on Curly's feet.
When this dust settled, he looked at Curly.
Thee Great One: Do you know what we do now?
Curly: No, what?
Thee Great One: WE PARTY IN VEGAS BABY!
Joe Kalicki: Yeah, they are in that place.
VVD, McCheese and Joe Kalicki where huddled on a small hill overlooking a maximum security prison. People were on the giant cement wall that surrounded it, spotlights shown down on the populace inside the walls, Several people mulled about on the inside of it. VVD raised his glasses to look more closely at the guards.
Victor Von Doom: The guards look a lot like Ultimate Houde. And they seem to be half robot….Who are we against in there?
McCheese: No idea, do we have any clue on how to get in there?
VVD looked at Joe Kalicki's security guard uniform, and then at the police car.
Victor Von Doom: I've got a plan…
Elsewhere
Professor Houdenmeyer: Meet my newest creation…Lynx. The child was able to hold onto the Strand of DNA that I acquired from that freedom fighter Reed Richards, before I vaporized him. Under our control, this boy has potential, yes.
The screen on the other side of the room showed the face of the Emperor.
Emperor: I do not like these rebels thinking they are stronger than us Professor. Destroy them, and use every tool in your arsenal. Got it?
Professor Houdenmeyer: Of course Emperor.
Professor Houdenmeyer bowed, and the screen winked out. He gave the screen a look, and turned back to his experiment on the child. The child was simply dressed in the clothes he came in with, a red shirt, a straw hat and blue jean shorts. He smiled, and watched two more people walked up behind them.
Professor Houdenmeyer: I see you two are back in working order.
Method: Good as new Professor.
Controller: Those fighters shall pay for the atrocities they did to me.
Professor Houdenmeyer: Excellent….
From the background, Iceshadow coughed.
Iceshadow: Does this mean we three can sit this one out?
Professor Houdenmeyer: You heard the Emperor, every tool in my arsenal. You three are going in as well, once our little Lynx wakes up.
Iceshadow: Damn, I was hoping to catch the new episode of Hello Meg It's John.
~ NURHACHI & DR.STRANGEFATE PRESENT ~
ULTIMATE CENTRAL
THE FANFIC
Breakout
Volume 9, Issue 66, By Ultimate Houde
The police car pulled up to the gates of the security prison. A robotic clone of Professor Houdenmeyer walked up to the gates.
Clone Guard: I need to see some identification please?
Joe Kalicki: I have some here somewhere….Oh, did I mention my two prisoners?
Clone Guard: Who are they?
Joe Kalicki: The Centralites known as McCheese and Victor Von Doom.
Clone Guard: That's nice, I still need some ID.
He paused as he heard a beep in his guard station.
Clone Guard: One minute sir.
He walked over to the station, and Joe went to go talk to the other two.
Joe Kalicki: I don't think this will…
McCheese: Shush, I can hear them.
McCheese listened closely.
McCheese: They are on to us, he's getting orders to let us inside. It's what we wanted, wasn't it? Oh ****, they have devices that can take away powers, little silver bracelets. Don't let them put those on. We should really spring out the moment they let us into the prison.
The Clone Guard walked back up to the car.
Clone Guard: Proceed through the gate, and report to the second dropoff station. We will take care of the prisoners there, and give you a reward for their capture.
Joe Kalicki: Thank you very much.
Joe Kalicki drove through the gate, into another gated area. It was surrounded by guards, several of them had futuristic guns at the ready, others had swords, and one carried a clipboard. He was different from the rest, obviously not a clone. He had a dreamy expression on his face.The one with the clipboard talked.
Lithium: Welcome to prison number 43, the bestest prison ever. I'll be your warden for this visit, Lithium. If all of you can step out of the car, put on these bracelets I'm about to give you, and eat one of these shiny white pills, we can get on our way.
Joe Kalicki: Silvers not my color, I'm more of a bronze
Victor Von Doom: Getting out of the police car is bad for my health.
McCheese: Pills give me a rash
Lithium: I hope this would go easier, but alas, I was mistaken. Clones, subdue these tresspasers.
Joe Kalicki: NOT THE FACE!
Joe ducked underneath the console, and McCheese went fetal in the backseat. VVD on the other hand, bulrush out of the car, charging the nearest clones as they fired with their futuristic weapons. Modified bullets shot out, but bounced off VVD's unbreakable skin. He plowed into the nearest clones, bowling three of them down. Drawing the attention away from the car for a moment, Joe Kalicki rushed out, along with McCheese.
Joe Kalicki shouted over the noise.
Joe Kalicki: Vic's fine, we will leave him here, clear us a path, would ya?
McCheese Antidisestablismentarism!
The soundwave tore through the clones, sending them every which way, and opening up a path to the room beyond this one. Joe Kalicki and McCheese tore through it, leaving VVD in the room alone, with oh so many clones. VVD punched one in the face, and smiled at the rest.
Victor Von Doom: Bring it you smug robotic clones you. I got enough whoopass for all of you.
Lithium: General Ice will deal with those intruders, we shall deal with this bastard.
Behind VVD, a machine separated from the wall, a giant claw, which extended itself, and swiped at VVD. He vaulted to the side, letting the claw bash into three other clones before slamming into the opposite wall.
Lithium: I will get you Doom, this room, it's tailored made for my powers!
More hidden machine panels opened, revealing yet more crazy machines that Lithium was somehow controlling. A drill erupted from a nearby wall. A spiked ceiling panel started to come down. Several lesser machine arms came up from the floor. Lithium cackled with barely suppressed glee at the room. Several clones perished in the first few minutes, as Lithium threw these arms and weapons around with abandon. The only reason why VVD lived was because he was indestructible. But he took some big hits, and was feeling woozy from the assault. VVD noticed the other clones had fled from the room, leaving just him and Lithium.
Victor Von Doom: Sorry to disrupt your plans Lithium, but it's time I broke out of here.
VVD grabbed a grenade off his belt, and tossed it at the police car. The grenade set the car afire, then caused an even bigger explosion, sending it upwards into flames. The explosion blinded Lithium, allowing VVD to charged him, and knocked him to the floor. Lithium laughed in his face, and shoved his fist into VVD's open mouth.
Lithium: You feel nothing now, don't you?
Victor Von Doom: I don't know….
The world became hazy, life became secondary to the feeling of happiness that spread throughout his body. Everything was nice and relaxed now.
Lithium: I am the perfect drug, the perfect drug…Ice, one is down.
He walked off, leaving VVD on the floor staring at the ceiling, drooling.
Elsewhere within the prison
Wade Wilson and Twilight were playing a game of cards in the break room. Lots of the other prisoners had vacate looks on their faces. Wade and Twi were the only two that should any signs of movement. Twi fiddled with the bracelet on her wrist, which matched one on Wade's.
Wade Wilson: Let's see, I got four kings, seven twos, and a straight made up of fours, sixes and *****es.
TwilghtEL: What? *****es? Don't you mean Queen?
Wade Wilson: Well, it's a woman, all woman are *****es, aren't they?
TwilightEL: Why do I hang out with you?
Wade Wilson: No idea. Isn't it lunch time? I like lunch time, I really like those white pills they put in everything.
Alarms sprung out, red lights flashed on and off, and lights blinked. A voice rang out on the speaker.
Voice: There has been a break in, A;; Prisoners should report to their holding cells for detainment. Lunch will be served there. The vacant staring prisoners jumped up from their seats, and ran towards the hallway, heading towards their rooms.
Wade Wilson: Oh man! White pilled mash potatoes!
TwilightEL: Wait, don't you hear that…it sounds familiar
Wade Wilson: I don't care Twi, there's white pilled brocollini calling me.
He paused
Wade Wilson: Did I seriously just say that?
TwilightEL: Yeah….I think we need to stay off the food for awhile.
The both heard another voice, it rumbled the walls, shaking them. The two of them looked at each other.
Wade Wilson: Crap, I just remembered I like to hit cripples.
TwilightEL: Now is not the time for revelations, MOVE!
She tackled him to the ground as the wall shook and broke apart. Standing in the rubble were McCheese and Joe Kalicki.
Joe Kalicki: My name is Joe Kalicki and I know stuff.
TwilightEL: What type of stuff?
Joe Kalicki: Like he has Ice powers.
Everyone turns to look at where Joe Kalicki was pointing. Ice stood there, grinning.
Ice: He's right you know, I do.
Wade Wilson: Warden Ice! Hey man, these guys stopped us from eating our lunch today, and now I feel weird because of it.
Ice: Good.
TwilightEL: Yes good.
Ice:Hello Joe. I assume you know everything?
Joe Kalicki: Of course, you did make sure of that you know.
Ice: Good. Alright, he knows the plan, we need to get you out of here, and now. Joe, take them through the third exit, it leads into the courtyard. I'll see if I can get Vic there as well.
McCheese: You are one of the bad guys, why you helping us?
Ice: Because I can. You need to move before there are questions. GO!
Joe Kalicki grabbed Twilight and ran through the door, McCheese followed with Wade Wilson, who was muttering to himself.
Wade Wilson: I can't believe I haven't eaten any White Pilled White Castle burgers yet today. I beginning to feel things again.
McCheese: Joe, you mind telling me what's going on?
TwilightEL: Yeah, you seem to know things.
Joe Kalicki: I KNOW STUFF! That other girl knows things. Listen, I can't explain it all right now, and I don't intend to.
He came to the third exit, and kicked it open. The four of them headed out unto the courtyard.
TwilightEL: This bracelet itches…
Joe Kalicki: We need to get those off of you…and soon.
McCheese: Can we attempt that later, like once we leave the maximum security prison?
Joe Kalicki: I don't think so.
McCheese: Why not?
Joe Kalicki: Cause of these guys.
Standing on the opposite end of the courtyard was six figures. Three of them were lazying leaning against the wall of the prison. They were IceShadow, Blacksword and Shadowprime.
The other three were standing, seemingly eager for a fight. One was a hulking brute, McCheese, TwilightEL and Wade Wilson had met him before. His name was Method. The one standing next to him wore a strange helmet contraption and went by the name Controller. The last one standing there was in the front. He wore jean shorts, a loose red vest, and a straw hat.
McCheese: Lynx?
The straw hat looked up and grinned.
Lynx: Time to show the Emperor what we are made of boys. ATTACK!
Method flew into the air, Lynx launched his fist at them, which stretched to unimaginable proportions and Controller stepped up, shutting off their senses one by one.
Wade Wilson: I don't like this at all. I'm starving, and these guys are interrupting Lunch. I WANT MY WHITE PILLED ASPARAGUS!
Then there hearing went out, followed by sight as the three swooped in to finish them.
On a nearby hill
The hand touched the ground, and brought it up to his nose to smell it. This person's eyes blazed with fire. He turned around, revealing Slimjim, and his generals, Shir-val, Irish_4202, and Selfproclaimed. Behind them were an army of zombies.
Zombiupanda: I know they are in there. There is lots of superhumans in there, ripe for our taking.
Slimjim: Excellent dawgs. Hey boys, let's go get them, shall we? Irish_4202, announce our presence.
Irish flew into the air, and let loose a high pitched screech.
On the opposite side of the prison
Black helicopters, hummers and a tank, surrounded by black clothed military men, and in the front of them stood one man. Jonnyfreeze. Checking his watch, he smiled.
JonnyFreeze: The tracer is in there. Alright boys, lets take this installation out.
The army dudes ran forward screaming, as the tank fired a rocket into the side of the prison.
JonnyFreeze: No one makes a fool of me Joe Kalicki.
A horrible screech echoed from the other side of the building. JonnyFreeze put out his cigar on the dirt, and grabbed his gun and paintbrush.
JonnyFreeze: Time to go to work…
~ THE INTERWEB VIKINGS PROUDLY PRESENT IN STEREO SURROUND SOUND AND WIDESCREEN *****ES! ~
LEFT ARM OF THE LAW!
Not by Ultimate Houde, but by the bestest member evah conceived! TOG!
Thee Great One, after finding his torso, combined together with his legs, and now he was in Canada. He was riding on the back of Curly, looking for his next body part, his left arm.
Thee Great One: Damn Curly, I hate this country!
Curly: I know, you've told me the whole time we've been here.
Thee Great One: Are you whining Curly?
Curly: Um….no?
Thee Great One: You are always whining Curly, and quite frankly…
DING!
Something ricocheted off of Curly's golden hide,.
Curly: Were did that come from? That dent is going to take ages to come out. Gold is really a bendable metal you know, not as tough as people think it is. I wish I knew that before I surrounded myself in it. Where did that bullet stick into…
Thee Great One: Shut your face, it's still stuck in you. It wasn't a bullet…
Curly: It wasn't? But it sounded like a bullet.
Thee Great One: It's a sharpened Star of David…
Curly: Are you serious?
Thee Great One: Yes I am. Looks like we are about to be attacked by Nin-Jews.
Curly: Ninja Jews? Come one, they don't exist, we both know….
Several rabbis in long trench coats jumped out of the surrounding brush. They all took ninja stances.
Nin-Jews: Shalom!
Curly and Thee Great One simply stood there.
Curly: Oh…you can't be serious.
Thee Great One: It gets worse
Curly: How can it…OH CRAP! I'm gold! Jews hoard money, I read it on TV! I'm DOOMED!
Thee Great One: Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. But wait for it, their leader is here right now.
The Nin-Jews all bowed to the man who walked out next.
It really wasn't a man
It was a disembodied Right Arm.
Thee Great One: That's my arm, leader of a clan on Nin-Jews that are terrorizing Canada.
Curly: Are you proud?
Thee Great One: No, I hate Canada.
The arm made a series of gestures.
Thee Great One: Great, it went to Canada because it didn't think I would come to find it. We need to subdue this bastard Curly, and stop his evil band of NinJEws before they lock you somewhere and never spend you.
A horn blasted through the field.
Thee Great One: Mounties? I hate Mountes….
Throught the fog, a rider came out on a horse.
Thee Great One: YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!
The rider was TGO's left arm and hand. It was holding a horn, and dessed in a mounty outfit.
Thee Great One: You too left arm?
It made a series of gestures.
The right arm and hand responded
More gestures from the left
More from the right.
Curly: What is going on?
Thee Great One: My left arm is the greatest mounty Canada has, my right arm is it's greatest thief. I think a girl is involved somewhere too, they are going to fast, I can't keep up.
Curly: You hope there is a girl involved.
Thee Great One: DO NOT MOCK ME!
Curly: Whiner.
Thee Great One: ENOUGH OF YOUR BACK TALK! They are finishing.
The right arm and hand ended in a gestre that Curly didn't need translation for.
Curly: That was uncouth and uncalled for…
The Nin-Jews sprung forward. Curly stepped backward.
Thee Great One: How can you be scared of the fleshbags. You are only about 40 feet tall, they are around five. STEP ON THEM!
Curly: But, I'm scared.
Thee Great One: Dammit Curly, step on them.
Curly stepped on one, and the person squashed beneath his foot.
Curly: It feels so disgusting…
Thee Great One: Suck it up and be a man!
Curly: Ew, they squeeze between my toes…
Curly stomped on the Nin-Jews, while TGO found his chance to attack. The left arm and hand were in the middle of a grappling contest with the right arm and hand.
Thee Great One: GERONIMO!
He landed in the middle of the tussle. The Nin-Jews and Curly stopped fighting as the dust cleared, and TGO stood up, his arms were they belong.
Thee Great One: I AM WHOLE!
The Nin-Jews look at him
Nin-Jews: Shalom?
Thee Great One: DIE FLESH BAGS!
And he exploded, taking out the country side, the Nin-Jews, and the stains on Curly's feet.
When this dust settled, he looked at Curly.
Thee Great One: Do you know what we do now?
Curly: No, what?
Thee Great One: WE PARTY IN VEGAS BABY!
Last edited:
Iceshadow
Well-Known Member
Great chapter, Lynx's powers are cool and the next issue is going to be legendary.
:lol: The dialogue in this issue was excellent.
LOLing...so...hard...right...now...
:lol: The dialogue in this issue was excellent.
LOLing...so...hard...right...now...
McCheese
Well-Known Member
Excellent chapter Houde.
Random
Didn't **** any of those *****es
Awesome issue... crap now I have to make the rest of the covers
Ultimate Houde
UC's Resident Genetic Recombinator
It's a true batlte royal here!
It's VVD and his group vs the E-men vs the Death Knights vs JonnyFreeze's military forces, and wait, there will be more.
The exciting conclusion to Recruitment Drive is here!
And the reunited Interweb Vikings went out to party the night away in Las Vegas. Upon waking you, TGO can't find Curly. Where is the Golden Giant, and what is TGO's brilliant plan of brilliantness?
Iceshadow
Well-Known Member
****'s gonna go down.
McCheese
Well-Known Member
Indeed, but I think I'm actually more excited about TOG and Curly in Vegas.
Ultimate Houde
UC's Resident Genetic Recombinator
Method was first to see the attack from the sky. He witnessed the zombie army as they rushed one wall.
Method: We have trouble…
Lynx aborted his punch, and went to look in Method's direction when the tank shell exploded the other side of the prison wall. Army grunts poured in, and Lynx grabbed his straw hat smiling.
Lynx: Controller, keep these fools under your spell. I'll take care of these two bit wanna bes.
He swung one leg outwards, till it stretched far, then swinging it across in a sweep, he took out the front row of grunts with a hyper extended legs. Spinning around, he went to sweep again, when a white haired giant stood in the way, grabbing the leg.
Selfproclaimed: Thanks for the energy, punk.
He swung Lynx by his leg, throwing the rubber man into a standing wall. Then he got shot several times as clone robotic guards rushed out to attack the aggressors. Bullet's flung about as army grunts returned fire at the clone guards. The advancing zombie hoard stormed the walls, eager for the fight. Method flew into them, smashing them to pieces with every punch. Settling down on the ground, Method laughed at the zombies.
Method: Dead bodies aren't a problem for someone like me. I'll take you all on!
Click click
BANG!
Zombipanda, standing directly behind Method, fire his supernatural gun in the back of Method's head. The gun barked fire and flame, and brought the titan down, and zombies rushed over him. The ex-policeman rushed forward, and scaled the wall. The zombie bodies flew out everywhere as Method stood back up shaking with anger. He jumped into air, flying around, and proceeded to reenter the complex, only to find someone else flying around, Irish_4202. The zombie general screamed, his sonic noise causing Method to lose his concentration, and once again, Method fell to the earth.
Irish_4202: Oh yeah!
The Zombie general proceeded to fly into the courtyard, and he breathed in once more, to scream at the Controller, who was still standing there, trying to keep McCheese, TwilightEL, Wade Wilson and Joe Kalicki subdued. Irish_4202 went to release another sonic attack when Iceshadow appeared underneath, freezing his throat.
IceShadow: Seriously, one day off, all I'm asking. Guys, let's wrap this up.
A dagger flew, and sliced open the throat of a military grunt that was sneaking up behind Iceshadow. The other one was sliced in two by a purple energy sword.
Shadowprime: If we must, but I am getting hungry here.
Blacksword: And if I wrinkle my suit, I will be seriously pissed off.
The three of them charged both zombie and military alike when a giant squid appeared on the field, holding a machete in each tentacle. He had a bandana across his head, and a cigar in its mouth.
JonnyFreeze: Everyone, care to meet Ramb-Squid?
Ramb-Squid: They.Drew First Blood!
The squid shot out with a tentacle machete. Iceshadow dodged it, and the weapon hit Controller, who reeled form the strange blow. Controller lost his concentration, and the four heroes were suddenly aware of their surroundings again. They looked around.
McCheese: What…
Joe Kalicki:….the…..
TwilightEL: ….hell?
The only one who wasn't concerned with it was Wade.
Wade Wilson: A BATTLE ROYAL! W00T!
Joe Kalicki: Listen, we can get out of…
He was punched by Wade, knocking him to the ground.
TwilightEL: Wade, relax, he's on our side. Remember?
Wade Wilson: But he was talking, and there's all this action going on right now, and bullets and a ****ing Ramb-Squid, which is awesome by the way, and look, a tank is coming, and are those zombies, I WANNA PUNCH PEOPLE!
McCheese: I never seen him this excited. Go have some fun!
Green flame enveloped his hands, and Wade's eyes turned from huge saucers to pinpoints of light.
Wade Wilson: Time to kick some ***!
He ran full tilt into the battle royal.
~ NURHACHI & DR.STRANGEFATE PRESENT ~
ULTIMATE CENTRAL
THE FANFIC
Battle Royal
Volume 9, Issue 67, By Ultimate Houde
Nearby
The room was empty except for one occupant, VVD. Drooling over himself he took no notice to Ice entering the room. Ice quickly xross the wreckage of the machines, and looked at VVD.
Ice: Damn, he took one of those pills.
Fumbling inside his pocket, Ice took out a red pill. Opening up VVD's mouth, he dropped the pill inside. VVD's eyes shot wide open, and he went to scream. Ice put his hands over VVD's mouth, letting him scream.
Ice: Your friends are in trouble, I think you should go help them.
Victor Von Doom: Who are you? Why should I trust you?
Ice: Because, I use to be one of the good guys. When you get back to wherever the Project is hiding, give Rene this.
He hands VVD a small PDA.
Ice: Now they are in the courtyard, and I need to get out there soon enough. I'll probably fight the other guys; God knows there is enough chaos out there at the moment.
VVD stood up, shook his head clear of cobwebs, and ran out the door. Ice stood still for a few moments, before he turned, hand extended to freeze the person in the room.
Ice: What are you doing in here?
Courtyard
Zombipanda scaled the wall and saw his prey, the knocked out Joe Kalicki lying on the ground. Nimbly jumping off the courtyard, he crossed the distance to get to him, only to be intercepted by Lithium. The warden of the jail had finally got outside, and did not like what was going on in his courtyard. Using his abilities, he took control of some spare machinery left over from dead guards. He formed them into a man sized robot. The robot got between Zombipanda and Joe Kalicki.
Lithium: Sorry, but the Emperor wants him, alive. The prisoner Rufus told him about him, yes he did. Are you prepared?
Zombipanda regarded the robot curiously. He darted to the side, and tried to get around the robot's arm reach. The robot moved swiftly of being comprised of mainly scrap, and struck with a fist. It connected with Zombipanda, knocking him backwards.
JonnyFreeze: Sorry guys, but the man was property of the government first.
Jonnyfreeze drew his gun in midair, and it was solid when his hand touched it. He fired off several bullets, each of them construction workers. They surrounded the robot, and looked at it curiously.
Construction Bullet: Well boys, let's get riveting!
Each bullet pulled out a jackhammer, and went to work disassembling the robot. Within minutes, it was done. The bullets high fived, then pulled out lunch boxes.
Construction Bullet: BREAK TIME!
Jonnyfreeze smirked, then looked over at Zombipanda, who was not smiling, merely had his head tilted. He then pulled his gun up to a shoulder level.
Zombipanda: Pathetic.
He fired his flame at Jonnyfreeze, he jumped out of the way. Lithium then threw a pill into Zombipanda's open mouth.
Lithium: Now nothing matters, does it?
Zombipanda: I don't digest anything. Selfproclaimed, kill him.
Behind Lithium rose Selfproclaimed, who lifted up a fist to smash into Lithium's backside. Several clones guards appeared out of nowhere, and wrapped themselves around Selfproclaimed, holding him back. Lithium turned to go back to work, when a tentacle wrapped around his ankle.
Ramb-Squid: There are no friendly civilians!
He then threw Lithium over his shoulder, and further into the courtyard.
Iceshadow: Everyone! Back off! I'm freezing this thing.
Blacksword somersaulted backwards, away from the beast, Shadowprime melted into a shadow. Iceshadow prepared a huge cold blast, but was interrupted by Shri-val, who floated into the courtyard, and settled in front of the Ramb-Squid.
Shri-val: Poser.
Shri-val wrapped it's tentacles around Ramb-Squid, and let loose with the electricity. Electricity coursed through the imagined monster, making it scream with pain. The drawing dissolved into inks, and melted.
Iceshadow: Eh, I built up this power, might as well use it.
He unleashed frozen fury onto Shri-val, freezing the monster.
Iceshadow: Well, that's taken care of.
Turning around, the sun was blocked out, as a giant monster jumped over the prison wall. It held a giant stone club in one hand, and was an amalgam of animals.
Nas-T: Nas-T the Noxious SMASH!
Iceshadow: I should have saved that blast, huh?
Blacksword: Well, I guess I'll take care of this one.
Charging his purple sword energy, he ran full tilt at Nas-T. Several zombies popped up from the ground, but quick slashes took care of them. He them leapt, and Nas-T swung his giant stone mace at him as he was suspended in the air. The blow was stopped in mid air by a flying Method.
Blacksword: Much obliged.
Blacksword brought his sword down, slicing into the elephant hide of Nas-T's midsection. Putrid guts spilt out. Nas-T regarded his guts coldly.
Nas-T: SMASH!
He slammed Blacksword with his stone club, sending the E-Man flying across the battlefield. He roared, and charged into a field of Clone guards, smashing those.
Shadowprime: Alright, no one does that to my buddy…
Shadowprime spread his shadow over to Nas-T, freezing the beast in place. The clone gaurds began shooting him with earnest.
Shadowprime: No one ****s with us.
Irish_4202: What about me?
A blast of sound enveloped Shadowprime, and caused him to lose concentration, and his lunch.
Irish_4202: Amatuers.
Meanwhile, Method, who seemed to have it out for the zombies, tackled Selfproclaimed, who had just gotten himself out of trouble from the clone guards. Selfproclaimed looked up, and smiled, and the two of them slammed into each other. They pushed against each other, trying to find an opening.in the other's weakness.
Method: I figured out your weakness already punk.
A confident voice sounded from behind them.
Jonnyfreeze: And I got your number, boys, let them have it!
The tank rolled into the courtyard, and fired a rocket into the two combatants.
Jonnyfreeze: I love my job.
He quickly brought his gun around, and blew the face off of a clone guard. Then he heard a shout from across the field, looking up he saw several of his grunts get enveloped by a shadow. Others went flying as they were hit by a soundblast.
Jonnyfreeze: This is unacceptable. SOLDIERS! PUSH HARDER!
On the other side of the battlefield, Wade Wilson finally found someone worthy of fighting him. After punching numerous zombies, grunts, and clones he encountered Lynx.
Wade Wislon: Alright Rubber man, time for a BRUCE LEE TIME ATTACK PUNCH!
Wade struck with a fist the Lynx dodged to one side easily enough. Throwing his fist out behind him, he stretched it far, and then brought it forward. Wade dodged that punch, twirled, then crouched as a jet of flame erupted overhead.
Wade Wilson: Who the hell are you?
Zombipanda: Never ending death.
He pointed his gun, and fired it, the blast of fire came at Wade again, who jumped into the air, to dodge it. Too bad Lynx had that move telegraphed, he slammed Wade in the stomach with a fist, sending the man flying into the distance. Lynx landed, adjusted his hat, and regarded Zombipanda. They both stared at each other. Zombipanda attacked first, pulling out another pistol, and jumping to the side. Time slowed for him, as he fired one blast after another in midair. Lynx dodged them, but failed to do so with the last, instead, he grabbed it in his fist, twirled it around, and flung it back at Zombipanda, who stepped to the side, and let it roast some zombies standing behind him.
Wade landed roughly near Twilight, Joe Kalicki and McCheese, staying roughly out of the fight. Wade groggily got back up.
Joe Kalicki: Stay here, with the military being pushed back, we may not get out of here as quickly as we like. I need to go do something now.
Wade Wilson: I'm coming with you.
[]Joe Kalicki[/i]: You'll get in the way.
Wade Wilson: But I'm awesome!
Joe Kalicki: Stay here, and protect these two. I'll give you more white pills if you do that.
Wade Wilson: Fine, take away my fun.
Joe Kalicki dashed into the battle. Everywhere he was, other things weren't, an ice blast here, a bullet there, grasping zombie arms over there, and suddenly, he was in the middle of the Zombipanda and Lynx fight. He dashed left as a fist came his way, rolled right as a bullet whizzed over him, and jumped a hyper extended leg came at them. Then he paused.
Joe Kalicki: You two should be more concerned about the Predator T-Rex behind you.
Three red lasers settled on the back of Lynx. He turned to see Jonnyfreeze riding a cross between a Predator and a T-Rex.
JonnyFreeze: Time to kick it up a notch.
The Pred T-Rex fired a spear at the back of Lynx. He dodged to the left, threw a fist out, catching the beast in the jaw. Zombipanda let out another fire blast, slamming into its chest. The T-Rex roared, and Jonnyfreeze jumped off of it, rolling to the ground. Joe Kalicki went to move, but found that he was now chained to the ground by a drawn invention of Jonnyfreeze.
JonnyFreeze: Military, on my mark, we are getting out of here with the prize.
The military formed up around Joe Kalicki. But what they didn't count on was this.
Person: HEY!
Some people looked up, and VVD stood on top of a ruined wall, and looked down at the combatants.
Victor Von Doom: Hey, *******S!
Now, everyone was looking up.
Victor Von Doom: Listen up ladies, one at a time, Daddy will dance with all you.
He jumped down, into the fray. Landing next to Joe Kalicki, he grabbed the chain, and broke it. Swinging it around like a weapon, he beaned a few guards in the head with it, and wrapped it around his wrist. Jonnyfreeze looked pissed.
Jonnyfreeze: Tank, fire at my position, NOW!
The tank turned, and leveled it's gun at VVD.
Victor Von Doom: Anytime with the advice *******.
Joe Kalicki: Don't move an inch.
Inside
Ice: You sure that will get there attention?
Person: Yes, quite sure actually. That will get their watchdog's attention. You need to stay where you are though, keep the ruse.
Ice: Alright, I'll do it. But seriously, when?
Person: In due time young Luis. I must be off, Entropy and Marvelman are waiting at the next destination. He needs to be reawakened.
Ice: Okay then. Good luck.
Person: You too.
The man simply disintegrated into dust, melding with the floor. Ice shook his head, and left the communications room.
Outside
VVD stood still, and felt two rushes of wind past him on either side.
Method and Selfproclaimed had a mission, and it was to kill that tank. Method ripped off the top half while Selfproclaimed took a chunk out of the treads.
Jonnyfreeze: Next time Doom
Victor Von Doom: No problem Freeze, I'll leave a pot of hot water up for you too.
JonnyFreeze: Everyone, all clear, retreat and move out.
VVD turned, and got a fist in the face courtesy of Lynx. The rubber man then stretched out his leg behind him, shoved it into his gut. VVD grabbed the leg, and spun Lynx around, clearing an area of clones and grunts around him. Then he heard the word he was waiting for.
McCheese: Antidisestablishmentarianism.
A soundwave blew through the courtyard, creating a hole that McCheese, Twilght and Wade went through, to get to VVD and Joe Kalicki. Twilight used her powers to warp some of the light around them, making them harder to see and hit. She then condensed light, making spears of darkness, and threw them at the offending parties.
TwilgihtEL: We need to get out of here guys.
Wade Wilson: Point, but what's the plan.
Joe Kalicki: We wait for McCheese.
McCheese: What am I suppose to do?
He paused.
McCheese: VVD, what's ringing in your pocket?
Victor Von Doom: My communicator. Holy ****, I got a plan.
VVD picked up the communicator.
Victor Von Doom: Houde?
Watcher: Nope, the comm. Man. We intercepted a message sent to E stating that their was a jail raid going on. You near that area?
Victor Von Doom: We are in it man. We going to get trampled soon.
Watcher: All of our teleporters are out right now, but I'll send you guys some backup, some heavy backup.
They five of them looked, on one side was the E-men, on the other was the zombie hoard. The two sides were massaging wounds, stretching joint, or in the case of the zombies, moaning incoherently.
Then, a portal opened up in the sky.
A huge man fell down, a giant of a man, his name being Baxter. HE slammed into the ground, shaking everyone off their feet.
Baxter: About time I got to see some action.
Using his giant feet, he kicked several guards into the air, sweeping an arm launched several zombies. Off of Baxter's shoulder jumped three people, one with a cape, one wearing an all red suit, and the final one had green skin.
UltimateDJF: FUN TIME!
He slammed into the beast Nas-T, dragging the huge monstrosity to the ground.
UltimateDJF: UltimateDJF not like stupid monster!
He kicks Nas-T in the head a few times before turning his attention over to Selfproclaimed.
Selfproclaimed: Come on boy, I can take what you got!
The one wearing the red suit landed near UltimateDJF.
Widdle Wade: Hey, DJF, why don't you play Tag?
UltimateDJF: TAG! YOU'RE IT!
He punched Selfproclaimed in the head, sending the massive man flying, even with his kinetic absorbing abilities.
Slimjim: Damn foo's. Everyone, we are leaving here, NOW!
Skeletal hands shot up, and dragged the zombies into the ground. Baxter turned his attention to the other group.
Baxter: I always knew you were a bad apple Iceshadow
Iceshadow: Bax, come on man, we are friends, right?
Baxter kicked him in the nuts.
Know, when you are a giant, kicking someone in the nuts has more than the desired effect. Shadowprime looked at the sailing Iceshadow.
Shadowprime: I'm out.
A shadow appeared under him, and he jumped through it.
Controller, dragging himself back up, looked at the array of heroes before him.
Controller: Lynx, Method, I think we need to rethink our strategy.
Method: We can take them, this is what we are going to do…
Before he could say anything else, he got tackled by Random, who dragged him through the ground for 100 feet, then fly back into the air.
Random: How's that for a sucker punch.
He flew straight at Controller, knocking him out in one punch as well.
A teleportation portal opened up around our heroes.
Baxter: And here's your ride, get in, we'll protect your backs.
The five of them jumped into the portal.
Days later
Epilogue
Victor Von Doom stood the computer room with Rene, as Rene tinkered with the device Ice gave him.
Rene: Interesting, it's old make, like something we had the UC while I was leader of them.
The man prodded a few wires.
Rene: There, that should activate it.
A holographic image of Rufus appeared in front of them.
Rene:Rufus?
The man image blinked in and out a few times.
Rufus: To whoever gets this, I am downloading my powers. I'm going to go give them to someone else, someone who can use them better than me. I need to do this now, before the Emperor finds out the Word. You need to find the Word, it will bring them back. Hurry, find out the person who I downloaded these powers too, then use him to find the Word. Good luck.
The image went blank, and VVD and Rene looked at each other.
Victor Von Doom: Well, what was his power?
Rene: He could see the future, that's what.
Victor Von Doom: Really now….
~ THE INTERWEB VIKINGS PROUDLY PRESENT IN STEREO SURROUND SOUND AND WIDESCREEN *****ES! ~
TOG'S BRILLIANT PLAN! OF BRILLIANTNESS!
Not by Ultimate Houde, but by the bestest member evah conceived! TOG!
Thee Great One rolled over.
He had little memories of that night, the partying, the drinking, the gambling with other people's money that he stole, it was a night to remember.
But he drank so much he couldn't remember.
Upon waking, then cursing out the sun for being so bright, Thee Great One wondered why he woke up spooning a pineapple.
Thee Great One: This is so going in my blog.
Getting up from bed, he searched for Curly. He remembered Curly going to talk to someone about something, and now he wondered what it was about. He got his answer soon enough.
Leaving the bathroom, he saw four people in his living room.
Thee Great One: Are you here for an orgy? Cause if you're not, then get out. Unless you have pancakes.
Hawaiian Mafia Member: No my brah, we are here to give you your just rewards.
The four mafia members pulled out guns, and shoot TGO. In the midst of the shooting, TGO wondered where he would get some pancakes. That, and bullets tend not to worry zombies too much, and the fact he had metal skin helped too. They stopped shooting.
Thee Great One: Does this have something to do with Curly?
Hawaiian Mafia Member: He is about to board the planer to resume working at our restaurant, you shall not get him back!
More bullets. More thinking about pancakes and now cheese.
Thee Great One: What airport is this?
Hawaiian Mafia Member: There's more than one.airport? I thought there was just that private airfield conveniently located behind the hotel?
Thee Great One: Thanks fleshies
Then he blew up, and the entire section of the hotel went with him.
Walking through the wreckage, deciding not to take the stairs either, and blowing up the other side of the hotel to get to the plane quicker, Thee Great One decided he was going to have pineapple pancakes.
Then he wondered why he wanted pineapple so much.
Curly was easy enough to spot. The Hawaiian's still hadn't figured out how to get him on the plane.
Hawaiian Mafia Boss: You shrink, you shrink now and get on plane!
Curly: I can't sorry
Thee Great One: Curly, just kill that fleshie, and let's go eat at IHOP so I can tell you the Brilliant plan of Brilliantness!
Curly: I don't want too, the squish-iness factor makes me want to vomit.
Thee Great One: Fine
He blew up once more, destroying the airplane and the crime boss.
Thee Great One: Now we go eat!
After standing in line for five minutes (The first four were Thee Great One blowing up the people standing in front of him), they sat down to eat. Curly had to rip off the roof to sit down.
Curly: So, what's your plan?
Thee Great One swallowed a massive amount of pineapple pancakes with heavy cream frosting and point his spoon dramatically in the sky.
It was pointing at the dead body of Bass-Lak-Tus.
Thee Great One: We are waking up the big man.
[i[Curly[/i]: Sounds good, pass the maple syrup please.
Thee Great One: Dammit Curly, evil people don't say please!
Method: We have trouble…
Lynx aborted his punch, and went to look in Method's direction when the tank shell exploded the other side of the prison wall. Army grunts poured in, and Lynx grabbed his straw hat smiling.
Lynx: Controller, keep these fools under your spell. I'll take care of these two bit wanna bes.
He swung one leg outwards, till it stretched far, then swinging it across in a sweep, he took out the front row of grunts with a hyper extended legs. Spinning around, he went to sweep again, when a white haired giant stood in the way, grabbing the leg.
Selfproclaimed: Thanks for the energy, punk.
He swung Lynx by his leg, throwing the rubber man into a standing wall. Then he got shot several times as clone robotic guards rushed out to attack the aggressors. Bullet's flung about as army grunts returned fire at the clone guards. The advancing zombie hoard stormed the walls, eager for the fight. Method flew into them, smashing them to pieces with every punch. Settling down on the ground, Method laughed at the zombies.
Method: Dead bodies aren't a problem for someone like me. I'll take you all on!
Click click
BANG!
Zombipanda, standing directly behind Method, fire his supernatural gun in the back of Method's head. The gun barked fire and flame, and brought the titan down, and zombies rushed over him. The ex-policeman rushed forward, and scaled the wall. The zombie bodies flew out everywhere as Method stood back up shaking with anger. He jumped into air, flying around, and proceeded to reenter the complex, only to find someone else flying around, Irish_4202. The zombie general screamed, his sonic noise causing Method to lose his concentration, and once again, Method fell to the earth.
Irish_4202: Oh yeah!
The Zombie general proceeded to fly into the courtyard, and he breathed in once more, to scream at the Controller, who was still standing there, trying to keep McCheese, TwilightEL, Wade Wilson and Joe Kalicki subdued. Irish_4202 went to release another sonic attack when Iceshadow appeared underneath, freezing his throat.
IceShadow: Seriously, one day off, all I'm asking. Guys, let's wrap this up.
A dagger flew, and sliced open the throat of a military grunt that was sneaking up behind Iceshadow. The other one was sliced in two by a purple energy sword.
Shadowprime: If we must, but I am getting hungry here.
Blacksword: And if I wrinkle my suit, I will be seriously pissed off.
The three of them charged both zombie and military alike when a giant squid appeared on the field, holding a machete in each tentacle. He had a bandana across his head, and a cigar in its mouth.
JonnyFreeze: Everyone, care to meet Ramb-Squid?
Ramb-Squid: They.Drew First Blood!
The squid shot out with a tentacle machete. Iceshadow dodged it, and the weapon hit Controller, who reeled form the strange blow. Controller lost his concentration, and the four heroes were suddenly aware of their surroundings again. They looked around.
McCheese: What…
Joe Kalicki:….the…..
TwilightEL: ….hell?
The only one who wasn't concerned with it was Wade.
Wade Wilson: A BATTLE ROYAL! W00T!
Joe Kalicki: Listen, we can get out of…
He was punched by Wade, knocking him to the ground.
TwilightEL: Wade, relax, he's on our side. Remember?
Wade Wilson: But he was talking, and there's all this action going on right now, and bullets and a ****ing Ramb-Squid, which is awesome by the way, and look, a tank is coming, and are those zombies, I WANNA PUNCH PEOPLE!
McCheese: I never seen him this excited. Go have some fun!
Green flame enveloped his hands, and Wade's eyes turned from huge saucers to pinpoints of light.
Wade Wilson: Time to kick some ***!
He ran full tilt into the battle royal.
~ NURHACHI & DR.STRANGEFATE PRESENT ~
ULTIMATE CENTRAL
THE FANFIC
Battle Royal
Volume 9, Issue 67, By Ultimate Houde
Nearby
The room was empty except for one occupant, VVD. Drooling over himself he took no notice to Ice entering the room. Ice quickly xross the wreckage of the machines, and looked at VVD.
Ice: Damn, he took one of those pills.
Fumbling inside his pocket, Ice took out a red pill. Opening up VVD's mouth, he dropped the pill inside. VVD's eyes shot wide open, and he went to scream. Ice put his hands over VVD's mouth, letting him scream.
Ice: Your friends are in trouble, I think you should go help them.
Victor Von Doom: Who are you? Why should I trust you?
Ice: Because, I use to be one of the good guys. When you get back to wherever the Project is hiding, give Rene this.
He hands VVD a small PDA.
Ice: Now they are in the courtyard, and I need to get out there soon enough. I'll probably fight the other guys; God knows there is enough chaos out there at the moment.
VVD stood up, shook his head clear of cobwebs, and ran out the door. Ice stood still for a few moments, before he turned, hand extended to freeze the person in the room.
Ice: What are you doing in here?
Courtyard
Zombipanda scaled the wall and saw his prey, the knocked out Joe Kalicki lying on the ground. Nimbly jumping off the courtyard, he crossed the distance to get to him, only to be intercepted by Lithium. The warden of the jail had finally got outside, and did not like what was going on in his courtyard. Using his abilities, he took control of some spare machinery left over from dead guards. He formed them into a man sized robot. The robot got between Zombipanda and Joe Kalicki.
Lithium: Sorry, but the Emperor wants him, alive. The prisoner Rufus told him about him, yes he did. Are you prepared?
Zombipanda regarded the robot curiously. He darted to the side, and tried to get around the robot's arm reach. The robot moved swiftly of being comprised of mainly scrap, and struck with a fist. It connected with Zombipanda, knocking him backwards.
JonnyFreeze: Sorry guys, but the man was property of the government first.
Jonnyfreeze drew his gun in midair, and it was solid when his hand touched it. He fired off several bullets, each of them construction workers. They surrounded the robot, and looked at it curiously.
Construction Bullet: Well boys, let's get riveting!
Each bullet pulled out a jackhammer, and went to work disassembling the robot. Within minutes, it was done. The bullets high fived, then pulled out lunch boxes.
Construction Bullet: BREAK TIME!
Jonnyfreeze smirked, then looked over at Zombipanda, who was not smiling, merely had his head tilted. He then pulled his gun up to a shoulder level.
Zombipanda: Pathetic.
He fired his flame at Jonnyfreeze, he jumped out of the way. Lithium then threw a pill into Zombipanda's open mouth.
Lithium: Now nothing matters, does it?
Zombipanda: I don't digest anything. Selfproclaimed, kill him.
Behind Lithium rose Selfproclaimed, who lifted up a fist to smash into Lithium's backside. Several clones guards appeared out of nowhere, and wrapped themselves around Selfproclaimed, holding him back. Lithium turned to go back to work, when a tentacle wrapped around his ankle.
Ramb-Squid: There are no friendly civilians!
He then threw Lithium over his shoulder, and further into the courtyard.
Iceshadow: Everyone! Back off! I'm freezing this thing.
Blacksword somersaulted backwards, away from the beast, Shadowprime melted into a shadow. Iceshadow prepared a huge cold blast, but was interrupted by Shri-val, who floated into the courtyard, and settled in front of the Ramb-Squid.
Shri-val: Poser.
Shri-val wrapped it's tentacles around Ramb-Squid, and let loose with the electricity. Electricity coursed through the imagined monster, making it scream with pain. The drawing dissolved into inks, and melted.
Iceshadow: Eh, I built up this power, might as well use it.
He unleashed frozen fury onto Shri-val, freezing the monster.
Iceshadow: Well, that's taken care of.
Turning around, the sun was blocked out, as a giant monster jumped over the prison wall. It held a giant stone club in one hand, and was an amalgam of animals.
Nas-T: Nas-T the Noxious SMASH!
Iceshadow: I should have saved that blast, huh?
Blacksword: Well, I guess I'll take care of this one.
Charging his purple sword energy, he ran full tilt at Nas-T. Several zombies popped up from the ground, but quick slashes took care of them. He them leapt, and Nas-T swung his giant stone mace at him as he was suspended in the air. The blow was stopped in mid air by a flying Method.
Blacksword: Much obliged.
Blacksword brought his sword down, slicing into the elephant hide of Nas-T's midsection. Putrid guts spilt out. Nas-T regarded his guts coldly.
Nas-T: SMASH!
He slammed Blacksword with his stone club, sending the E-Man flying across the battlefield. He roared, and charged into a field of Clone guards, smashing those.
Shadowprime: Alright, no one does that to my buddy…
Shadowprime spread his shadow over to Nas-T, freezing the beast in place. The clone gaurds began shooting him with earnest.
Shadowprime: No one ****s with us.
Irish_4202: What about me?
A blast of sound enveloped Shadowprime, and caused him to lose concentration, and his lunch.
Irish_4202: Amatuers.
Meanwhile, Method, who seemed to have it out for the zombies, tackled Selfproclaimed, who had just gotten himself out of trouble from the clone guards. Selfproclaimed looked up, and smiled, and the two of them slammed into each other. They pushed against each other, trying to find an opening.in the other's weakness.
Method: I figured out your weakness already punk.
A confident voice sounded from behind them.
Jonnyfreeze: And I got your number, boys, let them have it!
The tank rolled into the courtyard, and fired a rocket into the two combatants.
Jonnyfreeze: I love my job.
He quickly brought his gun around, and blew the face off of a clone guard. Then he heard a shout from across the field, looking up he saw several of his grunts get enveloped by a shadow. Others went flying as they were hit by a soundblast.
Jonnyfreeze: This is unacceptable. SOLDIERS! PUSH HARDER!
On the other side of the battlefield, Wade Wilson finally found someone worthy of fighting him. After punching numerous zombies, grunts, and clones he encountered Lynx.
Wade Wislon: Alright Rubber man, time for a BRUCE LEE TIME ATTACK PUNCH!
Wade struck with a fist the Lynx dodged to one side easily enough. Throwing his fist out behind him, he stretched it far, and then brought it forward. Wade dodged that punch, twirled, then crouched as a jet of flame erupted overhead.
Wade Wilson: Who the hell are you?
Zombipanda: Never ending death.
He pointed his gun, and fired it, the blast of fire came at Wade again, who jumped into the air, to dodge it. Too bad Lynx had that move telegraphed, he slammed Wade in the stomach with a fist, sending the man flying into the distance. Lynx landed, adjusted his hat, and regarded Zombipanda. They both stared at each other. Zombipanda attacked first, pulling out another pistol, and jumping to the side. Time slowed for him, as he fired one blast after another in midair. Lynx dodged them, but failed to do so with the last, instead, he grabbed it in his fist, twirled it around, and flung it back at Zombipanda, who stepped to the side, and let it roast some zombies standing behind him.
Wade landed roughly near Twilight, Joe Kalicki and McCheese, staying roughly out of the fight. Wade groggily got back up.
Joe Kalicki: Stay here, with the military being pushed back, we may not get out of here as quickly as we like. I need to go do something now.
Wade Wilson: I'm coming with you.
[]Joe Kalicki[/i]: You'll get in the way.
Wade Wilson: But I'm awesome!
Joe Kalicki: Stay here, and protect these two. I'll give you more white pills if you do that.
Wade Wilson: Fine, take away my fun.
Joe Kalicki dashed into the battle. Everywhere he was, other things weren't, an ice blast here, a bullet there, grasping zombie arms over there, and suddenly, he was in the middle of the Zombipanda and Lynx fight. He dashed left as a fist came his way, rolled right as a bullet whizzed over him, and jumped a hyper extended leg came at them. Then he paused.
Joe Kalicki: You two should be more concerned about the Predator T-Rex behind you.
Three red lasers settled on the back of Lynx. He turned to see Jonnyfreeze riding a cross between a Predator and a T-Rex.
JonnyFreeze: Time to kick it up a notch.
The Pred T-Rex fired a spear at the back of Lynx. He dodged to the left, threw a fist out, catching the beast in the jaw. Zombipanda let out another fire blast, slamming into its chest. The T-Rex roared, and Jonnyfreeze jumped off of it, rolling to the ground. Joe Kalicki went to move, but found that he was now chained to the ground by a drawn invention of Jonnyfreeze.
JonnyFreeze: Military, on my mark, we are getting out of here with the prize.
The military formed up around Joe Kalicki. But what they didn't count on was this.
Person: HEY!
Some people looked up, and VVD stood on top of a ruined wall, and looked down at the combatants.
Victor Von Doom: Hey, *******S!
Now, everyone was looking up.
Victor Von Doom: Listen up ladies, one at a time, Daddy will dance with all you.
He jumped down, into the fray. Landing next to Joe Kalicki, he grabbed the chain, and broke it. Swinging it around like a weapon, he beaned a few guards in the head with it, and wrapped it around his wrist. Jonnyfreeze looked pissed.
Jonnyfreeze: Tank, fire at my position, NOW!
The tank turned, and leveled it's gun at VVD.
Victor Von Doom: Anytime with the advice *******.
Joe Kalicki: Don't move an inch.
Inside
Ice: You sure that will get there attention?
Person: Yes, quite sure actually. That will get their watchdog's attention. You need to stay where you are though, keep the ruse.
Ice: Alright, I'll do it. But seriously, when?
Person: In due time young Luis. I must be off, Entropy and Marvelman are waiting at the next destination. He needs to be reawakened.
Ice: Okay then. Good luck.
Person: You too.
The man simply disintegrated into dust, melding with the floor. Ice shook his head, and left the communications room.
Outside
VVD stood still, and felt two rushes of wind past him on either side.
Method and Selfproclaimed had a mission, and it was to kill that tank. Method ripped off the top half while Selfproclaimed took a chunk out of the treads.
Jonnyfreeze: Next time Doom
Victor Von Doom: No problem Freeze, I'll leave a pot of hot water up for you too.
JonnyFreeze: Everyone, all clear, retreat and move out.
VVD turned, and got a fist in the face courtesy of Lynx. The rubber man then stretched out his leg behind him, shoved it into his gut. VVD grabbed the leg, and spun Lynx around, clearing an area of clones and grunts around him. Then he heard the word he was waiting for.
McCheese: Antidisestablishmentarianism.
A soundwave blew through the courtyard, creating a hole that McCheese, Twilght and Wade went through, to get to VVD and Joe Kalicki. Twilight used her powers to warp some of the light around them, making them harder to see and hit. She then condensed light, making spears of darkness, and threw them at the offending parties.
TwilgihtEL: We need to get out of here guys.
Wade Wilson: Point, but what's the plan.
Joe Kalicki: We wait for McCheese.
McCheese: What am I suppose to do?
He paused.
McCheese: VVD, what's ringing in your pocket?
Victor Von Doom: My communicator. Holy ****, I got a plan.
VVD picked up the communicator.
Victor Von Doom: Houde?
Watcher: Nope, the comm. Man. We intercepted a message sent to E stating that their was a jail raid going on. You near that area?
Victor Von Doom: We are in it man. We going to get trampled soon.
Watcher: All of our teleporters are out right now, but I'll send you guys some backup, some heavy backup.
They five of them looked, on one side was the E-men, on the other was the zombie hoard. The two sides were massaging wounds, stretching joint, or in the case of the zombies, moaning incoherently.
Then, a portal opened up in the sky.
A huge man fell down, a giant of a man, his name being Baxter. HE slammed into the ground, shaking everyone off their feet.
Baxter: About time I got to see some action.
Using his giant feet, he kicked several guards into the air, sweeping an arm launched several zombies. Off of Baxter's shoulder jumped three people, one with a cape, one wearing an all red suit, and the final one had green skin.
UltimateDJF: FUN TIME!
He slammed into the beast Nas-T, dragging the huge monstrosity to the ground.
UltimateDJF: UltimateDJF not like stupid monster!
He kicks Nas-T in the head a few times before turning his attention over to Selfproclaimed.
Selfproclaimed: Come on boy, I can take what you got!
The one wearing the red suit landed near UltimateDJF.
Widdle Wade: Hey, DJF, why don't you play Tag?
UltimateDJF: TAG! YOU'RE IT!
He punched Selfproclaimed in the head, sending the massive man flying, even with his kinetic absorbing abilities.
Slimjim: Damn foo's. Everyone, we are leaving here, NOW!
Skeletal hands shot up, and dragged the zombies into the ground. Baxter turned his attention to the other group.
Baxter: I always knew you were a bad apple Iceshadow
Iceshadow: Bax, come on man, we are friends, right?
Baxter kicked him in the nuts.
Know, when you are a giant, kicking someone in the nuts has more than the desired effect. Shadowprime looked at the sailing Iceshadow.
Shadowprime: I'm out.
A shadow appeared under him, and he jumped through it.
Controller, dragging himself back up, looked at the array of heroes before him.
Controller: Lynx, Method, I think we need to rethink our strategy.
Method: We can take them, this is what we are going to do…
Before he could say anything else, he got tackled by Random, who dragged him through the ground for 100 feet, then fly back into the air.
Random: How's that for a sucker punch.
He flew straight at Controller, knocking him out in one punch as well.
A teleportation portal opened up around our heroes.
Baxter: And here's your ride, get in, we'll protect your backs.
The five of them jumped into the portal.
Days later
Epilogue
Victor Von Doom stood the computer room with Rene, as Rene tinkered with the device Ice gave him.
Rene: Interesting, it's old make, like something we had the UC while I was leader of them.
The man prodded a few wires.
Rene: There, that should activate it.
A holographic image of Rufus appeared in front of them.
Rene:Rufus?
The man image blinked in and out a few times.
Rufus: To whoever gets this, I am downloading my powers. I'm going to go give them to someone else, someone who can use them better than me. I need to do this now, before the Emperor finds out the Word. You need to find the Word, it will bring them back. Hurry, find out the person who I downloaded these powers too, then use him to find the Word. Good luck.
The image went blank, and VVD and Rene looked at each other.
Victor Von Doom: Well, what was his power?
Rene: He could see the future, that's what.
Victor Von Doom: Really now….
~ THE INTERWEB VIKINGS PROUDLY PRESENT IN STEREO SURROUND SOUND AND WIDESCREEN *****ES! ~
TOG'S BRILLIANT PLAN! OF BRILLIANTNESS!
Not by Ultimate Houde, but by the bestest member evah conceived! TOG!
Thee Great One rolled over.
He had little memories of that night, the partying, the drinking, the gambling with other people's money that he stole, it was a night to remember.
But he drank so much he couldn't remember.
Upon waking, then cursing out the sun for being so bright, Thee Great One wondered why he woke up spooning a pineapple.
Thee Great One: This is so going in my blog.
Getting up from bed, he searched for Curly. He remembered Curly going to talk to someone about something, and now he wondered what it was about. He got his answer soon enough.
Leaving the bathroom, he saw four people in his living room.
Thee Great One: Are you here for an orgy? Cause if you're not, then get out. Unless you have pancakes.
Hawaiian Mafia Member: No my brah, we are here to give you your just rewards.
The four mafia members pulled out guns, and shoot TGO. In the midst of the shooting, TGO wondered where he would get some pancakes. That, and bullets tend not to worry zombies too much, and the fact he had metal skin helped too. They stopped shooting.
Thee Great One: Does this have something to do with Curly?
Hawaiian Mafia Member: He is about to board the planer to resume working at our restaurant, you shall not get him back!
More bullets. More thinking about pancakes and now cheese.
Thee Great One: What airport is this?
Hawaiian Mafia Member: There's more than one.airport? I thought there was just that private airfield conveniently located behind the hotel?
Thee Great One: Thanks fleshies
Then he blew up, and the entire section of the hotel went with him.
Walking through the wreckage, deciding not to take the stairs either, and blowing up the other side of the hotel to get to the plane quicker, Thee Great One decided he was going to have pineapple pancakes.
Then he wondered why he wanted pineapple so much.
Curly was easy enough to spot. The Hawaiian's still hadn't figured out how to get him on the plane.
Hawaiian Mafia Boss: You shrink, you shrink now and get on plane!
Curly: I can't sorry
Thee Great One: Curly, just kill that fleshie, and let's go eat at IHOP so I can tell you the Brilliant plan of Brilliantness!
Curly: I don't want too, the squish-iness factor makes me want to vomit.
Thee Great One: Fine
He blew up once more, destroying the airplane and the crime boss.
Thee Great One: Now we go eat!
After standing in line for five minutes (The first four were Thee Great One blowing up the people standing in front of him), they sat down to eat. Curly had to rip off the roof to sit down.
Curly: So, what's your plan?
Thee Great One swallowed a massive amount of pineapple pancakes with heavy cream frosting and point his spoon dramatically in the sky.
It was pointing at the dead body of Bass-Lak-Tus.
Thee Great One: We are waking up the big man.
[i[Curly[/i]: Sounds good, pass the maple syrup please.
Thee Great One: Dammit Curly, evil people don't say please!
Hibiki
Really is pretentious, no matter what she says. Do
mmm that was good.
McCheese
Well-Known Member
BATTLE ROYAL!!!
Good stuff.
Iceshadow
Well-Known Member
That was ****ing great! Loved the HIYM references at the end there.
Damn you BAXTER!
Damn you BAXTER!
Random
Didn't **** any of those *****es
Awesome!
xCURLYy
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Oct 27, 2005
- Messages
- 47
This might just be amazing
<3
<3
Ultimate Houde
UC's Resident Genetic Recombinator
I'm glad you all liked it
I have no idea whose writing the next arc though
I have no idea whose writing the next arc though
Last edited:
ProjectX2
Don't expect me to take you with me when I go to s
- Joined
- Sep 15, 2004
- Messages
- 25,007
TOG? :lol:
Ultimate Houde
UC's Resident Genetic Recombinator
No, no one died in that battle, your character was merely knocked out.
Random
Didn't **** any of those *****es
