Dumbest Thing You've Ever Heard A Friend Say

[Ultimate Houde]

Waldo freaks me out. With that ginormous chin, and those big eyes.... And who does he think he is with that hat, Santa?? 5 bucks says there will be a Where's Waldo movie someday.. :roll:

Lightning erupts across the screen

Voice over: Only one man has the ability to save them

A flash of a red and white sweater

VO: Only one man has the tools to save them

A flash of a scuba breather and googles

VO: Only one man can stay hidden long enough to get where he needs to be....

Two german guards are staring into the wilderness. Another walks forward. The camera is aligned so no one can see what they are looking at.

Guard3 (Owen Wilson): You see that?
Guard2 (Vince Vaughn): Not you too, there's nothing out there.
Guard1 (Luke Wilson): I knew I saw something
Guard3: It's a man wearing a red and white striped suit, he's standing two feet in front of us.

The camera pulls back to show a normal forest, and Waldo (Bruce Willis) is in fact standing two feet in front of the guards.

Guard1: I see nothing...
Waldo: The names is Waldo, Where's Waldo.

He proceeds to beat the guards up kung fu style

Waldo: Yippee ka ye yay mother****ers.

Waldo will save the world, this fall in

Where's Waldo? Die Hard Style.

 

[Fredrik Martinsson]

I could post a lot of stuff here but since it would be all in Swedish nobody would get it :wink:

 

[E]

Lightning erupts across the screen

Voice over: Only one man has the ability to save them

A flash of a red and white sweater

VO: Only one man has the tools to save them

A flash of a scuba breather and googles

VO: Only one man can stay hidden long enough to get where he needs to be....

Two german guards are staring into the wilderness. Another walks forward. The camera is aligned so no one can see what they are looking at.

Guard3 (Owen Wilson): You see that?
Guard2 (Vince Vaughn): Not you too, there's nothing out there.
Guard1 (Luke Wilson): I knew I saw something
Guard3: It's a man wearing a red and white striped suit, he's standing two feet in front of us.

The camera pulls back to show a normal forest, and Waldo (Bruce Willis) is in fact standing two feet in front of the guards.

Guard1: I see nothing...
Waldo: The names is Waldo, Where's Waldo.

He proceeds to beat the guards up kung fu style

Waldo: Yippee ka ye yay mother****ers.

Waldo will save the world, this fall in

Where's Waldo? Die Hard Style.

Post of the day. :lol:

 

[Random]

Post of the day. :lol:

With a vengence

 

[Ultimate Houde]

Post of the day. :lol:

My first!

 

[Lynx]

This thread and my job make me weep for humanity.

Customer at my store:

*Customer sees a clock hanging from the wall that says "Warsaw"*

Customer: Where's Warsaw?

Me: In Poland.

Customer: Why do you have a Warsaw clock?

Me: The owners of the store are from Warsaw, Poland.

Customer: Oh. It's too bad Poland doesn't exist anymore.

 

[ultimatedjf]

Lightning erupts across the screen

Voice over: Only one man has the ability to save them

A flash of a red and white sweater

VO: Only one man has the tools to save them

A flash of a scuba breather and googles

VO: Only one man can stay hidden long enough to get where he needs to be....

Two german guards are staring into the wilderness. Another walks forward. The camera is aligned so no one can see what they are looking at.

Guard3 (Owen Wilson): You see that?
Guard2 (Vince Vaughn): Not you too, there's nothing out there.
Guard1 (Luke Wilson): I knew I saw something
Guard3: It's a man wearing a red and white striped suit, he's standing two feet in front of us.

The camera pulls back to show a normal forest, and Waldo (Bruce Willis) is in fact standing two feet in front of the guards.

Guard1: I see nothing...
Waldo: The names is Waldo, Where's Waldo.

He proceeds to beat the guards up kung fu style

Waldo: Yippee ka ye yay mother****ers.

Waldo will save the world, this fall in

Where's Waldo? Die Hard Style.

With a Special Guest Appearance from THE WIZARD, as played by Bea Arthur.

WIZARD: You'll nevah make it, Waldo!

 

[iceman]

it isn't so much really dumb, but my friend and i ordered pizza in studio once, and he scarfed his all down, while i ate my slowly, before getting full with 2 slices left. so:

me: "see, now i have 2 slices of pizza for the morning."

brian: "that's disgusting."

me: "what, you've never had pizza for breakfast before? i mean, they're better hot, but --"

brian: "yeah, but you put them in a fridge so they don't sit out all night."

me: "... they're in a box."

 

[Fuzzy Birds]

My girlfriend often fumbles over her words, although she is Dutch, and we usually speak English together. To note, the funniest thing she said was when she'd just been on a huge bike ride and started complaining that her 'eggs hurt'. She meant legs, before any of you get dirty ideas.

The other day at work, I was waiting for my tea from the machine, but I was a little impatient, so I grabbed the cup, to find it only half full. There was a girl waiting behind me, and I said to her 'Whoops, I pulled it out too early....'. Took me twenty minutes to realise what I'd said.

An old friend of mine once asked for a portion of sausages and a chip in a takeaway.

Over here in the Netherlands, there's a make of tobacco called Javanese Jongens, (jongens roughly translates into 'boys'). My friend smokes it all the time, but being distinctly monolingual, usually makes the mistake of asking for a Javanese Boy at the counter.

There's also a brand of beer here called Palm, I think it's found in other countries. The same friend made the deadly mistake of saying, 'Ah, there's nothing like a cold, wet Palm to get your juices flowing'. Oh how we laughed.

 

[ProjectX2]

With a Special Guest Appearance from THE WIZARD, as played by Bea Arthur.

WIZARD: You'll nevah make it, Waldo!

I just noticed this and I ****ing cracked up.

I love old posts.

 

[Fuzzy Birds]

There's a guy at work, rather fond of his beverages, shall we say. End of the day, and I'm walking out with him discussing our plans for the weekend and what have you. He says, 'I've got a load of beer in my bag, so that's my weekend right there. It's really great beer, from Luxembourg, but I think it's made here in Holland' We had a bit of a discussion about this, considering it sounded weird. He showed me one of the cans and it says, Holland Bier: De Luxe on it. Effin' idiot.

The same guy, that is, a rather monolingual English fellow residing here in the Netherlands, was recently having a rant at the amount of Mexican people residing in the States, when they clearly don't speak English. He made a point of asking why people live in a country where they don't speak the language. Again, idiot.

 

[ultimatedjf]

I just noticed this and I ****ing cracked up.

I love old posts.

I almost can't remember writing that.

 

[DGspider-fan]

We were all over at a friends house watching movies and eating icecream when this very nice but extremly ditzy girl stopped by. She noticed we all had ice cream and said

Ditzy - "Can I have some Ice Cream?"
Friend - "Sure thing"
Ditzy - "Where is it?"
Me - "In the microwave" (I couldn't help myself)
Ditzy - "Really?"

I'm not kidding she actually started to go towards the microwave.:lol:

 

[PuertoRock33]

A group of us were going to the beach and one of our friends calls THE HOUSE and says, "Did you guys leave yet?"

0_0

 

[Gamma Man]

One time, my friend said......

"What's Marvel?"

Then, I literally went on a four hour rant about it. By the fourth hour, I noticed he left the third hour, and stop talking to myself.

 

[SSJmole]

"Sjmole what are you doing with that axe?"


:shifty:

:twisted:

 

[Gamma Man]

"Sjmole what are you doing with that axe?"


:shifty:

:twisted:

"Sjmole, who sold you that axe?"

Answer: Me

 

[moonmaster]

A few weeks ago in my Sociology class:


TEACHER: "There were a lot of changing social attitudes about race and other issues during the middle to late 1800s. What was going on at the time that could have acounted for that?"

IDIOT #1: "The Revolution?"

TEACHER: "No, later."

IDIOT #2: "World War II?"

TEACHER: "No, earlier."

IDIOT #3: "World War I?"

IDIOT #4: "Vietnam?"

TEACHER: "It was the Civil War. The Civil War."


God, I wish they hadn't screwed up my schedule and forced me to take Sociology.

 

[DGspider-fan]

My brothers Girlfriend is driving me ****ing bananas lately. She's young so I cut her some slack but if she doesn't stop spewing retardation everytime she opens her mouth I'm gonna lay into her. I swear to God! Here are a couple of gems from this last weekend.

"Drowning is the worst way to die trust me, I should know."


"They say kids are the most evilest things on the face of the earth"

Her name is Toni

Toni: "All black people are scared of dogs"
Me: "What!?! Come on that's not true."
Toni: "Uh I think I should know my step-dad's black"
Me: "No, It's not true, at best it's a stereotype"
Toni: No my step-sister is terrified of all dogs."
Me: "If you say so but it's not true. Are you telling me that there isn't one black person out there that owns a dog?"
Toni: Ok maybe not all black people. But they are all scared of water and they love chicken and watermelon."
ME : OMG! THAT"S BECAUSE WATERMELON AND CHICKEN ARE THE **** NOT MANY PEOPLE DON'T LIKE THEM. THOSE ARE JUST STEREOTYPES!"
Toni: No I swear.

Is "all black people are afriad of dogs" even a stereotype? I've never heard that bul**** before.

I gave up, her stupidity is far to much for me to handle. There is so much more, I just can't think of anything right now. Maybe I'll post more if I think of them.

 

[Random]

Is "all black people are afriad of dogs" even a stereotype? I've never heard that bul**** before.

Maybe she was thinking they are afriad of dogs since they were attacked by them during the civil rights. I'm not saying its correct, I'm just suggesting that was her line of thinking... which is racist


I got one

"So wait, they had a defective clone of Spider-man turned MJ into the wolf-man?"

I never heard a statement dumber than that.

 

[DGspider-fan]

Maybe she was thinking they are afriad of dogs since they were attacked by them during the civil rights. I'm not saying its correct, I'm just suggesting that was her line of thinking... which is racist

Who knows? I got the immpression that she got alot of her ideas (if you can even call them ideas) from her step-dad, so it's even more confusing. Why would he want to reinforce these ideas?

 

[MaxwellSmart]

My brothers Girlfriend is driving me ****ing bananas lately. She's young so I cut her some slack but if she doesn't stop spewing retardation everytime she opens her mouth I'm gonna lay into her. I swear to God! Here are a couple of gems from this last weekend.

"Drowning is the worst way to die trust me, I should know."


"They say kids are the most evilest things on the face of the earth"

Her name is Toni

Toni: "All black people are scared of dogs"
Me: "What!?! Come on that's not true."
Toni: "Uh I think I should know my step-dad's black"
Me: "No, It's not true, at best it's a stereotype"
Toni: No my step-sister is terrified of all dogs."
Me: "If you say so but it's not true. Are you telling me that there isn't one black person out there that owns a dog?"
Toni: Ok maybe not all black people. But they are all scared of water and they love chicken and watermelon."
ME : OMG! THAT"S BECAUSE WATERMELON AND CHICKEN ARE THE **** NOT MANY PEOPLE DON'T LIKE THEM. THOSE ARE JUST STEREOTYPES!"
Toni: No I swear.

Is "all black people are afriad of dogs" even a stereotype? I've never heard that bul**** before.

I gave up, her stupidity is far to much for me to handle. There is so much more, I just can't think of anything right now. Maybe I'll post more if I think of them.

How young is young? If she's under eighteen, I'd say let it go and just make occasional condescending/patronizing comments to her. If she's over eighteen, lay into her next time.

I swear her ignorance borders on blatant racism.

 

[DGspider-fan]

How young is young? If she's under eighteen, I'd say let it go and just make occasional condescending/patronizing comments to her. If she's over eighteen, lay into her next time.

I swear her ignorance borders on blatant racism.

She's 17 almost 18. God i just wanted to shake her! When she went back home Sunday night, as soon as she stepped out the door, I jumped up and did a little dance of joy.

The only reason I try to keep my cool is my brother is totally in love with her. :roll:

 

[ProjectX2]

She's so stupid it's ****ing hilarious. You should just start telling her the wrong things and see if she believes them.

"No, no, World War I really did begin over the debate of whether shipping penguins from Antarctica was allowed..."

 

[MaxwellSmart]

She's so stupid it's ****ing hilarious. You should just start telling her the wrong things and see if she believes them.

"No, no, World War I really did begin over the debate of whether shipping penguins from Antarctica was allowed..."

"The Bald Eagle wasn't supposed to be the national bird. It was supposed to be the turkey, but the chef cooked the wrong bird."

 

[Ultimate Houde]

I'd go with, "You're Stupid, I should know"

 

[moonmaster]

"The Bald Eagle wasn't supposed to be the national bird. It was supposed to be the turkey, but the chef cooked the wrong bird."

"The Eiffel Tower was constructed from the remains of the Titanic and is still haunted by it's ghosts to this day."

 

[Planet-man]

Place: Art class, a few weeks ago.

Unit: Neo-Cubism

I saw this as a perfect oppourtunity to draw the crystalline Fortress of Solitude from Superman: The Movie. I even included the crystal mask Jor-El's face turns into at the end of Kal-El's tutleage, since it's a classic exampe of a Cubist image of a face.

Idiot passerby: What's that part supposed to be?

Me: It's a face.

Idiot passerby: Yeah, but like...whose face is it?

Me: Marlon Brando.

Idiot passerby: Who's Marlon Brando?

:dazed:

 

[Lynx]

I gave up, her stupidity is far to much for me to handle. There is so much more, I just can't think of anything right now. Maybe I'll post more if I think of them.

Just remember, it takes 42 muscles to frown, but just four to extend your arm and slap the ditz upside the head.

 

[ultimatedjf]

"The Eiffel Tower was constructed from the remains of the Titanic and is still haunted by it's ghosts to this day."

:lol: